


There's nowhere to run...

by ifzi0531



Series: Small Town [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Gen, M/M, Other, based on tv series (everwood)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2017-12-27 10:46:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 138,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifzi0531/pseuds/ifzi0531
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p> </p>
  <p>    <a href="http://s1295.photobucket.com/user/ifzi0531/media/8a9e788f-c208-4457-989a-db5a5354bfad_zps27431ae8.jpg.html"></a><br/><img/><br/></p>
</div> <div class="center">
  <p>Niall is still the town’s <b>sweetheart</b>. Or is he?.</p>
</div><div class="center">
  <p>Zayn is not the <b>newbie</b>  anymore and Harry is no longer known as the  <b>little brother.</b><br/></p>
</div><div class="center">
  <p>Louis has lost the title as the <b>jock</b> of the town too.</p>
  <div class="center">
    <p>They had crossed paths and now their lives are definitely not the same like before.</p>
  </div>
</div>
            </blockquote>





	1. They never say forever gaze upon me

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The dialogues and plots are mostly credited to a TV series called 'Everwood.' In fact, the whole story inspired by the series. The rest of the story will go along mostly similar to the series (maybe) or maybe I will change it with my own ideas. Credit to 'Everwood'.
> 
> Title of the story is taken from Backstreet Boys - Show me the meaning of being lonely.
> 
> P/S: I'm going to name each chapter with a lyrics from a song (like every chapter has its own soundtrack and for this chapter the soundtrack is BSB - show me the meaning of being lonely.)

**_  
Niall takes a deep breath and musters a smile as he walks towards his parent and put down the glasses. “Here are your drinks.” He says politely. Both Bobby and Maura smile at him and Niall nods, before he makes his way towards his grandparents at the other side of the swimming pool’s area. His eyes spots on Zayn and Yasir who are currently playing tennis table, clumsily. He smiles when Zayn waves at him. At the other end of the area, Niall can see Harry and Louis playing around inside the pool and both of them look happy. He glances around and his smile gets bigger when he sees him._ **

**_“So, uh, are we still on tonight?” Liam asks as he steps closer towards Niall._ **

**_Niall rolls his eyes. “Liam, school starts tomorrow at, like, dawn.”_ **

**_“Oh, come on. Just meet me under the diving board after it closes.” Liam begs, giving his puppy-eyes look at Niall. “The place should clear out by eleven o’clock.” He adds._ **

**_“Hello. Junior year. The most difficult year of my life is coming up.” Niall points out._ **

**_Liam chuckles and shakes his head. “Oh, come on, Grover. Look, you’re even smarter than you are cute. You’re gonna have a perfect year.”_ **

**_Niall smiles and about to reply when suddenly his grandmother appears behind him. “Hey, soldier. I’m thinking this Mai Tai has too much Mai and not enough Tai.” Maggie says._ **

**_“Ok. I’ll get it grandma.” Niall says._ **

**_“Thanks. And tell that bartender not to pan me out on the rum either.” Maggie says before she walks away._ **

**_Niall just smiles and turns around to face Liam again and of course, Liam is still giving him the puppy-eyes look. “So, I’ll met you at eleven?” Liam asks._ **

**_Niall sighs in resignation and finally nods. “Eleven o’clock.” He says before they both kiss briefly._ **

**_“Don’t be late.” Liam says before he turns and walks away, resuming his job as the pool guard._ **

“Well, Liam and I weren’t, uh, exactly best friends or anything but,..” Niall breaks out from his daydream when he hears the voice on the microphone. He turns his head to look at the skinny kid who is now standing in front of the podium to talk about Liam. “…uh, he’d say hi to me in the halls and stuff. He was always doing nice things. You know, even if he didn’t know you. Like this, uh, one time in freshman year, uh, I forgot to study for Miss Power’s Algebra midterm so, uh, this dude totally let me copy off of him. I always thought it was kinda cool.”

Niall waits until the kid finishes with his speech before he stands up from his seat and heading to the podium. He takes a deep breath for every steps that he is making. He tries to stop the tears from coming out. Once he reaches the podium, he looks at the crowds in front of him. Everyone seems so familiar but there is no **him** in the audience. It feels so wrong. He is not supposed to talk about Liam like this. Liam is not supposed to be gone like this. Niall leans down and starts to speak through the microphone. “Tomorrow’s closing day at the Mullingar pool.” He says instead. “And, um, every year Mr. Maccabee throws a luau. And I never really thought much about it but that’s what I just thinking about just now.” Niall says and lets out a shaky laugh. Or maybe not a laugh at all, he doesn’t know. “I was imagining Liam there. I was imagining what he would do. What he would say.” Niall says and he stops talking when the door of the hall is opened and the face that he loathes so much at the moment, enters the hall. 

*****  
 _  
Louis glances around the pool from his seat at the guard post. He likes being a pool guard as his summer job. He does this every year and this year is no difference. Well, scratch that, this year is definitely different because there is no Liam with him._

_“Hey, Louis, you want any snacks?” Another boy who is apparently his colleague now asking him and Louis shakes his head. “No thanks.” He says. Louis smiles when he spots the youngest Malik on the pool, floating around and just chilling with his eyes closed. For a 14-years-old boy, Louis thinks Harry definitely has some charms. Louis doesn’t realize that he has been staring at the boy until suddenly Harry opens his eyes and both of them stare at each other. Louis waves at Harry casually and though his heart is pounding, he is proud of himself for remains calm on the outside._

_*****_

_Zayn is wiping the table while he glances at Niall from afar. Niall seems so out of it that Zayn feels sad for him. The other boy doesn’t even crack a real smile lately and it makes Zayn’s heart breaks. Zayn is about to walk towards Niall when suddenly the manager comes and stands in front of Niall._

_“Niall. The Mawlors just told me they’ve been waiting for their colossal burgers for over 25 minutes. Did you put the order through the kitchen?” The manager asks, his tone hard and he is obviously upset with Niall._

_Niall shakes his head for a moment before his eyes go wide as he realizes his mistake. “Oh, um..”_

_Zayn strides towards Niall and the manager and starts to speak. “The kitchen is backed up right now.” Zayn pipes in. “So there’s some sort of problem..” He adds._

_The manager turns to look at Zayn and frowns. “Who are you again?”_

_“Zayn Malik, towel boy.”_

_The manager nods and looks at Zayn. “What happened in the kitchen?”_

_“I don’t know. The grill..it caught fire or something.” Zayn tries to explain._

_“It’s a grill. It’s made to be on fire.” The manager deadpans._

_“That’s a good point. Do you want me to check it out?” Zayn asks._

_The manager shakes his head. “I’ll do it myself.” He says before he walks away leaving both Zayn and Niall._

_Niall turns to look at Zayn. “Sorry, Zayn. I guess I must have just spaced there for a second.”_

_Zayn shakes his head and smiles at Niall. “No problem. Making that Brandon Maccabee run around makes up for the agony of my day. Not that I don’t enjoy retrieving the wet towels from the ground.” He tries to joke and usually Niall will at least snorts at him but apparently this time, Niall doesn’t even respond at his joke._

_“Shoot. Where did I put the Mawlor’s order?” Niall asks as he keeps digging his pocket and trying to find the order._

_Zayn glances around and his eyes catch on the small paper on the ground and pick it up. “Is this it?” He asks and Niall takes the paper and nods. Zayn is about to say something else when he sees Niall’s eyes glancing at someone behind him and Zayn turns around to see Mrs. Payne._

_“Um, can you run this, send this to the kitchen for me?” Niall asks but he doesn’t even look at Zayn._

_Zayn, being a good friend he is, nods. “Yeah, sure. Sure.”_

_Niall nods. “Thanks.” He says before he starts to walk away to see Mrs. Payne._

_**_

_“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Mrs. Payne asks as soon as Niall reaches her._

_“Yeah, sure.”_

_“I’m sorry to bother you. It’s just that the school called yesterday and with the kids coming back next week, they want to organize a memorial for Colin.” Mrs. Payne says._

_Niall nods. “That’s a good idea. Don’t you think?”_

_The woman shakes her head. “I don’t know. They want a few of his things like his jersey and I haven’t even got through his room yet. I can’t possible organize this and I can’t ask Jamie cause he’s just getting back settled in and..”_

_“I’ll take care of it.” Niall says, cutting off Mrs. Payne’s ramble._

_“You will?”_

_“Absolutely. I’ll handle the whole thing. You don’t have to worry.” Niall says as he looks at the woman._

_Mrs. Payne lets out a breath of relief and hugs Niall. “Thank you.” She says. “Thank you so much.”_

_*****_

_Niall flips the photo album silently and pulls out one of the pictures from the album case. It’s the picture of him and Liam where Liam was giving him a piggyback ride around the court. Niall trails his finger on the picture, reminiscing the memory._

_“Niall?” Niall turns his head up and spots Jamie at the door of his room. “Your dad said you were up here. You busy?” Jamie asks._

_Niall shakes his head and starts to sit up. “No, no. I’m just looking through some old stuff. Come in.”_

_Jamie steps into the room hesitantly as he looks at the piles of photo albums on Niall’s bed. “When was this?” He asks as he sees one of the photos on the bed._

_“Oh, that’s Freshman Formal. I remember he was so freaked out because he forgot my corsage.” Niall says as he smiles slightly at the memory._

_Jamie chuckles silently and looks at Niall. “That’s right. Yeah, he tried to dig up Mrs. Bennett’s rose garden to try to make one from scratch.”_

_Niall shakes his head and smiles sadly. “It was such a disaster.” He says before he points out at the thing in Jamie’s hand. “What’s that?”_

_Jamie looks down as he just realized that he is holding something in his hand. “Oh, yeah, um, mum thought you could use this.” He says as he hands the laptop to Niall._

_“Liam’s computer.” Niall points out as he takes the laptop from Jamie’s hand._

_“Yeah, um, she thought you might want it. I don’t know. Maybe there’s some stuff on there for the memorial or..” Jamie trails off before he continues. “I know he did a lot of stuff with Photoshop so maybe there’s some pictures or some…I don’t really know. She just really wanted you to have it.”_

_Niall nods silently. “Thanks.” Niall puts the laptop at the other side of his bed before he turns to look at Jamie. “I should have called you, Jamie.”_

_Jamie shakes his head and shrugs. “It wasn’t your decision.”_

_“No. You, you should have been there.” Niall says._

_Jamie takes a seat beside Niall as they both lean their backs on the bedpost and stare at the empty wall in front of them. “Sometimes I’m really mad about it and sometimes…I am glad I wasn’t there.” Jamie admits. “I got a whole extra day to feel normal.”_

_“You know, you can help with this memorial.” Niall suggests. Part of him is feeling guilty and sad for Jamie._

_“I have a hard enough time looking past his room. I’m sorry but I can’t.” Jamie says as he shakes his head._

_Niall nods understandingly. “Okay.”_

_Jamie starts to stand up and looks at Niall. “I should get going. Um, but if you ever wanna hang out or whatever, I’m around now.”_

_Niall gives Jamie a little smile and nods. “Yeah, cool.”_

_“Thanks for doing this.” Jamie says before he turns away and exits the room._

_Niall waits until Jamie is gone before he starts to open Liam’s computer. Of course the first thing that pops up on the screen is the picture of both of them. Niall trails his hand longingly at the screen. “Li..”_

_*****_

_“Niall? Niall, I’m going to grab some ice cream. Do you want to join me?” Bobby asks as he stands at the door of his youngest son’s bedroom._

_“Oh, no thanks, dad.” Niall replies distractingly._

_Bobby frowns and starts to walk towards his son. “Nialler, you’ve been locked in your room all day. Why don’t you take a break?”_

_Niall sighs tiredly. “I can’t right now. What time do we have to leave for the restaurant?”_

_Bobby shakes his head as he hears the emptiness of his son’s voice. “Yeah, I’m not sure. Your mother made reservations for eight, so..”_

_“I’ll be ready by then.” He replies without even glancing at his father. Bobby sighs in resignation before he turns to leave his son alone. Niall plays around with Liam’s computer when suddenly he accidentally clicked on the notepad file. “Dr. Malik?” Niall raises his eyebrows as he reads the title. Curiously, he opens the file and starts to read._

__

**Do Not Resuscitate**

__  
****  


Dear Dr. Malik: I, Liam Payne, being of sound mind, declare that if at any point during surgery I develop and incurable or irreversible condition, I do not want my life prolonged in any way.

_Niall read the rest of the letter in silence and slams the laptop’s lid once he is done. Dr. Malik has some explanation to do._

*****

_“Is he alright?” Yasir asks as soon as Harry enters the house and stomping his way to his room. Zayn who is walking behind his brother, stops and turns to face his father._

_“What do you think?” Zayn asks._

_“What happened?”_

_“Well, if you had been with us, you’d probably know for yourself.”_

_Yasir looks at Zayn in worried. “What happened?” He asks again._

_“Actually, if you had been with us, he probably wouldn’t have had the problem in the first place.”_

_“Look, I can see that you’re angry and we’ll deal with that later but tell me, what happened to your brother.” Yasir says sternly._

_“He was pushed around by some kids and they called him names. Bad names, you know.” Zayn says._

_“Why? Did they have a fight?”_

_Zayn huffs angrily. “Don’t you see you’re doing it again? You’re doing the same thing all over again!”_

_Yasir shakes his head. “What are you talking about?”_

_“You’re acting like a freak!” Zayn starts to yell in frustration. “You hole yourself up in your office all day. You don’t come out of the house at night. You realize we haven’t been to dinner as a family once all summer?”_

_“What does that got to do with Harry being pushed around..”_

_“Because their parents didn’t want you here. In their town.” Zayn says._

_“Well, I can’t control these people’s minds, Zayn. I can’t make them like me.” Yasir says. “What am I supposed to do? Take out an ad in the newspaper, saying hey, I’m Yasir Malik, I’m still a real nice guy and a heck of a surgeon?”_

_Zayn shakes his head. “Forget it.” He says as he starts to walk away._

_“No. No. I’m serious. You’re angry with me as though this is my fault. What am I supposed to do?”_

_Zayn stops walking and turns to face his father. “I want you to stop acting so damn guilty! Ok? You didn’t kill him, dad. He died. Liam died. Just like hundreds of other patients you’ve had in the past.” Zayn says, his voice loud and clear. “Why is this so different? I mean, you did your best, didn’t you? You tried?”_

_“Of course, I tried.”_

_“Then why can’t you let it go? Why are you doing this to yourself?”_

_Yasir swallows a lump in his throat and shakes his head. “I don’t know.” He admits truthfully._

_“Well, you better figure it out. Because the guiltier you act, the more these people are going to convict you. And us.”_

_*****_

_“I’m not sure when he wrote it. It’s not dated or anything.” Niall says as he hands the printed letter to Mr. and Mrs. Payne at their house. “I don’t even know if he gave it to Dr. Malik but if he did, don’t you see Dr. Malik might not have done everything he could to save Liam because of what’s in this letter.” Niall says and looks at both Paynes._

_Bobby pats Niall’s arm, trying to soothe his son. “Calm down, Ni. Give them a chance to process this.”_

_“I know it sounds crazy but I really think we should find out from Dr. Malik if he knew.” Niall continues._

_Mr. and Mrs. Payne look at each other before they turn to look at Niall. “He did know, Niall. And so did us.” Mrs. Payne says._

_“Liam spoke to us about his wishes before he went to see Dr. Malik. The night before the surgery.” Mr. Payne pipes in._

_Niall shakes his head disbelievingly. “No. I, no, I was with him that day. That’s the day we all went..he couldn’t have.”_

_Mr. Payne looks at Niall sympathetically. “He did, Niall.”_

_“So you-you did know.” Bobby points out._

_Niall clenches his fist on his side as he refuses to look at both of Mr. and Mrs. Payne. “You came to me. You asked me to plan the memorial. You asked me to go back, find pictures, go through his things, and I did that for you. And you kept this from me.” Niall says, his voice cracks at the last sentence._

_“I am so sorry.” Mrs. Payne says as tears start to flow out from her eyes._

_Bobby watches as Niall’s lip wobble and he knows how hard it is for his youngest son to hold back his emotion and he starts to stand up, pulling Niall with him. “We should go.” Bobby says._

_Mr. and Mrs. Payne both start to stand up as well and Mr. Payne looks at Bobby. “You have to understand. We, we thought we did the right thing.”_

_“Liam’s dead. How could that be the right thing for anybody?” Niall snaps before he storms out of the house._

_****_

_“Whatcha doing?” Yasir asks as he steps into Harry’s room._

_“Nothing.” Harry replies shortly. He doesn’t even lift his head from his pillow to look at his father._

_Yasir takes a seat on the edge of the bed and looks at his youngest son. “You’re mad at me.”_

_Harry sighs. “No, I’m not.”_

_Yasir smiles slightly at Harry’s reply. “Yeah, you are. But it’s okay. I’m mad at me, too.”_

_Harry shifts and starts to sit up, facing his father properly. “It’s not your fault people hate you. I mean, they don’t really understand how a doctor works, I guess.”_

_Yasir nods. “Well, yeah, you’re right. As a doctor, there’s always the possibility that one of my patients won’t survive surgery. It’s one of the risks involved. But just because I wasn’t able to save Liam doesn’t mean that I killed him. I wish that they just could understand the difference.”_

_Harry reaches his father and starts to hug the older guy. “I know, dad. But I’m always here for you, okay?” Harry says._

_“I know. Thank you.”_

_*****_

_“Oh, would you listen to this? Smoked trout me-saw salad with field greens and Dijon vinaigrette dressing.” Bobby says as he reads the menu. “And look at what Baxworth is charging for this culinary catastrophe.” He continues._

_“I think it sounds delicious.” Maura says._

_Bobby rolls his eyes. “Hollywood cuisine, my foot. Take an ordinary piece of cauliflower, stick it under blender, title it Puree of Sylvester Stallone, and charge five extra bucks for it. It’s, it’s obscene.”_

_“I’d say the Kelly Ripa salad looks pretty good, dad.” Louis says as he reads the menu too. “Except for the burnt walnuts.” He continues. “I’ll just ask them not to burn my nuts.”_

_Niall tunes out on all of the talking around him as his family is sitting at the restaurant for the dinner. His eyes glancing between their own spot to the other table at the other side of the restaurant. He barely hears that his mother is asking him a question until Louis nudges his side._

_“Huh?”_

_Maura smiles at her son and points at the menu. “What are you going to have?”_

_Niall shakes his head. “I’m not hungry.”_

_“Well, you have to eat something.” Maura says. She looks at Niall’s eyes and she raises her eyebrows. “What is it, sweetie?” Maura asks as Niall is looking at the other side of the restaurant._

_Bobby turns his head to look on the direction that Niall is looking and before he could say anything, Niall starts to stand up and strides toward the other table. “Niall!” Bobby calls out as he follows his son._

_Niall walks quickly to his target and as soon as reach the other table, he couldn’t hold it any longer. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out? I’m just curious.” Niall asks harshly as he looks at the eyes of the older guy in front of him._

_“Find out about what? I’m not sure I understand.” Yasir replies, trying to calm himself at Niall’s sudden outburst._

_“I found the letter. Liam didn’t just die. You let him. You let him die, didn’t you?” Niall asks, his voice is nearly hysteric._

_“Dad, what is he talking about?” Zayn asks as he looks between his father and Niall._

_Niall turns to face Zayn and speaks up. “Your father, the number one brain surgeon in England. It’s such a joke.” Niall huffs._

_Yasir stands up from his seat and looks at the teenage boy in front of him. “Why don’t you come by my office, Niall, tomorrow? We can talk about this.”_

_Niall shakes his head. “Well, you know what? I want to know now because I’m sick of everyone lying to me. So why don’t you just tell me what happened? What did you do?” Niall asks, trying to hold back his tears of frustration. He feels so overwhelmed with everything around him._

_“Nothing. There was nothing left that I could do. Nothing that Liam would…”_

_“That wasn’t your decision to make!” Niall snaps, raising his voice in anger._

_“Niall, Niall, that’s enough.” Bobby says as he tries to grab his son away._

_Niall shrugs his father’s hand off as he stares at Dr. Malik. “You were his doctor! You weren’t supposed to play it safe! That’s why I found you!” Niall says, he doesn’t even care that he’s crying at the moment. “Because you never gave up.” He continues._

_“I didn’t give up, Niall. I tried.”_

_Niall shakes his head as he tries to wipe away his tears angrily. “You didn’t try hard enough, did you? DID YOU?!”_

_There is a beat of silence as the whole restaurant is watching the confrontation before Yasir replies to Niall’s question. “No.”_

_Niall sniffs and nods miserably. “Thanks a lot.”_

_“You have to understand, Niall. It was such a risk to begin with.”_

_“That’s what you said the first time. That’s what everyone said but he was fine.” Niall says as he can’t hold back his sob anymore. “And he was perfect. After everything we’ve been through, where was your faith?” Niall says before he storms out of the restaurant in tears._

_Bobby shakes his head as he looks at Yasir. “I’m sorry.” He says before he turns and walks out to find his son._

_*****_

_“I guess we know who you’re not taking to the prom this year.” Yasir says as soon as he enters the house and heading to the living room, with Zayn in tow._

_“Are we going to talk about this?” Zayn asks._

_Yasir shrugs tiredly. “Well, not much left to say. I’m pretty sure you heard it all.”_

_Zayn shakes his head. “Not from you, I don’t.”_

_Yasir stares at his son for a moment before he sighs and starts to talk. “There was, uh, a point in the surgery. After the vessel burst. Where I could have tried something else. A more complex version of the same procedure. But we would have had to start all over again. I just kept thinking about that night. He was sitting on that couch right where you are. Pleading with me. Making me promise something I never should have promised. And so, I just stopped. I stopped trying.”_

_Zayn swallows before he asks the next question. “So he would have lived?”_

_“Probably. But he wouldn’t have been the same boy that you knew.” Yasir says. “At best, he would have been barely functioning. Both physically and mentally handicapped. Depending upon those who loved him for everything. At worst, he would have been under breathing apparatus until the Paynes themselves were forced to make the same decision I did.” He pauses before he continues. “I knew that the only way to keep my promise to him was…to let him go.”_

_“So you’ve been living with this all summer and you haven’t told anybody?” Zayn asks._

_“His wishes were confidential.”_

_“That’s a load of crap. I’m your son. You should have told me.” Zayn points out._

_“Why? So you could blame me too? So you could hate me like the rest of this town?” Yasir asks. “I couldn’t take that risk. Not after everything we’ve been through.”_

_Zayn raises his eyebrows. “After everything we’ve been through? The only risk you took was not being honest with me.”_

_“Well, now you know, Zayn. And you can decide just like everyone else.” Yasir says as he looks straight into his son’s eyes. “Did I kill Liam? Or did I save him?”_

_*****_

_Louis sighs as he looks at the mirror and his father appears behind him. “Still?” His father asks, referring to the tie on Louis’s neck._

_Louis nods. “It’s the looping under part that keeps on screwing me up. I told you, just get me a clip-on.” He whines as he turns to face his father._

_Bobby smiles and shakes his head at Louis’s grumpiness. “Here.” He says as he starts to help Louis with the tie._

_“How’s Niall doing?” Louis asks as he looks at his father. To be honest, Louis is worried about his younger brother._

_“Well, better than he was last night. Let’s hope he makes it through the service, okay?”_

_Louis nods thoughtfully. “I didn’t know he felt like that about Dr. Malik. I don’t feel like that. I don’t blame him for what happened to Liam.” Louis admits._

_“Nor do I.” Bobby says._

_Louis swallows thickly before he starts to speak again. “He blames him. He must blame me too. Since it’s my..” Louis trails off. “..I’m the reason why Liam got hurt in the first place.”_

_Bobby stops on what he is doing and looks at his eldest son. “You can’t keep going there.” He says firmly._

_“I don’t want to. But Niall is..”_

_“Your brother’s in a lot of pain. He’s looking for someone to take it out on.” Bobby tries to reason. “At the moment, that unfortunate soul is Dr. Malik. That doesn’t mean that he’s right. Now, truth to be told, I’d prefer he has these kinds of outbursts. Unfair as they are. Rather than keeping all of his feelings inside. It’s the only way he’ll ever move on.”_

_Louis raises his eyebrows. “Do you think he can?”_

_Bobby sighs. “I’m not sure I certainly hope so. I do know one thing.”_

_“What?”_

_“It doesn’t mean that he loved him more.” Bobby says and Louis feels his heart almost drops at his father’s words. By the looks that his father is giving him at the moment, Louis is amazed on how his father could know about his fears. The fear that Niall doesn’t love him as his older brother. That Niall loves Liam more than he loves Louis. Louis wraps his arms around his father. “Thanks, dad.” And they both know that it’s not just for the tie situation._

*****

Niall inhales deeply, trying to control his emotion as he starts to talk again. “I don’t think he’d be too crazy about tonight. He hated school some weeks. He hated school weeks but he loved basketball and Coldplay and Jim Carrey movies.” He continues but he can feel his voice starts to waver. “And he loved the month of October because that’s when his birthday was. But most of all, he loved Mullingar. A lot of us talk about moving away from here someday but Liam never did. He wanted to be a part of this place forever. He is now.” Niall finishes before he walks off from the podium. 

Yasir takes his turn to speak as he looks at the crowd. He sees on how Zayn and Harry both smile encouragingly at him and he starts to clear his throat. “I came here tonight to share with you my memories of Liam Payne. And to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.” He starts. “For most of you, these are empty words, I know. But I offer them nonetheless. As patients go, Liam was the best kind you could hope for. He was wilful. He was determined. Endlessly optimistic. And why not? His repercussion from his initial surgery was hailed as a miracle. He was talking again. And he was walking. Soon he was running. His failure to remember his past didn’t stop him from making new memories. And new friendships or rekindling his old ones.” Yasir pauses before he starts to talk again. “For five months, he reacquainted this town with his beautiful spirit. Many of you believe that I was somehow responsible for all of this. And I let you. Because I was desperate to believe it too. We’re taught to think as surgeons that we are…in control of people’s destinies. The truth is, we are really just foot soldiers. Liam knew this. He didn’t expect a miracle from me. Because he knew. That he was a miracle. What he expected was for me to do my best. And that is what I tried to do.” Yasir says, his voice cracks at the end of his speech. “I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.” He says and then he turns to look at Niall. “I’m sorry that he’s gone.”

*****

“You almost done?” Niall asks.

Zayn turns his head to look at other boy and nods. “Yeah. Pretty much. You?” 

Niall shakes his head. “Oh, I still got few things I left to do. So, I’ll lock up. You can go home.” 

Zayn stares at Niall. “You sure? I mean, I can stay if you want to.” He offers. 

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t mind being alone.” Niall replies. 

Zayn watches as Niall looks at the pool silently and he misses Niall. Not this Niall. He misses Niall who would always smile and laugh and so optimistic. Not this Niall who is walking around like a living shell.

“You know, after my mom died. Everybody told me that I was going to be okay. That it would take a little time but I’d heal. That didn’t really happen. Not really.” Zayn says as he looks at Niall. Niall just staring at him blankly so Zayn takes it as his cue to continue. “What are you feeling right now, Niall. It doesn’t ever really go away. Not completely. It’s not like you’re going to, you know, you’re going back to the person you were before they died. The person’s gone. It’s more like..something inside of you breaks and your body finds a way to compensate for it. Like if you busted your right hand, you figure out how to use the left one. And sure, you might resist for a while because you get pissed off but you have to learn all this stuff again that no one else does. Eventually your body takes over and it figures out for you and you’re glad. Because if it were up to you, you’d just look at your busted hand forever. Trying to figure out what it was like before.” 

Niall blinks his eyes quickly, trying to contain his emotion when he hears Zayn’s speech. Niall sighs heavily and looks at Zayn. “I wish he wasn’t your father, Zayn. I wish I didn’t have to think of him every time I talk to you.” Niall says brokenly. 

“Sometimes I wish he wasn’t my father too. Believe me, I do.” Zayn says. “But he’s a good person, Niall. And he know what you’re going through.” 

Niall shakes his head. “If you’re asking me to forgive him, I can’t do that. I’m sorry.” 

“So, what happens now? With us?” Zayn asks he looks straight into Niall’s eyes. 

Niall blinks back his tears. “We’re friends, Zayn. Let’s just leave it at that, okay?” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “Okay. Sure. I’ll see you at school.” He says before he turns and walks away, leaving Niall alone at the pool. 

_**“Grover! Over here.”** _

_**Niall turns his head and his face breaks into a smile. He watches as Liam waves at him to come and Niall starts to run towards the diving board area.** _

_**“Hey, look. It’s eleven o’clock, remember? You promised.” Liam says and Niall nods, walking quickly towards Liam. He laughs when Liam announces that he is going to jump into the pool. He can’t help but smiles on how excited Liam is to jump.** _

Niall waits for the water to splash after Liam’s jump. When he realizes that the pool area is completely empty and there is only silence around, his smile falters and that’s when he knows that he is only imagining things again.


	2. Life's too short to even care at all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: I'm not sure about the education system in Ireland but I think I read that everyone who wants to enter America's Universities needs to sit for SAT so I just went along with it. Sorry if I'm wrong.
> 
>  
> 
> P/S: I'm going to name each chapter with a lyrics from a song (like every chapter has its own soundtrack and for this chapter the soundtrack is [Young the Giant - Cough Syrup](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAsTlnjvetI)

“Wow, I think Mullingar got its own stock exchange. Since when is college such an ordeal?” Yasir points out and Zayn just shrugs silently as they enter the school’s hall. The school is exhibiting a college-weekend (Zayn forgets the exact name of the event) and parents are already swarmed the booths with their kids in tow. Including Yasir and Zayn. Then, Zayn hears the familiar voice behind him and he turns around to spot Bobby and Niall. 

“No, no. You’re dealing with college admissions. Raw competition.” Bobby says as he looks at Yasir. “From here on out, parents you once carpooled with are the enemy.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “They’re just juniors, Bobby.” 

“Just juniors? Don’t you know anything about getting into college?” Bobby asks like Yasir had said the most offensive thing in the world.

“Well, I thought I did until you asked me that.” Yasir deadpans. 

Bobby shakes his head. “You have no idea, do you? You haven’t read the guide books? School rankings? Talked to guidance counsellors? Anything at all?” 

“Well, I’m here.” Yasir replies simply. 

“Oh, this? This is a chance for actual face time with actual admissions officers.” Bobby says. “Even with a candidate as strong as Niall, that takes preparation. I had him make his priority list weeks ago.” He says but Niall is already heading on the other direction as his father speaks. “Niall?” Bobby calls out confusingly as he looks at Niall. 

Niall sighs and turns to look at his father. “I’m gonna go sketch out my game plan.” He replies before he walks away. 

Bobby nods before he walks closer to Yasir. “Only because your son’s future hangs in the balance, pay attention. You’ve got two hours. You’re battling a class full of parents. Give eight minutes for each school, six minutes for safeties. Pick up a bumper sticker for anything on the West Coast. If you need me, I’m with the Ivys.” Bobby finishes before he starts to walk away.

Yasir chuckles at Bobby’s ramble and turns to find Zayn. “I guess I should, uh, check this out now.” He says as he glances around the hall. 

Zayn nods. “Have fun.” 

 

*****

 

Zayn walks around the hall and when he spots the blonde-haired boy at the back area of the hall, he couldn’t help but to walk towards the boy. “I thought you were diving in.” He says as soon as he sits beside Niall. 

Niall shrugs. “I was going to check out the Tufts kiosk but Betsy Bear’s mom cross-checked me out of the way.” He replies. 

Zayn nods understandingly. “Survival of the pushiest. This year is gonna hurt, isn’t it?”

Niall hums before he starts to reply. “Grade polishing, exam tutoring, resume stuffing, parent management. Nah.” He replies sarcastically. 

“Well, I guess that’s the lone advantage to having a father who has no idea about what’s going on.” Zayn says. “He’s too clueless to become one of the pod parents.” He continues but then his eyes go wide when he hears his father’s voice across the hall, waving at him and calls out his name in a loud voice.

“Zayn! Hey, Zayn. Come on. Duke’s giving away Frisbees.” Yasir says as he throws the Frisbees to Zayn and Niall. 

Zayn sighs and rolls his eyes. “Oh God. He’s become one of them.” 

Niall smiles at Zayn and nods. “Welcome.” 

 

*****

 

“You look tired.” Zayn points out as soon as he enters the kitchen and spots his father on the stool. 

“Oh, I’ve been up all night with these college books.” Yasir says. “You know in my day, you threw out two or three applications maybe and you knew where you were going to get in. But now, it’s like it’s a whole continent I’ve never heard of before. The number of kids applying. All these extracurricular activities you need to do to stand out. Newspaper, yearbook, clubs, sports, public service hours; have you ever done any of this stuff?”

Zayn shrugs carelessly. “Probably but I don’t think I enjoyed any of it.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “Well, this is just to get ready for applying next year. We are so behind the curve here.” 

Zayn stares at his father. “What ‘we’, old man?” 

“Well, we always got so many college brochures in the mail. I assumed they would be more solicitous. Look at this.” Yasir says as he points out at the article and Zayn moves to his father’s side to read the thing. 

“The top ten universities take 80% of their students from the top 5% of high school classes.” Zayn reads out loud. “Well, I guess we know where I’m not going.” He says before he starts to pack his bag for school. 

“You and I aren’t done talking. We need to work on an academic strategy here.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “I have, like, a year before I have to start worrying about any of this stuff.” 

“You’re a junior, Zayn. This is a big deal. If you’re going to be competitive, you’re going to need to get your grades up and, and build a better profile.” Yasir says. “We need a plan here.” 

“Well, you can help yourself but ‘we’ have a shower to take and homework to finish on the bus.” Zayn says before he leaves his father alone at the kitchen. 

 

*****

 

“Niall! Niall!” 

Niall sighs as he hears his father’s voice. He chooses to remain silent as he lies on his bed, mindlessly watching some movie until his father reaches him. “Did you know that Woodrow Wilson was the 13th president of Princeton before he became President of the United States?” 

“I was going to learn that.” Niall replies unenthusiastically. 

“Well, you will by tomorrow at 4:30.” Bobby says and when Niall remains silent, Bobby continues. “Aren’t you going to ask me?” 

Niall sighs and rubs his eyes tiredly. He knows his father won’t leave him alone if he doesn’t participate in the conversation so he reluctantly opens his mouth. “What’s tomorrow at four-thirty, dad?” He asks.

Bobby takes a seat on the edge of Niall’s bed and looks at his son. “Well, uh, only the afternoon tea with the admissions rep from Princeton. She’s here in the town for the education fest and is stopping to meet with us. Well, uh, meet with you.” 

Niall rolls to his right side and looks at his father. “Is it okay that I’m not sure that I want to apply there?” 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Not want to? And miss your chance to walk the same halls as Eugene O’Neill? F. Scott Fitzgerald? Jimmy Stewerk? Einstein? Do you know how many Nobel laureates have graduated from Princeton?” Bobby asks. 

“Sure. I will by tomorrow.” Niall replies sarcastically. 

“If you would. I’ve already downloaded some information just so you can familiarize yourself with school history, class demographics.” Bobby says as he hands Niall a bunch of papers. “8% Latino.” He adds. “And may I be so bold as to make one note on wardrobe?” Bobby asks as he heads toward Niall’s closet. “You would look quite promising in the Burberry shirt that you wore last Founder’s Day.”

Niall nods silently as he lazily looks at his closet once his father leaves the room. He puts all of the papers beside the bed and buries himself under the blanket again, hoping that he can stop thinking about everything, even the important thing such as college. 

 

*****

 

“Hey, are you going to eat these?” Louis asks as soon as he plops down beside Niall on the bench. Niall shakes his head and Louis takes it as a sign that Niall does not want to eat the sandwich in front of him. 

“Your father has officially deep-ended.” Niall whines as he glances at Louis. “The Princeton library carries over one point two volumes in the reference section alone.” He reads the paper out loud and sighs. “He wants me to become a tour guide overnight.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I wish I could be there to talk Jersey history with your new friend but I’ve got football practice tonight. Homecoming grudge match this Friday!” Louis shouts the last sentence out and the rest of the students cheer at him. 

Niall rolls his eyes at his brother’s behavior. He knows how everyone seems to admire Louis at the school and he knows Louis loves the attention. “Yeah, I didn’t notice.” Niall replies sarcastically.

Louis ignores Niall’s comment and looks at his younger brother. “Keith Alvarez just graduated so their new midfielder totally sucks. So if I can hold him, we’ve got, like the great chance at taking playoffs this year.” Louis says before their attention turn towards the cheerleaders of the school. 

“Who is the new girl?” He asks, mouth agape as he watches the cheerleader team. 

Niall shakes his head. “That’s Stacey. She’s not new. She just changed, I guess.” He replies and shrugs. 

Louis whistles. “Oh, I love puberty. Are you sure she’s not new?” He asks his younger brother. 

“Too bad you only know she’s alive now that she’s stacked.” Niall deadpans. 

Louis looks at Niall incredulously. “It’s not my fault that I’m bisexual. And shallow. It’s how God made me. Blame him.” Louis says and before he can continue, he hears someone is calling for his name. 

“Louis Horan?” 

Louis turns to look at the guy and nods. “Excuse me. I’m, uh, Mr. Beels, the new guidance counsellor.” The guy introduces himself. “Can I borrow you for a second?” 

Louis raises his eyebrows in confusion and by the looks on Niall’s face, Louis knows his brother is also confused too. 

 

*****

 

“Technically, I’m not even the new guidance counsellor. It turns out, I’m the first.” Mr. Beels says as they are walking side by side to the administration office. 

“Ah.” Louis nods understandingly. 

“The school board finally decided that the gym teacher who passed a correspondence course wasn’t the best way to shepherd students on the road to excellence. So..” Mr. Beels continue until they reach his office. 

“Oh, Ms. Little was cool. She got me out of Spanish.” Louis says. 

Mr. Beels shakes his head. “Oh. Look, Louis. I hate to be the sheriff on this but there’s a problem on your math grade.”

“Oh, yeah, uh, my trig thing. I totally blew the final last spring but I took it over this summer at Mullingar Community College.” Louis explains. 

“Yeah. That’s the problem.” Mr. Beels says and sighs. “We got your grades back, um, and, you failed the class.” 

“Um, I can, uh, take it over again, right?” 

“I’ve already worked out a new schedule for you. But here’s the part you’re not gonna like; you can’t play sports until you pass the class.” 

Louis’s mouth agape. “But, wh..what about football? I..”

“School policy.” Mr. Beels says. “You can’t fail a class and play sports. I’m sorry.” 

Louis shakes his head. “But I’m a senior now. I’m applying to colleges. Right now. And, uh, I’m hoping on being recruited for football. How can I apply if I can’t play football?” 

“There are other strategies for getting into college. How do you feel about your grades?” 

 

*****

 

Zayn turns his gaze from the paper as soon as he hears the door of the music room is being opened. The old guy, wearing a black suit and holding a briefcase enters the room and looks at Zayn. 

“Someone told me I could find Zayn Malik here. Did I?” The guy asks. 

“It depends on how much trouble he’s in.” Zayn replies. 

“I’m James Geller.” The guy introduces himself. “What will it be? With the App-Fest crowd, here visiting from Juilliard.” He says as he extends his hand to Zayn for handshake. 

Zayn’s eyes go wide as he shakes the guy’s hand. “You’re looking for me?” 

“Well, if you’re the kid that played Schubert’s Impromptu No. 3. at the Dublin Rep Teen Recital last year. I heard all about you.” The guy, James, says. 

“Is that okay if that freaks me out a little bit?” 

“What’s all this?” James asks as he points at the papers beside Zayn. 

“Just checking out for the SAT vocab lists. Turns out there’s a lot I don’t know. I’ve been at it for two hours and I’m still in the B’s.” 

The older guy nods and looks at Zayn. “You know most performing arts schools don’t even require the SATs. I like to thing as the time you wasted on entrance tests as time you could be spending on your instrument.” 

“Oh, you want to say that into a tape recorder for my dad?” Zayn says. 

James laughs and shakes his head. “You know, people. They forget how rare this kind of gift is.” He says. “I mean, do you even realize the confluence of events required to get one great player? The right ear is, uh, one in a million. The musical ability to let it all shine, one in fifty thousand. Now for this to bring them together in one person, you do the math.” 

“Well if I could, I wouldn’t have to study for the SATs.” Zayn points out.

“Kid with those kind of odds shouldn’t have to.” 

Zayn laughs nervously. This Mr. James guy’s words freak him out a little bit. He doesn’t think that he is that great, does he? 

“Listen, why don’t you play something for me tomorrow? Not an audition or anything, just to, uh, let you know where you, uh, stand. Interested?” 

Zayn clasps his hand and nods eagerly. “Sure. Anything, uh, specific?” 

James pull out a folder from his briefcase and handing it to Zayn. “You know this one?” He asks. 

Zayn looks at the sheet and shakes his head. “Not yet.” 

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow at three.” James says before he stands up and exits the room. 

 

*****

 

“Zayn, close your eyes.” Yasir says as he enters the living room. 

“Why?” 

“Cause if you don’t close them, you’ll know what it is.” 

“I won’t close them anyway.” Zayn says. 

“Remember when I told you that ‘we need a plan’ and you said ‘help yourself’?” 

Zayn stops playing with his piano and turns to face his father. The sentence couldn’t be good. “What’s that?” Zayn asks as soon as he notices the big cardboard on the couch beside his father. 

“It’s the new regime for college application. So we need needs to be done and by when. What do you think?” 

“I think you got a really good chance of getting into Yale.” Zayn deadpans. 

“Hey, you got a lot to do this year. I don’t want to let anything to slip past us.” Yasir says. “Besides, I don’t think this is the normal scale for organization.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “They medicate for this much of organization.” He says as he reads the schedule on the cardboard, courtesy of his father. “I mean, Monday, Chemistry 3:30 to 4:30, Social Studies 4:30 to 5, Sci…I’ve never even heard of Science League.” 

“Well, colleges want kids who are well-rounded and, uh, TV doesn’t count. I checked. And besides, this time is outlined around your SAT prep class.” 

“Well, I don’t think I need any of it.” Zayn says. 

“Oh, really?” Yasir asks.

Zayn nods. “Really. Conservatories don’t even look at SAT scores. Piano gets me free.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows as he looks at his son. “You know that for certain? I mean, I know that an arts school sounds like a great idea right now but you can’t count on that. What if you change your mind? What if you….what if you don’t get in? I just want to make sure you got all of your options open and, that you have a backup plan.” 

“Well, you didn’t have a backup plan when you went to med school.” Zayn points out.

“I didn’t have a father who gave a damn of what I did.” Yasir says. “I mean, he was done after he taught me how to swim.” 

“Well, how do I get on that plan? Hey, uh, if Science League calls, tell them I’m practicing.” Zayn says before he turns to his piano and begins to play again. 

 

*****

 

“Coach.” Louis calls out as he reaches the side of the field. The coach turns his head and looks at Louis. 

“Hey. Heard about what happened. Sorry I had to bench you. You know, you’re one of the best I’ve got out here.” 

Louis nods glumly. “Thanks.” 

“So how did your folks take it?” The coach asks. 

“I, uh, haven’t told them yet. Tried telling my dad last night. He’s on emergency at E-Bay and half of Princeton.” Louis says. 

The coach shakes his head. “You know, I could really use you this week. The formation is messed-up.”

“I’d really like to be there.” Louis says, hoping that maybe he can at least play for the last important game. 

“Well, there’s nothing I can do about that. You know, I talked to Mr. Beels. I told him you were a really solid student and all that. But, uh, they got rule and it’s not a bad one.” 

Louis sighs heavily. “It’s not even just that I want to play. I need..I need this to get anywhere worth going next year. There has to be..there’s gotta be some way I can get back out there.” 

The coach looks at Louis. “Well, there is. I’ve been asking around. You blew a class when things were going rough. You didn’t exactly have the easiest summer there..the whole thing with Liam..I mean, it hit us all little hard..but you..you two were a team. And I don’t think it would be out of line for you to say so.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t think I wanna play it that way, coach. I mean, Liam died. I’m not gonna..use that, you know?” 

The coach nods and smiles proudly at Louis. “Yeah, that’s what I thought you’d say. You’re a good kid.”

 

*****

 

“You ever played that piece before?” James asks as soon as Zayn finishes with his playing in front of the guy. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Not really, but I like it.” 

“Well, that was, um..”

“What? That was what?” Zayn asks nervously. 

“I don’t know..how much I should disappoint you.”

“Well, I was hoping not too much but..” Zayn says truthfully. 

“It’s clear you have the ear. I mean, you bring a genuinely remarkable dynamic and phrasing but, God, but you’re a mess of bad habits. Your wrists are stiff, your posture is hollow. You, you utterly refuse to move your carriage to the music. But that’s not what gets me. All that I could stand.” James says and pauses. “You don’t sight read very well. I mean, you barely even looked at the music.”

“I learned it.” Zayn replies defensively. 

“Even still, you must always look at the music.” James says as he points out at the sheet on the piano. “The sheet is like a movie you’ve watched ten times, even if you know it by heart but you find something new in it every time. You’ve been getting by on that ear and muscle memory. And, it’s a problem.”

“Well, I’m not allowed to make a mistake, right? As long as I have the ear and the mechanics?” 

James laughs and shakes his head. “You need the eye too. You haven’t been putting in your three hours a day.” He says as he starts to stand up. “You want to be the best lounge player in Dublin, that’s great. But if you want to get into Juilliard, if you want to sit in the center, command performances…well, it’s all too ordinary really. It’s an unfortunate combination of bad habits. Bad teachers that let you get away with it.”

“So, now I know what I have to work on during junior year, right?” 

“If I wanted to be nice, I’d say yes but I’m afraid too many people have done you disservice by trying to be nice. Sheet music is like a language, Zayn, the acquisition is the same. If you’re not fluent by the time you’re eight, it’ll always be a foreign language, always a struggle. But to play concert level, it must be your primary mode of communication. I’m sorry.” James finishes before he starts to walk out from the music room. 

Zayn stands up abruptly. “Come on, that can’t be it. I mean, there’s gotta be something I can do.” He pleads. Getting into art schools is his dream and to hear that he isn’t good enough just to get in is unbearable. 

“How are you doing with your vocabulary?” 

And that’s when Zayn knows his dream is shattered. 

 

*****

 

“Your mother served tea. We had some little cucumber sandwiches. After we talked about it, we brought out the photo album so at least she would know what you looked like.” Bobby says, his voice hard as he looks at his youngest son across the dinner table. He and Maura are so mad at Niall because of his action. He bailed without any excuse on the little meeting with the representative from Princeton and it made Bobby and Maura riled up. “Oh, the one from your kindergarten really took the cake.” Bobby continues. 

“It wasn’t just embarrassing. It was, it was insulting to her.” Maura pipes in. 

“I said I was sorry.” Niall replies quietly. There’s no other emotion that come across his voice except for emptiness. 

“We don’t ask that much of you. But everyone in this family does their part.” Maura says. “I mean, your father and I go to work, Louis goes to football practice. No one needs to be reminded ten times. No one needs to have a cattle prod. To look at you, I guess you don’t have the slightest concern about your future.” 

“Well, I don’t.” Niall says truthfully. “Can I be done here, please?” He asks as he puts down his fork and spoon. 

“Absolute..”

“Maura.” Bobby shakes his head at his wife before he looks at Niall. “Yes. Go ahead.” 

Niall stands up and before he could walk out from the dining room, his mother stands up too and slams her hand on the table, trying to stop Niall from leaving the dining room. “Now, hold on.” His mother says and Niall stops dead on his track, and turns to look at her. 

“I know this is hard. I do. But you can’t just forget about everything that was important to you.” Maura says as she looks at her youngest son. 

“Maura. We don’t have to do this now.” Bobby says and nods at Niall. “Go on.” 

Once Niall and also Louis walk out from the dining room, Maura glares at her husband. “Excuse me?” 

“We’re angry. He knows it. That’s enough.” Bobby says before he stands and picks up his plate to the sink. 

Maura follows her husband to the kitchen angrily. “That is hardly enough. It was a united front that got us this far with them, Bobby. If we intend to get anywhere with him now..”

“There’s no way to go, Maura. Not now. Can’t you see he’s hurting? With good reason. I can’t punish that.” Bobby says as he turns to look at his wife. 

“Well, we don’t have to punish it. But I cannot let him continue in this..void.” Maura says. “Of course, I can see he’s hurting. He doesn’t eat, Bobby. He’s up half the night with the TV on. It’s not normal.”

“He’s not supposed to be normal. I mean, Niall’s not just grieving for Liam. He’s grieving for the life he wanted and expected. I met you when I was Liam’s age. And now the rest of his life is like a second choice.” Bobby tries to reason. 

“He’s becoming someone I don’t even recognize.” Maura points out. “I miss him. I miss his life. All I have now is eggshell everywhere and this fear that I’ll say something wrong to remind him. Am I really supposed to just do nothing?” 

Bobby nods. “Yes. You are. Be thankful you have the easier job.” He says before he walks out of the kitchen, leaving Maura alone. 

 

*****

 

Niall startles in his nap as someone kicks on his chair and he turns to look at his right, spotting Jamie with a smile on. “At least fake it.” Jamie says, referring to Niall’s head on the desk, taking a nap during the class. He rubs his eyes tiredly and looks at the door when Zayn just enters the room. 

“Here for the SAT prep class, you’re about two weeks late.” The teacher says to Zayn. 

“Traffic.” Zayn replies and Niall snorts at that. 

The teacher ignores Zayn’s comment. “Will you be joining us?” 

“Looks that way.” Zayn shrugs. 

“You can pay for the book next time. We’ll see how you do.” The teacher says. 

Niall smiles slightly at Zayn as the dark-haired guy walks passed him and sits behind his table. “Am I about to be bored as I think I’m about to be bored?” Zayn asks from the back of Niall’s head.

Niall nods and turns his head slightly to look at Zayn. “And paying for the privilege.” Niall says. 

 

*****

 

“You’ve been off for how long? You didn’t even bother to tell us? Why didn’t you just tell us you got kicked off from the football team?” 

Louis rolls his eyes at his father’s question. “Well, I figured you had enough going on without me.” Louis replies. 

“Just because Niall’s having a rough time, it doesn’t mean you get to hide stuff from us.” Maura says. 

“Yes, it does.” Louis retorts. “You don’t want to hear from me. You never do. Everything is always about Niall and his problems. Niall and his schoolwork. I always figure everything out on my own.” 

Bobby shakes his head. “Well, not this time. I mean to get you back on that team and soon. Your guidance counsellor may think otherwise but this battle is far from over. You’ve worked too hard.” 

“I’m not getting back on the team.” Louis points out. 

“I have taken on the administration before. Your mother is not without some influence. We’ll convince them. There has to be something that we can do.” 

Louis looks at both of his parents. “Yeah, there is. Coach Austin told me all I need to do is say that I had problems with my classes because of Liam.” 

“Oh. Well then, that’s what you’ll tell them.” Bobby says. “First thing tomorrow in the morning, we’re making the call.” 

“No, we’re not. I’m not going to cash in on that.” 

“Louis, it might seem distasteful but you shouldn’t underestimate just how much losing him may have affected your performance. You deserve to be on that team. Lou. You deserve the chance at a football scholarship.” 

“Well, do you think I want to be benched?” Louis asks, slightly raising his voice in frustration. “You think I like everyone knowing that I’m not on the team because I failed some class no one else has a problem with?” 

“Well, why then why don’t you tell them?” 

“Because, I blew the class! And it wasn’t because of Liam.” Louis quips. “I failed because I screwed up. You know, I shouldn’t play. I want to go to college but I want to make it on my own.” 

Bobby looks at his wife for a second before he turns to look at his eldest son again. “Well, we have always assumed the strategy of packaging you as a student athlete. So it’s a little too late to change that. You know, making it on your own includes all of your strengths.”

Louis shakes his head. “My best friend’s death is not one of my strengths.” 

Bobby takes a step closer, facing his son. “So, do you even want to go to college?” Bobby asks. 

Maura grabs his husband’s arm to calm him down. “Bobby, I think that’s enough.” 

“No, no. Let me finish.” He says to his wife and turns his attention to Louis again. “Do you? Alright, it’s my job as a parent not to let your personality stay in the way of your success. So you will do whatever you have to do to get back on that team.” Bobby says firmly. “You want to be mad at me about it? Fine, fine. Let this be my fault. Blame me. Be mad at me the whole time you’re in the college of your choice.”

Louis grits his teeth angrily as he looks at his father. “If the only way I can get into college is by guilting somebody, then I shouldn’t get in. And I won’t go that way.” 

“So how will you go then? Huh?” Bobby challenges. “You know, this isn’t petty rebellion time. This isn’t some cute wind stretching opportunity. This is your future, Louis. You need a football scholarship. How do you plan to get to college without football?” 

“I’ll work my ass off. I’ll study harder. I’ll work harder. You always push me to play. You don’t push me to work! Maybe I’ll be good at it. It’s not like we’re hurting so much for tuition, I can’t get into a school without the scholarship.” 

“It’s not the money! They won’t accept you without football!” 

“Why?! Why not?!” Louis says, his voice booms throughout the kitchen. 

“Because you’re not smart enough!” Bobby says and quickly realizes his mistake once he looks at the hurt expression on his son’s face. “Lou, I didn’t mean. I..”

Louis blinks his eyes rapidly as he stares at his father. Within second, he starts to turn away and storms out from the house. 

 

*****

 

“Hey. You know, I was hoping this would be stew by the time you got home but, uh, okay. We’re having soup tonight.” Yasir rambles before he turns to look at his son. “You’re back late.” He points out.

“I added a new class.” Zayn replies shortly. 

“Oh, really? Which one?” 

“SAT prep.” 

“I’m sorry?” 

“SAT Prep. Okay?” Zayn replies in annoyance. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “The one you had no interest in? When did that happen?” 

“Oh, I woke up this morning and I thought, ‘how can I make my life more bleak?’” Zayn deadpans. 

“Well, I thought conservatories didn’t care about SAT scores. I thought piano took you out of all that.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Well, piano’s not taking me anywhere. That plan’s retired.” 

Yasir looks at his son confusingly. “Wait a minute. I don’t understand. Yesterday, you were playing Lincoln Center.” 

Zayn snorts. “Well, I don’t think my life is going to turn out the way I hoped.” 

“If this is about the charts, I’ve already recycled them.” 

“It’s not the charts! Okay? You were right. I get, this guy from Julliard. He came for App-Fest. He watched me play and gave me a critique and guess what? I’m a lounge player. If I’m lucky, maybe a second keyboard at a Bar Mitzvah band. Looks like you back up plan has been pushed to the first position.” Zayn says in frustration. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows confusingly. “Wait a minute. Hold on a second. You met with someone from Julliard? When did this happen?” 

“You’re not listening, alright? He said I sucked! My technique is ass and there’s nothing I can do about it! It’s too late.” Zayn says angrily. “Now I get to spend the rest of my life knowing that I blew it. On the plus side, you get to spend the rest of your life gloating about how you always begged me to take playing more serious. Yeah, I bet you really love this.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “Love this? I don’t even know what just happened. I was making soup.” 

Zayn snorts. “You’d always rather be right than have me do well.” 

“That’s not true. I always pushed you to study more just in case but of course I’d rather you’d be happy doing something you love.”

“Well, lucky for you, that’s not an option.” Zayn says before he leaves the living room. 

 

*****

 

“I think that’s the longest we’ve ever gone without an insult.” Yasir points out as he is sitting beside Bobby at the cafeteria. 

“Today is a special day for all.” Bobby says before he sips on his coffee. 

“It seems like I’ve had this day before.” Yasir says. 

Bobby nods and glances at Yasir. “Do yourself a favor. If I offer any more unsolicited advice on any subject, do the opposite.” 

“Wow, I’ve never heard you admit that you were wrong pre-emptively before. As a matter of fact, I’ve never heard you admit that you were wrong.” 

“This, I’m sure, is a feeling you’ll get used to.” Bobby says and turns to look at Yasir. “Um, you have experience having a son who hates you with good reason. Is there anything I should be doing? Or is it all pretty much just shouting and regret?” 

Yasir looks at Bobby. “How bad was it?” And when Bobby gives him the look, Yasir nods understandingly. 

“My fight with Zayn yesterday was about a five. Maybe a six.” 

“Nine point five.” Bobby says shortly. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah. Yeah. I don’t suppose there’s any way out?” Bobby asks. 

“Well, I find that contrition works pretty well.” Yasir replies. “And just keep telling them what an idiot you are. They like that. But nine point five, I..” He says and shakes his head. 

Bobby sighs and he too, shaking his head. 

 

*****

 

“You’re in Niall’s spot.” Bobby says as he finds Louis on the study table at their house. 

“Yeah, well, always worked for him.” Louis replies. “I have a quiz tomorrow.” 

Bobby smiles slightly as Louis is still talking to him and he takes it that it’s alright for him to approach his eldest son. “That many books for quiz?” He asks. 

“I’ve got, like, three years to make up.” Louis mumbles. 

Bobby looks at his son and sighs regretfully. “Look, Lou.”

Louis shakes his head. “You can save it. You’re not going to have a star football player in the house anymore. Just a mediocre student.” 

“I never said you were mediocre.” 

“No, no. Just dumb.” Louis deadpans. 

Bobby shakes his head. “You failed a class and you got kicked off from the football team and you didn’t tell us, I got angry. If I had known you were having that hard of a time, I wouldn’t have come down on you so hard. You could have told us. You could have said something.” 

Louis raises his eyebrows as he looks at his father. “We don’t talk about that kind of stuff.” 

“Of course we do. We talk all the time.” Bobby points out. 

“No, I mean..tests and grades..I mean, we talk about what’s going on in my life. We talk about the game.”

“Well, that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in your schoolwork.” 

“But you’re not. Is that why we went to App-Fest?” Louis asks sarcastically. “Looked at all those brochures together, you and I? No, that’s all stuff you do with Niall. And he’s always better at the stuff you were better at. And you pay more attention to him. You never knew when I had a test. Or made sure I studied. Or asked me how I did.” Louis points out as Bobby listens quietly. “You picked me up from football practice and made sure I iodized my shoulder. But school isn’t out thing. It never was.” 

Bobby looks at Louis as he talks and he realizes how much mature Louis really is and before he could say something, Louis starts to speak again. “So do you really think I won’t get into college without football?” Louis asks. 

“I don’t know what to tell you.” Bobby replies truthfully. “I mean, the schools you’re looking at, it’ll be tough. You don’t have the grades.” 

“Well, what if I study now? I mean, what about your senior year? Don’t, don’t they notice if the people trying to improve or?” 

Bobby smiles at his son. “Maybe. Maybe they do.” 

“Well then, I’ll try.” Louis says in determination before he focuses on his book again. 

Bobby pats Louis’s arm proudly and points at the books. “Want some help?” 

Louis glances at his father and shakes his head. “I got it.” 

 

*****

 

“Zayn.” 

Zayn hums in response without glancing at Niall. 

“I think your dad’s here.” Niall says and Zayn shakes his head without even looking up from his work. 

“No. Impossible. My dad would never show up in school.” Zayn says. “He’d know I’d kill him.” 

“You know, I really think it’s him.” Jamie pipes in from the seat beside Niall and Zayn stops writing. He tilts his head up and sure enough, he spots on his father at the window, waving at him. 

“Oh, please God, no.” Zayn groans as his father starts to walk to the class’s door. 

“Hi. Can I see Zayn for a minute?” Yasir asks the teacher and Zayn reluctantly stands up and follow his father outside. 

“Everything okay?” Zayn asks as soon as he steps outside and looks at his father. 

“Who was the best piano player of all time?” 

“What?” Zayn asks confusingly. Has his father gone mad? 

“The greatest pianist ever?” 

“Franz Liszt.” Zayn replies. 

Yasir nods. “Remember how he got there? 1830, he locked himself in his room to practice, didn’t even break for food. 1838, he comes out and invents the concert piano. You’ve got work to do. Let’s go.” 

Zayn doesn’t even have time to respond before his father tugs his wrist to follow him. “But I, I have class.” 

“No, you don’t. I’m taking you out. The schools you’re applying to don’t require SATs. This is time you should spend practicing.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Well, maybe you didn’t hear but I’m not good enough to get into a conservatory.”

Yasir shakes his head. “Not yet. But you will be.” 

“Now you know more than Julliard.” Zayn says sarcastically. 

“No. But I know that you can’t let one person derail you. I mean, you’re going to meet a lot of these guys. My father tried to do it with me when I told him I wanted to be a doctor and I’m not about to let this guy do it with you. I don’t know what he had told you and I don’t doubt he had a point about your playing. But I saw how you blew up at me yesterday.” 

“I blow up at you all the time. Like twice a week.” Zayn states. 

Yasir looks at his son. “No. You were angry because someone tried to take your music away. I know how that feels. You know ever since Liam died, I’ve been doing my best imitation of a normal doctor, but I’m not. And you’re not a normal kid. I’m sorry. You have a gift. And it’s weird. And I don’t understand it yet. But it will always be true. And it may not take you to Julliard. I don’t know where it will take you. But medicine took me around the world. And that was pretty cool.” He says and pauses. “Offer expires when I get to the car.” Yasir continues as he let Zayn dwells on his speech. 

“You’d break me out of gym tomorrow?” Zayn jokes before he jogs his way towards his father’s car. 

 

*****

 

“What are you watching?” Maura asks as she enters Niall’s room and finds his youngest son on the bed, watching the television. 

“I’m not sure.” Niall replies shortly. 

Maura looks at his youngest son and smiles softly. “Do you need anything? You’re not hungry? You didn’t eat too much at dinner.” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, I’m good. Thanks.” He replies without even glancing at his mother. 

Maura shakes her head and strides towards the television, turning it off. 

“Can you turn it on again, please?” Niall asks flatly. 

Maura stands in front of the television, facing her son. “No. Maybe you don’t need a TV in your room anymore.” 

Niall looks at his mother and a second later, he nods. “Fine.” He says before he lies back on his bed. 

Maura stares at her son. “Aren’t you angry? Don’t you want to get mad? Yell a little? Do something? We used to fight. We were good at it.” She says as Niall just ignoring her and starts to read some books on his bed. “Do you remember when I tried to take the phone out of your room? You had a hissy fit all night till I changed my mind. I said you were tying up the line and you said ‘well, that’s not fair’ or something childish and I said something childish back to you and then we went at it back and forth like hyenas for about an hour. We were absolute brats. Both of us. It was so much fun.” 

Maura shakes her head when Niall remains silent. “You’re not doing well. You know that?” 

“I guess.” Niall replies quietly. 

Maura tries to hold back her tears. “Do you want to talk to me about it?” 

Niall shakes his head. “Not really.” 

“Will you at least talk to someone?” She asks. It hurts her to see Niall like this. To see her youngest son living like he doesn’t care about anything around him anymore. 

“What, like a therapist?” 

“Like anyone you think might help.” Maura says. She just wants Niall to get better.

“Okay.” Niall replies shortly and shifts to bury his body under the blanket and Maura just look sadly at the state that Niall is in. She knows that Niall is long gone, right after Liam’s death and she might just lost her youngest son along with Liam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to: Everwood


	3. So let me slip away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ah, I feel like this is too short and kinda bad. So I apologize in advance.
> 
>  
> 
> P/S: I'm going to name each chapter with a lyrics from a song (like every chapter has its own soundtrack and for this chapter the soundtrack is [Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WoJV4NLxqg)

“I’m sorry. We’re closed for the night. Is this an emergency?” Yasir asks as he spots an unknown woman who is standing alone in front of his office. 

“No, I…this used to be a train station.” The woman says as she glances around. 

Yasir chuckles. “You’re a couple of years too late.” He says and looks at the bags that the woman is holding. “Did you need to go somewhere?” He asks. 

“I already did that. Just got back.” The woman says. “Every time I come here, I feel like I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole into some other time and place.” 

“I have similar thoughts every day.” Yasir says.

“At the same time, it’s so familiar, even now. I missed it this time.” The woman continues. 

Yasir looks at the woman in confusion. “I’m sorry, who did you say..”

The woman face-palms herself and laughs. She is about to say her name when someone calls her from behind them. “Linda!”

Yasir turns and watches as Maggie runs to the woman and hugs her tightly. Once they pull away, Maggie leads the woman towards him. “Dr. Malik, I want you to meet my daughter, Linda.” 

Linda smiles genuinely at Yasir and at that moment, Yasir finally understands what did Zayn meant when he said that Horans got some charms in their bloods. 

 

******

 

Louis glances around the cafeteria until he sees Zayn. He walks towards the table and taps Zayn’s shoulder, making the other boy jumps slightly. 

“Mind if I sit here?” Louis asks.

Zayn pauses his iPod and nods. “Only if you stay.” He deadpans. 

“Har-har.” Louis replies sarcastically as he starts to sit beside Zayn. 

“What do you want?” Zayn asks bluntly as he looks at Louis. 

“Nothing. Just to enjoy your company.” Louis says before he bites his sandwich. Zayn stares at Louis silently and Louis grins. “Do you want my pudding?” Louis asks. 

Zayn shakes his head and snorts. “All right, what’s the favour, Louis?” Zayn asks. He knows Louis is not just willingly offer himself to stay with Zayn during lunch. 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “What are you talking about? What favour?” He asks as he stares at Zayn. When Zayn just stares at him knowingly, Louis sighs. “Okay, it’s about Niall.”

“No.” Zayn replies quickly. 

“What? You don’t even know what I was going to ask!” Louis exclaims. 

“Doesn’t matter. The answer is no.” Zayn says and he shakes his head. 

Louis shifts his chair to get closer to Zayn. “Why?” 

“Because whatever is going on with you and your brother is your business, not mine. When I try to make it my business, he gets mad at me.” Zayn explains. 

Louis shakes his head. “No, this is different.” 

“I doubt it.” Zayn says, still refusing to do any favour for Louis regarding Niall. 

“Look, with everything that’s been going on lately, Niall has been a little bit out of it.” Louis says as he looks at Zayn. 

“That’s normal.” Zayn says understandingly. He had lost his mum, he knows the feeling very well. 

Louis sighs and shakes his head. “Well, no, I mean, I’ve seen Niall out of it before and this is really out of it. I’m a little worried about him.” He admits truthfully. No matter how much fights or disagreement going on between him and Niall, he still loves his younger brother. “I’m just wondering if you could just keep an eye on him, let me know what he’s up to..” 

Zayn shakes his head repeatedly. “Forget it.”

“Look, not always.” Louis tries to persuade. “Just whenever you’re not busy” Louis says as he looks at Zayn up and down, “..being a loner geek with weird t-shirts.” He continues. 

Zayn snorts and stares incredulously at Louis. “You want me to stalk your brother?” 

“You kind of already do.” Louis deadpans. 

Zayn shakes his head and shrugs. “We’re friends. We hang out.” 

Louis claps his hand excitedly. “Well, good. Now you can hang out, but report back to me.” He says easily. 

“No. No. I already told you. Forget it. Not my brother, not my problem.” Zayn says as he starts to pull in his earphone again, ignoring Louis’s request. 

Louis rolls his eyes and huffs as he starts to stand up and points his finger at Zayn. “We’ll talk again.” 

 

*****

 

“Ah, at least I come out of Mr. Frysinger’s class well rested.” Niall says as soon as he steps out of the classroom, with Zayn walking beside him. 

Zayn nods, agreeing with Niall. “I was so bored I was counting his eyebrows, which is weird because there’s actually only one.” 

Niall laughs at Zayn’s comment and shakes his head. They walk towards their lockers and then Niall spots Jamie. “Hey.” He calls out. 

Jamie turns around and smiles at both Niall and Zayn. “Hey.” He replies and looks at Niall. “You ready?” He asks. 

Niall nods. “I’m ready.” 

“You guys sitting outside?” Zayn asks as he looks at both boys in front of him. 

“Actually, we’ll just going to Jamie’s house.” Niall says. 

“Oh.” Zayn says and pauses. “What’s the occasion?” 

“Only our vast selection of cereal, among other reasons.” Jamie replies. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Like?” He asks curiously. 

“Like, let’s just say we have some stuff to do before tonight.” Jamie says. 

“It’s no biggie. Just some party thing at the town’s community college.” Niall says and shrugs carelessly. 

“You guys are going? How?” Zayn asks curiously. 

Jamie shrugs as he looks at Zayn. “High school boys can always get into college parties.” 

Zayn snorts. “Yeah, cause we’re not underage.” He says sarcastically. 

Jamie rolls his eyes and Niall just shrugs again. “Look, I have connection, okay? Plus, nobody would know that we’re still in high school. Not unless someone tell them. So, if you’ll excuse us, we’re on the clock.” Jamie says as he and Niall both start to turn away. 

“See you later.” Niall says and waves before he trails behind Jamie. 

“Uh, hold on. Can I come with you guys?” Zayn calls out from behind them. 

Jamie and Niall look at each other before they turn to look at Zayn. “I’m sure you have other stuffs to do..” Jamie says. 

“No, I don’t. I can come with you guys. It’s cool, right, Niall?” Zayn asks as he looks at Niall, knowing that Niall is pretty much the easy-going type of guy. 

“Sure.” Niall replies before he looks at Jamie. Jamie finally nods and shrugs. “Sure.” 

 

*****

 

“You guys do this often?’ Zayn asks as soon as he enters the house after Jamie and Niall. He is referring to the cutting class act which what they are doing at the moment. 

“Uh, it’s just for this party tonight.” Niall says like it is no big deal. 

“Niall needs a test run before we put him out in the field.” Jamie says as he appears beside Zayn with couple of glasses and a bottle of vodka in his hand. 

“I usually do 2% with my cornflakes.” Zayn deadpans. 

“So, college guys tend to favour the plastic handle special, but my dad’s stock of good stuff will have to do.” Jamie says. “Are you in?” He asks as he turns to look at Zayn. 

“Uh, I try not to drink before fifth period.” Zayn declines. “Besides, isn’t everybody going to smell it on you guys?” 

Jamie shakes his head as he pours the drink into the glasses. “Not vodka..and if you eat peanut butter after afterwards.” He says before he looks at Zayn. “An old boarding school trick.” 

“Ok. So, what should I expect here?” Niall asks as he stares at the glass. Never in his life that he had ever done thing like this. His father would kill him if he knows about this. Forget about that, his whole family would kill him. He knows that he is being sheltered too much by his family. 

“Kind of like a burning medicine.” Jamie replies casually. 

Zayn tries to keep his calm as he looks at both of the boys at the table. He crosses his arms over his chest as he watches the scene. Now he realizes what Louis had talked about. About Niall’s new attitude. Forget about cutting class, this drinking habit that is about to start makes Zayn realize that what Louis had concerned about is legit. 

Niall scrunches his nose as he can smell the drink in the glass. “Cheers.” Niall says to Jamie before they both start to drink. Niall sips on the drink and starts to cough after his first sip. “Oh my God. That tastes like orange juice in a gas can.” He says as he tries to stop his coughing. 

“And don’t make that face afterwards. Remember, this is about technique.” Jamie says as he looks at Niall. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at Jamie’s comment. He can only watch as Niall starts to try again and he really wants Niall to stop but he doesn’t want Niall to chase him out from there. At least by being there, Zayn can keep his eyes on Niall. 

Niall takes the next sips and tries to hold his face and he grins when Jamie gives him a thumb up. “Nice.” Jamie says. 

“We’re all so proud.” Zayn says sarcastically. 

Jamie starts to head towards his room to play FIFA and Niall starts to follow his lead. Zayn doesn’t move and when Niall looks at Zayn questioningly on his way, Zayn shrugs. “Well, I hate to miss the fun portion of the evening, but I gotta get going.” He says to Niall. “You’re going to be alright?” 

Niall nods and smiles at Zayn. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. We’re just screwing around, Zayn. Just..don’t tell anyone, okay?” Niall says and Zayn nods, reluctantly. 

 

*****

 

“Come in.” Zayn says as he hears someone is knocking on his door. When his father enters the room, Zayn looks at him. “You know, you’re getting better at that.” He deadpans, referring to his father’s knock. He still remember on how his father used to barge into his room without knocking. 

“Well, you know, I practice when you’re not home.” Yasir deadpans in return and Zayn chuckles. “I’m taking Harry to Nina’s.” 

“A playdate?” Zayn asks as he flips on his comic books. 

Yasir shakes his head. “Actually, I’ve got this case. Nina knows the patient, and there’s a confidentiality issue. So..”

Zayn stops flipping and closes his comic, staring at his father. “Well, issues like, you want to tell somebody?” 

“Yeah, sort of.” Yasir says. 

“Have you ever done that before? Broken confidentiality?” Zayn asks. 

“Never without a good reason.” 

Zayn nods. “But maybe if the person was in danger?” 

Yasir looks at his son. “Exactly. If the person was in danger to themselves or to others.” 

“Is that the only time? I mean, what if something bad could happen to somebody if you don’t say anything but you don’t know for sure.” Zayn says and pauses. “Well, if..if it’s just a hunch.” 

“Is there any chance you want to tell what this question is really about and whose trust you might be breaking?” Yasir asks, trying to coax the story out as he can feel that Zayn is trying to ask him something about the confidentiality issue. 

“Not really.” Zayn says, shaking his head and averting his gaze from his father’s. 

Yasir nods understandingly. “Ok. Bottom line – if you’re not a doctor, and the confidentiality is really just an understanding and you think you have some information that might help someone if you reveal it, then I think you have an obligation to do that.” 

“That’s what I figured.” Zayn mumbles. 

“That was fatherly advice.” Yasir points out. “How was it?” 

Zayn snorts. “Not bad.” 

“See?” Yasir says as he raises his eyebrows playfully. “I really am getting better.” He says before he starts to leave the room. 

“Hey, dad, one more thing.” Zayn calls out and Yasir turns to look at his son. “Can I go to a frat party tonight?” 

“A frat party?” 

“Yes.” Zayn replies and nods. “There’s going to be drinking, drugs, unprotected sex. I’ll probably the youngest person there. Besides, I don’t want to go. But, I have to.”

“Why?” Yasir asks in confusion. 

“Because, you just said if I know something I have to do something about it.” Zayn points out. 

“And so, having said that, I’m all but forced to let you go to a party that I never would have agreed to prior.” Yasir says and pauses. “Maybe you’re getting better at this.” 

 

*****

 

Louis opens his front door after the frantic knocks only to find that Zayn is standing in front of the door, slightly dressed-up in his jacket and not-so-lame t-shirt. “What, do we have a date tonight or something?” Louis teases. 

Zayn rolls his eyes and ignores Louis’s teasing. “Look, I told you I wouldn’t watch your brother, but I did it anyways, kinda. Anyway, he’s at the frat party with Jamie tonight.” 

Louis’s smile falters as he stares at Zayn. “My younger brother is at the most twisted college party of the year, the one where they hand out vouchers to freshman kids to trade in for date-rape pills?” He says like Zayn is talking nonsense at the moment. “My brother doesn’t drink.” He continues. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Well, he does now. Grab your keys.” 

Once Louis enters the party, he shakes his head. The house is full with people who are grinding around and he swears he can hear someone is trading the date-rape pills nearby. His eyes scan the room until he spots a familiar blonde-hair boy in the crowd. He watches as Niall is standing alone until a guy offers him a drink and Niall just accepts it easily. “Oh, what the hell?” Louis curses as he starts to make his way towards his brother. 

Niall is sipping on his drink when suddenly someone grabs his cup and his eyes go wide as he sees the person in front of him. “What are you doing here?” He asks as he looks at his older brother. 

“What the hell are _you_ doing here?” Louis asks firmly. 

“Um, I was having a good time, up until you arrived.” Niall replies in annoyance. “What, are you like following me or something?” 

“I think somebody else is following you.” Jamie says and Niall looks the figure nearby. 

“Oh, I guess I know what your promises are worth now.” Niall quips as he looks at Zayn. 

“I was worried about you.” Zayn says, defending his action. 

“I don’t need you to worry about me, Zayn.” Niall says. 

Louis shakes his head. “He didn’t want to tell me.” He pipes in and Niall turns his attention towards his brother again. 

“Then why did he?” Niall asks. 

“He was afraid that you’d do something stupid. Which, by the way, you are.” Louis says, getting mad at Niall for being so stupid at the moment. “You should thank him, because if dad found out..” Louis says, raising his voice. 

Niall glances around and hisses at Louis. “Shut up.” He warns.

“…you’d be grounded. Forever.” Louis continues with a loud voice, ignoring Niall’s warning. 

“Thanks, but I’ve got it under control, so you just can leave because clearly nobody wants you here anyway.” Niall says as he looks at Louis. 

“What’s going on here? These guys are hassling you?” One of the college boys asks as he approaches the scene with his friends in tow. 

Louis rolls his eyes and grabs Niall’s arm, pulling his brother to follow him. “Let’s go, Niall.” 

“Louis.” Niall hisses in annoyance as he shrugs Louis’s grip off from his arms. 

“Hey, bro, I think the boy wants you to leave.” The other college boy says as he stands in front of Louis. 

“Hey, bro. I think the boy is like 15.” Zayn pipes in, not wanting Louis to get into trouble with the older guys surrounding them. 

Niall feels his cheeks go into flame as the college boys look at him and laugh. He starts to leave the house, and Louis starts to chase his brother. 

“I can’t believe you, Niall. You’re pretending to be in college to impress some frat dicks?” Louis scolds but Niall keeps ignoring him. “Do you think Liam would want to see you like this, huh? Being a total drunk slut at some party?” Louis says and that gets Niall’s attention as the younger boy stops walking and turns to face his brother. 

“Well, at least I wasn’t drinking and driving!” Niall snaps angrily. 

Louis stares at Niall. “What is that supposed to mean?” 

Niall huffs. “You know what is that supposed to mean. Liam would still be here if it weren’t for you.” He snaps as he looks at Louis. 

“Well, maybe he’d still be here if it weren’t for you!” Louis snaps back. “If you wouldn’t have lied about him for so long, he might have been able to get him some help. But since you covered for him until he was practically dead..”

“That’s not true!” Niall cuts Louis’s off. 

“All I know is that I’m not going to like that for you. If you don’t come with us right now, I’m telling dad exactly where you were tonight.” Louis warns. “I’m not covering for you.” 

 

*****

 

“You guys going to lunch?” Zayn asks both Jamie and Niall as he spots them in front of the school. 

“We’re going to mall if you want to follow us.” Jamie replies shortly. “Come on, Niall.” 

Niall glances at Zayn for a second. “See you later, Zayn.” He says before he starts to follow Jamie’s lead. 

Zayn watches as both of them start to walk towards the parking area and he shakes his head. After the night at the party, both of them got mad at Louis and Zayn but luckily after the whole weekend, Niall seems to warm up to him again. Maybe not life before, but at least Niall is still talking to him and for Zayn, it’s enough. 

“Hey, man.” Louis greets, suddenly appears beside Zayn and looks at the direction that Zayn is staring. “Those guys going off-campus?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah.” 

“Probably cutting again.” Louis points out. It has been known to him that Niall is always skipping classes lately and it really adds to other things to worry about his brother. 

“Probably.” Zayn says, agreeing with Louis. 

“Listen, that night..uh, that was, uh, cool.” Louis starts and cursing himself for being stuttered. “The way you, uh..how you, uh…”

Zayn rolls his eyes at Louis’s trailing words and shakes his head. “Eloquence. Not your thing.” He says. 

Louis grins. “You know what I mean, right?” 

Zayn nods. “Did you see those guys? They were pretty big.” 

“Yeah. But you were pretty chill, man. You were like Vin Diesel chill.” Louis points out. 

“I was just imagining what Tetsuo would do.” Zayn says and shrugs. 

Louis raises his eyebrows confusingly. “Right…” 

“He’s a manga hero.” Zayn explains. 

“Isn’t that the comic book that people who don’t get sex read?” Louis deadpans. 

Zayn snorts. “Basically, yeah.” 

They both glance at the parking area once again before Louis turns to face Zayn again. “So, you wanna get lunch?” He asks. Louis figures that Zayn is not bad to be friend with and maybe they both can get along and help Niall to be _Niall_ again. 

If Zayn is surprised by the question, he doesn’t show it and just nods. “Sure. Yeah.”


	4. but everybody's changing and I don't feel the same

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P/S: Soundtrack for this chapter is [Keane - Everybody's Changing](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zx4Hjq6KwO0)

“I’ve to get out of the town for this whole weekend and Nina is not at her home too. I’ll be back by Sunday night, okay?” Yasir announces. 

Zayn nods from his position on the bed and once his father exits the room, he starts to bolt up. “Whoa, I can’t watch Harry over the weekend. I have stuffs to do.” He says as he trails off his father until they reach downstairs. Zayn is caught up with his ramblings to his father and he only notices until the last minute that there is someone with Harry at the table, waving at him and smiling brightly to his direction. Zayn stops walking and turns to face his father. 

“Who’s that?” Zayn asks in a quiet voice, not wanting for the person to hear him. 

“Who?” Yasir asks as he raises his eyebrows. 

Zayn rolls his eyes and tilts his head to the side. “That.” 

“Oh. That just Harry’s new tutor a.k.a the babysitter. I just thought that I will let her to be here over the weekend so that you can have a life on weekend, like you said.” Yasir says. He then turns to look at the girl. “Perrie, this is my son, Zayn.” 

The girl, which Zayn had just learned that her name is Perrie, smiles at him. “Hi.” She says cheerfully. 

“Hi.” Zayn replies shortly. 

“So, I gotta go to make a house-call and Zayn is going to ‘have a life’ over the weekend.” Yasir says as he looks at Perrie. 

Zayn grabs his father by the arms and pulls him aside. “Dad, what are you doing? Harry doesn’t need a babysitter.” He says and hisses in annoyance. 

“Well, it’s not just for Harry. It’ll be good for you too. She’s in college, she can help you with your homework.” Yasir points out. 

Zayn shakes his head horrifically. “I’m not a little kid. I don’t need a babysitter and I’m sure Harry doesn’t need one too.”

Yasir shakes his head as he starts to grab his coat from the rack and heading towards the door. “Look, Zayn. Technically, you’re both still underage and I can be charged with child’s negligence if I don’t have an adult to watch over you guys when I’m not around.” He says. 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic.” He says. 

Yasir chuckles. “Okay, I’m not. But Harry needs help with tutor and she’s good, I guess. Let’s see how it goes over the weekend, yeah?” He says before he exits the house. 

Zayn watches as his father goes out and he sighs loudly. Babysitter, really? 

 

*****

 

“So, this new ‘babysitter’, where does she come from?” Zayn asks his father during their breakfast on Monday morning. 

“I asked around.” Yasir replies shortly. 

“Did you talk to Harry? I mean, I wouldn’t expect you to ask me before there was some new person around our house but Harry might want some input.” Zayn says. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No. I think I’m a pretty good judge of people.” 

“Yeah, like the maid you had in London who stole all the silverware?” Zayn deadpans sarcastically. 

“Look, Perrie doesn’t strike me as klepto-maniacal type.” Yasir says. 

“How do you know what kind of type she is?” Zayn challenges. “You get any references?” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows as he looks at his son. “Zayn, what this is about?” He asks. “I hired her so you wouldn’t have to watch Harry all the time. And like I told you, she is tutoring Harry. I didn’t expect you to hug her or anything but I thought you’ll be nice to her.” He continues. “Did you guys have some kind of a thing last weekend?” 

Zayn snorts and shakes his head. “No. I’m just saying that Harry doesn’t always like new people. Sometimes it takes him a while to get comfortable and you just left him with a total stranger last weekend.” 

Yasir shrugs and continues to bite on his bagel. “Well, if Harry doesn’t like her, then she’s gone.” Yasir says easily. 

Zayn is about to smile in joy when suddenly Harry enters the kitchen with the skateboard in his hand and looks at his father. “Can Perrie come over again tonight?” Harry asks. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “Oh, I think that can be arranged.” 

Harry grins widely until his dimple is showing and hugs his father. “Yes. Thanks dad. She’s cool.” He says before he starts to skate on his way out. 

“Put your shoes on! The bus stop is still a skate-free zone.” Yasir says to his youngest son before he turns to look at his eldest son and grins. “So, it’s a shame he doesn’t like new people.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes at his father and sighs in frustration. There is no way that he can get rid of the babysitter now. 

 

*****

 

“Now who can name another tragic flaw?” The teacher asks while Niall taps his pen distractedly on his table, not really paying attention to the class. 

“Kobe Bryant and room service?” One of students answer and Niall chuckles slightly as the rest of the class laugh. 

The teacher ignores the student and starts to write on the white board. “Okay, so for your next assignment, I want you to think of yourself as a character in your own life. And I want you to write an essay about your own tragic flaw.” He finishes before the bell rings. “Alright, we see you tomorrow.” 

“What do you think about the assignment?” Zayn asks Niall as they both start to pack their bag for the next class. “Who do you gonna pick?” 

Niall sighs and shrugs. “I don’t know as I hate my life and it’s a flaw technically.” He points out truthfully. 

Zayn is about to say something else when someone approaches them. Zayn knows the boy. He is one of their classmates. “Hey Niall.” The boy greets and Niall turns to look at him. 

“Hey, Nathan.” Niall greets in return. 

“I was wondering, what are you doing on Saturday?” Nathan asks and Niall turns his gaze from his bag and looks at Nathan. 

“Nothing.” Niall replies. “I mean, I don’t know yet. I’m not sure.” He says and shrugs. 

Zayn tries to ignore the jealousy that starts to build inside him as he watches the boy and Niall start to talk and he knows where he is unwanted, so he takes off. Niall glances for a second at Zayn’s retreating back before he looks at Nathan again. 

“I was thinking if it’s not too soon or whatever..just, you know, if you like to do something.” Nathan asks. 

Niall who seems oblivious at first finally understands on what Nathan is implying. “Oh…you know, I might have a thing, like a family thing or something…” He says, trying to decline Nathan’s offer politely. 

“Well, think about it first. If you are doing nothing, it’ll be good.” Nathan says, not giving up. “So, see you later.” He says before he walks away from Niall. 

Niall watches as the boy exits the class and he rubs his hand over his face. Is this too soon? 

 

*****

 

“Hey, we’re making dinner.” Harry greets his brother who had just entered the kitchen. He is with Perrie, chopping off some vegetables to prepare for dinner. He watches as Zayn opens the fridge grumpily. 

“Where’s the pizza that I had in here?” Zayn asks moodily. 

“Oh, I threw it out.” Perrie replies simply. 

Zayn turns around and looks at the girl angrily. “You did what? I wanted to eat that!” 

Perrie scrunches her nose. “It looked terrible. Harry says that you guys eat pizza all the time and it’s not good for your health.” She points out. 

Harry swallows thickly as Zayn slams the fridge door closed. God damn it, Zayn can be so scary sometimes when he is mad. But sometimes Harry doesn’t understand why Zayn is always angry. When Zayn starts to slam the door of the cabinet, Harry starts to feel annoyed. “What’s wrong with you?” 

“Nothing.” Zayn replies quickly.

“You know, you’ll feel better after you eat something.” Perrie says. 

Zayn huffs. “Well, if I want to something, I’ll make it myself. I can cook.” He says. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “Only in the microwave.” He says as he glares at Zayn. He was having a good time making dinner with Perrie until Zayn starts to show up and being moody. “Perrie is really cooking.” He adds. 

“Whatever. I gotta paper to write anyway.” Zayn grumbles as he starts to walk away. 

Perrie’s head perks up and she looks at Zayn. “Oh, what’s the paper is about? Maybe I can help.” She offers. “I remember when I was a freshman, starting high school, it was really a big adjustment.” 

“I’m a junior, okay?” Zayn says in annoyance. Why does this girl always seem so bubbly? With her blonde hair and bouncy personality, it reminds Zayn so much of Niall that he can’t help but feels annoyed. He only need one Niall in his life, not two. And definitely not the babysitter. 

“Oh.” Perrie smiles sheepishly. “Okay, sorry.” She says. “Come on guys, let’s sit down. Zayn, could you help Harry finish setting up the table?” 

Zayn stops dead on his track and turns to face Perrie. “You know, you can stop talking to me like you’re my babysitter because you’re not, okay?!” He snaps angrily. Who do hell that she think she is? 

“I was hired to take care of things when your dad wasn’t here.” Perrie replies, not slightly bother by Zayn’s tone. 

“Well, when you’re not here being the babysitter, I am the babysitter. What is that tell you?”

“He just said that I have to tutor Harry and maybe I can also tutor you. And I have to make sure you guys have dinner and I’m just trying to do my job.” Perrie explains calmly. 

“Harry is your job, I’m not your job. In fact, I’m going to order pizza. Call me when they get here.” He says before he storms out of the kitchen. 

Perrie puts down the bowl on the table in surprise and Harry shakes his head at his brother’s tantrum. “Welcome to my world.” Harry mutters. 

 

*****

 

“Oh, tragic flaw paper.” Louis says and Zayn almost jump out of his seat as Louis’s face suddenly appears beside him. “I had to write that last year. It sucks.” 

“What was your flaw?” Zayn asks without even glancing at the boy who is now sitting on the table, facing him. 

“My looks.” Louis replies and Zayn snorts. Of course. “I know it seems hard to believe but being this attractive comes with a cost. For one thing, nobody takes you seriously. Not to mention there’s constant grooming.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes before he looks at Louis. “There are so many things wrong with this conversation.” He says before someone starts to call out for Louis from the other side of the room. “Hey, your home planet’s beckoning.” Zayn says to Louis. 

“What? Those ass cracks?” Louis says as he glances at the other table. “Whatever. They are not really my friends anymore.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at Louis. “Not that I didn’t enjoy our time together, but when did you ditch the Aryan Youth Brigade?” He asks curiously. 

“Since Nathan asked out Niall. Loser.” Louis says as he throws a fake smile to the group before he turns to look at Zayn again. “I told them, they can have the cheerleaders, they can have the football team, but stay away from Niall.”

“How thoughtful of you. Sexist and degrading, but thoughtful.” Zayn deadpans. 

Louis shrugs and starts to bite on his apple before he suddenly stares at Zayn intently. “I got an idea.” He says. “Dude, why don’t you ask my brother out? You could be his excuse not to go out with Nathan.” 

“Your brother didn’t want to go out with me all last year. I don’t think he would now.” Zayn says. 

“Well, he only has to want to go out with you more than he wants to go out with Nathan. How hard is that?” Louis asks incredulously. Sometimes he swears both Niall and Zayn are blind to see how much they like each other. 

“As kind an offer as that is, I think I’ll pass.” Zayn says before he starts to write his paper again. “Look, maybe he’ll say no. Just cause he asked Niall doesn’t mean he has to go.” 

“What if he does?” Louis asks and Zayn drops his pen, sighing heavily. Why do Louis have to ask him that question?

 

*****

 

“What the f-..” Zayn curses as soon as someone turns off the television and interrupts the games that he is playing. He turns around only to find Perrie standing there with a remote in her hand. “I was in the middle of a game.” Zayn says in annoyance. 

“I know. And while your hand-eye coordination is really impressive, I think you’re done for now.” Perrie says casually. 

“I had 49 kills, do you any idea what it takes to get 49 kills?” Zayn asks loudly. 

“Yeah, I’m not really into the whole killing thing. In fact neither your dad which is why he asked me to not let you guys play this game for too long.” Perrie deadpans. “How’s that paper coming by the way?” 

Zayn huffs angrily. “None of your business.” He says. 

“Oh, that well, huh? You know, you’d better do it. And dinner might be ready in half an hour so what I need you to do is to set the table before that.” Perrie says before she starts to turn around and heading to the kitchen. 

Zayn throws away his controller and stands up abruptly, trailing Perrie to the kitchen. “Did you not hear, a word I said yesterday?” Zayn asks. “You don’t tell me when to eat, you do not tell me to set the table and you do not tell me to do my homework, okay? My dad doesn’t even tell me that.” 

Perrie ignores Zayn until they reach the kitchen and she checks on her cooking before she turns to face the boy. “Well, maybe if he did, you wouldn’t be so far behind. Just a thought.” Perrie snaps in return. 

Zayn scoffs and throws his arms on the air in frustration. “Okay, that’s it. We’re done here. Actually no, you’re done here.” He says as he starts to pull Perrie’s arm. 

“Excuse me?” Perrie asks in confusion. 

“No, you can go now. I will take care of my brother like as I have been doing for many years before, amazingly enough without your help.” Zayn says as they reach the door. Zayn opens the door and gestures for Perrie to go out. “So, you can stop worrying about everything around the house because you’re fired.” 

Perrie shakes her head. “I don’t think you’d want to do this.” 

“Well, yeah, I know. It’s breaking my heart.” Zayn says sarcastically before he grabs Perrie’s jacket near the door and passes it to her. “Here, don’t forget your jacket.” 

“Your dad hired me, Zayn.” Perrie points out. 

“And this is not the first time that I’ve had to correct one of his mistakes. Also, you might not want to use us as a reference.” He says before he slams the door close. 

“Is dinner ready yet?” Harry’s voice suddenly appears behind Zayn and he curses under his breath. 

 

*****

 

“Oh, I almost forgot. Guess who I ran into at the market today? Nathan’s mother.” Maura says as she looks at his youngest son. “You never told me you two were going out.” 

Niall rolls his eyes and shakes his head. This is the problem with the small town, everyone knows everyone else’s story. “We’re not going out. He asked me out. There’s a difference. And I haven’t even told him if I’d go out with him yet, so..”

“Why wouldn’t you go out with him? He’s a very nice young man.” Maura asks confusingly. 

“Bonehead.” Louis grumbles under his fake-cough. 

“Louis? I thought you two were friends?” Bobby asks as he looks at his eldest son. 

Louis shakes his head. “We were. Back when he knew his place.” Louis replies. 

Niall rolls his eyes at Louis. “Oh, please, since when you’re the King of Jock Mountain?” Niall retorts. 

Maura looks at both of her sons, doesn’t really understand about their little bantering. “Well, what is wrong with Nathan?” She asks. 

Louis sighs and shrugs. “Nothing. He just wouldn’t be my first choice for Niall. That’s all.”

Niall almost spits his drink as he hears Louis’s words. “Your first choice?” Niall asks incredulously. “Since when do you get to decide who I go out with?” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Whatever, this is a pointless conversation because you’re obviously not going to go out with him anyways.” He says as he stares at his brother in front of him. 

Niall stares at Louis in annoyance and shakes his head disbelievingly. Louis can be so annoying sometimes, especially when he tries to be bossy and controlling of Niall’s life. “You know what, mom? You’re right. Nathan is a very nice boy. And there’s no reason I shouldn’t go out with him.” Niall says without taking his eyes off Louis’s. “In fact, I think I’ll call him after dinner.” Niall adds. 

“Wonderful.” Maura says, oblivious to the staring match between her sons at the dinner table. 

Louis and Niall both stare at each other and Louis smirks mockingly while Niall just rolls his eyes at Louis, again. 

 

*****

 

“See that? You’re getting the full crunch of the noodle there.” Zayn says as he points at the bowl. “That’s what they call ‘ramen al dente.’” 

“Hey, guys.” Yasir greets as he enters the kitchen and he frowns when he looks at the bowl in front of Harry. “Where’s Perrie?” 

“Zayn fired her.” Harry replies shortly. 

“You what?” Yasir asks shockingly. 

“Trust me, it was for the best.” Zayn says as he looks at his father. 

Yasir shakes his head. “Harry, will you excuse us for a minute?” 

Harry looks at his father questioningly. “Are you gonna yell at Zayn?” He asks. 

Yasir nods. “I might.” Harry grins at him and nods before he leaves the kitchen. Once Harry leaves, Yasir turns to face Zayn. “So, what happened?” 

“The girl turned ten kinds of crazy on me. Power-tripping like you would not believe. Telling me what to do, what to eat. I was all very prison camp. Definitely not a positive influence for Harry.” Zayn points out. 

“Do you realize how hard it was to find her? I interviewed a dozen girls before I hired Perrie.” 

Zayn shrugs carelessly. “So? We’ll keep looking.” 

“There is no ‘we’ in the scenario. When I last checked, I was the head of this household. And I will decide who does the hiring and who does the firing. And as far as I can tell, there is nothing wrong with that girl. She cooks, she cleans, Harry worships her, and I’m going to hire her right back. And tomorrow, when she gets here, you’re going to apologize.” Yasir says sternly. 

Zayn rolls his eyes and throws his hand onto the air in frustration. “Why do we even need her? It’s not like Harry’s dying of malnutrition or anything.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “Look, just because your brother isn’t dying doesn’t mean we don’t need help around here. Your homework has doubled and you need to be practicing that piano of yours now.” 

“So? We’ll ask Nina.” 

“No, we can’t ask Nina.” 

“Sure, we can.” Zayn says stubbornly. 

“No, we can’t. She’s having her own life crisis at the moment and the last thing she needs is the three of us bugging her about stuff. The point is that we need Perrie. You’re just going to have to deal with that. So I would suggest that you start working on that apology right now.” Yasir says firmly, leaving no room for Zayn to argue about his father’s point. 

 

*****

 

“Zayn! Come in here, your big teddy bear.” Perrie greets cheerily as soon as Zayn steps into the kitchen. 

“This isn’t happening.” Zayn mumbles under his breath as he rolls his eyes. 

“Oh, actually, this is happening. Yesterday, the day when you tried to fire me? That’s what didn’t happen.” Perrie says. “So, your dad tells me you have something to say to me. No rush. Take your time.” She says chirpily as she stares at Zayn. 

Zayn rolls his eyes, again. “I apologize, Perrie.” 

“That was very manly. I like it. Apology accepted. Have a carrot stick.” She says as she puts the carrot stick into Zayn’s mouth before she heads towards the living room. Zayn huffs in annoyance and is about to curse the girl out loud but restrain his actions when Harry is looking at him. 

“We’re going miniature golfing.” Harry announces as he looks at Zayn. “Remember how we used to go in London?” Harry asks. “I was always the blue ball and you pretended the giant clown face could talk and you’d make it say cool stuff?” He asks excitedly as he looks at Zayn. 

“No.” Zayn replies quickly. 

“You have to come.” Harry insists as he looks at Zayn with a wide eyes and slightly pout on his face. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so. But you guys have fun.” 

“What do you mean?” Harry whines. “Why not?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. For a tall 14 years old boy, Harry is really such a child in heart. “Well, for one thing, miniature golf is lame.” 

Perrie looks at the sibling back and forth before she starts to speak up. “You know what? That’s ok, Harry. We don’t need him. I can make the clown talk.” She says. 

Harry crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “Never mind, I don’t want to go either. It’s lame.” He says though everyone in the room can see how upset he is at the moment. 

Zayn curses inwardly as he looks at the frown on Harry’s face. Little brother can be such pain in the ass sometimes. He sighs in resignation before he looks at Harry. “Fine. Okay, fine. I’ll go.” 

Harry’s face lit up immediately and he smiles widely at Zayn. “You’re the coolest brother ever! I’m going to change my clothes now!” 

Zayn shakes his head as he watches Harry leaves and Perrie is suddenly standing beside him. “You want to pretend to fire me again? Might make you feel better.” 

 

*****

 

“I got mine in after only two turns, and that’s almost professional, right, Perrie?” Harry asks as he turns to look at the girl beside him after they had been played for about half an hour. 

“Absolutely..” Perrie says as she smiles at Harry and ruffles his hair fondly. 

“Excuse me, I’m trying to take my shot.” Zayn says as he starts to swing on his golf stick. 

“Nice one, tiger.” Perrie says sarcastically as Zayn misses the hole. 

“No do-overs.” Harry warns as Zayn starts to swing his stick again. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at both of them before he suddenly spots Niall and Nathan from the corner of his eyes and he groans. “Kill me now.” He mumbles under his breath. 

Perrie glances at the direction that Zayn is looking and she whispers to Harry. “Who’s that?” She asks curiously. 

“Zayn likes him, but it’s a secret.” Harry says before he steps forward to greet the other boy. “Hi, Niall.” 

Niall turns to look at Harry and smiles. “Hey, Harry. What are you guys doing here?” He asks as he looks at both Maliks son and a girl standing nearby. 

“Just enjoying Mullingar’s finest outdoor recreational facility.” Zayn deadpans. 

“Hi, I’m Perrie. Tutor or sometimes babysitter.” Perrie introduces herself, without waiting for Zayn to introduce them. 

“Harry’s tutor and babysitter.” Zayn corrects quickly. 

“Real cool, Malik.” Nathan, who is standing beside Niall, mocking and smirking at Zayn. 

“You guys want to play with us?” Harry asks politely, ignoring the obvious tension between his brother and Niall. 

“Actually, I think we should all stay in our own groups. What do you think?” Zayn asks as he looks at Niall. 

Niall shrugs and nods. “Okay, I agree.” 

Harry almost roll his eyes at both of them. “Okay, but you’ll be behind us all night. That’s two for me, and an extra-one for cheating gives Zayn a five.” Harry says before Zayn starts to take off. “See you at the next hole.” Harry says before he waves Niall off. 

Niall watches as Zayn goes and sighs inwardly. Suddenly he feels Nathan is standing behind him, trying to hold his waist. “Here, hold it like this.” Nathan says, trying to instruct him on how to hold the golf stick.

Niall shrugs Nathan’s hand off his waist and shakes his head. “I got this. Thanks.” 

 

*****

 

Perrie is talking to Harry about the latest records that she owns when she hears some yelling downstairs courtesy of Zayn and his father. She watches on how Harry’s face has gone from smiling to frowning and how gloomy he looks at the moment. Perrie loves Harry like her little brother and she hates it when Harry is upset. 

“Why are you look so down?” Perrie asks. 

“Nothing.” Harry says as he shakes his head. 

“Harry, you know you can talk to me, right?” Perrie says. 

“I know.” Harry says quietly. “I guess, I’m just tired.” He says but Perrie knows he is lying. It might be something to do with what’s happening downstairs. Once Harry tells her that he wants to sleep, Perrie kisses his temple and patting his head gently. She then stride towards downstairs and of course she could find the two older Maliks are yelling at each other. 

“You know what? That’s it!” Perrie’s voice boomed through the house, cutting off the argument between Zayn and Yasir. “I can’t believe how you two go on. Is it always like this around here?” She asks angrily and without waiting for the answer, she starts to speak up again. “That was rhetorical, okay? I know the answer to that. Are you even aware that there’s a boy upstairs who can hear every word that you are screaming? Or do you think this house is made of magic doors that just block out sound?” 

“Look, Perrie..” Yasir starts, trying to cut off. 

“No, I am not finished. Okay, you two are the two of the sorriest men I have ever seen. You’re worried about what your neighbour thinks.” She says as she looks at Yasir. Then she turns to look at Zayn. “You’re worried about some boy you have a crush on. Who is worried about Harry? Or is that why you hired me? Because I have news for you. I can pick up as much slack as you leave behind, but at the end of the day, he is your son and he’s your brother. Unless you two start giving him the attention that you two like to save for one another, he is going to rebel like you wouldn’t believe. And I’m not going to be the one to stop him. You know, in fact, I might encourage it a little.” Perrie says to both of them as she crosses her arms over her chest angrily. 

“Look, I appreciate your being forthright..” Yasir says. 

“Oh, you want forthright? Neighbour lady. She’s totally right about you. You never should have said anything, and you’re just upset that she called you on it, so you’re blaming it on Zayn.” She says to Yasir before she turns to face Zayn. “And you? And that stupid paper? Grow up, man. It is just homework. If you worked on it half as much as you whine about it, you’d have a novel by now.”

Perrie shakes her head once she finishes and she starts to walk towards the coat’s rack, grabbing her jacket. “Now, I have a life of my own to get back to. I’ll be back here same time tomorrow, and I expect to see some new attitudes.” She says sternly as she opens the door. “Good night.” She says before she slams the door closed.

 

*****

 

“You were right. She is really mean.” Yasir says to Zayn as they both are cleaning the dishes side by side at the kitchen. 

Zayn nods, agreeing with his father. “Don’t forget crazy.” Zayn adds. 

“Who does she think she is? Yelling at us like that? This is our house.” Yasir points out as he shakes his head disbelievingly. 

Zayn nods again. “Completely out of line.” 

“Bad enough you yell at me. She doesn’t even live here.” Yasir says. 

“There’s got to be other tutors or babysitters out there.” Zayn points out. 

Yasir nods eagerly. “There are other tutors or babysitters out there, a dime of dozen. We don’t have to put up with that.” 

“So, you’re going to fire her?” Zayn asks hopefully. The faster they get rid of Perrie, the faster that he can live in peace in his own house. 

“Fire her? I’m going to fire her like she’s never been fired. She’s going to be so fired, her future children won’t be able to get a job.” Yasir deadpans. 

Zayn shakes his head. “That whole Tony Soprano thing doesn’t work for you, but I’m right there with you on the firing.” Zayn says. 

“You can’t fire her.” Harry’s voice suddenly appears behind them and both of Zayn and Yasir turn to look at the youngest man in the family. His arms are crossed over his chest and he glares at both of his father and brother. 

“Harry, I thought you were in bed.” Yasir says. 

Harry stares at his father. “I wanted a drink of water. And you’re changing the subject. Perrie’s my best friend, and I want her to stay.” He says firmly. 

“Well, Hazza, sometimes things just don’t work out the want them to.” Yasir says. 

Harry shakes his head. “She’s the only one who is always with me and talks to me about cool stuff. She’s mine. If you fire her, I won’t speak to either of you.” Harry says seriously. “Ever.” He adds. “I’m not thirsty anymore.” Harry says before he turns to leave Zayn and Yasir at the kitchen. 

It takes few minutes of silence before Zayn starts to speak out. “Think he’s bluffing?” He asks. He never sees his younger brother acting like this. 

Yasir shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t want to find out.” 

And then they hear the door of Harry’s room is slammed loudly and they both look at each other. And they know that Harry really means on what he said. 

 

*****

 

Niall huffs angrily as he tries to open his locker. He thinks he has entered the right combination but the locker is still wouldn’t open. He slams his hand on the locker frustratingly. “How stupid was miniature golf?” Niall turns to look at Zayn who is leaning on the locker beside him, asking his question. 

“Yeah, it kind of loses most of its appeal after the age of ten.” Niall replies with a shrug. 

Zayn nods. “How was the rest of your night with Nathan?” He asks. 

“It was a one-time thing. No big deal.” Niall replies distractedly, still trying to get his locker to open. Plus, he just went out with Nathan to spite Louis, nothing more nothing less. 

Zayn looks at Niall and nods. “Yeah, cool. Whatever. So, did that paper suck as much for you as it did for me?” Zayn asks, changing the subject. 

Niall’s eyes go wide as he turns his head to look at Zayn. “Oh my God. The paper. I..I completely spaced. I..I don’t need this right now.” Niall says. “Dang it!” Niall yells angrily as he slams his hand on his stupid locker. 

Zayn watches in worried at Niall’s sudden temper and he pulls out the paper from his bag. “Hey, no, forget it. Don’t worry about it. Here. Have mine.” 

Niall looks at Zayn in surprise. “What?” 

“My paper. Come on, take it.” Zayn says as he hands his paper to Niall. 

Niall stares at the paper which is now in his hand before he looks at Zayn. “Zayn, are you insane?” He asks. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I blew it off till last night anyway. Write it down in your handwriting. I’ll go do another one during Free Period.” 

“Are you serious?” Niall asks disbelievingly. 

Zayn nods and smiles. “Yeah, it’s not great, but at least it’s something, right?” 

Niall stares at the paper in his hand before he looks at Zayn again. “I can’t believe this. You are saving my life right now.” He says as he smiles slightly at Zayn. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Zayn says, smiling at Niall in return. 

“Thank you so much.” Niall says before he hugs Zayn tightly. Once he pulls away, he starts to walk towards the classroom but not without smiling at Zayn again. “I won’t forget this.” He says as he waves the paper and walks away. 

Zayn watches as Niall walks away, not as bouncy as he used to before. He notices that Niall is changing. There is no loud and cheerful boy that Zayn had known before. Even when he smiles, the smile never reaches his beautiful blue eyes. Zayn knows he can only watch from afar on how Niall is crumbling down day by day and the most helpful thing that he can do at the moment is just be there for Niall. 

 

*****

 

Zayn pulls out his pen and stares at the blank paper. He takes a deep breath before he starts to write his paper. 

_The more things change, the more they stay the same. I’m not sure who the first person who said that. Probably Shakespeare, or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it’s the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw; my inability to change._

_I don’t think I’m alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it’s kind of everyone’s flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible. Standing perfectly still, it feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected, who knows what other pain might be waiting out there? Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo, choose the road already travelled, and it doesn’t seem that bad, not as far as flaws go._

_You’re not a drug addict, you’re not killing anyone..except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don’t think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we’re like this different person. I think it’s smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn’t even notice unless they looked really, really close. Which, thank God, they never do._

_But you notice it. Inside you, that change feels like a world of difference, and you hope that is. That this is the person you get to be forever. That you’ll never have to change again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credit to: Everwood
> 
>  
> 
> any thoughts?


	5. I hope you can hear me, cause I remember it clearly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P/S: The title of this chapter is taken from [Avril Lavigne - Slipped Away ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BphrCg8SDFI)

“Do you even know who Golda Meir is?” Yasir asks as he looks at his youngest son. 

Harry rolls his eyes at his father before he glances at the pages of the book in his hand. “She used to be in charge of Israel.” Harry replies simply. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows, impressed with his youngest son’s knowledge. “Peggy Fleming?” 

“Ice skater.” Harry replies quickly. 

“And these are your heroes?” 

Harry shrugs. “I haven’t decided yet. But I’d like to run my own country someday, but not Israel. That one’s too hard.” Harry says. 

Yasir nods and smiles at his youngest son. “Tell you what, I’m gonna go find some anthologies. One book, lots of stories.” He says before he takes off and heading to the other side of the bookstore. 

Yasir is walking near the small stairs at the bookstore when he suddenly bumps into someone. He crouches down to pick up the books that are now scattered on the floor. “Oh, so sorry.” He apologizes before he glances up only to see Linda Horan who is crouching in front of him as well. 

“It’s my fault.” Linda says as she picks one of the books on the floor. “Interesting reading material..for a 13 years old.” Linda teases as she looks at the cover of the book and raises her eyebrows at Yasir. 

Yasir chuckles as they both start to stand up again. “I can explain.” He says. 

“Really? By all means, explain the connection between..urm..Mother Teresa and Harry Potter.” Linda reads cover of the books. 

“Youngest son, homework, hero.” Yasir replies simply. 

Linda smiles and nods. “Gotcha.” 

Yasir looks at the books in Linda’s hand and smiles. “And you?” 

“Uh, ‘The Web That Has No Weaver.’ It’s one of my favorites.” Linda says. “I lost my copy somewhere during my nomad days.” She explains. 

Yasir nods. “Yeah, that can happen to anyone.” He says as he read the title of the book. “’The Web that has no Weaver: Understanding of Chinese Medicine.’” He reads out loud. “Oh, so it’s fiction.” He says sarcastically. 

Linda laughs and rolls her eyes. “Did I judge Harry Potter?” She says as she grabs the book from Yasir’s hand. 

“Hey, I might want to buy that.” Yasir protests playfully. 

“Why would you want to read a book that might actually validate something you so clearly enjoy mocking?” Linda asks. 

“Well, I can always learn something new.” Yasir says and grins at her. “What are your favorites?” 

Linda shakes her head and smiles before she starts to move towards the bookshelf behind her. “Well, that one’s certainly the most comprehensive. ‘Life in the Balance’ is a good resource.” She says as she grabs the book from the book and hands it to Yasir. “’The Promise of Eastern Medicine,’ but they’re all good.” 

Yasir nods and adding both books on top of the compilations of books in his hand. “Great.” 

Linda shakes her head. “Why don’t you pick one to start? You don’t want to O.D on all that stuff.” 

“If I don’t read all the material, I can’t make all the jokes.” Yasir says and Linda laughs before she catches a glance of a boy who is walking towards them. 

“You aren’t by any chance related to a tall, lanky boy wearing a beanie and carrying his weight in hardback, aren’t you?” Linda asks. 

Yasir turns to look at the direction where Linda is looking and grins widely. “Harry. Come meet the other Dr. Horan.” He says to his son. 

Linda smiles as soon as Harry reaches both of them. “Hi. I’m Linda.” She introduces herself. 

“Hi.” Harry says, giving the woman a fake smile. He doesn’t like on what he is seeing at the moment. The woman is standing too close to his father and he doesn’t like it one bit. “I thought you were getting me more books?” Harry asks accusingly as he turns to look at his father. 

Yasir nods. “Right. I’m on it.” He says to Harry before he turns to look at Linda. “Well, as you can see, I have to go. Thanks for the recommendation.” He says as he pats Linda’s arm briefly before he takes off. 

“Sure. Enjoy.” Linda says before Yasir leaves and she looks at Harry. “Nice meeting you, Harry.” 

Harry only shrug and nods briefly before he leaves the woman alone and starts to trail behind his father. 

 

*****

_**  
”Ok, swimmers, on your marks!”** _

****

****

__  
**_Niall waits until the teacher blows the whistle before he jumps into the pool. He doesn’t even have the time to look at Jamie and Louis on his left and right as he starts swimming to the get to the other end of the pool. He is almost reaching towards the end when he feels like he his drowning. He barely hears the voice of his parents cheering for him. All he feels like he is gasping for air and his arms start to flail as he feels himself start to drown. “Help! Help!” He tries to scream but his lungs are suddenly filled with air.._**  
  
“And you’ve had this dream before?” 

Niall shrugs at the question. “A few times.” He replies shortly as he looks at the woman in front of him. “Look, this is so stupid. It’s not like dreams actually mean anything anyways except that you shouldn’t eat pizza after ten.” He says as he runs his hand through his hair before he puts his snapback on again. 

The woman smiles slightly at Niall. “What about the other part? Everyone’s passing you, you can’t keep up?” 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Look, it’s not a matter of how I feel. It’s a fact. Everyone is doing better than I am and there’s nothing I can do about it. So, why dwell on it? ” He says and pauses. “I mean, if I were physically capable of making myself feel better, wouldn’t I do that?” Niall points out. “It’s not like I enjoy being miserable.” 

The woman stares at Niall. “Are you sure about that?” She asks. 

Niall sighs tiredly and rubs his forehead as he closes his eyes. He can feel his headache forming by all the questions. “Do you mind if we finish 5 minutes early today? I’m always late to 6th.” 

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something for a minute.” The woman says. “I want you to consider coming here twice a week.” She continues and Niall rolls his eyes again. “Niall, I’m concerned that we’re not making as much progress as we could. And if you really do want to feel better like you say, this might be a way to get there.” 

Niall stares at the woman and sighs in resignation. “I’ll think about it, okay?” 

The woman nods. “Sure.” She says. “Maybe talk to your parents about it, see what they think.” 

Niall nods briefly. “I will do that.” He says, unsure whether he is telling the truth or not. “Thank you, Dr. Lence.” He says before he stands up, picking up his bag and leaves the counsellor’s room. 

 

*****

 

“But doesn’t it disturb you that Eastern medicine pretty much avoids the concept of scientific method?” Yasir asks. 

“It doesn’t disturbing because I don’t try to place Eastern medicine within a Western rubric. It’s not meant to be tested.” Linda replies. 

“Much like the sanity of your clientele.” Bobby deadpans as he shakes his head at the banter that has been going on between Yasir who is sitting on his left and Linda is on his right side. 

Yasir and Linda both ignore him and Yasir starts to speak again. “But without scientific method, without hypothesizes and without control groups, how can you be sure that your successes are nothing more than a placebo effect?” 

Linda nods. “Well, the short answer is, I can’t.” She replies simply. 

“See?” Yasir says, a little too smugly for Linda’s liking. 

“The longer answer has to do with accepting a different way of thinking about the mind, the body and acknowledging the spirit.” Linda says. 

Yasir shakes his head stubbornly. “There are still theories which conflict with each other. The eight principles, the five elements..”

“Four calling birds, three French hens.” Bobby pipes in. 

“..I’m just not ready to rely solely on a form of medicine that doesn’t ask the question ‘why’.” Yasir continues. 

Linda shakes her head and stares at Yasir. “Every time that a patient walks through your door with a symptom of some kind, there’s an underlying emotional component which contributes to that symptom.” She says and pauses. “That’s what I’m looking for. That’s my why. I mean, if a patient comes to me with stage 2 lung cancer, I’m not gonna suggest he give up his chemotherapy for acupuncture. But what I will do is try to find a more healthful balance which might allow the patient to be more comfortable throughout chemo.” 

“Or at least allow him to be more comfortable with the idea of getting his nose pierced.” Bobby says as he starts to stand up from his seat at the diner. “You two can continue your banter.” He deadpans before he leaves his sister with the other doctor of the town. 

 

*****

 

“You have to embrace the idea hovercrafts already exist. We’d already be flying around in them.” Louis says and Jamie rolls his eyes. 

Niall walks silently as he listens to the meaningless banter between his brother and Jamie. He doesn’t give a crap about what they are talking about. For all he knows, he just want the school to end so that he can go back home and lying on his bed, like he always do nowadays. Niall’s eyes suddenly catch on someone in front of the familiar locker. 

“Hey, who’s that guy?” Niall asks as he glances at Louis and Jamie, hoping that they can give him the answer. 

Louis looks at the direction that Niall is pointing at and he shakes his head. “Uh, no clue. But someone should say something about his hair.” Louis comments. 

Niall looks at Louis briefly before he turns his head to look at the other end of the hallway again. “That Liam’s locker. Nobody’s supposed to have that locker. Didn’t the vice principal promise that?” Niall asks as he starts to walk towards the other guy. 

“I think so. I don’t kn…Niall, maybe you should just let it go.” Jamie says but Niall is having none of it. He keeps walking until he reaches the guy who is standing in front of the locker, trying to put in the combination to open it. 

“Hi. Are you new here?” Niall starts and the other guy turns to look at him. 

“Yeah. Hi. I’m Alan.” The other guy says with a smile and Niall extends his hand for a shake. 

“Niall Horan. Nice to meet you.” He introduces himself as they shake hands. “Uh, I think you have the wrong locker.” Niall says bluntly, getting straight to the point. 

The other guy, Alan, looks at him in confusion before he looks at the small paper in his hand. “I don’t think so. This is…this is the one they gave me.” He says as he looks at Niall again. 

Niall shakes his head and starts to speak again. “Well, actually, you do because I know the person who has this locker, so..”

“You’re sure? Because..” The guy trails off and Niall nods. 

“I’m positive.” Niall says, trying to give the guy a small smile that he can muster at the moment. “So maybe you should go back to the main office before your class and get it fixed?” He suggests politely. 

Alan raises his eyebrows at Niall. “Are you playing a trick on me? Is this, like, mess with the new guy? Is this like a flirting thing?” He asks, suddenly giving Niall a glance from his head to toe, obviously checking out the blonde-haired boy. 

Niall huffs and looks at the guy. “Do I look like I’m flirting with you?” He asks and Alan shuts his mouth completely. 

Louis approaches his brother and starts to touch Niall’s arm. “Niall, let’s go.” He coaxes gently, not wanting for Niall to bite his head off like he is doing with the new guy. Poor kid. 

Niall shrugs off Louis’s hand of his arm and shakes his head. “No. I’m sorry. I’m trying to be nice, but he’s completely clueless.” He says as he looks at Louis. Then he turns to look at the guy again. “This isn’t your locker, okay?” 

Alan glances between Louis and Niall. “Is he mental or somet..” He tries to ask Louis. 

“Go! Get out of here!” Niall yells suddenly and Alan jumps slightly at the loud voice and he takes off on the spot. 

Louis walks towards Niall tentatively as he can see how upset Niall is at the moment. This is so wrong. Niall is not supposed to be this upset over the small thing. His brother that Louis used to know was so chill out that sometimes Louis felt like he wanted to strangle the younger boy because he was so carefree. But not this. Louis slowly put his hands on Niall’s shoulder, trying to get his brother’s attention back to him. 

“Are you okay, Niall?” He asks and Niall is still refuse to look at anywhere other than that locker. “Hey, look at me.” Louis coaxes gently and Niall finally breaks out from his stupor and blinks his eyes as he looks at Louis. 

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m..I’m fine.” Niall says and Louis is almost crying inside because Niall is not fine. At least not in Louis’s point of view. “I just..they promised, you know?” Niall continues and Louis nods silently. 

“I’m sure it was just a mix-up with the office. They’ll get it figured out.” Louis says, assuring his younger brother and he kisses Niall’s forehead briefly before the bell starts to ring. Though he is not keen of showing how he loves his brother in public, Louis is making an exception for this one because he really doesn’t like it when Niall is upset. “Let’s get to class, okay?” He says and Niall nods, following Louis’s lead as they walk to the class. 

 

***** 

 

Zayn walks toward the door when he hears the doorbell rings and opens it to find Perrie in front of him. “Maybe I should have my own key.” Perrie says and smiles at Zayn as she walks into the house. 

Zayn closes the door and trails behind the girl. “Yeah, sure. How about your room, too?” He deadpans sarcastically. 

Perrie chuckles and Zayn smiles. Somehow, it is fun to keep bickering with Perrie because the girl has the same quirkiness as him that sometimes it scares Zayn. Because he is not supposed to like her. “Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” Perrie replies to Zayn’s comment and yeah, maybe Zayn should stick to that. He likes to banter with her, that’s it, no more and no less. 

Perrie walks into the living room and finds Harry on the couch, playing the game and she smiles at the younger boy. “What’s up, my hipster friend?” She asks. 

“Nothing.” Harry replies grumpily and Perrie raises her eyebrows. 

“Uh-oh. Somebody’s got his grump on.” Perrie points out. “What’s the matter? Something happen at school today?” 

Harry drops his controller in annoyance and rolls his eyes. “Nothing’s wrong. Why is everyone asking me that?” He snaps and starts to stand up and leaves the living room. 

Perrie watches as Harry storms off to his room before she turns to look at Zayn. “You got any idea what’s going on there?” She asks. 

“He’s moody?” Zayn replies distractedly as he tries to read his music sheet in front of the piano. 

Perrie rolls his eyes. “Have you even bothered to ask him what’s wrong?” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at Perrie. “You just asked him. He said ‘nothing.’ Works for me.”

“Did you guys take a family communication course or does all this touchy-feely stuff just come naturally to you?” Perrie quips sarcastically. 

Remember when Zayn said that he might like her bantering with him, well, this is when he hates it actually. “Harry knows if something’s wrong he can talk to me.” Zayn replies defensively. 

Perrie chuckles and shakes her head. “Well, what a convenient answer.” She says, sarcasm laced in her tone. 

Zayn huffs in annoyance as he stares at Perrie. “Here’s a thought. You know that job we’re paying you to do? Why don’t you go do that and leave me alone?” He says and waves his hands as to send Perrie out of his sight. “Go cook something healthy.” He says before he turns to face his piano again. 

Perrie, doesn’t even deter slightly at Zayn’s tone, and starting to walk towards him. “Zayn, has anyone ever told you that you have an old soul?” She asks.

Zayn turns his head to look at Perrie. “No.” He replies simply. 

“Well, you do. It’s an attractive quality to you. Sometimes makes me forget that you’re only 16.” Perrie says truthfully. 

“Really?” 

“Definitely.” Perrie says and nods. “But then, you act like a spoiled, immature, annoying dolt. And what do you know? You’re 16 all over again.” She says before she turns and walks away, leaving Zayn alone at the living room. 

 

*****

 

“Half a dose of eastern philosophy, and suddenly you’re a believer?” Linda asks when she spots the familiar figure at the diner. When Yasir turns to look at her, she smiles. “Brittany’s parents called me.” She says. She got the phone call about a new patient and the parents had told her that Dr. Malik had suggested for them to try the alternative way to treat their kid. 

Yasir smiles. “Oh, great. I haven’t figured out what’s wrong with her yet, so anything that can help with the symptoms..”

“Until you discover the etiology and do some real healing?” 

“Well, yes. But in a more flattering and respectful-of-your-craft kind of way. I would like to know what you think, though. Why don’t you come by after? We can compare notes.” Yasir suggests. 

Linda smiles at him. “I have a pretty full book today, actually. Maybe tomorrow?” 

“How about over dinner? You can come by the house. I have whole other kid you’d have to meet. He’s the fun one.” Yasir says.

Linda shakes her head. “Oh, no. I couldn’t.” 

Yasir looks at the woman in front of him and shakes his head. “Oh, come on, you’re taking up my slack with Brittany. It’s the least I can do.” Yasir offers again. 

“I don’t know, Yasir. I have kind of a strict diet I kinda like to maintain.” Linda says. 

“Oh. You fear my cooking. I understand.” Yasir says. “Well, bring whatever you want. We’re easy.” He continues. 

Linda shakes her head, knowing that she has no other excuse to decline the offer. It’s just a friendly family dinner after all. “Okay. I’ll bring stuff for everybody.” She says. “Seven o’clock?” 

Yasir nods and smiles. “Great. See you then.” 

 

*****

 

“I still don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell us about something like that.” 

Niall rolls his eyes and huffs annoyingly as his mother starts to talk to him. “Because it wasn’t a big deal. She’s making it bigger than what it is.” Niall replies defensively. Currently he is sitting with his parents at the counsellor’s office as per requested and he hates it. 

“Niall, you accosted another student.” Maura says sternly as she looks at his youngest son. 

“Let’s not be melodramatic, Maura. There was a misunderstanding.” Bobby pipes in. “Niall lost his temper. That’s all.” 

Niall nods, grateful that his father is defending his action. “Yes, I’m sorry. I lost my temper.” He apologizes. 

“The reason I wanted you all here today was not to dissect one isolated incident.” Dr. Lence suddenly speaks up, trying to grab all of the other’s attention to her. “I’m more interested in discussing on how we can help Niall with his depression.” She says and she watches how Niall rolls his eyes at her words but she continues nonetheless. “Based on some of the conversations we’ve had and this particular outburst, I thought it might be an appropriate time to consider the possibility of antidepressants.” 

“You think Niall needs medication?” Maura asks in concern.

Dr. Lence nods. “I believe his mood swings indicate that there may be chemical imbalances.” 

Bobby snorts and shakes his head. He stands up from the couch and looks at Niall. “Niall, you can go back to class now.” He says and Niall looks surprised.

“Really?” Niall asks as he looks at his father for confirmation. 

Bobby nods. “Yes. I’d like to talk to your therapist alone for a minute.” He says as he leads Niall towards the door and Niall happily walks out from the counsellor’s office. “Go on.” Bobby nods and Niall finally leaves his parents alone with the counsellor. 

Once Niall leaves the room, Bobby turns to look at the counsellor and starts to speak up. “You must be out of your mind if you think I’m going to drug my son based on the recommendation of a public high school counsellor.” 

“I’m a licensed therapist, Dr. Horan.” 

“Licensed for what?” Bobby snaps angrily. Maura looks at her husband and shakes her head. “Bobby…” 

Bobby shakes his head, silencing his wife. “No, I’m sorry. If you can’t get through our son in the sessions that you’re having, that’s your problem. Do your job better. I’m not about to indulge in the kind of quick-fix solution that the rest of the world seems so keen on.” Bobby says strictly. “For your information, medication should only be given when necessary, not when it might be helpful. That’s why only real doctors are allowed to prescribe it.” 

Dr. Lence shakes her head. “If I could clarify something, I’m not suggesting that Niall be on medication indefinitely. But the mourning process can be especially difficult, and a short course of an SSRI might help him get through this rough patch. There are certain benefits.”

“Oh, I’m perfectly aware of the benefits, as well as the numerous drawbacks. If my son needed antidepressants, I would know.” Bobby quips. 

“Sometimes it’s difficult for a parent to see their child clearly.” Dr. Lence points out. “Ask yourself. When was the last time Niall slept through the night? Or finished an entire meal? Or showed interest in anything at all? I’m trying to help, but there’s only so much I can do.” 

Bobby huffs angrily. “If you truly want to help, you will keep your ill-informed medical opinions to yourself, or you leave me no choice but to remove my son from you care completely.” He says before he opens the door and looks at his wife. “Let’s go, Maura.” 

 

*****

 

“I feel like we have sufficiently explored every positive attribute about Eleanor Roosevelt. Frankly, I think she’s out.” Perrie says and Harry nods. They both has been working on Harry’s mini project and so far he feels like he still doesn’t really know on who to pick to be written and read out loud in front of his class. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” Harry says and sighs in resignation. Who gives teacher the right to give their students homework like this? Couldn’t they just give him simple maths problem to be solved instead? 

“Well, that’s a bold move, if you ask me.” Zayn who has just enters the kitchen, piping into the conversation. 

“We didn’t ask you.” Perrie deadpans and Harry chuckles. The way that Zayn and Perrie interact between each other makes him amuse sometimes. They both are quite similar with their sarcasm and headstrong personality that Harry couldn’t help but ship them together. But that for another time. This time around, Harry really wants to finish with his homework. 

“Why? You like her?” Harry asks his brother about his earlier comment. 

“She was one of the most impressive first ladies. She took care of her sick husband, raised kids and still had time to dedicate to human rights.” Zayn replies. 

Perrie shakes her head. “Well, you’re not pumping up some glorified housewife. If we’re going political, I’m way more into Margaret Sanger.” She says. 

Harry hums in response and before he could comment of both points, Zayn starts to speak up again. “You got to be kidding me.” 

“I bet you don’t even know who she is.” Perrie says as she looks at Zayn. 

“I don’t know who she is.” Harry says truthfully. And to make things worse, his teacher had specified that the hero must be a woman and that’s why only woman’s name are being thrown around at the moment. 

“Look, my younger brother is not gonna get up in front of his entire class and start talking about birth control, okay?” Zayn says as he stares back at Perrie. 

“Have you ever considered that maybe your younger brother isn’t as shallow as you are?” Perrie deadpans. 

Harry shakes his head disbelievingly. How could these two people end up being the persons that he loves and respect, he himself doesn’t know. “I still like Mandy Moore the best.” He jokes and he feels like laughing out loud when Zayn and Perrie both turn their heads at the same time and says “no!” to him. 

Harry is about to say something else when the phone rings and Zayn goes over to answer it. Harry then turns to look at Perrie again. “So?” 

“Okay, let’s just agree to keep all the superheroes out of the running.” Perrie says as she flips through the comic books in front of them. “Your character should be at least 3-dimensional.” 

Harry nods, agreeing with Perrie’s point. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell Perrie. Bye.” He hears Zayn says before the phone goes off. 

“Tell Perrie what?” Perrie asks as soon as Zayn hung up. 

“Uh, you have to set an extra place. Linda Horan’s coming over.” Zayn says and Harry feels the pit in his stomach as he hears the woman’s name. 

“You mean, you’re setting an extra place for dinner.” Perrie says and Zayn is about to say something to quip back before Harry interrupts them. 

“Why? Why is she coming?” Harry asks.

“I don’t know. I think she’s hungry.” Zayn replies simply. 

Perrie watches as Harry’s face falls and she knows something is not right. “Who’s Linda?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No one.” He says before he closes the books in front of him. “I’m going upstairs.” He continues, his mood is completely ruined by now. “I hate this stupid project.” He says before he leaves both Perrie and Zayn alone. 

“Wait till he gets to high school. Then he’s know what homework is.” Zayn comments and Perrie rolls her eyes. 

“Do you know this Linda character?” Perrie asks, as she stands in front of Zayn , with her arms across her chest. 

Zayn shrugs. “She’s Dr. Horan’s sister. She just moved to Mullingar, I think.” He replies and he sees on how Perrie nods with a small smile. “What? What’s with this little head-nod thing?” He asks curiously.

Perrie snorts. “Man, are you dense? Harry is not upset about his homework.” Perrie points out. Boys can be so clueless sometimes. 

“He’s not? Then what?” Zayn asks. Perrie raises her eyebrows and Zayn almost chokes. “Linda?” 

Perrie smiles. “Keep going.” 

“Linda and my dad?” Zayn asks and Perrie nods again. “Yeah, but I mean, she’s just another doctor. It’s not anything.” 

Perrie shakes her head. “Well, Harry doesn’t know that. To Harry, she’s a woman who’s probably the same age as your mom.” 

“Okay, but he’s met the lady, like once. Why would he think that?” 

“Trust me, Harry is more observant than you think he is. He picks up on things. Maybe it was a look, maybe they hugged goodbye.” Perrie explains. 

“Well, Nina’s around all the time. I’m sure she’s hugged my dad at some point. Harry’s never flipped out.” Zayn points out. 

“Nina’s married with a kid. Not a threat.” Perrie says. 

“Yeah, but that…I mean…” Zayn says and pauses. Suddenly it all makes sense. The mood swing of Harry lately. The way Harry is not happy whenever Linda name is mentioned and Zayn feels himself stares at the smug look on Perrie’s face. “Wow..” He exclaims in realization. 

“Welcome to the world of complex emotions, Zayn Malik. How does it feel?” 

Zayn slumps on the chair and shakes his head. “I’m tired.” He says and sighs. 

 

*****

 

“Hey.” Zayn greets as soon as he opens the door and a redhead woman is standing in front of him, smiling warmly. 

“Hi. I’m Linda. You must be Zayn.” She introduces herself. 

Zayn smiles and nods. “Yeah. Come on in.” He says and Linda steps into the house. “So, I hear you stick people with needles. Sounds like fun.” Zayn says as they start to walk towards the dining table. 

“Uh, can be, especially when the people are annoying.” Linda says. 

Zayn grins. “You’d really like working on my dad, then.” He jokes. 

“I told you he was the fun one.” Yasir joins in as soon as he sees both of them and hears their little conversation. “Look at all of this stuff. You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble.” He says as he looks at foods inside the paper bag which is now in his hand, courtesy of Linda.

“Well, I just whipped up a few things. I hope you like vegetarian.” Linda says. 

“Oh, we love vegetables, don’t we, Zayn?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Well, I like carrots.” 

Linda smiles at them before they start to unpack the foods. “Okay, let’s see here. This is a potato tempeh loaf. And here we have, ah, the millet pilaf, which we can just pop in the microwave. And these are baked potato spinach wraps, in case people are feeling a little less adventurous.” 

“Mmm. Who doesn’t love a good millet?” Yasir comments. “Harry, dinner’s ready!” He calls out for his youngest son. 

 

*****

 

“May I be excused please?” Niall asks. 

Maura looks at the plate in front of his youngest son and frowns slightly. “Already? You haven’t even..” She says and stops when Bobby is giving her a knowing look. “Okay, I’ll put it in the fridge for you in case you’re hungry later.” She says and Niall nods, mumbling a quiet thanks before he takes off from the dining room. 

“Do we have any more of these yams on the stove? They are delicious.” Bobby says as he starts to stand up from his seat. 

“Why don’t you take Niall’s? He didn’t eat any of his.” Maura retorts and Bobby stops dead on his track to the kitchen. 

“I’ll take Niall’s.” Louis says as he starts to reach the plate across the table. 

“Oh, stop it.” Maura says and shakes her head. “The point being, Niall did not eat again. Something Dr. Lence asked us to take note of. Are you taking note, Bobby?” She asks as she looks at her husband. 

“You needn’t speak to me like a child, Maura. I’m perfectly aware of how much Niall is eating.” Bobby replies. “For your information, loss of appetite is normal.” 

“No, no, none of this is normal. Not anymore.” Maura points out. “It’s been over five months. I think Dr. Lence is right. I think Niall should try the antidepressants.” 

“Lence says Niall needs drug?” Louis asks curiously as he glances between his parents. 

“All right, all right. That is enough. Louis, you may be excused.” Bobby says to his eldest son. 

“Why? Are you afraid he might tell us something that will confirm the doctor’s opinion?” Maura challenges. 

Bobby scoffs. “Doctor? Please. She’s a public employee with a mail-order degree. If you think I’m gonna listen to her..”

“I was hoping you might listen to me.” Maura cuts her husband’s sentence off. 

“And where did you get your medical expertise? Ladies Home Journal?” Bobby quips. “Do you have any idea of what these kind of drugs do to people? The side effects involved? You want to see Niall lose his appetite? Yeah, stick him on a 20-milligram dose a day of some generic SSRI.” 

Maura stands abruptly from her seat and stares at her husband angrily. “Just because you understand the intricacies of how these pills work does not mean I’m gonna let you bully me into changing my opinion! I’ll find out of my own if I have to. I’m sure Dr. Malik would be happy to educate me on the matter.”

Bobby shakes his head. “Now, you’re just trying to upset me.” 

“If the pills will make Niall feel better, dad, maybe he should try them.” Louis says, totally agreeing with his mother’s point. 

“When did our home become the ‘Valley of the Dolls’? Louis, go to your room.” Bobby says as he looks at his son and Louis obeys, not wanting his father to get mad at him more. Once Louis has left, Bobby turns to face his wife again. “This is outrageous.”

Maura shakes her head furiously. “You, are outrageous. Do you think you’re the only person in this family who’s concerned about Niall?” 

“I never suggested anything of this sort. But when people start talking about my son and pharmaceuticals, I believe that I know what’s best.” Bobby says defensively. 

“What if Dr. Lence is right? What if you have lost perspective, Bobby?” 

Bobby shakes his head. “You want to put Niall on drugs, and I’m the one without perspective? Honestly, Maura. Sometimes I truly fail to understand your thought process when it comes to our youngest son.” 

“Don’t you mean _your_ youngest son?” Maura points out. “You’ve always thought that you knew about what was best when it came to Niall. Even since he was old enough to talk, you two have been huddling together, planning his future, making decisions without me.” She continues. “I told myself it was a good thing, a sweet thing. But I don’t think so anymore.” She finishes before she takes off, leaving Bobby alone. 

 

*****

 

As long as Zayn can remember, their dinner’s night were never quiet like tonight. The only sound that Zayn hears is the sound of the forks and spoons clattering with the plate. It is weird. Usually, Harry would fill the silence with his stories, albeit sometimes it was ridiculous but that had been the ones that was always filled the silence. But tonight, Harry is so quiet and withdrawn to himself. Zayn looks at his father and raises his eyebrows, trying to tell his father to fill up the silence. 

“So, how’s your project coming, Harry? Have you found your hero yet?” Yasir asks his youngest son, breaking the silence. 

“No. And thanks for reminding me.” Harry replies grumpily. He keeps toying with the foods on his plate and doesn’t even look at his father when he answers. He doesn’t know what he is feeling at this moment but he knows that he doesn’t like the fourth person that is in the room with them. 

“When I was your age, I wanted to be Nadia Komenichi. I thought she was graceful. My parents couldn’t pry me away from the TV during the Olympics.” Linda comments as she looks at Harry. 

Harry huffs. “The Olympics are stupid.” He replies, a rather rude but he doesn’t like it when the woman is talking to him. 

“Well, if you ask me, the whole hero thing is overrated anyway. You pick one, you admire them for about a week and the next thing you know, they’ve been arrested.” Zayn says and Harry just nods. 

After that, they all fall into the conversation, well Yasir and Linda are, but Harry is having none of it. He can feels his blood boils at the sound of the bantering between his father and the woman. 

“Would you like some more potato?” Linda suddenly asks and Harry rolls his eyes. 

“Gross. No.” Harry replies rudely. 

Yasir looks at his youngest son. “Alright, Harry, that’s enough.” He says sternly. “Now, eat your dinner or you’re not gonna have any dessert.” He scolds.

“I don’t care.” Harry replies grumpily. Yes, he loves dessert. But not tonight. Especially the one that Linda had brought for them. 

“You haven’t even touched your..millet pilaf. At least try it.” Yasir says as he points at Harry’s plate. 

“I don’t want to.” Harry says stubbornly. 

“Harry, this is not a request.” Yasir says firmly. 

“It tastes like shit.” Harry mumbles under his breath.

Zayn almost spits on his drink as soon as the words left Harry’s mouth. He watches in amusement as his father’s face change from shock to anger in milliseconds. 

“What did you just say?” Yasir asks, his voice firm, demanding his youngest son to answer his question. 

Harry huffs and tilts his head up to look at his father. “I said, IT.TASTES.LIKE.SHIT.” He says loudly. 

Zayn burst out laughing and shakes his head disbelievingly. Harry is supposed to be the perfect child of the Maliks. He is chilled out, polite and completely opposite of Zayn’s personality. And Harry is never rude, ever. Especially in front of other people. This is the whole new level of amusement to Zayn. He never sees Harry cursing out loud like this and to say it in front of their father’s face? It is funny and priceless to see the reaction from his father.

“All right, you go to your room right now!” Yasir says and points at his youngest son angrily before he turns to look at Zayn. “You, stop laughing!” 

“I’m trying!” Zayn says between his laughs. 

Yasir shakes his head. “You go to your room, too! Everyone, go to their room this instant!” He says in a loud voice. 

“I actually don’t have a room here.” Linda says between the chaos and Zayn laughs again. 

Meanwhile, Harry is stomping his way to upstairs. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” He yells and Zayn can’t stop laughing at Harry’s tantrum. 

“Nice meeting you, Linda.” Zayn says before he walks away, still laughing on his way to his room. 

Linda smiles at Zayn. “You too.” She replies. Then she looks at Yasir who is sitting across the table. “That was..” She says and pauses. “..interesting.” 

 

*****

 

Harry refuses to open his eyes and keeps listening to the song in his iPod when he feels the side of his bed is dipping with weight and he knows that the person is his father. He doesn’t want to talk to his father, especially not tonight. Apparently, his father has a different idea. 

“We need to talk about what happened tonight.” Yasir says after he pulls the earphones off Harry’s ears, making the boy rolling his eyes at him. 

“I don’t if you don’t.” Harry replies as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

“Nice try. And I would appreciate a little eye contact when we talk.” Yasir says sternly and Harry sighs before he glances to see his father. “Where did you even learn that word?” Yasir asks. 

“It’s not as bad as the ‘f’ one.” Harry points out as he looks at his father. He doesn’t know what the big deal is if he curses. He knows people always look at him as a polite, charming kid but sometimes he gets angry and curses too. But he knows the reason his father gets so mad is because he cursed in front of people and being rude but Harry doesn’t care. He just doesn’t like that woman being around his family. 

“This is not a debate, Harry.” Yasir says. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately. But whatever it is, this behaviour is going to stop right now.” He says sternly as he looks at his youngest son. “Do you understand me?” He asks when Harry remains silent. 

“Yes.” Harry replies shortly. 

“Is that all you have to say?” Yasir asks curiously. “You know, if you had even attempted an apology, you might not be grounded. But since that clearly isn’t gonna happen here’s the deal; no TV, no telephone, one week.” 

“Whatever.” Harry grumbles under his breath. 

 

*****

 

Niall throws the baseball up and down as he is lying down on the bed in Jamie’s room. This is what their usual routine is like now. He would stay Jamie’s, claiming that he is doing his homework when his parents ask. The truth is, he will spend the hours to just listen to the music or staring at the ceiling blankly while Jamie is the one who really does the homework. 

“Don’t you love how depressing this song is?” Niall asks as the sound of the song is carried through Jamie’s room by the CD player. 

“You can have my CD if you want. I’m kind of over my whole Matthew Fisher phase.” Jamie says as he glances at Niall from his study desk. 

“Really? Thanks. I love it.” Niall says simply as he starts to stare at the ceiling again. 

Jamie finishes with his last piece of homework before he stars to plop on the bed besides Niall. “Hey. How did it go the other day with your parents and the whole therapy thing? Was it weird?” Jamie asks. 

Niall shrugs. “No, actually, my dad said I didn’t have to go anymore, which is, like, hallelujah.” 

Jamie raises his eyebrows. “Well, what happened?” 

“Lence told him that I should be on drugs, and my dad pretty much flipped out.” Niall replies. “But it is kind of intense, isn’t it? Putting me on drugs? I mean, drugs are for people who are genuinely crazy.” He continues. 

Jamie swallows nervously after Niall finishes. “Um..” He trails off. 

Niall turns his head to look at Jamie. “What?” 

“Look, I didn’t mention it before because I just didn’t know how to tell you..” Jamie says as he looks at Niall. “..but I’ve been on antidepressants for a while now.” Jamie reveals. 

Niall eyes go wide as he stares at Jamie in surprise. “You have? Since when?” Niall asks. 

“A few months.” Jamie replies shortly. 

“Like Prozac or something?” 

Jamie shakes his head. “No, um, actually, I’m trying this other one. Zoloft. I tried another one before, but it made me feel all shaky, so..it’s taking a while to kick in, but I think it’s helping.” Jamie says. 

“Like how? How does it work?” Niall asks curiously. He only heard about it without really know about the real use of the drug and how it can really help with depression like people always claim.

“Well, um, I sleep better. And I don’t cry as much.” Jamie says. “I feel, like, even. I think that’s the word for it. You know, like I can focus again.” He explains. 

Niall shifts and starts to sit instead of lying as he releases a breath. “Wow. I had no idea. I mean, I knew you were doing better, but I just thought..”

Jamie snorts. “That I had miraculously gotten over my brother’s death by myself?” 

Niall shrugs and nods. That’s what was he thought exactly. 

Jamie shakes his head. “Hardly. I wouldn’t be doing nearly as well if it weren’t for my pills.” He says. “You want to see it?” When Niall nods, Jamie grabs his bag nearby and pulls out the bottle of pill from the pocket and hands it to Niall. “It’s a pretty low dosage, nothing like my mom’s big elephant pills. But they work for me.” 

Niall takes the bottle and stares at it blankly until he reads the label on the bottle. “My father prescribed these for you?” Niall asks quietly. He can’t believe it when he sees the name on the label. His father’s name is clearly written on it, prescribing the pills to Jamie. 

“Maybe you should talk to your dad. I mean, if he knew what was really going on with you…I mean, they might help you.” Jamie says. 

 

*****

 

“I know it looks like I’m wasting food here, but I have no idea how long tofu keeps, so…” Yasir tries to explain when Zayn enters the kitchen, looking at the containers in his hand that he is about to throw away. 

Zayn shakes his head. “You don’t have to sell me. Dump it.” He says before he opens the fridge and pulls out a carton of milk. “So, you’ve grounded Harry.” 

“That’s right.” Yasir says shortly. 

“Feeling good about that decision?” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “I was until about five seconds ago. Why? Do you think I was too rough on him?” 

“No. If you’re comfortable with it. I’m comfortable with it. Although..” Zayn says and trails off. 

“Although?” 

“It might be better if you knew why you grounded him.” Zayn says. 

“I know why I grounded him. He said a bad word, and being rude to our guest which was unacceptable in my opinion and he was acting out lately, so, boom, grounded.” Yasir explains. 

“If only life were that simple.” Zayn says cryptically. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. He knows Zayn is trying to tell him something. “Is this gonna take long? Because I could make some coffee.” 

“Think about it. Harry’s been in a bad mood ever since he met Linda at the bookstore the other day, right?” Zayn starts. 

Yasir nods. “Well, I suppose that that’s..”

“And now you invite Linda over for dinner without even asking me or Harry how we’ll feel about that.” Zayn continues. “Linda, a total stranger, who’s about the same age as mom, sitting in mom’s chair. Are you starting to sense a theme here?” Zayn asks his father. 

Yasir crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “That’s ridiculous. First of all, Linda’s just a colleague. And second of all, Nina comes over all the time. Harry’s never minded that.” 

“Well, Nina’s been married. Not a threat. What else you got?” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “But that..” He trails off as he suddenly comes into a realization. “Wow.” 

Zayn nods. “I know. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?” 

“I had no idea Harry was even thinking about stuff like this.” Yasir says. “It does make sense. Did you figure this out all by yourself?” 

“I..” Zayn trails off. “You know, I had a little help. Tutor/babysitter.” He continues. 

“I should give that girl a raise.” Yasir points out. 

Zayn snorts but he nods nonetheless. “Yeah, just don’t give her a key.” 

 

*****

 

“Is it so hard to use an intercom?” Bobby says as he hears the knock of his office’s door. He is about to tell his assistant off when suddenly the door is burst open by his youngest son. 

“I want to talk to you.” Niall says as he slams the door close closed. 

Bobby frowns as he looks at Niall who has taking seat in front of his desk. “Niall, what happened? Is everything..”

“I want the medication.” Niall says, getting straight to the point. 

“What? What are you talking about?”

“Zoloft, Prozac..whatever it is, I want you to prescribe them for me today. Just get your pen out and write it.” Niall demands as he looks at his father. 

Bobby shakes his head. “Niall, relax. You know I’m not gonna prescribe you antidepressants.” 

“Why not? I’d be able to sleep better. I’d eat more, I’d be able to focus in school again so that I don’t fail this entire year.” Niall points out bluntly. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Since when you’re failing?” 

“You want to see my progress report?” Niall deadpans. “Just..I want the pills.” 

“You can forget about it because it’s not going to happen. We are not a family that believes in medicating teenagers.” Bobby says firmly. 

“Oh, really?” Niall asks sarcastically as he pulls out the bottle from his pocket. “Well, then, how would you explain this?” He asks as he puts the bottle on his father’s deck angrily. “Or did you think I wouldn’t find out? Lies of omission don’t count, is that it?” Niall quips. He is beyond mad at the moment. His father, the one who is so adamantly against him getting the medication, is prescribing the pills to one of his friends instead, how ironic is that? 

“If you would allow me to explain..” 

Niall stands up abruptly as he starts to get upset. “Well, explain. Explain to me why would you help my friend get better and not your own son.” He says as his voice keeps getting louder. “Do you know how stupid I felt these past few months? Watching everyone around me move on, and here I am wondering what the hell’s wrong with me? Why can’t I? All along, there’s been a reason, only you never told me about it. You just let me think that I was crazy.” 

“Nialler, you’re not crazy!” Bobby says firmly. 

Niall huffs and shakes his head. “How do you know? You don’t know anything about me anymore. You’re holding onto this idea of something I used to be. Well, I am not that person anymore, dad, and I haven’t been for a very long time.” He admits and he can feel tears start to brim in his eyes but he won’t make it fall. Not today. “I hate feeling this way, dad.” Niall says, his voice suddenly grows quieter and tired. “I hate worrying you and mom all the time, and I know that I do. I just want to feel better again. I..I just want to feel normal, like Jamie does.” He says, his voice cracks at the word ‘normal.’ Will he ever be normal again? 

Bobby shakes his head as he looks at his youngest son who looks so young and small in front of him at the moment. “Your situation is completely different from Jamie Payne’s.” 

“How is it different?” Niall asks, suddenly getting angry again as his father seems not to agree to prescribe him with antidepressants. 

“For one thing, his family’s practically non-functional.” Bobby explains. 

“Oh, cause we’re the model of perfection, right, dad?” Niall quips sarcastically. 

“You know what it’s like to have an alcoholic for a father? No, thank God you don’t. Honey, you have an entire support system to help you get through this ordeal.” Bobby says. “You can’t compare us to the Paynes.” 

“I’m not comparing us. This isn’t about us anymore, dad. This is about me!” Niall retorts. 

“Yes, and you are not Jamie! You are a much stronger boy than he is. You always have been. You may not feel that way right now, but trust me. You have to trust me. I am here for you. I can help you.”

“You’re not enough, dad!” Niall yells angrily. 

Bobby is slightly taken aback by the outburst but he is still staring at his son firmly. “You’re not going on medication. End of discussion.” 

Niall runs his hand through his hair in frustration. “You know, I never thought you were the type of father who’d let his ego come before his family, but I guess I was wrong. So I guess we’re even.” Niall says. “You don’t know me anymore, and I don’t know you.” He says before he storms out of his father’s office. 

 

*****

 

“I’m going up to bed. I told Louis he could stay at the library until ten.” Maura announces as she looks at her husband who is sitting in front of the television alone. 

“I take it Niall’s still locked in his room. No doubt sticking pins in the voodoo doll he’s made in my likeness.” Bobby says. 

“He didn’t have to make one. He borrowed mine.” Maura replies. 

“I suppose you think I should go talk to him.” 

“Since when do you care what I think? You dug yourself into this hole. I’m sure you can find your way out.” Maura says before she starts to step on the stairs to her room. 

“You know, I did that for a reason, Maura. I didn’t expect him to understand, but I thought that you would. You must know that I at least considered the possibility.” Bobby says and Maura stops dead in her track before she turns and making her way towards the living room instead. 

“No, I do not know that, because you didn’t talk to me about it.” Maura points out.

Bobby turns his head to look at his wife. “Do you think that I enjoy seeing our son in this much agony? Honey, it devastates me, and the fact that I haven’t been able to help him, that I’ve been rendered so useless to his life. It’s the worst pain a parent can feel.” Bobby admits truthfully. 

Maura looks at her husband. “It’s the depth of his feeling that concerns me, Bobby. I mean, Louis is hurting, but he still functions.” Maura points out. 

“It’s taking Niall longer. I can accept that.” Bobby says and pauses. “What I cannot accept is the idea of numbing his grief with pills. It’s just not a solution that I’m willing to teach him. What happens next time? What if, God forbid, something awful, something horrible would happen to one of us? We just continue drugging him into unconsciousness?”

Maura sighs and approaches closer to her husband and sits beside him on the couch. “Then, why Jamie?”

Bobby rubs his face tiredly before he starts to explain. “Jamie-I was opposed to the idea, initially, but after a long conversation with both Jamie and his mother, I agreed to prescribe the medication, as his physician. If I had been his father, I never would have accepted it. So when it came to Niall, I thought about it. I did. Ultimately, I made the choice as his father, not as his doctor, which is traditionally, where my better instincts lie.” He says and pauses. “At least, they used to. He hates me, Maura. You should see the way that he talked to me today. It was like I was a stranger.” Bobby whispers sadly. 

“He’s blown up at you before.” Maura says, trying to reassure her husband. 

Bobby shakes his head. “No, not like this. No. I think I’m losing him, Maura.” 

Maura leans her head on Bobby’s shoulder and nods sadly. “No, Bobby. _We_ are losing him.” 

 

*****

 

“You know, I finally figured out what has been bothering you these past few days.” Yasir says as soon as he sits on Harry’s bed, staring at his son. “Well, actually, Zayn figured it out. Well, really, Perrie.” Yasir rambles. 

“Dad, you’re gonna have to talk faster. I’m on a schedule here.” Harry says, pointing at the paper besides him. 

Yasir nods. “You’re upset that I made a new friend.” He says and he can feel Harry tenses slightly at his words. 

“Linda.” Harry says shortly, knowing that he can’t lie to his father anymore. 

“Yes. Linda. But that’s all she is, Hazza. A friend. Because she’s another doctor in this community, we’re going to work on some of the cases from time to time.” Yasir explains. 

“I know.” Harry nods understandingly. He knows he is being childish but he is just not ready yet. 

“And I understand why it bothered you, but I want you to know that if I ever do decide to make a new friend in a romantic kind of way, I’ll talk to you and Zayn about it first.” Yasir says, reassuring his youngest son. He knows Harry is the most sensitive in the family and he doesn’t want Harry to feel upset about thing like this. “But let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.”

Harry nods. “Okay.” 

Yasir continues again. “The important thing is that you and I have to keep talking about this stuff. And if you’re angry, I want you to tell me about it, okay? Cause let’s face it, Perrie’s not always going to bail me out of these things. At the end of the day, it’s just you and me, Hazza.” He says and smiles. 

Harry shifts until he can reach his father and pulls his father into a hug. “Okay. I’m sorry for being rude.” He apologizes. 

Yasir smiles as he returns the hug. This is more like the normal Harry that everyone loves. He knows Harry was just angry but that’s what teen do, sometimes they throw tantrums so Yasir can’t really blame his youngest son for acting out once in a while. “Alright, I forgive you. But you’re still grounded.” He says and Harry chuckles and nods against his shoulder. 

 

*****

 

Zayn is walking towards his bedroom when he hears voices from the living room. He stops walking and makes his way towards the voices and leans at the entrance of the living room. Perrie and Harry are sitting in front of the coffee table, with their backs are facing him. 

“So, you’ve finished with your homework about the hero thing?” Perrie asks and Zayn sees Harry nods eagerly. 

“Yes! But I have to read it out to you so that you can point out any grammar mistakes or anything, okay?” Harry says and Perrie nods and smiles.

Zayn watches as Harry holds a paper in his hand and begins to read his essay out loud. “My hero was born on April 29, 1958, in London, England. She wore pearl earrings almost every day and wouldn’t take them off, even in the shower. She was tall and beautiful and funny and her name was Julia Malik. A year and a half ago, she died. But before that happened, she did a lot of amazing things. I’d like to tell you about some of them today.” Harry stops reading as he looks at Perrie uncertainly. 

“Perrie, why are you crying?” Harry asks curiously and Zayn hears Perrie says nothing while Zayn is trying so hard not to cry from behind both of them. He doesn’t want them to acknowledge his presence but somehow he wants to run to Harry and gives his brother a tight hug. And that’s what he does. He walks towards Harry and turns his brother around so that he can hug him tightly. 

“Oooff, Zayn! You’re crushing me!” Harry whines and Zayn loose his grip slightly but not pulling away. 

“I like your choice of hero.” Zayn says as Harry returns the hug. 

Harry nods against Zayn’s shoulder. “Thank you, Zayn.” He says and pauses. “I miss her, you know.” Harry whispers quietly. 

Zayn tightens his grip around his brother. “I know, Harry. I know.” 

“Sometimes, I’m afraid that I would forget her.” Harry admits truthfully. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, you won’t. She’ll always be in your heart. Our heart. Always.” 

 

*****

 

 _ **Niall gasps for air as he keeps swimming but he still doesn’t reach the end of the pool. He can feel his breath starts to coming short and every sounds has muffled. The only sound that he can hear is his own ragging breath and the water splashes. He can feel himself sinking under the water and he gives up trying to swim anymore. He is just tired. “Help!” He tries to scream but nobody seems to hear him. Once he is completely under the water, he sees**_ him. _**Liam smiles at him and gestures for Niall to follow him and Niall smiles in return. He starts to swim and follow Liam’s lead but eventually the water fades to black..**_

And Niall opens his eyes only to find himself staring at the ceiling of his room. There is no pool any more and more importantly there is no more Liam. He is not underwater like he was in his dream, but still, he feels like he is drowning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I really want to know what do you guys think? And some suggestions for the plot-line are appreciated too :)


	6. You love me but you don't know who I am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of this chapter : [3 doors down - Let Me Go](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thc1MtNagC8)

“Now, I know you’re supposed to wait three seconds but the intersection was clear so technically that was a whirl wind stop, right?” Zayn asks the driving instructor who is sitting on the passenger seat. When the old woman keeps silent, Zayn continues. “And, and, and, for your information, I did see that yield sign back there. I did.” Zayn insists. “Eventually.” He adds. 

The old woman glances at Zayn between her glasses and shakes her head. “You just missed the turn.” She points out. 

“Oh, oh, was that it? Damn it.” Zayn curses as he starts to turn the steering wheel. He knows he has screwed up his driving test because by the look that the old woman is giving him, she is clearly not happy at all. Inwardly, Zayn curses at himself for being so clumsy. 

 

*****

 

“Did I fail? I failed, didn’t I?” Niall asked the guy besides him. He just knows it. He feels like he was not completely focused during the test and he can feel that he has failed his driving test. 

The guy shakes his head. “It’s close. Technically, you’re one point below the line but you look like a nice kid so..” The guy says and ticks on the boxes on paper before he gives it to Niall. 

Niall’s eyes go wide as he takes the paper. “I passed?” He asks disbelievingly and when the guy nods, Niall starts to smile widely. “Yes! Thank you!” He exclaims excitedly. He passed his driving test! 

 

*****

 

“Do you mind if I try just one more time? I feel like I’m just getting the hang of it.” Zayn asks as he looks at the old woman besides him, begging for a second chance. 

The woman shakes her head as she unbuckles her seatbelt. “Three tries. That’s the rule.” She says firmly.

Zayn sighs. “Ma’am, before you open that door, can I ask where I stand?” He asks, curious about what he had done wrong during the test. 

The woman looks at the paper in front of her. “Right now, you’re at 72, passing is 80, and parallel parking is worth 10 points. Unbelievably, you still have a chance. It all comes down to this.” She says before she opens the door and points at the wide gap between the car and the curb. 

“Well, I guess you could catch a cab to the curb.” Zayn says, trying to joke but he knows now that he hates parallel parking. 

 

*****

 

“Check this out, dad. Some guy got pulled over for a DWI on the bypass for driving a lawnmower.” Louis chuckles as he reads the paper in his hand. 

“Of course he was. Heaven forbid we have an actual felony in this town, Barney Fife and company probably call the FBI for backup.” Bobby replies to his eldest son. 

Louis nods, agreeing with his father. “That must have been one fast mower.” Louis comments. 

Niall finishes his breakfast silently, not in the mood to participate in the exchange between his brother and father. Especially when he is still mad at his father. And then he starts to stand up to clear up his plate and heading towards the sink. 

“Where are you going?” Maura asks.

Niall shrugs. “Believe it or not, school is actually appealing in some.” He replies as he put his cup and plate in the sink. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Oh, and just how do you plan on getting to school, young man?” He asks. “Your brother hasn’t finished his breakfast yet.” He points out as he glances between the paper in his hand and his youngest son. 

Niall zips his bag and ruffling his hair before putting on his snapback. “Whatever. I’ll walk.” He answers his father simply. 

Bobby turns his head to look at his youngest son. “On the other hand, you did pass your driver’s test yesterday. Maybe you should take the car.” He says vaguely. 

Louis glances up from his paper reading and looks at his father. “You’re letting him borrow the car?” He asks incredulously. 

Bobby shakes his head. “No.” He says as he pulls something from his pocket. “He can use his own.” He says before he waves the key around for Niall to see. 

Niall, who is already starting to head out from the kitchen, stops dead on his track and stares at his father. “What?” He asks in confusion but he can’t help but feels surprised too. “My car?” He asks again for confirmation. 

Bobby nods and starts to stand up from the table and heading towards the front door. Niall follows his father’s lead to their driveway. “So, it’s a Kia Sorento. Four-wheel anti-lock brakes, airbags front and side. It got a five-star rating on side impact crash test.” Bobby explains as they both walk side by side.

Niall almost choke on his breath as he finally sees the big ribbon on the new car at the driveway and he can’t believe that his father had bought him a car. He runs excitedly towards the car, with Louis and his mother in tow. 

“Oh, it’s so unfair.” Louis comments as he stands beside his mother at the other side of the car. 

“Oh, Lou. Don’t spoil it. It’s your brother’s moment.” Maura says as she wraps his eldest son in one-armed hug. 

“Moment? Try life. He gets everything.” Louis whines, but deep inside his heart, he knows why his parents are doing this. They want to see Niall happy and for Louis, he wants the same thing too. Plus, he has his own truck too. But he just couldn’t resist to tease his mother. “If I say I want to go on drugs, do I get a new truck?” He asks playfully. 

Maura rolls her eyes and slaps Louis’s arm fondly. “Nice try.” 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the car, Niall stares at his father in confusion. “Why would you do this though?” He asks curiously. 

Bobby shrugs. “Turning sixteen was a milestone. You wouldn’t allow us to celebrate that with any kind of fanfare. Couldn’t allow you to pass up yet another momentous occasion.” Bobby explains as he looks at his youngest son. Niall is smiling as he checks the car out and for Bobby, that’s enough for the time being. “Well, we may be having problems at the moment but..” Bobby adds. “We still love you, Niall. Believe it or not, I do want you to be happy.” He says. 

Niall turns to face his father and smiles before he nods. “I know you do, dad.” He says before he reaches out to hug his father. “Thank you.” Niall smiles against his father’s shoulder and from the corner of his eyes, he can see that his mother is smiling at both of them too. 

 

*****

 

“You gotta pass that test, dude. I can’t keep hauling you and your Schwinn around.” Louis says as he points at Zayn’s bike before he opens the back of his pick-up truck. “I got an image.” He adds. 

“Thanks for driving it home.” Zayn says as he puts his bike at the back of Louis’s truck. “I haven’t had enough people point it out to me yet today. Dude.” He says. 

Both of them turn around as they hear Niall’s voice, explaining to Jamie about the car and he can drive Jamie home. Zayn glances at Louis questioningly. “New car?” He asks. 

“Oh, yeah, can you believe that?” Louis asks. “I turned 16. All I got was an autographed football.” Louis says before he gets into his truck. 

Zayn lets Louis warming up the engine as he walks toward Niall’s car and stops beside the driver’s door. “Hey, uh, congratulations on the, uh..” He says as he glances at the car. He doesn’t really know about car to be honest, especially this type of car. 

“Kia Sorento? My dad picked it out. It’s supposed to be all safe and everything.” Niall says as he smiles at Zayn. 

Zayn nods and smiles. “Ah. First period, I heard you were driving a Saturn. Then a Lexus.” Zayn points out. “By lunch, it was a Saab convertible.” 

Niall chuckles and gets out of his seat before he stands beside Zayn. “Wanna drive it?” He offers. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Well, I’d love to but I’d rather not get arrested.” Zayn says as he looks at Niall. “I assume you got the memo.” He says, referring to his failure in driving test. 

Niall nods. “I heard. Bummer.” He says sympathetically. 

Zayn nods and grins. “Yeah. No license, no car. Just a sad little boy and his bike.” He jokes before he hears the familiar engines behind him and he turns his head around. “But hey, at least I get some quality time with Louis.” He adds, grinning at Niall. 

“Oh, lucky you.” Niall replies sarcastically and Louis sticks his tongue out at Niall while the younger boy also does the same thing to Louis. 

Zayn shakes his head as he watches the scene between the brothers. “Anyway, I’m happy for you. Congratulations.” He says sincerely. It’s been a while since he sees Niall looks happy. Albeit it was not like before, but at least he looks better. 

Niall smiles and nods. “Thanks.” He replies before Zayn takes off and leaving Niall watches him longingly. 

 

*****

 

“Hey Happy!” Perrie greets cheerfully as soon as Zayn enters the room, obviously not looking happy at all. “You up for a little shrink-dinking? Pretty fun stuff?” She asks. 

“I think I’ll pass.” Zayn grumbles in his reply. 

“Look, Zayn. I made one for you. It’s for your car keys in case you ever need it.” Harry teases as he shows the thing to Zayn. He knows Zayn failed his driving test and what could be more fun than to tease his brother about it? 

Zayn rolls his eyes at Harry’s teasing while Perrie grins widely. “Oh, I get it now. Somebody didn’t fare too well during his driving test.” She points out. 

“No. You know, I don’t know why they call it a driving test.” Zayn says suddenly, cutting Perrie’s sentence off. “All they really care about is parking.” He complaints. 

“Well, I wouldn’t worry much about it. Many guys ride their bike to junior prom.” Perrie jokes. “Maybe your date could fit on the handlebars.” She adds and grins at Zayn while the boy rolls his eyes. Perrie laughs at that and shakes her head. She loves to tease that boy. “So, what was it? Too far from the curb or knocked over the cones?” She asks. 

“Try both.” Zayn replies shortly. 

Perrie nods understandingly. “Well, parallel parking is my specialty. I could show you if you want.” Perrie offers. 

“You’re realize I’m from city, right?” Zayn asks. “Which means I’m genetically programmed to be a crappy driver.” 

Perrie laughs and shakes her head. “Thoughtful but I’m a pretty decent teacher.” She says and shrugs. “It’s up to you.”

Harry looks at Zayn before he nods at his brother. “You should try her, Zayn. She helped me with my long division and it really worked. She’s like a genius.” He exaggerates and grins at Zayn.

Perrie chuckles and high-fives Harry before she looks at Zayn again. “You hear that? I’m a genius.” She says smugly. 

Zayn shakes his head and laughs at the girl’s smug expression. It’s fun to be joking around like this, so he just nods his answer. “Yeah, right, sure.” He replies. Well, there’s no harm trying, right? 

 

*****

 

“A little lesser. More. More.” Harry yells on the curb as he tries to tell Zayn to drive closer to the curb. He is about to tell Zayn to stop when suddenly the car jerks and the engine is turned off by itself. Harry slaps his forehead as he shakes his head. Zayn is really a crappy driver. 

“I’ll never get this. Screw this if you promise to never tell I learned to parallel park.” Zayn says and Perrie laughs. 

“Zayn, relax. You’re way too uptight.” Perrie says between her laughs as she looks at the boy. 

“I’m not uptight.” Zayn replies defensively. 

Perrie rolls her eyes. “Dude, you’re clutching so hard right now your fingerprints have made permanent marks on my steering wheel.” She deadpans. 

“I happen to be deceptively strong. That’s all.” Zayn replies. 

Perrie snorts before she turns to face Zayn. “You know, growing up, we used to spend our summers at this lake in my hometown.” She starts. “And there was a bluff maybe fifteen feet high and all the kids would jump except me because I was scared. Anyway, I’m up there and all I can think about are the rocks, and the cold water, and the slimy fish that bit, and all the sudden, it just hit me that I’m thinking too much. So I just did it and my dad flipped and I got a new CD player and it was a really cool day.” She says with a big smile plastered on her face. 

Zayn smiles as he looks at her. “Wow. Good share.” He replies playfully. 

“That story was to tell you that you’re thinking too much, smart ass.” Perrie says as she rolls her eyes. “Now just slam this sucker into gear and do it.” She says and as Zayn starts the engine back, the car lurches forward and Perrie shifts her body so she can face Zayn properly beside her. “Now wait. Before you go, I want you to say to yourself, ‘I own that bitch.’” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Now, now, by bitch, I assume you mean..” He tries to ask for confirmation. After all, they are using Perrie’s car. Does it means he gets to call the car as a bitch? 

Perrie nods and smiles encouragingly at Zayn. “Just say it.” She urges. 

Zayn nods. “I own that bitch.” He tries. 

“Louder!” Perrie urges again. 

“I OWN THAT BITCH!” Zayn says loudly as he starts to shift gear but instead of driving forward, he had mistakenly put the gear into reverse and the car lurches backward until one of the tyres is hitting on the curb. When the engine dies again, both of Zayn and Perrie look at each other and burst out laughing hysterically at Zayn’s crappy driving skills. 

 

*****

 

“Oh, come on, Ni. I don’t have enough room in my truck.” Louis whines as he tries to beg Niall to let him borrow his new car for the night. 

Niall, who is busy choosing which snapback to put on, shakes his head at Louis’s request. “No. No way I’m letting you and your garage friends trash my truck. Forget it.” Niall replies. 

Louis tries to give his puppy eyes look as he stares at his younger brother through the mirror. “I’ll wash it.” Louis offers and adds. “I’ll fill it up with gas.” 

Niall shakes his head again before he put on his snapback and starts to tie his shoelace. “No. Besides, Jamie and I have plans.” He says and smiles at Louis. “Sorry.” He says apologetically before his phone starts to ring. “Hello?” 

“Hey.” Jamie says on the other end of the line. “So, don’t kill me.” He starts. 

“Uh oh.” Niall replies shortly. He knows that apologetic tone too well. 

“No, no. It’s good. Ok.” Jamie says before he continues. “So do you remember that guy from the college party? Sandy? The brunette with the eyes?” He asks. 

Niall nods. “Vaguely. I remember eyes.” He replies. 

“Well, he called.” Jamie says and Niall can hear the smile in the boy’s voice even they are only talking through the phone. “I mean, totally out of the blue.” Jamie continues. 

Niall smiles, happy for his friend and he swats away Louis’s face who suddenly appears beside him to listen to the conversation too. “He asked you out for tonight.” Niall states understandingly. 

Jamie exhales before he replies to Niall. “Yeah. Would you kill me if I bailed?” Jamie asks apologetically. 

Niall rolls his eyes at Jamie’s tone. “No. Go ahead.” He says sincerely. It’s been a long time since Jamie sounds happy and Niall wouldn’t mind if Jamie bails on him for once. “Have fun.” He wishes. 

“You’re the best! I promise I’ll make it up to you.” Jamie says. “Look, next weekend, it will be all about us.” He promises. 

Once Niall hung up on the phone, Louis grins at Niall and looks at his younger brother. “Oh, did somebody get blown off?” He mocks. 

Niall rolls his eyes before he snatches his car keys from Louis’s hand. “Give me the keys.” 

“Maybe you can hang out in your new car in the driveway.” Louis mocks again. “With all your friends.” He continues. 

Niall pouts and pushes Louis away from the edge of his bed. “Get out.” He says and Louis laughs at his brother’s pouty face. 

 

******

 

Niall rings the doorbell for once before the door is opened and it reveals the girl who Niall had met before at the miniature golf. Perrie, if Niall recalls her name correctly. 

“Hey, Niall, right?” Perrie asks and Niall nods politely. 

“Yeah. Hi.” He says and smiles before he notices Zayn is walking towards them. Perrie glances at both of them before she takes off with a nod to Niall and Zayn. 

“Hey.” Zayn greets and Niall replies with a short, “hey,” too. 

“What’s going on?” Zayn asks as he looks at Niall. It has been a while since Niall drops by his house and for Niall to stand there, looking fresh and lovely on a Friday night, making Zayn confuses. 

“Nothing much.” Niall replies. “What are you up to?” He asks. 

Zayn shrugs. “Oh, nothing really. Just hanging out.” He says. “Would you like to come in?” 

Niall shakes his head. “Actually, I wanted to see if you wanted to come out.” He says and smiles as he dangles his car keys in his hand, looking at Zayn with a hopeful expression on his face. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows, a little bit surprised by the offer but he nods nonetheless. “Yeah. Yeah, sure.” He says before he grabs his jacket on the coat’s rack behind the door and starts to close the door. 

Perrie who has been watching both of them from the stairs, starts to shout loudly. “Curfew’s midnight.” She says and when Zayn looks at her incredulously, she laughs and shakes her head. “Kidding.” 

 

*****

 

“Why do they have to make these things so hard to open?” Zayn asks as tries to open the CD case. “I mean, it’s not like they’re porn or any…” He retracts after he realizes about what he is going to say. “..I mean..you know..not..nothing..not that I wou..” He stammers, feeling embarrassed. 

Niall smiles as he shakes his head at Zayn’s blushing cheeks. “Ok. Last one.” Niall says as he glances down at the magazine again, trying to change the topic so Zayn wouldn’t be embarrassed any longer. “Your co-workers don’t like a man you started dating. Do you: a) tell them to mind their own business, b) see him on the sly, or c) say ‘adios,muchacho’”? Niall reads the question to Zayn. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at the question. He wonders what kind of restaurant that they are in because he never went to a restaurant with a weird magazine on the table. “I don’t know. ‘A’”? He guesses. 

Niall nods and ticks on the magazine. “’A’ again. Okay, according to this, you are independent with strong self-esteem and a healthy body image. You have ovaries and then some.” Niall reads out loud and snorts. What kind of magazine that they are reading here? 

“My dad would be so proud.” Zayn deadpans. Both of them laugh at that. “Here. I got you a couple of car-warming presents.” Zayn says as he hands Niall one of the things from the bag beside him. “Got you the pine-tree air refresher..” he says as he hands Niall the thing. “..television’s greatest theme songs which is a personal favourite of mine for road trips..” he says as he gives Niall the CD. “..and fuzzy dice. Retro but hip.” Zayn says as he gives Niall the last gift. 

Niall smiles as he looks at the gifts. “Thank you.” He says sincerely. It is very thoughtful of Zayn to get him all those little gifts. 

“You’re welcome. It’s not like it counts as a real present stuff.” Zayn says and shrugs. 

Niall shakes his head. “No, they do. Especially since the whole driving things got to be somewhat of a sore spot for you right now.” He points out. 

“What? Do you mean my crushing failure? I barely even think about it.” Zayn jokes. 

Niall chuckles. “You know, anyone else at school would just try to kill everyone else’s good mood with their bad one. But you don’t…” Niall says truthfully. “..you just make it funny.” He continues. “How do you do that?” He asks. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows in confusion. “What do I do?” 

Niall shrugs and smiles. “You make light of a situation even if it sucks.” He says and continues. “I want to do that. I mean I used to do that, but now I can’t.” He admits truthfully. 

Zayn smiles as he looks at Niall. “And you will. It’ll come back to you.” He says as he looks straight into Niall’s eyes, hoping that the other boy gets his point come through. He knows Niall will bounce back eventually. 

Niall sighs and nods slightly. “I’ve really missed this, you know..” He says and pauses. “Us.” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah. I’ve missed us too.” He says and smiles. They both stare at each other, smiling until the moment is suddenly breaks apart by Niall’s ringtone. Niall reads the name on the display of his phone and puts the phone back to the other side of the table, ignoring the calls. 

“No, grab it. I don’t mind.” Zayn says. 

Niall shakes his head. “No, it’s just Jamie. Probably feeling guilty for having blown me off.” Niall says. 

Zayn’s smile falters as he feels something drops in his stomach at Niall’s words. It might be his heart that has dropped to his stomach. “What? You mean tonight?” 

“Yeah, some guy called him. We were supposed to go out, but he bailed on me last minute. So..” Niall says distractedly as he tries to read Jamie’s text after the missed call. 

Zayn chuckles bitterly as he leans back on his chair, shaking his head. “I’m an idiot.” He declares. 

“What?” Niall asks in confusion as he glances up to look at Zayn. What the hell is Zayn talking about? 

Zayn looks at Niall, this time he is no longer smiling at the other boy. “He blew you off so you came to see me.” He deadpans. 

“No, no, no.” Niall shakes his head. “That’s not how it happened.” 

Zayn snorts. “Yeah, that is how it happened.” He says and pauses. “That’s how it always happens.” He points out as stares at Niall while he talks. “Your first choice doesn’t come through so you come and find me; your back-up plan.” 

Niall gasps and shakes his head. “Zayn, I never think of you that way.” He says sincerely. 

“Maybe not intentionally.” Zayn deadpans. “I mean, don’t you realize that makes it ever worse?” He asks as he looks at Niall. “It’s like you don’t realize how much that hurts somebody. How much it hurts me.”

“Look, I’m sorry if..” 

“No. No.” Zayn shakes his head, cutting Niall’s off. “I’m sorry. Alright, look, Niall. I know your life is really rough right now and I want to be there for you. I rea..I do. But not like this.” Zayn says. “I can’t keep being your second choice.” He pauses. “Not when you’re my first.” He finishes before he stands up and take off, leaving Niall alone at the diner booth. 

Niall watches Zayn goes away and slumps onto his chair. What has he done? 

 

*****

 

“Hanging out with all your friends…?” Louis mocks as he sees his younger brother sitting on the bottom steps of the stairs alone, playing with the string of his hoodie. 

Niall glares at his brother. “Shouldn’t you be at football practice? Oh wait, no, you’re off the team.” Niall mocks in return. Well, two can play the game. 

Louis rolls his eyes as he stops on his way to the kitchen and turns to look at Niall. “Why don’t you take your new car and you know, drive it…away.” Louis mocks lamely as he is running out of the point to say. 

Niall rolls his eyes at Louis’s lame response before he chuckles and shakes his head. “How about we just call it a truce, okay?” He offers as he looks at his older brother. To be honest, he is not in the mood to banter with Louis at the moment. 

Louis eyes Niall warily, trying to see whether Niall is really giving up on their banter or not. “Yeah. Okay. As long as I don’t have to hug you or anything.” He says and smiles when Niall rolls his eyes at his words, again. “So, did you end up doing anything the other night?” Louis asks. 

Niall shakes his head and shrugs. “Not really.” He replies. “Well, I went out with Zayn but it got kinda weird.” He admits truthfully. 

Louis raises his eyebrows. “You guys finally hooked up?” He asks excitedly. 

‘What?! No.” Niall says as he scrunches his nose confusingly. “Why would you say something like that?” He asks his older brother, tilting his head to look at Louis. 

“Well, I don’t know. Maybe because he’s like mad in love with you and has been over the past year.” Louis deadpans. 

Niall sighs as he glances down at his lap again, starting to play with his finger absentmindedly. “It’s complicated.” He says. 

“Maybe for you, but I think it’s pretty basic on his end.” Louis points out. “What’s holding you up?” He asks as he looks at Niall’s face, trying to read on his brother’s reaction. 

Niall shrugs. “It’s just I don’t want to lie to him and I know if Liam were still here..” He mumbles quietly but Louis hears him anyway. 

“He’s not.” Louis says sharply. When Niall turns his head to look up at Louis properly, Louis shakes his head at his brother. “We all love Liam, but he’s gone. It sucks, I know. But if that’s the only reason you’re putting Zayn off then, I’m telling you: it’s okay. I mean, if you’re looking for permission, you’ve got it from me. And Jamie, and the entire universe.” He says firmly, trying to make Niall understand that it’s okay to move on from Liam’s death. 

Niall sighs again. “I’m just not ready for all the boyfriend and relationship stuff and I know with Zayn, there’d be no in-between.” Niall admits truthfully. 

Louis shakes his head before he starts to sit beside his brother on the steps and wraps one of his arms around Niall. He rubs Niall’s arm gently, trying to give his brother some comfort. “Well, maybe not, but you could do a lot worse.” He says as Niall leans his head on his shoulder. When Niall raises his eyebrows at Louis’s words, the older boy continues. “People give me crap all the time for hanging out with Zayn. But I don’t know, he’s just like..” Louis trails off, trying to find the word to describe Zayn. 

“Funny.” Niall finishes for Louis and smiles fondly. 

Louis nods. “Yeah. The other day, he’s telling me the story about how he’s driving a stick for the first time right, and he’s like stuck on a hill. Eckleman says, ‘well, what gear were you in?’ and he says, ‘my jeans and my t-shirt.’” Louis says and Niall chuckles as he listens to the story. “I didn’t even get it at first..but..anyway, he’s also gonna be pulling in some serious jack with his music one day..” Louis continues as he pecks on Niall’s temple. “Damn, maybe I should ask him out.” He jokes and Niall rolls his eyes. Louis wraps his arm tighter around Niall’s shoulder. “All I’m saying, everyone got pride and he’s not gonna sit around and let you play mind games with him forever. You know. Soon, he’s gonna get tired of that and he’s gonna be gone.” Louis points out. 

“Then, what should I do?” Niall asks quietly. 

Louis shrugs. “You don’t have to do much. You know he’s taking his driver’s test again today.” Niall nods against Louis’s shoulder and hums in response. “So, go. Show up. Be all supportive. Everything else you guys will figure it out. I mean, you may not feel the same way for Zayn that you did for Liam, but you feel something.” Louis says. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be sitting here, asking me for advice.” He points out. Niall shifts as he starts to sit straight up and looks at Louis. 

“Thanks, Lou.” Niall says and smiles at his older brother before he wraps Louis into his hug briefly. Then he starts to stand up and heading outside. He is now a boy with a mission. A mission to get Zayn.

 

*****

 

“Flashing read is a full stop, not just a slowdown. Your driver attendant could also use a little work. But, you nailed the parallel park.” The woman says as she ticks the boxes on the paper. “Congratulations, Mr. Malik.” She says as she passes the paper to Zayn. “And may God help us all.” She continues. 

Zayn takes the paper and looks at it with a big smile on his face. He finally passed his driving test! Once he gets outside of the car, he spots Perrie on the side of the building, raising her eyebrows at him questioningly. 

“Well?” She asks. 

“Well, she said your car could use new brakes.” Zayn jokes. 

“Zayn!” Perrie scolds, impatiently waiting for Zayn to tell her about his result. 

Zayn chuckles before he walks closer towards Perrie’s spot. “And, uh, I passed.” He says. 

“You passed?!” Perrie yells excitedly. 

Zayn nods eagerly. “Ten out of ten on the parallel park!” He says excitedly before he engulfs Perrie into his arms and lifts her as they both laughing happily. 

“I knew you could do it!” Perrie says.

Zayn lifts Perrie downs and on impulse, he starts to kiss the girl on the lips. Perrie’s eyes go wide before she pulls away from the kiss. “Oh, um, I’m sorry..I..” Zayn trails off. What an idiot move, Zayn! He scolds himself mentally. He doesn’t know why he did that. He just, so happy and Perrie is also looks so happy for him and suddenly he had the urge to kiss her. 

Perrie looks at Zayn and shakes her head. “Look, Zayn. I think you’re great. And I like hanging out with you. And I never meant to give the wrong impression or anything but I’m, you know, older..and employed by your father..” Perrie trails off before she continues. “And..again..older.” She points out.

“I know. Those gray hairs are blinding me.” Zayn says sarcastically before he softens his tone and continues. “Look, I’m sorry. But hey, won’t happen again.” He says and tries to force a smile as he looks at Perrie. 

Perrie nods and they both fall into an awkward silence before Perrie starts to speak again. “Can we just rewind that and we do that the right way?” She asks, trying to get thing to be normal again between them. 

Zayn nods. “Sure.” He says shortly. Anything to get rid of his own stupid action earlier. 

Perrie smiles brightly and looks at Zayn. “Congratulations.” She says. 

“Thank you.” Zayn smiles in return and opens his arms for Perrie and both of them embrace each other happily. 

Niall rolls up his car’s window before he starts to drive away from the other side of road. He was just arrived when he saw Zayn was coming out from the car. He watched on how Zayn’s face light up when he reached Perrie and obviously had told Perrie about his result. He had seen on how Zayn looked so happy with the girl and then Zayn did a thing that made Niall’s heart dropped at once. Zayn kissed Perrie. On the lips. Niall didn’t hear about their conversation, of course, but by the way he was looking at the scene, Zayn looks so happy with Perrie. And Niall knows the only thing he did was hurting Zayn. Maybe this is a sign. A sign that he is too late for grabbing Zayn’s attention. And so, Niall drives away from the scene with a heavy heart. 

 

*****

 

Niall smiles as he watches his parents dance happily on the dance floor with the rest of the people. Almost all of the town people are attending the priest’s wedding and of course Horans are one of them. That’s why Niall finds himself sitting at the table, sipping on his drink quietly. His eyes glance over the dance floor and he chuckles when he sees Louis and Harry are trying to do stupid dance moves and laugh together. He doesn’t know what are the deal with those two but he knows Louis and Harry clicks right away once they met each other last year. He makes a mental note to ask about that to Louis later. Niall stands up from his seat to get another glass when he spots Zayn nearby and the music on the dance floor starts to change to ‘At Last’ by Etta James. Niall rolls his eyes at the coincidence dramatic effect. 

_**At last…my love has come along..**_

Niall walks closer towards Zayn and taps on his shoulder to get the other boy’s attention. Zayn turns around and Niall smiles at him. “You like dancing?” He asks. 

Zayn looks at him blankly, obviously still mad at Niall and shakes his head. “Not really. This cake looks pretty tasty.” He says as he points at the small plate in his hand. 

“Well, we can talk.” Niall offers, trying again to get Zayn to talk to him. 

“What? Dance and talk? Now you’re just asking too much.” Zayn deadpans. 

Niall shrugs, still not bulging from his position. “It involves an apology.” Niall says as he stares right into Zayn’s eyes. 

_**At last…**_

Zayn sighs inwardly. He knows no one could resist that look of Niall, especially him. He puts down his plate on the table and nods. “Ready when you are.” He says as he offers his hand and let Niall takes it before they both make their way to the dance floor. 

_**Stars above are blue..** _  
_**My heart was wrapped up in clovers..** _  
_**The night I looked at you..** _

Niall puts his hand on Zayn’s shoulder once they reach the dance floor and Zayn puts his hands on Niall’s waist before they start to sway with the music. “You were right, Zayn.” Niall says, starting to talk. “About everything.” He continues. “I have taken you for granted.” He admits. “But hey, you’re a better person than I am. Everybody else sees it. I don’t know why you don’t.”

Zayn keeps silent as they lean closer, their faces are almost touching each other. “And if you didn’t notice already, I’m kind of a giant mess right now.” Niall continues. He tilts his head to look at Zayn’s face. “I have been for ever since you’ve known me. It might have been more normal in junior high, I don’t know.” He pauses and smiles sadly. “The point is; you deserve someone great, Zayn.” Niall says, trying to swallow down the hurt inside his chest as he says it. But he knows he has to. “Amazing even. Someone a little less like me and a little more like you.” He adds as they both stare at each other’s eyes. 

“For an apology, that sounded an awful lot like a break-up.” Zayn says, trying to cover up his own pounding heart at the moment. 

Niall doesn’t reply to that comment and just continue to speak. “I’m sorry I wasted your time, Zayn. And it would kill me to think that I wasted any more of it..” Niall trails off. “I want you to promise me something.” He says. 

“Niall.” Zayn warns, finally understand on what Niall is going to say and he doesn’t want to hear that. It makes the thing feels so real and he doesn’t know whether he is ready for that yet. 

Niall shakes his head, not giving Zayn a chance to cut him off again. “Promise me, that you won’t let me and you get in the way of you and somebody else..” He says as he stares at Zayn’s eyes. Those eyes that are so full of emotions and now that Niall is so close to it, he can see on how beautiful those eyes are. 

Zayn stares at Niall and he lets the silence lingers between both of them before Zayn finally nods. He wants to say no but he knows Niall means the words that he had said. And Zayn has his own heart to take care of too. He takes a deep breath before he nods and says, “I promise.” 

_**My heart was wrapped up in clovers..**_

Niall nods, satisfied with Zayn’s reply. “Good.” He mumbles quietly before he lets Zayn pulls their bodies closer and Niall hooks his chin on Zayn’s shoulder, trying to saviour the moment between them. 

_**The night I looked at you..**_

“I passed my driving test.” Zayn says suddenly, not wanting the sombre atmosphere around them to continue. 

“Really?” Niall says in a fake surprise, since he already knew it but what Zayn doesn’t know won’t hurt him. “Congratulations. I’m really happy for you.” Niall says sincerely. He just wants Zayn to be happy. Even if it’s not with him. Because to be honest, he himself doesn’t know on how to be happy anymore, so how can he makes Zayn happy? 

_**And I found the dream..**_  
 _ **That I could speak trough..**_

Zayn smiles and nods at Niall’s comment. They both fall into silence, trying to bask on the intimate dancing moment and when Niall wraps both of his arms around Zayn’s shoulder and neck, Zayn couldn’t help but wrapping his arms tighter around Niall’s waist. It feels so much like goodbye for both of them. 

_**At last…**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! I'd like to know. :D


	7. Nothing Could Ever Be So Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of this chapter: [Sum 41 - Pieces](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=By7ctqcWxyM)

Niall curses inwardly as soon as he sees the guidance counsellor, Mr. Beels is coming out from the men’s room and is walking towards his direction. He thought that the hallway would be empty by now. Niall slows his pace and turns his head to the other way, hoping that the counsellor won’t recognize him. 

Unfortunately, he is not so lucky. “You’re supposed to be in social studies, Niall.” Mr. Beels says when Niall tries to walk passes him and Niall sighs before he turns to face the counsellor. 

Niall puts on his best fake smile as he looks at the counsellor. “I’m not cutting. Um, we’re all meeting at Nikki Keller’s house. Her mom’s, like, an assistant or something at the State Senate and said that we could interview her..” Niall lies. “..about the environment?” 

When the counsellor gives him a disbelief look, Niall knows he is busted and he sighs again. “Yeah, ok, I’ll go to class.” He says, giving up under the pressure of the counsellor’s stare. 

“This is the third time. I’m supposed to call a parent when a student gets caught cutting for the third time.” Mr. Beels points out. 

Niall starts to panic and shakes his head. “No, no, please don’t.” He pleads. “I cannot take this with my parents right now.” He says, knowing that his parents will totally go ballistic if they know how much times that he had been cutting off school. 

Mr. Beels shakes his head. “I’m sorry.” He says, his tone is not sympathetic at all. For him, cutting class is breaking the rules, no excuse. 

Niall huffs in annoyance and rolls his eyes. “Well, I’m already going to class.” He points out, trying to defend himself against the counsellor. “I’m only like three minutes late. Come on.” 

Mr. Beels doesn’t seem to defer at Niall’s plead. “It’s a rule. I got to call you in.” He says.

“Wow, that’s incredibly cool of you.” Niall snaps sarcastically. 

“You’re the one cutting class. Why does that make me the bad guy?” The counsellor asks, his voice is getting louder. 

Niall shakes his head and huffs angrily as he looks at the counsellor. “Because you just are.” He says before he storms off, heading towards his class, and repeatedly cursing the counsellor inside his head. 

 

***** 

 

“Hey, we had a meeting..an hour ago.” Mr. Beels says as soon as he sees Louis Horan is walking around the school’s hall with his friends. He can feel his irritation grows at the Horans kids. First, the younger brother who had been trying to cut class in the morning, now the older one seems like he is trying to bail the meeting with the counsellor. 

Louis stops dead on his track and turns to look at the counsellor. “Oh, I forgot.” He replies truthfully. He was too caught up in chatting around with his friends that he forgot about the meeting. 

“Applications are due at the end of the month.” The counsellor snaps. “Do you want my help or not?” 

Louis glances at his friends and sighs. “Sorry guys, let’s hanging out next time.” He says before he turns to face the counsellor again. “Do you have time now?” He asks. 

“Let’s go.” The counsellor says with a frown before they both start to walk to his office. 

“Air Supply? Is that, like, a band or something?” Louis asks as he browses through the CD collections on the guidance counsellor’s table. 

Mr. Beels ignores Louis’s question as he looks at the paper in front of him. “If you could have dinner with one person living or dead, who would it be and why?” He reads out loud before he looks at Louis. “We went over this. We talked about what you were going to write. You were gonna go with JFK.” 

Louis shrugs carelessly. “Yeah, I switched it.” He replies. “I figure with all the essays they read, they’d probably be glad to get a fun one.” He adds. 

The counsellor glares at Louis, not looking happy at all at Louis’s attitude. “Neo from The Matrix? He’s not living or dead. He’s fictional!” He says madly. “Look, I took time out of my schedule to help you with this application. I’ve got things to do.” 

Louis grins and raises his eyebrows suggestively. “Well, maybe I could do those things, and you could write my essay.” He jokes. 

“That’s very cute, Louis. That’s very charming. Isn’t that how you got kicked off the football team? Trying to charm your way through school? What, do you plan on charming your way into college?” The counsellor snaps. 

“I’ve been studying nonstop. I already got every single of my grades up.” Louis replies defensively. 

“Yeah, after three years of straight C’s.” The counsellor deadpans. “Look, your essay has to show that you’re at least trying, that you want to do better.” He adds. 

“You said it was just a first draft.” Louis points out. 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that you can turn in a cave drawing.” The counsellor says, his voice is getting louder as time goes by. “This is garbage. This is terrible.” He says as he starts to stand up from his chair. “This looks like something that you scribbled in five minutes.” 

Louis stands up from his seat as well and tries to snatch the paper from the counsellor’s hand. “Well, then I’ll just write it over. God, just chill out.” He comments. Louis is already turning to walk out of the office when suddenly the counsellor starts to yell. 

“I will not chill out! I am trying! I show up on time. I do my job. I try and make a difference. It’s not getting me anywhere. Why should I help you?” He yells angrily as he looks at Louis. “Look, you came to me. You had a list of colleges that you wanted to get into, and I said I would help you if you promised to be serious.” 

“I was serious! I am serious!” Louis replies firmly. 

The counsellor shakes his head and steps closer to Louis’s spot. “It doesn’t look like it to me. It doesn’t look like you’re getting in anywhere, not with this.” He says as he snatches the paper in Louis’s hand. “You want to know where this gets you?” He asks and Louis doesn’t even has the time to reply before the counsellor starts to crunch the paper and throws it into the bin. “There-early acceptance. Now, get out of here.” He says. “Go play with your friends. Call me if you need a letter of recommendation for the gas and go.” He adds sarcastically. 

Louis, who is too stunned to response at first, suddenly feels angry at the counsellor for throwing out his essay. Yes, it was fictional character but he took his time to write it too. Angrily, Louis turns and slams the office’s door on his way out. 

 

*****

 

Louis opens the door of the town’s library with a heavy sigh and he adjusts his beanie to get a glance to find a spot. Apparently, he needs to spend his weekend to work on his essay. After he went home and thought about what Mr. Beels had said, he feels guilty for not being fully serious and how the guidance counsellor had tried to help him even though the older teacher has something else to do, for example spending time with his wife. That’s why Louis finally decides to go to the small library, trying to find a material for his essay. 

He looks around and walks towards the empty table at the corner of the library and he almost reaches the table when he spots someone. He smiles to himself. “Hey, what a coincidence.” He greets as he takes a seat beside the curly-haired boy. 

Harry glances up from his book and smiles at Louis. “Hey!” He says, surprised that out of other places in the town, they would bump into each other at the library. 

Louis smiles wider as Harry looks at him. “What are you doing here?” He asks curiously. 

“Er, working for my homework?” Harry points out at the obvious reason. “Do I look like I’m doing laundry here?” He teases and Louis laughs, earning a glare from the librarian. 

Louis shakes his head. “Okay, stupid question. Nah, I thought the girl. Perrie, right? I thought she is tutoring you at home?” He asks, trying to recall about what Zayn had told him before about Harry’s having a tutor. 

Harry nods. “Yeah. But she’s busy this weekend for her upcoming exam so here I am, alone at the library, trying to solve long divisions all by myself.” He says and grins. 

Louis grins as well as he starts to pull out the writing pad from his bag. “Well, I could give you a company.” He offers. “If you don’t mind.” He continues. 

Harry looks at Louis and shrugs. “Be my guest.” He says and smiles. 

After that, they both start to work in silent until suddenly Louis is banging his forehead on the table, startling Harry slightly. He raises his eyebrows as he looks at Louis. “What’s up?” 

Louis sighs, putting his head on his arms on the table and looks at Harry. “Okay, I need to write this essay, right? So I wrote one and the teacher, I mean the guidance counsellor threw it into the garbage and I have to do it all over again.” 

“Huh? What happened?” Harry asks curiously. “Did you not write it at all?” 

Louis nods. “I wrote it. Maybe it was fictional or whatever but I did write it by myself. But he went mad and yelled at me. My football coach used to tear me a new one all the time. When I screwed up on the field, he’d go nuts, but it always felt like he was kidding, you know? Like we were all in on this big joke. I’ve never been yelled at for anything real before.” He adds before he starts to tell Harry about what exactly had went down at the counsellor’s office. 

“He shouldn’t have. Not like that.” Harry comments after Louis told him the details. He feels like the counsellor was too harsh on Louis. 

Louis shakes his head. “Nah, I think he just had a bad day. I can’t blame him. I’m too hard to handle sometimes.” Louis admits. “The thing is, I can do what he said. If he’ll help me, I guess.” Louis says and shrugs. “But now he’s mad at me and I don’t know if he’ll want to help me again.” 

Harry looks at Louis and pats his shoulder comfortingly. “I think he would, if you’ll try to let him show that you’re serious about this. Tell me, what is the topic of the essay?” 

“Pick one person you’d like to have dinner with and why.” Louis replies. 

Harry nods. “Okay, so if you’ll tell me the one person you’d like to have dinner with and why.” 

Louis sighs and shakes his head. “That’s the thing. I don’t know.” He admits truthfully. 

“Think about it.” Harry starts again. “Who’s somebody you have questions for? Who do you talk to in your head?”

“I..” Louis trails off as he looks at Harry. “I talk to Liam sometimes.” He says. 

If Harry feels sad for Louis, he doesn’t show it, instead he just smiles encouragingly. “What do you say?” 

“I just..I tell him how much more fun things were when he was here.” He pauses and sighs. He looks at Harry again and he doesn’t know why he can talk to the curly-haired boy about this. He never let anyone knows on how he truly feels but the way that Harry is looking at him with his caring eyes, making Louis feels like he wants to bare his soul out to the boy. “I tell him I’m a mess.” Louis continues. “And I’ve pretty much screwed up all the plans that we ever had. And I wonder what he could do if he was me, cause, man, he could handle anything. He was like, fearless. I…I’d tell him I miss him.” He finishes and looks at anywhere but Harry’s eyes. He doesn’t want Harry to feel pity for him. 

“Good. That’s your essay.” Harry says and smiles when Louis turns his head to look at him. 

“Really?” Louis asks, grateful that Harry understands that he just wants someone to listen, not to give advice about what he feels about Liam’s death. 

Harry nods. “Yeah. You can start to write that, you know. About what you just had told me. I think it’ll make a good essay. It’s different from typical ‘dinner with politician etc.’ but it’s a good different.” He says encouragingly. He knows how Louis is feeling about Liam. He used to feel the same thing about his mother after her death too. 

Louis smiles and contemplating on what Harry had told him before he leans over to hug Harry. “That’s a great idea.” He says before he pulls away. “You’re a genius.” Louis compliments. 

Harry blushes and shakes his head. “Nah, I’m just helping a bit. The rest is all yours.” He says. 

Louis couldn’t stop smiling and starts to open the cap of his pen again. “Okay, let’s do this!” He says with a whole new spirit to write the essay. And he is glad that Harry is beside him, supporting him about his essay. 

 

*****

 

“There she blows!” Yasir announces as the three of them are walking around the car’s dealer place. 

“You can say that again.” Harry mumbles beside Zayn and the older boy nods. “Emphasize on blows.” Zayn says. 

Yasir doesn’t hear his sons’ comments or he refuses to hear them. “You know, it was my first choice?” Yasir asks. “Didn’t even have to go to Dublin for it. Phil just happened to have one in stock. Talk about luck!” He says as they stop at one the cars. 

“Uh, yeah..” Zayn deadpans sarcastically. 

“Voted safest..”

“Boat in the navy?” Zayn says as he looks at the car, heavy sarcasm lingers in his tone. 

Yasir ignores his eldest son and continues. “…car on the road, 1988 and 89 by the association of car consumers and retailers.” 

“Yeah, it’s got heavy gauge steel doors, independent steel frames, it weighs 4,000lbs.” The salesman, Phil, adds.

“So, what do you think of your new wheels, Zayn?” Yasir asks. 

“Oh, I, um, think it’s really awesome you getting me a car, dad. It’s just..”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, go on, hop in. Take it for a ride.” Yasir cuts Zayn’s off, totally ignoring on what Zayn had wanted to say. “Harry and I can go start on the paper work.” Yasir continues. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Well, I was just thinking that we could, uh..” 

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that. Go on. Get acquainted.” Yasir cuts Zayn’s words again. He then pulls Harry to go inside of the building to settle on the paperwork. 

Once Yasir and Harry leave, Zayn sighs as he opens the car’s door and looks at the interior hesitantly. “Not what you imagined, huh?” Phil asks and Zayn almost forget about the salesman who is still standing there. 

“Nah, it’s like two of what I imagined, painted a color called ugly.” Zayn replies. 

Phil shrugs and smiles. “She ain’t much to look at. That’s true. But your girl will like her.” He points out. 

“Oh, I don’t have a girl.” Zayn says. Or a boy, he wants to add. “And I don’t think I’m gonna get one with this thing.” Zayn says instead. “No offense but this is kind of a mojo killer and I don’t have any to spare.” 

Phil shakes his head. “No, the girl that’s right for you, she’ll like this car.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at the older guy. “What, some kind of weed out? Thanks, but my face has that covered.” He says. 

“No. There is a girl, who you like, who like you. She likes the car.” Phil says confidently. 

“A specific girl, who likes this car?” Zayn asks in confusion. 

Phil laughs and shakes his head. “Don’t listen to me. What’s a guy with grease under his nails know about romance?” He says as he hands Zayn the car keys. “Here. Hop in. Your future awaits.” 

Zayn takes the keys and shrugs. “It this is my future, even my past is starting to look good.” He comments before he hops into the car and starts the engine. 

 

*****

 

Harry’s eyes go wide as he sees his older brother, standing at the door of the garage. “What are you doing here?” He asks curiously. 

Zayn shrugs. “I brought you your jacket.” He says as he throws the jacket to Harry. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “I’m not cold.” He says. “How you’d know where we were?” He asks, looking at Zayn who is now standing beside him. They are at the garage of one of Perrie’s friends’ house and her band is jamming and Harry was enjoying the performance. Until Zayn starts to show up. 

“Oh, Perrie left a note.” Zayn says simply. 

Harry stares at Zayn. “Yah, for dad.” He deadpans. He has a feeling that he knows exactly why Zayn is here. Lately Zayn is always staring at Perrie and Harry tries to ignore it, not wanting to point out the thing out loud. “She finally let me watch and now she might change her mind.” Harry whines. It was so hard to get Perrie to bring him to watch her band but now Zayn is ruining it for him. 

“Okay, take five.” Perrie says after they finish the song and she walks towards Zayn and Harry. “Hi, Zayn. You left the house. Was it on fire?” She asks teasingly. 

Zayn smiles and shrugs. “Harry forgot his jacket.” He replies simply and Harry almost bangs his head on the walls, hearing Zayn’s lame lie. Almost. 

“So, what do you think?” Perrie asks as she looks at Zayn. 

“Uh, I, uh, I think it’s good.” Zayn stammers, suddenly feeling nervous as Perrie looks at him with those hopeful, beautiful eyes. 

Perrie grins widely. “Really?” 

Zayn nods and smiles. “Yeah, yeah.” 

“Maybe if I could get that hook not to sound like ass..” She says and laughs. Harry watches as Perrie and Zayn starts to talk for a while before suddenly Perrie’s attention turns to her bandmates and their little problem that Harry doesn’t want to know about. It’s her band, not his. 

“Uh, I’m sorry, I have something to do with the band..” She says apologetically. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, that’s okay. We’re going home anyway.” He says. 

“Okay, sorry again. I’ll talk to you guys later, yeah.” She says before she is off with her bandmates to the other side of the house. 

“So we do have to ride in _your_ car?” Harry asks and Zayn thumps on his brother’s head. “Don’t insult my car.” He warns and Harry laughs. 

 

****

 

“This isn’t the first time Jay has walked out. He loves drama.” Perrie says as Zayn is listening to her story as they are preparing for the dinner. 

“How long he’s been with the band?” Zayn asks. 

“Um, he came in a couple of months ago to replace this guy, Kip who moved to another state to find himself.” Perrie replies. 

“How 1978.” Yasir comments from the other corner of the kitchen. 

Perrie smiles and nods. “If I can’t get him to come back..” 

“You guys might actually sound okay?” Zayn deadpans and Perrie raises her eyebrows questioningly. “He was soft on that song and then he was like, you guys needed to change the tempo?” Zayn continues. “It was all him. He plays like he’s on speed. He’s pulling you guys down.” He says bluntly. 

Perrie looks at Zayn. “Down? I thought you said we sound good?” She points out. 

Zayn curses inwardly as Perrie twists on his own words. “Well, uh, you do sound good. I was just, I just mean..” He stammers and he can feel the two other people in the kitchen are staring at him too. 

“What did you mean, Zayn?” Perrie asks, a frown starts to form on her face. 

“I..uh, he’s just not as good as you guys, that’s all.” Zayn says. 

“And how good is that, exactly?” Perrie challenges as she glares at Zayn. 

“So, what culinary delight are you preparing for us tonight, Perrie?” Yasir suddenly asks, trying to diffuse the tense atmosphere in the kitchen. He knows Zayn’s bluntness can get him in trouble sometimes, like at the moment. 

Perrie ignores Yasir’s question as she still hold her stares against Zayn’s. “No, it’s fine, Zayn. I want you to tell me the truth.” She challenges. 

“Well, I think you guys need a better guitarist.” He quips. 

Perrie nods. “And?” She asks. 

“And? And uh, better sounds and better songs and uh..” He says. 

Perrie chuckles and shakes her head. “Dr. Malik, the casserole is in the over. It’ll be ready in about ten minutes. The vegetables should be done by then too. Rice is on the stove.” She says as she starts to take off her apron. “Somebody check it too. See you tomorrow.” She adds before she walks out from the kitchen. 

Yasir looks at his son. “You might wanna work on your bedside manner, Zayn. You just cleared the room.” He points out. 

“Yeah, I noticed that, thank you.” Zayn replies sarcastically. 

Harry rolls his eyes at his brother. “Set the table doofus, it you can even do that.” He says, annoyance laced in his tone. He was hoping that Perrie would stay a little longer to cook another dish but Zayn just had to ruin it by opening his big mouth. Story of his life, Harry thinks to himself. 

 

*****

 

Bobby walks out of the car and he walks towards a small figure that is sitting alone in the darkness. “Here.” Bobby offers his jacket as soon as he reaches Niall at the bench. 

“I’m not cold.” Niall replies quietly, not even looking at his father. 

“I know. Put it on anyway.” Bobby says as he looks at Niall in worried. “Got here as fast as we could. Which wasn’t very fast.” He says as he looks at his son, who he had been thinking was going to school but ended up in the town a couple of hours from their home. Bobby thought he almost had a heart attack when Niall had called him and told that he was in Monaghan instead of his school. Niall’s voice sounded so distance, and Bobby felt his worry spiked. As soon as he told Niall to stay at where he was and hung up, he had asked Linda to tag along to drive him to pick his son.

When Niall stays silent, Bobby starts to speak again. “You realize we are no longer in Mullingar, right?” He asks and looks at his son again. “What are we doing here, Niall?” 

Niall stares at the ground and shrugs before he looks at his father blankly. “I don’t…I don’t know..” He replies truthfully. 

“Well, I just left my practice for a day. So did your Aunt Linda to rescue you from this little excursion so you might wanna give it some thought.” Bobby says firmly. 

Niall stares at the darkness of the road in front of him, refuses to look at his father. “I was going to school.” He starts quietly but he knows his father hears him anyway. “And I was watching all of the kids going inside it. The day starting. Then I was outside, like watching them and I couldn’t imagine myself inside it so…I just kept driving.” He continues. 

Bobby sighs before he takes a seat beside his son and pulls his son to lean on his shoulder. “What is happening to you, Niall? Are you angry with us? Are you trying to hurt us?” 

Niall shakes his head slowly. “No.” He replies quietly. 

“Do you need more attention?” Bobby asks. 

Niall feels his breath chokes. “No.” He really doesn’t know what is happening. It feels like he can’t be himself anymore. He is just so lost. There’s something hollow inside his heart and the thoughts that keeps plaguing his mind and he is just…lost…

“Then what’s going on? Come on. Tell me.” Bobby urges but Niall remains silent and his eyes are still staring into distance, like he is lost in his own world and mind. “If you could tell me what’s going on. Tell me what you’re feeling.” Bobby continues. 

Niall tries to open his mouth and speaks but he doesn’t know how. He doesn’t know how to explain to his father that he feels alone. Even though he is surrounded by people, he still feels something missing in his life. Something that he couldn’t get back to become whole again. How could he tells his father that he doesn’t know how to function anymore? That he is just…broken…

Bobby sighs when Niall closes his eyes and doesn’t say anything. “Come on, let’s go home.” He says as he starts to stand up and pulling Niall with him. Niall follows his father’s silently and whispers. “I’m sorry, dad.” 

 

*****

 

“What are you guys playing?” Zayn asks as soon as he enters the living room, finding Harry and Perrie on the floor, with the cards are all over the place. 

“Spit.” Harry replies shortly. 

“Go ahead. Tell him how much he sucks at it.” Perrie says sarcastically as she looks at Zayn. 

Zayn sighs. “Look, I, last night, what I said..” He trails off. “..I, uh, I didn’t, I mean, I think that you’re really, really great singer and I, I uh, I shouldn’t have said anything. Okay? I’m sorry.” Zayn apologizes. 

Perrie chuckles and shakes her head. “Was that an apology?” She asks. 

Zayn nods and shrugs. “It was supposed to be, yeah.” 

“Not great.” Perrie deadpans. 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Oh well, it was a rough draft, I was gonna polish it up and give it to you a little later.” He quips in return.

Perrie smiles and shrugs. “It’s okay, Zayn. I’m just sensitive about my music because I really want it to be good, you know?” She says. “And guess I thought that, like every other garage band, that I could use it to get me outta here.” She admits. 

“Yeah, I understand.” Zayn says and nods understandingly. He wants the same thing with his piano too. 

“Yeah, but with piano, you can take that and you can use it a million different ways.” Perrie points out. “I..I need a band and with Jay gone..” She says and sighs. 

“Well, maybe I can help out?” Zayn offers suddenly, surprising himself and Perrie. “You know, I can sit in on a session or something.” He continues. 

Perrie looks at him. “It’s really cool of you to offer but..” 

“No, I could rearrange stuff, whatever.” Zayn insists. 

“He’s better than you think.” Harry pipes in, trying to help his brother. Zayn glances at his brother and gives him a grateful smile. 

Perrie looks sceptically at both of them. “You sure you’re up for it?” She asks Zayn for a confirmation. 

Zayn shrugs. “Well, I don’t know if it’s gonna help but..” He says, suddenly unsure about his offer. He knows he is not that good but he just wants to help Perrie, that’s all. 

“You know what? We can use all the help we can get.” Perrie says, suddenly brighten at the idea. “I’ll call the guys.” She says before she starts to stand up from her seat on the floor. “Thanks Zayn.” She says before she turns to look at Harry. “Be right back, Harry. No cheating.” She warns before she takes off from the living room. 

Once Perrie leaves, Harry stares at his brother and sighs. “What?” Zayn asks as he looks at the younger boy. 

“You are so obvious.” Harry deadpans and Zayn blushes before he grabs the nearest cushion on the couch and throws it at Harry. 

“Shut up.” He warns and Harry throws the cushion back at his brother and stick his tongue out at the older boy. 

 

***** 

 

“Maura thinks maybe we should try antidepressants, they’re working for Jamie Payne but I think Niall’s different.” Bobby says to his sister as Linda is sitting in front of him at his office. “I believe that his depression is situational.” He continues. “We set the precedent of, medicating his out of every rough spot then how does he develop those coping skills that he needs to get by in life.” Bobby continues. “Linda, I feel like we’re losing him” He admits to his sister. 

Linda nods understandingly. She can see how much Niall is getting worse by days into his depression. “I’d like to try to help him.” She offers. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Well, with all due respect, because I’m, I’m sure that there are some people maybe that really do get something out of the tea and the energy.” He says. 

Linda rolls her eyes at her brother’s words. “Bobby, I know that you don’t believe in this but you believe in me, right?” She asks. “Would you at least let me try?” 

Bobby sighs in resignation, knowing that he believes in his sister and no harm in trying, right? “Okay, fine. I’ll tell Niall.” He says, hoping that maybe Niall could feel better. 

 

*****

 

“Jay!” Perrie yells after the guitarist is obviously messing up the song while they are jamming. 

The guy shrugs and looks at her. “What? It’s boring. I’m just trying to..I don’t know, do something.” Jay replies rudely. 

Perrie rolls her eyes. “It’s not boring. It’s just not..good.” She says. 

“We sound like every wannabe band.” The guitarist points out. 

“Yeah, except some of them sound like they practice.” Perrie deadpans. “Take ten, everybody.” She says before she walks towards Zayn who is standing behind the keyboard. 

“Thank God the mad genius is back.” Zayn comments as soon as Perrie stands in front of him. “You know you guys can really use a visionary like him?” Zayn asks sarcastically. 

Perrie shrugs. “He just likes to make sure his presence is felt.” 

“Oh believe me. I’m feeling it.” Zayn deadpans. 

Perrie chuckles and shakes her head. “Do you still think you can help us?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Well, right now you’re going to like this.” He says before he starts to play the keyboard. “But, why not try repeating the four chord after the five chord before going back to one.” He points out. “More like..” He says and starts playing again. “..that.” He continues. “And then of course repeat the same chord but try and make the baseline more interesting. Maybe uh, a G-chord with a B-base? Something like that.” He says. 

Perrie watches Zayn plays the note in fascination. “Why didn’t you tell me you were some kind of prodigy?” She asks in surprise. She doesn’t know that Zayn is that good. 

“Well, prodigy would imply youth while I’m actually an old soul.” Zayn points out jokingly. “At least somebody once told me that.” He continues. “So, you like it?” He asks. 

Perrie smiles fondly as she looks at Zayn. “Yeah.” 

 

*****

 

“Hey. Hi mom! Can I borrow the keys? I need to borrow the truck tonight.” Linda says as soon as she enters the building. 

Yasir and Maggie who are having their packed dinner at the office both glance up and smile. “Again?” Maggie asks. 

Linda nods. “Moving may be the worst idea I’ve ever had. Was it ever a good idea?” She asks as she looks at Yasir. 

“I’ve actually never been to a major move. Julia moved us to the apartment in London and when we moved here I hired a moving company. And they packed up our stuff and drove it here and unpacked it and uh, we were moved.” Yasir replies. 

Maggie looks at him incredulously while Linda just nods politely before she starts to speak. “I..I gotta go.” She says before she heads out of the building. 

Once Linda leaves, Maggie throws one of the folders on the table at Yasir. “What was that for?” Yasir asks, picking up the folder from the floor. 

“Your wake up call, Bozo.” Maggie deadpans. “What are you waiting for, her to toss a glass slipper?” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows in confusion. “What?” 

Maggie rolls her eyes as she shifts to sit closer to Yasir. “Look, you like Linda. She likes you.” She points out. “You both are nincompoops who do nothing about it.” Maggie quips. 

“Well, what do you want me to do Maggie? I offered to help her yesterday and she didn’t want it.” Yasir replies. 

“You’re a grown man with a post graduate degree! Figure it out!” Maggie says incredulously. 

Yasir nods and sighs. “The thing is, I kinda promised Harry that I wouldn’t go out with Linda.” He admits. He still remembers how Harry was upset with him few weeks before. 

“You also promised Harry a horse. I don’t see one galloping around here.” Maggie deadpans. 

Yasir shrugs. Maggie has a point, he thought. “Besides, you know, I think you might be overestimating Linda’s feeling..” He says.

Maggie shakes her head. “I know that girl. She’s my daughter after all. I know how she looks when she’s excited about something.” She says. “And for reasons unknown given your complete incompetence in the dating arena, she’s excited about you.” 

Yasir grins and raises his eyebrows. “You really think so?” 

Maggie rolls her eyes. “Oh for Pete’s sake.” 

 

*****

 

“The idea behind meditation is that great reward can come from stillness, the act of doing nothing.” Linda says, explaining to her nephew as they both are sitting on the floor at her practice place. 

“I keep thinking about stuff.” Niall admits as he looks at his aunt. 

Linda smiles at Niall. “That’s okay. Whenever a thought pops into your head, you just recognize it as a thought and then you just let it go.” She says before she continues. “Okay, uh, you want to set an intention before we start?” 

Niall shrugs. “Is it okay if what I want is nothing?” 

“You mean that, you don’t feel like you’re going to get anything out of it?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, I mean, my goal is to feel nothing.” 

Linda smiles at her nephew. “I tell you what, why don’t we just, uh, start and explore so..” she says and starts to sit up straight. “Put your hands on your knees, palms up.” 

Niall follows his aunt’s instruction silently. “Close your eyes and..just gently focus on your breath.” His aunt says. 

“How long is it supposed to take?” Niall asks as he opens his eyes again after a few second. 

Linda opens her eyes too and smiles. “I have an idea. I have some music that I found in India that might make this a little more fun.” She says. “I’m gonna go see if I can dig it out. I’ll be right back.” She adds before she is out of the room. 

Niall glances around the room and starts to look at the table beside him while waiting for his aunt to come back. There are several organic plants on the table that Niall doesn’t recognize at all and he runs his finger on the plants. And then his eyes catch on something. His aunt’s blank prescription sheet. Niall contemplates on his choice for a moment before he pulls one piece of the sheet and put it into his pocket. 

 

*****

 

“That was great! So great!” Perrie yells excitedly as they had just finished performing at the club. 

Zayn grins and nods. “Yeah, that was pretty cool.” He replies. 

“Oh, Zayn. Your song. Your song was the best!” Perrie exclaims as she hugs Zayn. 

Zayn laughs and when they pull away, Zayn shakes his head. “It was your song. I just tweaked it a little bit.” He says humbly. 

Perrie shakes her head. “No. Your song was the best of all them. You have to work with me on the weekend too.”

Zayn nods. “Sure, so what you’re doing now? Can I get you a coke or something?” He asks and before Perrie could reply, someone comes over and starts to kiss Perrie on her lips. Zayn tries to avert his eyes but fails to do so because he is quite shocked. Apparently, the guy who is kissing Perrie is Jay, the guitarist. 

“That was great, babe. You coming over?” Jay asks after he pulls away from the kiss. 

Perrie nods and glances at Zayn as well. “Yeah, after I help the guys pack up.” She says and Jay nods before he takes off. Perrie looks at Zayn and tries to smile apologetically. “I guess I’d better get going. Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me Jay was your boyfriend?” Zayn asks suddenly and Perrie stops dead on her track and turns around to face Zayn again. 

“He’s not my boyfriend. We just hang out, sometimes.” She replies. 

“Like now? Like when he’s got his tongue so far down your throat I thought I was gonna gave to give you oxygen?” Zayn asks sarcastically. 

“And why should I have told you?” Perrie snaps. 

“I dunno. Maybe so I wouldn’t have talked about him in front of you?” 

“Jay can be a jerk. You know, I talk about him too.” Perrie points out. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Nah, that’s different. Besides, I mean, you should have told me, because…”

“Because what?” 

“Because the other day, I kissed you and that, that meant something.” Zayn admits. 

Perrie closes her eyes briefly. “Zayn…” She starts. “Maybe it did to you. It can’t mean anything. Anything real. Anything more than what it was.”

“You should have told me. You lied to me.” Zayn says, gritting his teeth in anger. He doesn’t know why but he doesn’t like it when the guy kissed Perrie. 

Perrie shakes her head. “I didn’t lie to you. I just didn’t mention it. You know, we’re not..friends that way.” She says in her defends. “I mean, you’re older than your brother, but you’re still young enough to be somebody that I look after. You have a crush, okay? That’s what this is. That’s what you have when you’re sixteen. Do you understand?” 

“Perfectly.” Zayn snaps angrily before he storms off. 

 

*****

 

“She’ll never be much to look at, I’m afraid.” 

Zayn turns his head from his car’s boot to look at the owner of the voice that is walking towards him. “Thanks for the encouragement.” Zayn replies sarcastically. 

Perrie shrugs. “You know, it doesn’t matter though. Car like this, it’s not what’s on the outside that counts.” She comments. “You see the thing about big cars is that they’ve got a lot of room. Which is good for friends and movies. Roadtrips. You could fit a whole lot of life into a car like this. That’s what makes it cool.” She continues. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at Perrie, knowing that she doesn’t come to find him just to comment about the car, does she? Perrie sighs before she starts to speak again. “I’m sorry that I upset you, Zayn.” She apologizes. “Especially after you were so cool about the band and everything. I handled it wrong. I should’ve told you.” 

“So why didn’t you?” Zayn asks. 

Perrie shrugs. “Cause here’s the thing. That you’re awesome. You know, you’ve got it all. You’re what te girls..and boys are looking for..” She trails off. 

“But?” Zayn asks, knowing the tone so well. 

“But, you’re sixteen. And I work for your dad and I take care of your brother. And I’m responsible for you too.” 

“No, you’re not!” 

“Yeah I am! In a way..can you just see where I’m coming from?” She says. “You’re younger than me and no matter how mature you are for your age or how much of an old soul may be, some maturity just comes with time.” She continues. “And Zayn, you don’t even know me.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “I might not know everything about you but I do know some things. I know that you are the only person that makes Harry think that it’s okay to be himself.” He says. “I know how you feel when you sing, since it’s how I feel when I play. I know all you really want from this Jay guy is for him to get you and he never will because the only thing he’s interested in getting is himself.” He continues before he starts to walk closer to Perrie’s spot and stands in front of her. “And I know all this stuff about me being too young is just you being afraid. Because it’s easier for you to say that I’m too young than to risk something that is not what you thought you wanted.” He says as he steps closer to Perrie. “And most of all I know that, ever since I kissed you the other day, every time I’ve seen you, I’ve wanted to kiss you again.” Zayn says, looking straight into Perrie’s eyes. “And I don’t know for sure but I’m pretty certain that..you have too.” He says before he starts to pull Perrie and kisses her on her lips. Perrie responds to the kiss and Zayn mentally congratulates himself for being brave. When he pulls away, he smiles at her. “Thought so.” 

 

*****

 

Niall almost jumps in surprise when the front door is opened before he inserts his keys to open it. The first thing that he sees is his father’s angry look and he walks into the house in confusion. He steps further inside and finds his mother standing nearby and he knows something is wrong. 

“I got a call today..from the pharmacy.” Bobby starts and Niall swallows thickly. He thinks he knows where the conversation is heading. “They wanted to know if they could substitute a generic for Niall Horan’s antidepressant prescription which they said Dr. Linda Horan had written!” Bobby’s voice is louder by the seconds. 

“Dad..I” Niall starts quietly as he wants to explain about what he had done. 

“What on earth were you thinking?!” Bobby’s voice boomed through the house. “You realize that by forging a prescription in your aunt’s name you could have been responsible for her losing her medical license? Did you think about that?” He asks angrily. 

Niall feels his heart drops at his father’s words. “Did she..” He tries to ask. 

“We haven’t told your Aunt Linda.” Maura pipes in as she crosses her arms over her chest and stares at her youngest son. 

“Because it would have upset her. Because it would have disgusted her.” Bobby snaps. “Because she is one of the few bridges that you haven’t burned recently!” 

“I didn’t think. Dad, i..” Niall says. His voice is quiet and he feels so tired, like he doesn’t have any fibre in his body to fight anymore. 

“So what were you thinking? Do you think about any of us anymore? Do you think about anybody but yourself? I am, I am shocked at this behavior. Even for you recently, well, it’s gone from irresponsible to criminal!” Bobby yells angrily. 

Niall flinches at his father’s word and he can feel his eyes start to water. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes quietly. 

“I’m sorry?!” Bobby asks disbelievingly. “You have got to be kidding me?”

“Oh, let him speak Bobby.” Maura pipes in, trying to give her youngest son a chance to explain himself.

“I just wanted to feel better again like Jamie and that stuff Aunt Linda was doing wasn’t working.” Niall explains quietly. 

“You could have asked. You could have talked to us.” Maura says. 

“I did ask. You said no.” Niall points out. 

Bobby, blinded by his rage, shaking his head at his youngest son’s attitude. “So, it’s our fault? Of course you don’t take any responsibility for your own actions.” He says as he looks straight into Niall’s eyes. “You blame other people. You blame Liam. You blame Dr. Malik. You blame us.”

“No, I just blame you.” Niall snaps. 

Bobby shakes his head disbelievingly. “Fine. Fine. I’ll write you a prescription.” He says before he strides toward the side table and pulls out his blank prescription sheet. 

“Bobby!” 

“What? What?! What else do you want me to do, Maura? You’re tired of doing nothing. Niall’s tired of doing nothing. And I am…completely out of ideas.” Bobby snaps as he starts to write on the paper. “So if this is what everybody thinks will make this whole thing go away, then fine!” He says as he signs the paper before he walks towards Niall. “Fine! Let’s make it go away. Here. Prescription for Niall Horan. Niall Horan. Not my son.” He says as he stuffs the paper into Niall’s palm. “Wherever he is, he would never have done this.” Bobby finishes before he storms out of the living room. 

Niall feels his tears start to roll down on his cheeks. He knows what his father had said was the truth. And the truth hurts. “Mom?” He asks as he glances up to look at his mother. His mother shakes her head at him disappointingly before she too takes off after her husband. Niall looks at the paper in his hand and cries silently. He doesn’t mean to upset anyone. Especially his parents. But he just doesn’t know what to do anymore. He feels like he is living in an autopilot mode. And as he stares at the paper in his hands, he doesn’t feel anything at all. All he can feel is empty and that he better off on his own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think xx


	8. and all you wanted was somebody who cares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soundtrack: [Michelle Branch - All You Wanted](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFFuue0nyRI)

“Shit. Where are you?” Niall curses to himself as he tries to find his football boot. He knows he had put it somewhere in the closet but he couldn’t find it. He had spent almost half an hour looking for the boot but apparently he fails to find it. Sighing loudly, he decides to ask Louis if the older boy had seen it somewhere else. He opens his door and walks towards Louis’s room across the hall. He is about to open Louis’s door which is already slightly ajar when he hears voices from inside the room. Niall raises his eyebrows. He doesn’t think that anyone is coming to see Louis at this hour. Niall peeks through the door and finds his brother is skyping with someone. Niall shrugs, thinking that maybe he can ask Louis and leave and he almost open the door but stops on his track when he hears Zayn’s voice. 

“C’mon! Look how much fun we’d be having.” Niall hears Louis pleads as the older boy looks at Zayn’s face on the screen. 

Niall can’t quite see Zayn’s expression from his spot but he hears Zayn’s reply anyway. “I’m not in the mood to watch soft-core porn with you.” Zayn says. “C’mon. Let’s just get The Pianist.” 

Niall smiles to himself as he sees how Louis scrunches his nose in distaste at Zayn’s answer. “No way! Just because you get the hives man from the tutor/babysitter doesn’t mean I can just watch a stupid piano movie.” 

Niall’s smile falters after he hears Louis’s comment. He doesn’t know that Louis also knows about Zayn and Perrie. Apparently, Zayn had told Louis about the girl. 

“It’s not just a piano movie. It’s also about the Holocaust.” Niall hears Zayn’s reply. 

“Yeah, well, that’s a selling point.” Louis deadpans sarcastically. 

“Forget it. Just get whatever you want. I don’t care.” Zayn says finally and Niall doesn’t know why he just can’t get away from Louis’s door. Or maybe he does know why. It’s because he misses hearing Zayn’s voice. After the talk at the wedding, they both had keep their distance from each other, meaning there is no more random calls from Zayn. Only a little messages here and there. 

Niall hears as Louis starts to speak again. “Look, you’re obviously sprung on this chick so you need a game plan, okay? And because I’m the master of all things woman or man or both..”

“No. Forget it. Okay? Forget it.” Zayn says and Niall can imagine on how Zayn is shaking his head at the moment. “I’ve tried everything.” Niall hears Zayn sighs in defeat. 

“No. No. You haven’t.” Louis says. “You’ve only tried what you’ve always tried and it didn’t work, did it?” He points out and when Zayn remains silent, Louis continues. “You went the way of the woos, put a boombox up in the air, you know, lay your heart on the line, Cusack crap. That is a bit tired, man. Bottom line, you don’t want to be living in some dippy romantic comedy.” Louis says and pauses. “You, my friend, want to live the life of the action star. Like The Rock. Taking Japan by day, getting the hunnies by night.” He says dramatically. 

“That man’s bicep is twice the size of my head.” Zayn deadpans, clearly thinking that Louis is talking nonsense, again. 

Louis shakes his head and sighs. “Ok. No, no. Forget The Rock, man. Look, we’re gonna work with what you’ve got, okay?” Louis says. “And you have is that mysterious vibe.” He points out. “That kinda Joaquin Phoenix, ‘I could go postal on your ass any minute’ kinda thing. You have to keep her guessing.”

“And how do I do that?” Niall hear Zayn asks.

“By ignoring her.” Louis says simply. 

“By ignoring her? That’s your plan?” 

Louis nods firmly. “It’s perfect. Cause right now, she’s expecting you to be all, you know, ‘hey sorry about copping a feel last night’..”

“I did not cop a feel..”

Louis cuts Zayn’s off before the younger boy could finish. “But if you ignore her, you maintain your position of power. Nothing keeps a girl around more than the possibility that hey, maybe you don’t even want her there.” He points out as he smiles at Zayn. 

Niall hears a beat of silence after that before Zayn finally replies to Louis. “You know, that actually makes sense.” He says and Louis smiles widely at him. “It’s wrong and evil, but it kinda makes sense.” Zayn adds. 

Louis nods. “Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.” He says and both of them chuckle. 

Niall thinks he has heard enough and starts to turn away before Louis will notice him eavesdropping on their conversation. Unfortunately, in his haste to turn, Niall stubs his toe at the edge of the door and Louis turns his head to look at the noise. 

“Who’s that?” Niall hears Zayn asks and as Louis stares at his brother, Niall shakes his head frantically. 

Louis looks at Niall understandingly before he turns to look at Zayn again. “My dad. He’s about to nag me because I’ve spent too long on the net. So, see you later, yeah.” He says, covering for his brother. He knows by the looks of Niall’s face, the younger boy doesn’t want Zayn to know that it was him at the door. Once he had signed off of the Skype, Louis turns and beckons for Niall to come in. 

“What’s up?” Louis asks as soon as Niall plops on the edge of his bed and rubs on his toe. 

“Nothing. Just wanted to ask whether you have seen my football boot.” Niall replies. 

Louis nods. “I think I saw mum put it on the shoe rack yesterday.” He says and Niall nods before he starts to stand up and leave. 

“So, how much of the conversation did you hear?” Louis asks, stopping Niall on his way out and the younger boy turns to look at his brother. 

“Well, the last part?” Niall replies in the form of question. 

Louis looks at Niall, trying to search for the reaction from the younger boy. “About Zayn wants to seduce Perrie?” Louis says and he knows he hits the right spot when Niall starts to look at anywhere but him. 

“Yeah.” Niall replies shortly. “Look, it’s already midnight. I have a friendly game tomorrow so..” Niall says before he starts to turn around again, hoping that his brother gets the hint that he wants to end their conversation.

Louis, moving quicker than Niall, suddenly runs and blocks the exit of his room with his body. “Tell me, what made you change your mind about Zayn? I thought you wanted to tell him about your feeling?” Louis asks curiously. He doesn’t understand why all of sudden Niall had bailed and Zayn also didn’t mention Niall’s name at all to Louis recently. He knows something had happened between both of the younger boys. 

Niall sighs and hangs his head in defeat. “If I tell you, you’ll let me sleep now?” He asks. 

Louis nods firmly. He knows Niall would always caving in because Louis is always persistent. “Just tell me.” He says to his younger brother. 

Niall sighs in resignation before he looks at his brother. “Okay. I told Zayn that he shouldn’t wait for me anymore. Sort of.” Niall says. 

“What? Why?” Louis asks in surprise. He does not expect that. He thought maybe Niall and Zayn had fought but they always got over it (they always do that, Louis notices). 

Niall shrugs. “I don’t know, just changed my mind about telling him about my feelings the other day. Plus, he has that Perrie girl now.” Niall points out. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Oh, please. Obviously we both know that girl is like a female version of you. Hell, I even peg you guys as twins if we’re not related.” He points out truthfully. In the back of his mind, he thinks he knows why Zayn is smitten with Perrie. The girl is like a twin version of his little brother. 

“Lou, don’t say thing like that.” Niall warns as he shakes his head disapprovingly. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Nah, it’s the truth. And I also think that this is the phase that Zayn will grow out and be done with, give it a month or two.” Louis says as he looks at Niall. 

Niall shakes his head. “Nah, I don’t think so.” He says and pauses. “I saw them kissed.” He adds. 

Louis’s eyes widen and he gasps in surprise. “What? When?” 

“The other day when I said I wanted to tell him about my feelings.” Niall explains truthfully. “They look happy.” He points out. 

Louis shakes his head. “But Ni, I know Zayn likes you.” Louis says confidently. Hell, Louis thinks the entire town knows that Zayn likes Niall. 

“Well, I think he just gets tired of me messing around with his feeling.” Niall says. “Plus, he looks happy, Lou. I just want him to be happy.” He adds as he stares at Louis, hoping that the older brother gets his point across. 

Louis swallows a lump in his throat as he looks at his younger brother. “Ni, you deserve to be happy too.” He points out. 

Niall shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t know, Lou. Maybe I will be happy again but I don’t think it’s fair to Zayn to be drag down along with me while I’m still a mess. It’s unfair to unload all my baggage to him.” He says. 

“But..” Louis tries to speak but Niall shakes his head again. 

“It’s okay. I’m fine with it. Just leave it at that, yeah?” Niall asks and after Louis nods, Niall starts to walk out from the room and Louis lets him walks passed him in silence. But before Niall is completely out of the door, Louis grabs Niall’s arm and pulls his brother into a hug. 

“You know I’ll always here for you, right?” He says and smiles when he feels Niall nods against his shoulder. 

“I know.” Niall replies. “Thanks, Lou.” He continues. Niall appreciates the gesture but he doubt that the older boy is truly understand on how empty Niall is feeling at the moment. Niall knows nobody understands that. Not even Zayn. 

 

*****

 

“This prescription should last you six weeks.” The pharmacist says. “Do you know how to take it?” He asks. 

Niall almost rolls his eyes at the pharmacist but he nods nonetheless. “Yeah, I..”

“All right.” The pharmacist cuts Niall’s off. “Zoloft should be taken once a day in the morning or in the evening. Whenever you prefer. Now once you decide, you need to take it at the same time every day.” 

“Yeah, I know. Thanks.” He says and nods before he takes the pills and heading towards the cashier. Once he reaches the counter, there is no one behind it and he taps on the counter impatiently. “Excuse me, do you know where the cashier is?” He asks as he spots a young guy near the counter, leaning over one of the shelves and reading a magazine. 

“I think he’s on break right now.” The guy replies simply. 

Niall huffs irritatingly. “Perfect.” He grumbles under his breath. 

“Yeah, he’s got only five minutes. I wouldn’t worry about it.” The guy says to Niall without even glancing from his magazine reading. 

“Oh, no, I’m not worrying. I’m just in a hurry.” Niall points out and the guy huffs and chuckles at Niall’s answer. “Something funny about that?” Niall asks, suddenly annoyed by the guy. 

The guy finally glances up from his reading to look at Niall and nods. “Uh, a little. Yeah. I mean, how old are you..15, 16? Can’t be too many things so important that being 5 minutes late would kill you.” The guy says. “I mean, what are the odds that the next moment is gonna be that much better anyway?” He asks. 

“At this particular moment, they’re pretty good.” Niall quips before he turns to look at the cash register again. Hoping that miraculously that the cashier will show up and he can leave the store and the annoying guy at once. 

The guy clears his throat before he puts down the magazine back to the shelf and starts to walk towards the cash register and put on his uniform-vest. And at that moment, Niall knows that the guy is the cashier. “Will that be all?” The guy asks. 

Niall nods. “Yeah, that’s all.” He says and starts to pull out his wallet to pay. 

“Oh, no gum or anything?” The guy asks. 

Niall shakes his head. “No.” 

“Sorry. I forgot. You’re in a hurry.” The guy deadpans and Niall rolls his eyes before he takes the change and starts to turn around, hoping that he will not meet the annoying guy again. 

 

*****

 

“What’s wrong with you?” Harry asks as soon as Zayn plops down on the couch beside him and let out a big sigh. He notices that Zayn was acting distance for couple of days, especially when Perrie was around and it confuses the hell lot of Harry. 

Zayn sighs, again. “Nothing. But I think there’s something wrong with Perrie. I think she’s upset.” He points out as he glances around and sees that Perrie is working distractedly at the kitchen. Part of him feels guilty for distancing himself from Perrie but a plan with Louis has to go on. 

Harry rolls his eyes at his brother. “I know. I’m 14, not stupid.” He deadpans sarcastically. 

Zayn ignores Harry’s comment before he starts to speak again. “So why don’t you go talk to her, try to make her feel better?” He suggests. 

Harry glances at his brother. “And how am I supposed to do that?” He asks, looking at Zayn curiously. 

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t know. Go tell her that she has nice hair or that you like her sweater or something.” He says. 

Harry shakes his head. “Why don’t you go tell her?” He asks curiously. 

Zayn tries to come out with the best lie to cover for his plan. “Because I think it would mean more coming from you.” And yeah, lame but whatever. 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “Why would she?” 

“Just go do it!” Zayn yells whispers, suddenly annoyed at Harry’s 20-questions. 

Harry, sensing that his brother is getting annoyed with his questions, nods. “Fine. I’ll do it later.” He finally agrees. “You owe me pizza!” He says and Zayn nods. 

They both turn their attention to the television screen again before suddenly Harry opens his mouth to speak again. “Zayn?” Harry calls out. 

Zayn hums in response to his brother as his eyes never leave the television screen. 

“What happened with you and Niall?” Harry asks suddenly and Zayn turns his head to look at his brother. 

“What’s with the sudden question?” Zayn asks. 

Harry shrugs. “I’m just curious. You used to talk about Niall all the time and now all of sudden it’s all about Perrie.” He points out bluntly. “You aren’t playing around with Perrie, right?” He asks sharply, his tone protective. He knows Zayn is his brother, but Harry loves Perrie like his own sister. 

Zayn sighs and slumps onto the couch. “Well, Niall and I are taking space from each other.” He says and pauses. “I guess.” He adds uncertainly. 

Harry raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Why?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Maybe he’s not ready. Maybe he’s still mourning. I don’t know. But I guess it’s the best for both of us at the moment.” He says. 

“So, Perrie is just your rebound?” 

“What?! No!” Zayn replies firmly. “I like her, okay? Maybe not as much as how I like Niall. Not yet, anyway. But she makes me happy.” He says truthfully. 

Harry nods understandingly. “But what about Niall?” 

Zayn shrugs again and let out a deep breath before he answers. “I don’t know. We’re still friends. Plus we weren’t even together before. Maybe it was just my stupid crush.” Zayn says. “Plus, Niall himself had told me not to wait up for him. And he apologized for wasting my time, so I guess, he doesn’t really has the same feeling towards me.” He admits truthfully. Zayn admits that he feels hurt but he is also glad that Niall had made it clear. At least he is not hoping on something that is uncertain.

Harry hums in response, trying to process on what Zayn had told him before he nods after few minutes of silence. “If you say so.” 

 

*****

 

“No. It’s not gonna be like the last college party that we went.” Jamie says and Niall rolls his eyes at his friend. 

“I’m sorry. I’m not interested.” Niall says again for the umpteenth time. 

“How can you not be interested in meeting somebody that you don’t even know?” Jamie asks, still trying to get Niall to go with him to the next party. 

Niall shrugs and sips on his drink, ignoring Jamie’s question. He glances around the diner when suddenly his eyes land on someone familiar near the pinball machine at the back corner of the diner. “What are you looking at?” Jamie asks him. 

“Nothing, just the clock.” Niall lies quickly. 

Jamie shakes his head disbelievingly before he turns his head to look at the direction that Niall is looking at. “Is that Dan Richards?” He asks as he turns to face Niall again. 

Niall looks at Jamie blankly. “Who’s Dan Richards?” 

“The guy at the pinball machine.” Jamie says as he turns to take a look at the guy again. “Huh, definitely Dan Richards.” He confirms. “I guess he’s out of rehab.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “Rehab? For what?” He asks curiously. 

“Oh, the guy was like, a total tweeker?” Jamie says. “He was doing meth practically every day before they sent him away. You didn’t hear about this?” He asks as he looks at Niall. 

Niall shakes his head. Obviously not, because he doesn’t think that he has even met the guy before. “Should I have?” He asks Jamie. 

“Well, I mean he went to the same school as you, I mean, us.” Jamie says. “I guess you guys didn’t really hang in the same circles though.” He adds. 

Niall shrugs. “Did he graduate or something?” He asks. He doesn’t know why but there’s something about the guy that makes he feels intriguing to know. 

Jamie shakes his head. “He’s only a year older than us, but when he was a sophomore, he tried to light his locker on fire, so they sent him away.” He says. “And I heard about the meth thing at boarding school. Basically, the guy’s famous for being insane.” He adds. “Anyway, so, it’s just one party.” Jamie changes the topic, still trying to get Niall to go with him to the party. 

Niall shakes his head at Jamie’s persistence and nods. “Okay, fine. I’ll go.” He finally says in resignation. 

Jamie grins widely. “Thank you. I can’t wait for you to meet Sandy. He’s really, really, really sweet.” Jamie gushes. 

Meanwhile at the same time that Niall is listening to Jamie, he also sneaks a glance to the guy and almost chokes on his drink when the guy is also looking at his direction and once their eyes meet, the guy smiles at him. One word that occurs in Niall’s mind at the moment is, shit. 

 

*****

 

Niall wanders around the party alone as he had lost Jamie to Sandy ten minutes after they had arrived at the party. He knows that this would happen but he doesn’t want to let Jamie down so he agreed to follow him to the party and look what happened. Apparently, Jamie has this idea that Niall would survive at the party without him. And so that’s where Niall is, alone at one corner of the house, sipping his drink alone. 

“You still in a hurry?” 

Niall chokes on his drink at the question and turns around only to find the guy, Dan, is leaning on the wall, staring at him. “Three sightings in two days. It’s gotta mean something.” Dan says. 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.” He says and starts to walk away from the guy. He feels like he doesn’t want to be around the guy because one, the guy had annoyed him at the store and two, the guy is annoying, enough said. 

“It’s okay. I’m Dan, by the way.” Dan introduces himself, apparently doesn’t get the hint that Niall doesn’t want to talk to him. 

Niall stops on his track and turns around again. “Yeah, I know who you are.” He says truthfully before he starts to sip on his drink, peering to take a look at the guy. 

Dan looks at the boy in front of him and shakes his head. “You know, you probably shouldn’t drink that. Alcohol doesn’t mix well, with, um..” He trails off. “..you know, you could get really sick.” He continues. 

Niall nods. “Yeah, I know. It’s soda. And it’s actually none of your business, so..” He quips. Who does the guy thinks he is? 

Dan raises his hands in defence to Niall’s snappy comment. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be an ass.” He apologizes. “I just, I..I usually don’t know anything worth anything, so when I do, I have to say it.” He says. 

“Well, it’s good to know that your expertise lies in knowing which kind of drugs and alcohol don’t mix.” Niall deadpans sarcastically. 

Dan chuckles and shakes his head at the blonde-haired boy’s sassiness. “What’s your name?” He asks. 

“Niall.” 

Dan nods. “Niall.” He says as he lets the name rolls off his tongue. It sounds great and perfect for the boy. “Niall, do you maybe want to continue this conversation somewhere that doesn’t have a keg?” He asks politely. 

Niall shakes his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” He declines. 

“Why, are you afraid you’re gonna miss out on this incredible party?” Dan asks as he walks closer to Niall’s spot. 

Niall huffs and rolls his eyes. “Yeah, right.” He replies sarcastically. Both of them know on how boring the party is. 

“So, what’s the worst that could happen?” Dan asks, almost as challenging the younger boy. 

Niall raises his eyebrows as he looks at Dan. “I don’t know. You could be boring.” He deadpans. 

Dan laughs and shakes his head. This boy is really something else. “I tell you what. If I’m more boring than this party, I’ll give you something of mine to keep.” He says and when Niall looks at him disbelievingly, Dan starts to pull out something from his pocket. “Here. How about my cellphone?” He asks as he hands it over to Niall. 

Niall takes the cellphone from Dan’s hand and smiles. “Does it come with a headset?” He jokes. Niall contemplates on what are his choices at the moment, to stay at the party or to accept the guy’s offer. The guy seems like he means no harm though. And after few beats of silence, Niall finally agrees to take the guy’s offer and then they head out of the house together. 

 

*****

 

“Ah, this guy is my hero. Poet turned songwriter turned Buddhist.” Dan says as he shows the record to Niall. “Went from living a completely indulgent musician’s lifestyle that took him all over the world to monking out on Mount Baldy. ‘Chelsea Hotel’ is just about the most amazing song ever written.” He continues. “You need to own this album.” He says as he hands the record to Niall.

“I don’t have a record player.” Niall says as he looks at the record which is now in his hand. “Does it come in a CD?” He asks, looking at Dan. 

“How can you not have a record player? This pains me.” Dan says, faking a gasp surprise as he looks at Niall. 

Niall simply shrugs. “Well, it’s not like they’re that easy to find. Where did you get yours?” He asks. 

“My grandma left me hers after she died. That’s the only thing I ever got from anyone.” Dan replies.

Niall raises his eyebrows. “That can’t be true. What about for Christmas, or your birthday or whatever?” He asks curiously. 

Dan smiles at Niall’s question and shakes his head fondly at Niall’s naivety. “Uh, I don’t want to bum you out with the details of my ‘E! True Hollywood Story.’” He says. “But I wouldn’t mind hearing yours.” He adds. 

Niall fiddles with the collection of CDs on the shelf and refuses to look at Dan as he answers to the older guy’s question. “I don’t have any sad stories.” 

Dan nods. “Right.” He says, and they both know that Niall is lying but Dan doesn’t push it. Instead, he smiles at Niall and asks, “So, coffees for the next pit stop?” 

 

***** 

 

“You know, a lot of people are on antidepressants. It’s not a big deal.” Dan says as they both are sitting in front of each other at the café, sipping their coffees. 

Niall shakes his head, disagree with Dan’s comment. “It is, to some people.” Niall replies. 

“Yeah, well, those people, I don’t think they understand depression.” Dan says. “I mean, I know what it’s like to want to escape your mind and your body and your entire life.” 

Niall nods, understand on what Dan means by escaping. He just wishes that everyone else understand that too. “Yeah, I can tell. But I never really got into the whole drug thing, so..” He trails off and Dan laughs out loud. “Why are you laughing?” Niall asks in confusion. Did he say something funny?

“Yeah, well, I’m guessing you heard the whole ‘meth addict’ rumor.” Dan points out as he looks at Niall. 

Niall raises his eyebrows, suddenly understand about what made Dan laughs. “So, you never..?” 

“Meth? No.” Dan says and shakes his head. “Pot, yeah.” He admits truthfully. 

Niall nods. “I see. Do you mind to share your stories?” He asks. 

Dan smiles and shakes his head. “Nah, if you have time, I would gladly to.” He says and Niall nods. “I have time.” Niall replies. 

The next thing they know, they both are walking around the park and still talking about Dan’s past. “And I drank a lot, and then I wound up in rehab, which, I mean, it sucked at first, but it helped, you know?” Dan says. “I’m clean now. My brain works. Well, barely.” He continues and pauses before he looks at Niall. “So, you want to know what I heard about you?” Dan asks, suddenly changing the topic. 

Niall shakes his head before he starts to sit on the bench at the park. “You didn’t hear anything about me.” He says. “You didn’t even know my name until I told you, remember?” He points out. 

Dan nods. “That’s right. I forgot about that.” He quips but they both know that Dan clearly knows on who Niall is. They live in the small town after all. 

Niall smiles and looks at Dan. “But what were you going to say?’ He asks. “I’m just curious.” 

“Well, um, I was gonna say that I heard you were the hottest and cutest, most popular boy at school.” Dan says as he stares at Niall. “But you didn’t care about that anymore. You..checked your crown at the door the day your boyfriend died and you’ve been wandering the halls alone ever since..” He says and pauses. “..looking for..something or..someone to fill the void and take all the sadness away.” He adds knowingly. 

Niall swallows thickly, trying to prevent the tears from coming out from his eyes. How come this guy, who was practically stranger until they started to talk about a couple of hours ago, understands exactly what he is feeling at the moment? He’s been trying to let everyone else to understand that but no one else did, except for this guy. Niall stares at Dan’s face and he swears he can see the understanding looks on the other guy’s face. He wants to say something but the universe has another plan because suddenly it is raining. 

“Here. Take this.” Dan says as he shrugs off his jacket and puts it on Niall gently. Niall smiles slightly at the gesture. “Thanks.” He says quietly but Dan hears him anyway. 

Dan smiles at the boy as they both start to stand up from their spots on the bench. “Ready to run in the rain?” Dan asks as he pulls out his hand for Niall to take. 

Niall stares at the hand for a second before he finally takes it and nods. “I’m ready.” He declares before they both start to run to find the closest shelter with their hands intertwined. 

 

*****

 

“I thought you were ignoring me.” Perrie says when Zayn takes a seat beside her on the swings at the front porch. 

Zayn looks at Perrie and raises his eyebrows. “What gave it away?” He asks. 

Perrie shrugs. “I figured it out when you fled from the kitchen when Jay called.” She points out. 

Zayn nods, doesn’t even bother trying to deny it. “You want to talk about it?” He asks, knowing that Perrie had been upset since that call and that is why he finally gives in and starts to talk to Perrie instead of ignoring her. 

Perrie shakes her head. “Not really.” She says. 

“You sure? I’m a really good listener.” Zayn insists. 

Perrie smiles fondly as she looks at Zayn. “I know you are.” 

Zayn smiles in return and stares at the girl beside him. “So, what he do? Was it just the standard obnoxious behavior or what?” 

Perrie sighs before she starts to speak. “Jay broke up with me because, um, well because he felt like I didn’t care about him the way that he cared about me.” She says. “And he wasn’t wrong.” She continues. 

“Well, that happens?” Zayn asks curiously.

Perrie nods. “Yeah, it does.” She says. “But then he accused me of liking somebody else.” 

“Somebody else.” Zayn repeats after Perrie. “Please tell me it’s not the drummer.” 

Perrie laughs and shakes her head. “No, it’s not the drummer.” 

“Good. But there is somebody else?” Zayn asks, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. So Perrie likes somebody else, got it.

“You know, I didn’t think that there was because when Jay said it, I told him he was crazy. Me and this other guy, we’re just friends. But then I realized that I get excited every time I know I’m going to see this particular friend. My stomach gets all fluttery when he walks into the room. I don’t know when that changed exactly.” Perrie says as she looks at Zayn. 

Zayn nods and remains silent as he listens to Perrie’s words. 

“Might have been the first time I saw him play his music. Or maybe it was when he told me how he felt about me.” She says and pauses. Zayn feels his heart is beating rapidly as he hears the words. Is Perrie talking about him? 

“Nobody’s ever talked to me like that before. It was like he was 10 years older than me instead of 4 years younger. Or the clincher was when he kissed me. I don’t know. At that moment, I just came undone.” Perrie admits as she stares straight into Zayn’s eyes. 

Zayn sucks on his breath as he stares right back at Perrie. She is definitely talking about him. “Oh. Unfortunately your taste in guys leaves a little something to be desired,” he comments before he continues, “but..if this is what your gut’s telling you to do, then I…I think you ought to go for it.” He adds. 

They both stare at each other in silence, contemplating on their choices and words and before they know it, they both start to lean closer and kiss on each other’s lips. 

 

*****

 

“So..” Dan trails off as he looks at the younger boy once the reach the front porch of Niall’s house.

Niall clears his throat before he starts to speak. “So, I should probably get inside.” He says as he looks at Dan. 

Dan nods and smiles. “Probably.” 

“Yeah, it’s probably really late.” Niall says, starting to feel awkward all of a sudden. He suddenly doesn’t know what to do as Dan is staring at him. He can feel his cheeks starts to feel hot under the gaze and he curses himself for being so damn pale that Dan probably can see his blush. 

“Or really early.” Dan points out as they both look at the sky. It is almost dawn already and Niall doesn’t realize on how much hours that they had spent together that night, just talking and getting to know each other. 

Niall smiles sheepishly as he looks at Dan. “Oh, here.” He says as he pulls off the jacket and hands it back to Dan. “Thank you.” He says as he steps closer to Dan. 

Dan takes the jacket from Niall’s hand and when their hands touch, Niall starts to blush again. Dan smiles fondly at the boy and leans closer to Niall, before he starts to kiss Niall on the lips. Niall is taken aback by the action but surprisingly, he also leans closer to kiss Dan as well. It’s brief and gentle and so unlike any other lustful kisses that Niall had before and he feels himself cracks a smile when they pull away. Dan smiles too and give a mock salute at Niall after that. “I’ll be seeing you.” He promises before he turns away and starts to leave. 

Niall watches as Dan leaves until the older boy is out of his sight. Slowly, Niall’s face starts to form into a smile again and he nods silently. “Yeah.” He mumbles to himself. He likes the guy and he thinks that Dan is the only one who is truly understands him at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you think :) I like knowing the readers' thoughts :)


	9. what you want of me, just deal with it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, First of all, I would like to apologize if I haven't put Ziall together yet. Or Larry. Like I said, this is a slow-burn and a hell long story (I've got 2-more sequels for this that I've decided to write it). So, I don't think rushing things are the best. Plus, the reason I wanted to write this based on Everwood (the TV series) because it was based on family-oriented theme with the core of young-love story (Ziall). They developed each characters and I kind of want to follow that and develop Niall and Zayn (and everyone else) characters before throwing them out to be just someone's boyfriends/girlfriends and sleeping around for fun (cough *gossip girl* cough). 
> 
> Sorry, I'm rambling but I just want to point out the plan that I would like to do for the rest of the chapters (including the sequels) later. :) 
> 
> p/s: Someone had pointed out in Small Town that thanksgiving is not celebrated in Ireland, but I couldn't think of any other celebration plus I want to be consistent with the last year's scene, so just read this as a fiction. :D 
> 
>  
> 
> p/s/s: Soundtrack of this chapter: [Apocalyptica - I don't care](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxDcWvZCSRg)

“Hello, anybody home?” Yasir shouts after he opens the front door. “Zayn? Harry?” He calls out but when the only reply he gets is a silence, he grins to himself. He quickly enters the house and going straight to the closet at the living room, trying to hide the presents that he had bought for the holiday. He is about to put the last gift on top of the shelves before suddenly he hears giggles from the front door. Yasir quickly closes the closet’s door and hides inside. 

“What are you laughing at?” Yasir hears Zayn’s voice as soon as the front door is opened. 

“You.” Yasir hears Perrie replies. 

“What about me?” He hears Zayn asks again but the answer from Perrie is muffled by something. “See, I told you nobody’s home.” Yasir hears Zayn points out after Perrie’s reply. 

Yasir shifts to stand closer to the door to listen properly. 

“No. I gotta prepare for dinner because Harry and your dad will come home soon.” Perrie says. 

Zayn chuckles. “Your nose is all red.” He says to Perrie and Yasir raises his eyebrows in curiosity. Since when, Zayn and Perrie are commenting about each other’s body parts? 

“Well, we can’t. We made a pact.” Perrie replies, trying to be stern. 

“Well. I can’t be tied to some pact when you’re standing here, looking all cute with your red nose. I’m sorry. I just can’t.” Zayn says. 

“I’m just not ready to do anything in the house.” Perrie replies. “What if your dad comes in?” She asks worriedly. 

“I locked the door.” Zayn points out. 

“Like he won’t figure that out. I mean, he’s a brain surgeon, for God’s sake.” 

Yasir peeks through the closet’s door and watches on how his son is wrapped up with Perrie, too close to her body and he knows something else is going on with them. 

“Oh, don’t let the fancy title fool you. He’s totally clueless.” Zayn says. “We could be making out right on top of him. He’d have no idea.” He adds. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows at Zayn’s comment. Clueless, huh? 

“If we don’t tell him, he’s just gonna figure it out on his own.” Perrie says before she pulls away from Zayn’s arms and heading to the couch. 

“He’s not gonna figure it out.” Yasir watches as Zayn trails off behind Perrie. “I’m telling you, he’s in his own world half the time. The other day, I spilled some soda on the couch, right? He told me to clean it up and instead, I just waited till he left the room and flipped the pillow over.” Zayn says and pauses before Yasir watches in horror when Zayn wraps his arms around Perrie’s waist again, bringing the girl’s body closer to him. “The man is dense.” 

Yasir watches as Perrie shakes her head. “No, he’s not. You should be thankful to have such a cool dad.” She points out. 

“Oh, sure, he’s cool. When you’re here.” Zayn quips. 

Yasir thinks he has heard enough and he wants to reveal himself but unfortunately the closet’s door is stuck. He peeks through the slit of the door again to watch both Zayn and Perrie who apparently haven’t pull away from their embrace as they look at each other. Then he gasps slightly when Zayn turns Perrie’s body towards him and starts to wrap his arms around the girl from behind and they look so intimate. 

“Instead of 6 to 9, come by in the morning and I tell you, you’ll be astounded by his lameness.” Zayn says before he starts to kiss Perrie’s neck slowly. 

“Zayn. I can’t. It’s wrong.” She says, trying to resist Zayn’s little kisses. 

Zayn sighs and looks at Perrie again. “Okay, I swear. I’ll promise to tell my dad about us.” He says and pauses. “If you promise to teach me that tongue curl thing you were talking about.” He teases. 

Perrie sighs in resignation before she smiles at Zayn and kiss his lips briefly. “Okay. Five minutes.” She says and Yasir watches in horror again when Zayn pushes the girl down so they both are lying on the couch and Yasir can’t see them anymore from his spot. He takes a deep breath before he starts to kick the closet’s door until it is opened. The noise startles both Perrie and Zayn as they jump away from each other quickly. 

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?” Yasir yells. 

 

*****

 

“This is beyond unacceptable! This is in some other universe of unacceptability!” Yasir yells, looking back and forth between Zayn and Perrie who are currently sitting on the couch while he is pacing angrily in front of them. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at his father’s words. “I think you might be overreacting a little bit.” He deadpans. 

“Overreacting?! I think not! Maybe you just think this is just another example of my uncool lameness, Zayn. But I don’t think it would be possible to overreact to this!” He says, still yelling. “How long has this been going on?” He asks. 

“Not long. I wanted to tell you.” Perrie pipes in. 

“Yeah, so I heard, right after the tongue curling lessons.” He points out sarcastically. “It’s a good thing I was in the closet just now.” 

Zayn huffs angrily as he looks at his father. “Yeah, what was that about anyway? You spying on me now?” Zayn asks. “Whatever happened to the right to privacy?” 

“When you’re 16, there is no privacy!” Yasir points out angrily. “This is why there’s no privacy when you’re 16! This!” He says as he points his finger at both of them. 

Perrie shakes her head. “Look, doctor, this whole thing was an accident.” She says. “It started out as kind of a kissing thing, and then it just, it kind of..” 

“No, this is none of your business.” Zayn cuts Perrie’s mid-sentence as he looks at his father. 

Yasir looks at his son incredulously. “None of my business?! She’s 20, you’re 16! I hired her! I brought her into my house!” He says. “I think aiding and abetting a felony makes it my business!” 

“Okay, I’m 16. So what?” Zayn challenges. “So would it be better if I was having sex with somebody my own age?” 

“Zayn!!” Perrie raises her voice at Zayn before she turns to look at Yasir again. “Dr. Malik, I swear we did not have sex. No sex at all.” She says firmly. 

Yasir looks at both of them, still mad. “The fact of the matter is Perrie isn’t your age, and whether you like it or not, that makes all the difference.” He points out before he looks at Perrie. “My first thought is to fire you, and then kill you.” He says as he turns to look at Zayn. “Here’s what we’re going to do.” He adds. “Firing you would be unfair to Harry, who’s the only I don’t want to suffer for this. Whatever has been going on between you two is over as of now.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. No way!” He says angrily. 

Yasir shakes his head, having none of Zayn’s tantrum anymore. “Completely and permanently! We are going to go back in time before any of this ever happened, and we are going to start over. Is that understood?” 

“This is bulls-“

“Totally.” Perrie quips, cutting Zayn’s off. “This whole thing was a mistake. It never should’ve happened.” She says. “I’m sorry, Dr. Malik.”

Yasir nods. “I think you should go home now, Perrie.” He says and Perrie stands up abruptly, leaving both of father and son at the living room. Yasir turns to look at his son. “And, Zayn, go to your room.” 

Zayn ignores his father and tries to follow Perrie. “Wait, Perrie.” 

“Don’t do it.” Yasir warns, stopping Zayn on his track. “You even think about it, she’s fired and you’re grounded for life.” 

Zayn turns and glares at his father angrily before he strides to his room, slamming the door out loud. 

 

*****

 

“Crumbs! Watch the crumbs!” Bobby warns as soon as Louis sits on the couch with biscuits in his hand. He quickly goes over to the couch and vacuuming it. 

“Relax, it’s just Grandma and Pop-Pop.” Louis replies to his father. 

“I’ll relax when they’ve gone home..” Bobby says. “..or died.” He adds. 

Louis rolls his eyes at his father’s overdramatic words. “I like Grandma Roberts.” He points out. 

“As it should be. To you, she’s a sweet, doting grandmother.” Bobby says. “To others, she’s a 70-year-old thorn. An impacted, infected painful thorn.” He adds bitterly. 

“We’re home.” Maura announces from the front door as soon as Bobby finishes cleaning up the living room. 

Louis stands up from his spot as his grandmother starts to open her arms to hug him. “Hello, sweetheart!” She coos and Louis smiles widely. “Hey, Grandma!” He greets excitedly and hugs his grandmother in return and then moves to hug his grandfather. “Hey, pop-pop!” 

Bobby watches the scene with a smile but his smile falters suddenly when the old woman is looking at him. “So, Bobby, you sent Maura to pick us up by herself. Are you not feeling well?” The woman asks sarcastically. 

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m perfectly healthy Mother Roberts.” Bobby replies, giving his fake smile to his mother-in-law. 

The old woman turns to look at Louis. “Could you get our bags, darling? I know your father isn’t much for the exerting.” She says and Bobby rolls his eyes. And when the old woman is looking at him again, Bobby knows how long that the weekend would be for him. Long and suffering weekend. 

“So, where’s my other beautiful grandson?” The woman asks, glancing around curiously. 

Maura and Bobby look at each other before Maura replies to her mother. “I’m sure he’ll be here shortly.” She says. 

“Yes, I’m sure he will be from..where he is.” Bobby adds. 

The old woman raises her eyebrows. “Interesting.” She comments. 

Bobby shakes his head, trying to explain. “He’s not exactly..”

“Oh, no need to explain. I’m sure you know what you’re doing.” The old woman says, and of course Bobby can pick the sarcasm in her words. 

 

*****

 

“You know, you don’t always have to, um, buy something.” Dan says as both him and Niall are walking hand-in-hand out from the store that he is working. “You could just come in and, you know, say ‘hi.’” He teases. 

Niall grins shyly and shrugs. “Um, I really needed these thumbtacks.” Niall replies, waving a small plastic bag for Dan to see. 

Dan raises his eyebrows and shakes his head before they stop at the corner of the building. “Really, really? For what, may I ask?” He asks, pulling Niall’s body closer to him. 

“For this cardboard thing that I have in my house that I tack things on at night, and I have very delicate thumbs.” Niall replies as he smiles at Dan, trying to sound innocent. 

Dan laughs and shakes his head fondly at the younger boy. Niall grins in return as he leans closer to kiss Dan. “Hey, um, my shift’s over in 20 minutes, if you want to hang out for the rest of the day.” Dan says after they pull away. 

“I would love to, my grandparents just flew in..so..” Niall replies. “I was supposed to be home, like, a half an hour ago.” He admits truthfully. 

Dan raises his eyebrows. “Hey. Big family turkey thing?” He asks. 

Niall nods. “Yeah. It should be a party.” He says. “Three generations of people who hate each other fighting over who gets the white meat. It’s great.” Niall says sarcastically. “But it’s probably like that at your house, too, so..” 

Dan chuckles and shakes his head. “Uh, no. We don’t really do holidays at my house. We’re not so big on traditions.” 

“Really?” Niall asks in surprise. “So, what are you going to do tomorrow?” He asks. 

Dan shrugs. “I don’t know. Probably nothing.” He replies simply. 

“Well, you should come to my house.” Niall blurts out suddenly and when Dan just chuckle at him, Niall shakes his head. “No, I’m serious. There’s going to be, like, a thousand people there anyway.” Niall says, exaggerating a bit but he knows that Dan knows what he meant. “It’s not like one more person is going to kill anyone.” He adds, trying to persuade Dan to join his family dinner. “Plus, my mom makes this great cranberry thing that I think you would love.” Niall continues. 

Dan stares at Niall and smiles. “You’re really sweet, you know that?” 

Niall blushes and shakes his head. “No, I just..” He says before they both start to lean closer again. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met.” Niall turns his head sharply when he hears the voice behind him. 

“Grandma.” Niall says, trying to hide his blush at being caught kissing Dan by his grandmother. 

Maggie smiles at her grandson before she extends her hand to shake Dan’s. “Maggie Horan. Niall’s favorite grandmother.” She says, introducing herself. 

Dan shakes her hand in return and smiles. “Hi. It’s Dan Richards.” He says before he turns to look at Niall. “Um, well, I gotta get back to work,” he says before he turns to face Maggie again. “But uh, it was a real pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Horan.” He says politely. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at dinner.” 

Maggie looks at her grandson in confusion for a second and when Niall is looking at her with a desperate look, she nods. “I guess you will.” She says and smiles at Dan. Once Dan leaves both of them alone, Maggie turns to look at her grandson. “Who’s the new co-pilot?” She asks. 

“Nobody. Just a guy.” Niall replies shyly. 

Maggie raises her eyebrows. “’Just a guy,’ my boots. No grandson of mine goes around holding hands with a guy who’s ‘just a guy.’” She says and when Niall blushes, she chuckles fondly. “See you and your friend at the big turkey day gorge-athon.” 

Niall grins and nods. “Okay. Bye, Grandma.” 

 

*****

 

“It sounds like a music from when they killed Bambi’s mom.” Harry comments to Perrie as they listen to the sound of the piano from the living room. 

“It’s normal for people to get depressed around the holidays.” Perrie replies. But she knows exactly why Zayn is playing music like that. 

“Hey, it looks like you’re running low on construction paper.” Zayn announces suddenly as he looks at Harry after he enters the dining area. 

Harry raises his eyebrows, looking at the papers on the table. “It’s okay. I have more in my room.” 

“Well, if you go get it, I’ll help you out with your project.” Zayn offers. Harry looks at Zayn in confusion for a few seconds before he finally gets the hint. Zayn wants to talk with Perrie, alone, and so being a good brother that he is, Harry nods and starts to leave. 

Zayn waits until Harry is out of his sight before he looks at the girl. “Perrie..”

“Please don’t.” Perrie cuts Zayn’s off, still not looking at Zayn. 

“Don’t what? I’m just trying to figure what’s going on.” Zayn says desperately. After the incident last night, Perrie won’t take his calls and doesn’t reply to his texts and Zayn just want to talk to her about them. 

“Nothing’s going on. It can’t. I mean, you heard your dad.” Perrie points out. 

“Screw my dad! I don’t care what he says.” Zayn quips. 

Perrie turns her head, finally looking at Zayn. “Well, I care what he says. He’s not totally wrong, either.” She admits. 

“How could he not be wrong? He doesn’t know what we’re about.” Zayn says. 

Perrie shakes her head. “We’re not about anything. We are not anything. Not anymore.” She says firmly. 

“Why, cause he says so?” Zayn asks. “You can’t just turn your feelings off like that.” He points out. 

“Yeah, I can.” Perrie replies stubbornly. 

Zayn shakes his head and huffs. “Well, I don’t believe you.” 

“Look, I knew that it was wrong. I knew that it wouldn’t work. I knew that not telling your dad would make things worse.” Perrie says. “I’m three for three. I’m going to quit now.” She adds. 

Zayn shakes his head stubbornly. “You know, you said you liked me. You said I made you undone. I don’t know what that means exactly but I know it’s a good thing. And I know it doesn’t just go away, not if you really care about somebody.” He says, trying to get Perrie to listen to his points. “There’s no way you don’t still have those feelings.” 

Perrie bits her lips and shakes her head. “Zayn, I can’t.” 

“That’s not the same thing.” Zayn says. “’Can’t’ is because of my dad. ‘Don’t’ is because of you.” He adds, staring right into Perrie’s eyes, looking for the answer. “Can’t or don’t? Just tell me.”

Perrie looks at Zayn and takes a deep breath before she opens her mouth to reply. “Don’t.” 

 

*****

 

“Hey, I met Niall’s new boyfriend.” Maggie says to Bobby when they are busy organizing the stuffs at the kitchen together. “Seems like a nice kid.” She adds. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Boyfriend? What are you talking about? Since when does Niall..” He asks incredulously.

Maggie raises her hands, trying to stop Bobby’s words. “Reit it in there, cowboy. He wasn’t on his way to Vegas in a wedding suit.” She says. “He’s just some boy. Works at the store. I think his name was Dan Rich…” she adds, trying to recall the name but fails to do so. “..something. Anyway, you’ll see him at dinner.” She continues. 

Bobby looks at his mother in confusion. “He’s coming to Thanksgiving dinner? Here? Since when is this..”

“You might want to mix those.” Maggie says, ignoring her son’s outburst and points at the stuffs on the table. “I’ll be back with Irv in a few hours.” She says before she takes off, leaving Bobby alone with a confused thought in his head. Niall has a new boyfriend? 

 

*****

 

“You are the best cook.” Linda says to her sister-in-law and Maura laughs. “Absolutely.” She replies. 

“Hey, guys, can I help?” Niall asks as he enters the kitchen and look at both of his mother and auntie. 

“You bet! Grab a peeler.” Maura says before her eyes meet with Linda’s as they are surprised by Niall’s action. It’s been a while since Niall offers to help them or just talking to them at all. 

Niall waits for a few minutes later before he starts to open his mouth to speak. “Um, would it be okay if I invited someone for dinner?” Niall asks his mother. “I mean, I know it’s kind of short notice, but..”

Maura raises her eyebrows as she looks at her son. “A friend from school or..” 

“Yeah, kind of, but he transferred.” Niall replies simply. 

“Oh, so it’s ‘he’, is it?” Linda teases her nephew. 

Niall shakes his head and blushes slightly. “Oh, it’s nothing like that.” He replies, too quickly for his own liking. “His family’s kind of messed up and he was going to spend Thanksgiving all alone.” Niall says, looking at his mother. “And I told him that your cranberry sauce is the most amazing thing.” He adds and grins. 

“Well, it’s true, it is.” Maura says and nods. 

“I know, I just thought it’d be nice if he could spend the holidays with the family and you’re always saying the holidays are a time to be charitable and to be..” Niall rambles, trying to persuade his mother to let Dan to join the family for the dinner. 

Maura, knowing her youngest son too well, smiles at him. “Of course you can ask him, sweetheart.” She says gently. 

Niall’s eyes go wide and he smiles happily at his mother. “Really?” He asks and when Maura nods, Niall’s smile widens. “Thanks, Mom! I’m going to call him now.” He says cheerfully before he kisses Maura’s cheek and leaves the kitchen. 

Once Niall leaves, Linda turns to look at Maura and raises her eyebrows. “Wow. Was that Niall being happy?” She asks.

“Oh, don’t say that word out loud.” Maura warns, but she smiles nonetheless. “You might jinx it.” She adds before she realizes something. “Uh, Niall! Niall, what’s his name?” 

 

*****

 

“Dan Richards is coming over for dinner? Oh, man!” Louis exclaims disbelievingly after his father had told him that Niall is bringing his friend for the Thanksgiving dinner. And the name of Niall’s friend is apparently Dan Richards. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows at his eldest son. “What does that mean, ‘oh,man’?” He asks curiously. 

Louis shakes his head and shrugs. “Well, I didn’t know he got out of rehab.” He replies simply. 

Bobby glances around the market, trying to see if anyone else are nearby before he turns to face his eldest son again. “Niall’s dating an alcoholic?” Bobby asks, not too loud in case someone could hear them. 

Louis shakes his head. “No. He’s more into drugs. Got busted last year with a crap load of crystal meth, like, five baggies worth of weed.” Louis says. “But he might’ve just been selling the pot.” He says distractedly as he tries to reach the can on the shelf while talking to his father. 

“So he’s a dealer as well as a junkie?” Bobby points out. “That’s wonderful.” He says sarcastically. “Louis, are you sure about this? Because if these are simply rumors..” Bobby asks his son for confirmation.

Louis shrugs and glances at his father. “Look, all I know is he got kicked out of the school two years ago.” He says. 

“For drugs?” Bobby asks incredulously. 

Louis shakes his head. “No, tried to burn the school down, so he’s kind of arsonist, too. Might wanna hide the matches.” Louis comments and laugh when his father’s face turns into a horror expression. 

 

*****

 

“How are those potatoes coming?” Yasir asks as he looks at Zayn who is silently peeling the potatoes near the sink. “No fingertips in there yet, I hope.” He adds. 

“Zayn, you gotta stand closer to Perrie.” Harry suddenly pipes in. “That way you’re both in the little box.” He says as he walks around the kitchen with the camera. 

“Enough with the camera, Harry.” Zayn snaps. 

Harry raises his eyebrows at Zayn’s snappy response. “It’s the new tradition, remember? You started it last year.” He points out, apparently clueless on what is going on between the other three people at the kitchen. “Okay, Perrie, you have to look into the camera and tell me what you’re grateful for.” 

Perrie inhales deeply as she tries to hold back her tears as she glances at Zayn from the corner of her eyes. And then she shakes her head at Harry and turns to look at Yasir with the container in her hand. “Okay, um, this just needs to marinate for a few hours.” She says and put the container on the table. “And, uh, as far as the turkey goes..”

“You’re not leaving, are you?” Harry asks. 

Perrie clasps her hands and nods. “I have to, Hazza.” She says, trying to act like she is cool with it. 

“But you said your parents went out of town for Thanksgiving, and you’d eat here with us.” Harry points out, starting to get mad at both of his father and brother. He knows something is going on here because of both of them and Perrie looks so upset at the moment.

Perrie shakes her head, and backs slightly to the stove until her fingers accidentally touched the hot stove. “Ouch.” She hisses in pain and Yasir is quick to move. “Let me see that.” He says. 

“No, I got it.” Zayn cut off quickly and moves towards Perrie before he starts to take her hand in his to examine the burn. 

“I’m fine. Really, it’s fine.” Perrie says, but Zayn just keeps silent and starts to put a cold towel on her hand. Perrie’s tears start to come out as she looks at Zayn for a moment and she shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I have to go. I’m sorry.” She says as she starts to walk away. 

“But you’re coming back, right?” Harry asks. 

“You know, I can’t come back anymore.” Perrie replies as she looks at Harry. “I can’t.” She says, her voice cracking before she takes off from the house. 

Zayn turns to face his father and glares at the old man after Perrie leaves. “You did this.” Zayn says accusingly. 

Yasir ignores Zayn first and looks at his youngest son instead. “Harry, would you go upstairs for a minute, please?” 

Harry shakes his head. “No.” He replies firmly. He is not going to get sent away anymore. He is old enough to know about what is going on here. 

“You couldn’t stand that I was finally happy, that I had somebody and you didn’t.” Zayn says heatedly as he glares at his father.

“It was wrong, and I couldn’t just turn my back on it!” Yasir says. “Perrie knew that, and she agreed with me.” 

“She agreed with you because you threatened her!” Zayn quips. 

“Why did you threaten Perrie? Don’t you like her?” Harry pipes in. 

“Of course I do, but not for dating your brother.” Yasir replies. 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “You’re dating Perrie?” 

Zayn ignores his brother’s question and continues to glare at his father. “You say you want me to grow up, but you don’t. You want me to stay a kid forever so you can do all that stupid father-son stuff that you missed out on and feel guilty about, but you know what? It’s too late.” Zayn says. “I’m a man, and I’m going to make my own decisions.” He adds before he starts to walk away from the kitchen and heading to his room. 

Yasir trails behind his son and shakes his head. “No. you’re not a man. If you were, you’d realize how childish you’re being right now.” He says. “Upsetting your brother, blaming me for your mistakes. I’m sorry that you’re hurting, and I know it must be difficult for Perrie as well, but you two have put me in an impossible situation!” 

Zayn stops dead on his track on the stairs and turns to face his father from his spot. “How could something be impossible if it’s happening? It was. It was great, and you couldn’t deal with it, so you had to make it impossible. You make my entire life impossible!” 

“This isn’t a question of what I can deal with, Zayn!” 

“Yes, it is! You’re alone. That’s your problem. Okay, that’s fine. I’m not you. I don’t wanna be like you. If Perrie and I want this. That is all that matters.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, it’s not all that matters!” 

Zayn huffs angrily, refusing to listen to his father anymore. “I shouldn’t have to be alone just cause you are!” He yells before he storms off. 

 

*****

 

“Well, I think we’ve waited long enough.” Bobby says as he looks around the dining table, at the same time as the front door is opened. 

“Well, everybody. This is Dan.” Niall announces as soon as he enters the dining room with Dan in tow. “Dan, this is my mom, everybody.” Niall says as he looks at Dan. 

“Hi.” Dan greets politely and smiles. 

Everybody else on the table nods and smiles in return. “Hi, Dan.” 

Well, except for Bobby. 

“Thank you for, uh, having me, Mrs. Horan.” Dan says politely as he walks over to Maura and gives her a bouquet of flowers. 

Maura takes the flower and smiles. “Well, thank you.” She says warmly, already liking the politeness of the boy. 

“You’re late.” Bobby points out with a serious tone. 

Dan turns to look at the older man and nods. “Oh, it’s my fault, sir. The only flowers left at the first place were kind of dead, so I had to drive around and find a place that was open and, uh, anyway, I’m really sorry.” He apologizes politely. 

Maura smiles at Dan. “I’ll just put these in some water.” She says before she gives her husband a pointed look. Trying to warn him to behave. 

“Well, isn’t he sweet as apple pie! I want him to sit here.” Grandma Roberts says suddenly and pats a seat beside her. Niall smiles gratefully at his grandmother before he nods to Dan and both of them take a seat. 

 

*****

 

“Whatever.” Harry grumbles to his father’s question about something. Well, he’s kind of tune out about whatever his father had asked earlier. 

“He doesn’t care about that.” Zayn pipes in. 

Harry huffs angrily as he looks at his brother across the table. “You don’t know what I care about.” He quips. 

“Have some turkey, Hazza.” Yasir says, looking at his youngest son. 

Harry shakes his head and glares at his father. “I’m not hungry, and you can’t call me Hazza when I don’t like you.” He points out. He is mad at his father, well at Zayn too because they made Perrie fled out from their house and couldn’t have a dinner with them. He takes a deep breath before he starts to speak again. “Can I please go to my room?” 

Yasir, knowing that Harry would be mad if he says no, finally sighs in resignation. “Yes, if you’d like.” He says and Harry stands up abruptly and leaves the dining room. 

“You know what’s really sad?” Zayn asks once Harry leaves the room. 

Yasir sighs loudly and puts down his fork and knife on the table. “Oh, come on, don’t start with me, Zayn.” 

Zayn ignores his father’s words and continues talking. “We’ve been here a year and a half and look at this table. There’s no one here. Doesn’t that seem a little weird to you?” He asks as he looks at his father. “When Mom made Thanksgiving dinner, it was fun. We had like, 20 people over. That’s why it was Harry’s favorite holiday.” 

“Look, we can go you your grandpa next year if you want, okay?” 

“What I want is to be able to have a life, and I wouldn’t even mind having to share it with you, but you won’t let that happen. You’re so busy controlling everything and everyone that I don’t even know what you’re controlling anymore.” Zayn points out. “What is so wrong with me and Perrie?” He asks. 

Yasir shakes his head. “Many, many things.” He emphasizes. 

Zayn huffs. “No, there’s not. I know the age thing freaks you out, but there’s more to it than that. I can tell. I just can’t figure out what it could be.” Zayn says. “She’s great, she’s smart, she loves Harry, she even likes you. What is it that you’re trying to stop?” He asks. 

Yasir stares at his eldest son for a moment before he replies. “It’s just wrong.” 

Zayn sighs, knowing that his father won’t tell him anything. “Can I please be excused?” 

Yasir nods. “Sure.” He says and then he is left alone at the dining table. 

 

*****

 

“Who made the plum gravy?”

Louis glances up from his plate to look at Grandma Roberts. “Dad makes it every year.” He replies. “It’s good, huh?” 

“Got more hairs than plums in it.” She criticizes. 

“Mother!” Maura says sternly. 

Bobby ignores his mother-in-law and turns to look at Dan. “So, how long have you known my son?” He asks. 

Dan scrunches his forehead, trying to remember before he replies to Bobby. “Um, I don’t know, I guess about two weeks now.” He says. 

Bobby nods. “Oh. How old are you?” 

“I am 17.” Dan replies. 

“Dad, can we just eat, please?” Niall asks as he looks at his father. He knows what his father is doing and he feels a little embarrassing. Plus, there are other family members there too, including both sides of his grandmothers and grandfathers. 

Bobby shrugs like he doesn’t care at all about that. “Oh, just trying to get to know the boy.” He replies to Niall before he looks at the boy besides his youngest son again. “So, you’re 17, huh? But now, I understand you’re still a junior. That’s unusual, isn’t it? I mean, normally you’d be a year ahead of Niall by now, right?” He jabs. 

“Bobby..” Maura warns from the other end of the table and Niall sighs at his father’s 20-questions. 

“No, you’re right, Dr. Horan.” Dan replies, still maintaining his politeness despite the obvious tension that starts to fill the air. “I, um, I took some time off.” 

Bobby nods. “Huh. I notice, uh, that you’re not with your family today.” Bobby points out. “They, uh, kick you out for some reason or another?” 

“No, we don’t really do holidays at my house.” Dan replies as his left hand starts to hold Niall’s hand on the table, trying to get some support to maintain his cool. 

Of course Bobby can see it and of course he doesn’t like it. “Oh, that’s a pity.” Bobby says. “But then your family don’t suppose to have much to rejoice when their son is a known felon.” He adds. 

Niall puts down his forks and knife on the table loudly and glares at his father. “Dad!” He hisses angrily. 

Dan stands up abruptly from his seat, nodding at the other guests. “I think I should probably go. Um, thank you for dinner, Mrs. Horan. It was a pleasure to meet you all.” He says before starts to leave. 

Maura nods and smiles. “You’re welcome.” 

Niall stands up too, wanting to seek Dan out but Dan shakes his head. “It’s okay. I’ll see you later.” He says before he turns around and leaves the room. 

“Bobby, I think you crossed the line.” Linda comments after Dan leaves the room. 

“You think? I’d say he plowed over the line with a tractor.” Grandma Roberts pipes in. 

Niall throws away his napkin on the table and starts to leave the room too. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Bobby asks. 

“To my room.” Niall replies angrily. 

Bobby stands up from his chair and turns to follow his son. “You know, that boy is not allowed back in this house ever again. Is that clear?” He asks firmly. 

Niall stops dead on his track and turns to face his father. “Then I’ll just go to his house next time.” He replies simply. 

Bobby stares at his son. “No, you will not.” 

“Oh, what are you going to do about it?” Niall challenges. 

“Who do you think you’re talking to, young man?” Bobby asks, his voice is getting louder than before. “You know, I drove to another city to pick you up during one of your cries for help. I put you on the antidepressants that you begged me for, but I will not have my son dating some crystal meth junkie!” He yells. 

Niall shakes his head. “Oh my God, he is not..” 

Bobby ignores his son and continues talking. “And the fact that you kept this boy a secret from us just proves how manipulative you’ve become.” He says. “No, clearly your behavior is not the by-product of some mysterious depression. It is malicious, and it is intentional, and it is over!” He starts to yell again. “From now on, you will have no TV, no phone, no car, no internet! I will take you to school, and I will bring you home, and you will not leave this house otherwise! This self-indulgent act of yours is going to stop. Right now!” 

Niall shakes his head disbelievingly as he looks at his father. “You think by keeping me a prisoner in my own home that you’re going to save me?” Niall asks and he can feel tears of frustration start to come out from his eyes and he wipes it away angrily. “From what, Dan? You don’t even know him. As far as I can see, the only person that I need to be saved from anymore is you!” 

“Niall..” Maura calls out from the table, trying to fix the situation but both Niall and Bobby are ignoring her. 

“I hate this house, I hate my school, I hate my friends, and I hate this family. I hate everything about my entire stupid life. So you can ground me, dad, and you can yell at me and you can do whatever the hell that you want because honestly, I wish I was dead!” Niall admits loudly. “I don’t feel anything anymore, and you want to know what the best part? I don’t even care.” He adds before he storms off to his room. 

 

*****

 

“Zayn, please.” Perrie says as soon as she opens the door and finds Zayn standing in front of her. 

“You were right about my dad.” Zayn says, heading straight to the point. “We should’ve told him about us from the beginning. My mistake.” Zayn admits. 

Perrie shakes her head. “I don’t think it would’ve made a difference.” She points out. 

Zayn shrugs. “Maybe..maybe not. But it would’ve been the more adult way to go about it. And from now on, that’s how I’m going to do things with you and me.”

“Zayn..” 

Zayn shakes his head, stopping Perrie before she can speak. “Look, you might’ve had a million boyfriends before. I’ve never had a real relationship. I’ve never actually liked someone who liked me back in the same way that I liked them at the same time.” Zayn points out. “I think it’s something I got to fight for.” He explains. 

“Fight how? We’re not going to get to change your dad’s mind.” Perrie says in defeat. 

“Screw my dad. He can’t stop this.” Zayn says. “At the end of the day, the only person that can..is you.” He adds, staring right into Perrie’s eyes. 

Perrie sighs. “All right, let’s say we convince him. I mean, what about everybody else? Your friends, my friends, the government..” 

“Well, Mr. President has his hands full at the moment.” Zayn quips. “And as far as my friends go, I only got two. You’re one of them, so..” he says and pauses. “..as my friend, how would you feel about me dating Perrie?” 

Perrie shakes her head and smiles at Zayn’s persistence. Finally, she sighs in resignation and nods. “I don’t know, she’s a pretty cool chick.” She says before they both start to lean and kiss each other. 

 

*****

 

“You made a fire.” Yasir points out as he enters the living room and spots Zayn in front of the fireplace. 

Zayn turns to glance at his father. “Oh, we hadn’t used the fireplace yet this fall. I figured it was about time.” He replies. 

“I haven’t even cleaned the flue yet.” Yasir says. 

“I did it.” 

“And I haven’t brought the wood in from the backyard.” 

“I did it.” Zayn replies shortly. Then he turns to look at his father. “I saw Perrie tonight.” He blurts out. “I’m going to keep seeing her, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” 

Yasir nods understandingly. He has been thinking about it all night. “I know. I’m not going to try. I’m going to let you do this, Zayn. I think it’s wrong. I think you’re making a big mistake, but I think I have to let you make it.” He says as he looks at his son. 

“Gotta admit, not the direction I thought this conversation was going.” Zayn says. 

Yasir smiles. “I also want you to know that, uh, that my concerns about this, um..”

“Relationship?” 

Yasir nods. “My concerns have nothing to do with you, not in the way that you think. But that doesn’t mean you’re ready for something like this, and it doesn’t mean that I’m ready to watch you go through something like this.” He says. “But I value what we’ve been building here too much to risk destroying it by trying to stop you. I also know that if I forbid you to see Perrie, it’ll just make it that much more appealing to you.” 

“This isn’t some act of rebellion. This is real, dad.” Zayn says firmly. 

“I know it is. You should’ve been honest with me from the beginning.” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I just..it all happened so fast.” Zayn says. “I didn’t have a chance to think about it.”

Yasir nods, looking at his son and smiles. “Yeah, well, life’s like that sometimes.” 

 

*****

 

“I cannot even begin to imagine what you were thinking!” Maura scolds her husband. “I mean, after the day we’ve had, I have to have not one, but two calls from credit card companies to see if our card has been stolen because someone is running up a tab, they say. A casino, Bobby?” 

“Well, I hope you’re proud of yourself.” Grandma Roberts pipes in. “Pardon me for saying this, but from where I’m standing, you’re failing this family.”

Maura sighs and rolls her eyes. “Mother, please.” 

“Why? It’s true. You’ve lost Niall, and Louis will never amount too much because you didn’t push him enough in the beginning. I knew when he was still little you weren’t raising him right.” The old woman says and shakes her head. “And now you’re profligate gambler to boot. Oh, if only Maura had married Richard McKenna.” She says. “But she settled for you instead, a man content to follow in his father’s footsteps. And sure enough, you walked down the same dead end he did, and you dragged my legacy along with you.” 

“Mother, just shut up!” Maura snaps. 

“Well, excuse me?” The old woman gasps. 

“I said shut up. How dare you come into our home and pass judgement like that. Bobby may have screwed up big time tonight, but he’s as fine a husband as any man. And don’t you ever say that I settled. I am the lucky one here, mother, because as good a husband as he is, he’s an even better father. His only fault may have been to love his kids so much sometimes. Everything he ever did was to help them, not to tear them down like you constantly did with your children.” 

“Maura, how can you say that to me?!” 

“Easy, because she’s right.” Maura’s dad points out as he enters the living room. “Why do you think the kids never come to visit us?” He asks his wife. “Now you go upstairs and you pack, so we can leave these people in peace first thing tomorrow.” He orders and the woman huffs before she obeys. Once her mother leaves, Maura’s father turns to look at both of them. “Now, I know you two aren’t having an easy time of it right now. Me, I wouldn’t wish parenthood on my worst enemy. But I wish you both luck. You’re always in my prayers.” 

Maura shifts and hugs her father. “Thanks. Good night daddy.” She says before she pulls away and turns to look at her husband. “Promise me you’ll never do thing like this again? Gambling around because you’re upset?” 

Bobby nods his head regretfully. “I promise.” 

 

*****

 

“So, are you back for real?” Harry asks Perrie once they sit on the couch at his house. 

Perrie nods and smiles at the younger boy. “That’s the plan.” 

“So, can we go back to how it was before?” Harry asks. 

“Well, yes and no.” She replies. “I’m still your tutor/babysitter, but it’s not going to be exactly like it was before. And I don’t want you to be upset with your dad or Zayn.” She adds. “We’re all just going to start over from scratch.” 

Harry rolls his eyes. “We do that a lot around here.” He deadpans. 

Perrie chuckles and nods understandingly. She is still talking with Harry when Yasir spots them at the living room. “I gotta talk to your dad for a minute, okay?” She says and Harry nods understandingly before he leaves the living room. 

Perrie stands up from the couch and looks at Yasir. “Dr. Malik. I just want to apologize, again. For everything.” Perrie says apologetically. “And thank you for my job.” 

Yasir nods. “Sit down, Perrie.” He says and both of them sit on the couch across each other. “I’ve gotta ask you something.” He starts. 

Perrie nods. “Sure, what is it?” 

“Do you remember your first love?” Yasir asks. 

“Yeah, of course I do.” She replies. 

“Then you remember how it felt when it ended. That agonizing kind of pain? It really only does happen once, but it stays with you forever.” Yasir says. “Zayn hasn’t felt that yet. He’s had crushes, and some pretty good ones, too, but’s never had a relationship. You’ll be his first.” He points out. 

“Yeah, he told me that. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Perrie admits. “In my head, I know it doesn’t make sense, but I felt it, you know? I guess maybe I should think more and feel less. Or maybe I’m naïve enough to think that it could work, too.” She adds. 

Yasir nods understandingly. “I know Zayn thinks he’s a man, and I know you see him that way, too, but he’s not. He’s just a boy, and his heart is wide-open.” He says and pauses as he looks at the girl in front of him. “So, be careful with it.” 

 

*****

 

“Niall, will you please come down and say goodbye to your grandparents?” Maura says as she keeps knocking on the door of his youngest son’s room. “Let’s not take this out on them.” She continues. After few moments of silence, Maura straightens out and knocks louder than before. “Niall James, will you open this door, please?!”

“That’s just enough.” Bobby says suddenly behind Maura and takes over her spot in front of the door. “Niall, come out here this instant!” He knocks and when Niall still doesn’t open the door, Bobby pulls out the spare key from his pocket. “Well, fine. Fine, I’m coming in.” 

“Niall?” Maura calls out as soon as both of them has entered the room. The bed is empty with no sign of Niall’s sleeping on it at all and Maura tries to look at the bathroom but it is also empty. 

Bobby looks around the room and his eyes stop at the window. “Maura.” Bobby calls out as he walks towards the window. The window’s seal is opened and both Maura and Bobby look at each other knowingly. 

“We don’t know how long he’s been gone.” Bobby says to the police officer as they are all pile together in the living room, a few hours after they realize that Niall is gone from the house. 

“We just thought he was up in his room pouting all night.” Maura adds. 

“Most cases like this, kids come home the same day.” The police officer says. “They’re just driving around, trying to piss off mom and dad.” He adds. 

“That’s not it.” Maura says. “He was pretty upset last night. He said some troubling things.” She adds worriedly. 

“What’s going on?” Linda asks as she just arrives her brother’s house. 

Bobby turns to look at his sister. “Niall’s gone. He left sometime last night.” He explains. 

“With his friend, uh, Dan?” Linda asks. 

“The sheriff spoke to Dan. He says he doesn’t know where Niall is.” Bobby replies. 

The walkie-talkie on the sheriff’s shoulder suddenly starts to make a noise and the sheriff starts to speak into it. “Let’s put out on all points on Niall Horan. Blonde-hair, blue eyes. Height, 5’ 7 ½”. Weight, approximately 115. Last seen wearing a black jeans and white shirt with a grey sweater.” 

“You have affirmative. How do you want to handle?” The woman’s voice from the walkie-talkie can be heard across the living room.

“10-36, amber.” The sheriff replies simply. 

“What’s that mean?” Bobby asks curiously. 

The sheriff turns to look at the whole family in pity. “Missing child.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, what do you guys think? 
> 
> p/s: still can't get over on how great Story Of My Life is


	10. We look pretty normal, let's go back to that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Planning to post on weekend but just realized that my weekend is fully booked with activities. So here is the new chapter. Title is taken from [Pink - Family Portrait](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSjIz8oQuko)
> 
> Oh and I put the preview for the next chapter at the end notes, check it out :D

“Well, this was the most recent one that I could find.” Maura says as she hands the picture of Niall to the police officer. 

The police officer nods as he takes the picture. “Okay. Thanks.” By now, a whole team of the police department are already at the house, looking for anything that could help Horan’s family to find Niall. 

“Sheriff, let’s crop him out. Get his photo out on the wire to the town.” One of the police officers says to the sheriff. 

The sheriff nods. “Okay, listen. I know you’re worried about your son but we’re going to do everything we can to find him.” He says as he looks at both Maura and Bobby. “The first 24 hours are critical so we’re going to need to work together.” He adds, glancing around to see the other family members too. Which means including Linda and Louis. “Now, I’m gonna give each of you jobs, okay?” He asks and everyone nods silently. “Now, Bobby, I need a full written description. What he was wearing, hair, eyes, uh, any scars or birthmarks, everything that you can think of.” He says before he turns to look at Louis. “Are you the brother?” He asks.

Louis nods. “Yeah.” He replies shortly. 

“Alright, make a list. Friends, family, teachers, everyone that he knows or might have come into contact with.” The sheriff says and Louis nods. “Give me names, addresses, phone numbers, anything you can think of.” He adds. 

The sheriff turns to look at Bobby again. “Can we check his computer?” He asks. 

Bobby nods. “Yeah, upstairs in his bedroom.” He says and the sheriff gestures to the other officers to head upstairs. 

Then, the sheriff turns to look at Maura. “You’re the point person for the telephone. I need you ready in case he calls, alright. One of my officers has an ID caller box and he’s going to tell you everything, alright?” 

Maura nods. “Okay.” 

“Alright, let’s get to work, folks.” The sheriff says and everyone starts moving around again. 

Suddenly, the front door is opened and Maggie Horan enters the house with confusion plastered on her face when she looks at the people in the house. “What’s going on?” She asks. 

“Niall’s gone. He disappeared last night.” Maura explains shakily. She is too worried about her youngest son. 

“Oh, no.” Maggie says. 

“It’s a nightmare, I know.” Linda comments. 

Maggie shakes her head. “No, I mean this is all a big mistake.” She points out. 

“What is? What are you talking about?” Bobby asks. 

“Niall’s at my house, 4-0 and squared away. Having pancakes with Irv.” Maggie replies as she looks at her son. 

Maura looks at her mother-in-law. “Well, where did you find him? When?” 

“He spent the night.” Maggie explains and everyone is looking at her with an unreadable expression on their faces. 

 

*****

 

“Stop. I thought we were watching a movie.” Perrie says as Zayn starts to kiss her neck instead of staring at the television screen in front of them. 

“It’s on, isn’t it?” Zayn replies cheekily. 

Perrie rolls her eyes. “So, in your world, wanna come over and watch a movie really means?” 

“Do you wanna come over and make out?” Zayn finishes for Perrie. 

Perrie laughs. “Yeah.” 

Zayn grins and nods. “And for the record, it’s not just my world, it’s like the law of the universe?” He says before he starts to kiss Perrie all over her face and stops at her lips. 

Perrie returns the kiss for a while before she pulls away. “We’re not allowed to in the house.” She says, trying to be stern but absolutely fails. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Well, do I look like a man who follows rules?” He says. “I laugh in the face of danger. I bend to nothing…”

Suddenly the front door is opened and Zayn reflectively jumps away from Perrie. “We were just watching a movie.” He says quickly, trying to be calm as possible as he watches his father and brother enter the house. But both of them are ignoring him or don’t even hear him at all, apparently. 

“You are a liar!” Harry yells to his father, totally ignoring Perrie and Zayn who are watching curiously from the couch. 

“Harry, I’m sorry. How many times can I apologize to you?” Yasir says to his youngest son. 

“A thousand, million, billion time.” Harry quips. “And I still don’t care. You promised!” 

“Hazza, you have to understand. I didn’t mean for it to..” Yasir says, trying to explain. 

Harry shakes his head angrily. “You didn’t mean it? You kissed her!” 

“Hey. What’s going on?” Perrie asks cautiously, not wanting to upset Harry any further but she can’t bear to see that Harry looks so upset at the moment. 

“He kissed Linda.” Harry spits angrily. 

“Harry, I swear I didn’t mean for it to happen. It just..”

“You promised. You promised and you did it anyway. Which makes you a liar!” Harry points out, still glaring madly at his father. 

“Harry..” 

Harry shakes his head, refusing to listen to his father anymore and turns around, heading to his room instead. 

Perrie looks at Yasir. “I’ll talk to him.” She says before she follows Harry to his room. 

Zayn watches as both Harry and Perrie walk to the upstairs before he turns to look at his father. “So, I take it you kissed Linda.” He teases. 

Yasir rolls his eyes. “Oh, that’s funny.” 

Zayn chuckles and shrugs. “What’d he mean you promised?” He asks curiously. 

“Does it really matter?” Yasir asks and when Zayn raises his eyebrows at him and gives him a pointed look, Yasir sighs. “Okay, look. It turns out you were right after all. Harry was upset about me and Linda.” He says. 

“That was like 3 months ago. You catch on quick.” Zayn deadpans sarcastically.

Yasir ignores his son’s sarcasm and continues speaking. “So, I talked to him and I explained to him that I might be interested in another woman someday. Romantically. And he said that was fine. So long as it wasn’t Linda.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Well, let me get this straight.” Zayn says. “The night that you went up to punish Harry for dropping the ‘s’ bomb, you ended up promising him that you wouldn’t date Linda Horan?” He asks as he looks at his father. 

Yasir shrugs. “He’s very persuasive.” 

Zayn nods, agreeing with his father. Harry can be persuasive if he wants to. “And you know, what are you? What are you going to do? Are you going to date her? Or?” He asks. 

“I don’t know.” Yasir admits. “I want to. But Harry’s so upset.” 

“Yeah, I wonder why.” Zayn says sarcastically. 

“I took him to breakfast afterwards. He didn’t talk for a whole hour.” Yasir says. “Then he comes in here and he just unloads on me.” 

“Well, buy him a bunch of CDs that he likes. He’ll forget about the whole thing.” Zayn suggests. 

“I’m not going to bribe your brother.” Yasir points out. 

“So, what are you going to do?” Zayn asks. 

“I may not have to do anything. After Harry’s tantrum at the tree lot this morning, I doubt Linda Horan wants anything to do with me.” Yasir says and sighs. 

Zayn nods. “Well, great. Problem solved.” He says and Yasir sighs again. 

 

*****

 

“This is unbelievable.” Bobby says again as he looks at his mother. 

“He showed up at my door. What was I supposed to do?” Maggie says. 

“Oh, how about a phone call? That thought ever enters your mind?” Bobby asks, crossing his arms over his chest angrily while he is still glaring at his mother. 

“It was late. I figured you were already asleep.” Maggie explains, trying to defend her action. “If I had called, you would have just rushed over and things would have gotten worse.” She adds. 

Bobby shakes his head. “That is not a decision you get to make.” He says firmly. 

“He was scared, Bobby.” Maggie says. “He didn’t want to see you.” She adds. “Everybody was so angry. I thought we could all use a cooling off period.” She says. “I know he was safe. My plan was to get over here first thing and try to help work it out. How could I know that you called the police?” 

“How could you not know?” Bobby yells. “What kind of person does this? Do you realize that we thought our son might be dead? And then to find out that you took him?” 

“I didn’t take him.” Maggie replies firmly. “He came to me. I didn’t ask to get involved.” She points out. “Look, I’m sorry. What more can I say? I never thought this would happen.” 

Bobby scoffs angrily. “Of course not. You never think of anyone or anything but yourself.” 

Maggie sighs. “Listen, he wants to talk to you both. He asked me to tell you that.” She says. “If you could come over later today, I’m sure we can all work this thing out.” 

“Work it out? I don’t believe this.” Maura suddenly speaks after she remains silent watching the exchange between her husband and mother-in-law. 

“Maura.” Maggie calls out. 

“Don’t.” Maura says and shakes her head. “I’m not going to sit here and be insulted. Not in my own home.” She says before she walks out from the living room angrily. 

Bobby looks at his mother after Maura leaves. “You didn’t want to get involved, mother? Well, guess what. You are now.” He says, before he too, leaves the living room. 

 

*****

 

“I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes and for that I’m sorry.” Niall says as he sits on the couch, facing both of his parents at his grandmother’s house. “The thing is I’m doing better, it may not look like it, but I am. I’ve been sleeping more. I’ve been catching up in school. I finally feel like I’m waking up and I thought about it and it all started when I met Dan..” 

“That’s ridiculous.” Bobby quips, cutting Niall’s words off. 

“Just hear me out.” Niall says. “Please.” He pleads. “He’s not a bad person. I know what you heard. But if you would take the time to get to know him, I think that you would realize that none of it is true.” He adds. “But the way you treated him at dinner, dad, it was humiliating. If you were that worried about it, you could have talk to me in private, but to bring it up in front of the whole family, not to mention, him.” Niall says as he looks at his father and shakes his head disapprovingly. 

“I won’t apologize for wanting to know about the boy that you choose to bring into my home.” Bobby says firmly. 

Niall sighs. “Okay, I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to fight all the time.” He admits truthfully.

“Neither do we.” Bobby says. 

“I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have.” Niall says. “I wish I could take them back, but I can’t so all I can do now is hope that you can forgive me.” He adds, looking at both of his parents. 

Maura remains silent while Bobby starts to speak up. “Well, the entire episode was a disaster. We all wish that it hadn’t happened.” He says. “I can see where perhaps I may have overreacted.” Bobby admits. “Now that we have all had time..”

“Don’t you even know what you’ve done?” Maura asks suddenly. Her voice loud, startling Niall slightly and Bobby shakes his head. 

“Maura?” 

Maura shakes her head as she looks at her husband. “I don’t think he does.” She says to Bobby before she turns to look at her son. “Niall, we had the whole police team at our house. We actually had to consider the possibility that you took your own life. Do you have any idea what that is like for a parent?” 

“Mom, I said I was sorry.” Niall points out. 

“No, you didn’t.” Maura says firmly. “Not for lying to us when you said you were at Jamie’s. Not for stealing from your aunt.”

Niall shakes his head. “I talked to her about it.” 

“And you have the gall to sit there and say that we embarrassed you.” Maura says. “How do you think we felt telling Grandma and Pop Pop you couldn’t come and say goodbye because you ran off in the middle of the night?” She adds. “ **You** are the embarrassment, Niall.” Maura says harshly. “Your attitude, your behavior. And now you summon us over here, like we’ve been granted some kind of audience with the Pope, because you dame to talk to us. This is way past self-indulgences.” 

Niall chuckles bitterly, glancing at his grandmother who has been watching the entire exchange from the other corner of the living room. “See, I can’t talk to them.” He points out to his grandmother. 

“You want to be treated like an adult, then act like one.” Maura says. 

“The important thing now is that he comes home.” Bobby pipes in, trying to calm the situation down. 

“No, what’s important is that he takes responsibility for his actions.” Maura snaps. 

“Maura, I think that’s what he is trying to do.” Maggie pipes in suddenly. 

“Don’t you dare talk to me.” Maura quips as she looks at Maggie. “For 25 years I’ve sat back and watched you treat Bobby with disrespect, I never said anything. But this is different. This is our son.” She says before she turns to look at Niall. “You want to come home. Fine. The rules are the same. No car, no telephone, no dating that boy.” She says firmly. 

“This is so unfair!” Niall yells. 

“Too bad.” Maura replies. “I’m tired of giving you the benefit of every doubt. You lost the right to that a long time ago.” She quips. 

“I’m not a kid anymore, mom.” Niall snaps. “I can make my own decision.” 

“That’s right.” Maura says and nods. “You heard what I said. Now you can decide. Come home and live by our rules or stay here, it’s your choice.” She adds before she starts to stand up from the couch and grabs her jacket. “Come on, Bobby. We’re leaving.” 

Niall waits until his parents are out of the house before he slumps further onto the couch and wonders what the hell had just happened? Did his parents just kick him out from their house? 

 

*****

 

“So what do you think sounds better? Karate or Paper Mache whatever-is-this Making?” Yasir asks his son as soon as Zayn enters the kitchen. 

“Tough call. They both kinda make me want to kill myself.” Zayn deadpans as he puts the container in his hand on the table. “Harry, food’s here!” He shouts, hoping that his brother can hear his call because he is too lazy to walk upstairs to get the younger boy. 

“What happened to pizza?” Yasir asks as he looks at the foods. 

“I decided I was in the mood for something a little more fried. Executive decision.” Zayn replies. “So, you, a little old form self-improvement classes?” He asks his father in confusion as the older man is circling the ads on the paper in front of him. 

“Well, it’s not for me. I’m just trying to find something that Harry and I can do together.” Yasir says. “You know, spend some quality time, do some bonding?” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Well, you never did any of that with me.” 

“Okay. How about you and I join the Mullingar’s Mens Chorus together?” Yasir jokes. 

“I don’t need to bond that bad.” Zayn deadpans. 

Yasir chuckles and starts to circle another ads again. “Oh, here we go. Close encounters of the camping kind. Dads and kids get away to get connected.” He reads out loud. “Spend a fun filled night in the woods in historic State Park.” He continues. “Tents, food and equipment, $100. Memories and smiles, no extra charge. That sounds perfect.” 

Zayn snorts as he shakes his head. “Yeah, except for the fact that you hate camping.” 

“I don’t hate camping.” Yasir says. “I’m just not very good at it.” He adds. 

“Who’s going camping?” Harry asks suddenly as he enters the kitchen and only hears the last part of the conversation between his father and Zayn. 

“We are, Hazza. This weekend. What’d do you say?” Yasir asks as he turns to look at his youngest son. 

“No.” Harry replies simply. 

“Oh, come on. It’ll be fun.” Yasir insists. 

Harry rolls his eyes at his father. “You’re forgetting something.” He points out. 

“What’s that?” 

“I don’t like you.” Harry says. 

Yasir shakes his head, not bother by Harry’s words at all. “That’s too bad, Hazza. Cause we leave Friday at 5.”

 

*****

 

“Don’t you have to go back for 5th period?” Dan asks Niall who is currently sitting in front of him at the diner. 

“No, it’s just English. Who cares?” Niall replies simply while still munching his fries. 

Dan shakes his head. “Are you getting all ‘bad boy’ on me?” He teases. 

“Yeah, after this I’m going to get a tattoo, maybe do a little shoplifting, stop by the crack house.” Niall deadpans. 

Dan nods. “Ah.” 

Niall smiles at Dan’s response and shakes his head. “No, I’m just kidding.” He says. “I’ve just had a lot more freedom since I’ve been living with my grandmother, which is all I wanted in the first place.” He says. 

“Be careful of what you wish for.” Dan says. “Having no structure in your life is not what it is cracked up to be.” He points out. “Trust me.” 

Niall stares at the older boy and frowns slightly at the sight of Dan’s sudden gloomy face. “Are you okay?” He asks. 

Dan stares at Niall and sits straighter on his seat than before. “Why are you with me, Niall?” He blurts out, staring right at Niall. 

Niall blinks and shakes his head. “What do you mean?” 

Dan shrugs. “I mean, your parents are right.” He says. “I’m not exactly the greatest influence or the greatest person for that matter.” 

Niall sighs and shakes his head. “My parents don’t know anything about you.” He points out. 

“Well, maybe we should keep it that way.” Dan says. 

Niall shakes his head again. “No, that’s the point. They didn’t even make an effort.” Niall says. “That’s why..”

“That’s why you moved out?” 

“No. No. Not entirely.” Niall replies. 

Dan nods. “Look, um, if you don’t want to go home, that’s fine. I can totally respect that, that’s your decision.” He says. “But just don’t make this about me, you know, I don’t want to be the poster boy for pissing off mom and dad, you know?” 

Niall’s face breaks into a smile as he stands up slightly and bends his body to kiss Dan’s briefly. “That’s what this is about.” He says after he pulls away. “That, and the free skittles.” 

 

****

 

“So, how is Niall?” 

Louis almost chokes on his vegetable when his father speaks up. It has been a silence during the last few days at dinner time and tonight apparently his father decides to speak again. 

“Well, I don’t know.” Louis replies simply. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows as he looks at his eldest son. “You didn’t see him at school today?” 

Louis shrugs. “Yeah.” He replies shortly. 

“Well, and?” 

“He looked the same.” Louis replies. “What do you want me to say?” He asks when his father just looks at him for more answer. 

Maura puts down her fork and knife on the table and starts to clear up her plate, heading towards the kitchen. Louis watches on how his father shakes his head and starts to follow her mother’s trail.

“What are you doing?” Maura asks when Bobby starts to grab his coat on the chair and heading towards the backdoor. 

“I’m going to get our son and bring him home.” Bobby replies. 

“No, you’re not.” Maura replies firmly. 

“This has gone on long enough.” Bobby says, raising his voice slightly at his wife. 

“I said no!” Maura explodes, her voice is boomed through the entire house, stopping Bobby on his tracks. “This has got to be his decision.” Maura adds. 

“Well, he’s not capable of making a good decision.” Bobby quips. “Not at his present state. Look at his history.” 

“The only history of bad decisions in this family has been yours.” Maura snaps as she turns to look at her husband. 

“Excuse me?” 

“When Niall misbehaved at school, you bought him a car. When he stayed out all night doing God knows what with that boy, you didn’t tell me about it.” Maura points out. 

“Well, you’re the one who wanted to put him on medication.” Bobby argues back. “What about that? He can now proudly answer ‘yes’ for antidepressants on every medical history he fills out for the rest of his life.”

“How dare you?” Maura snarls. “How dare you pretend you gave even one minute of consideration to my opinion on that?” She asks. “You have never shown any respect for my authority as a parent.” 

Bobby raises his hands and shakes his head. “I can’t even talk to you like this.” 

“Yes, you will! You will stand there and you will listen to me for once.” Maura says angrily. “I’m sick of it, Bobby. The way he controls this family. You have always put Niall first. When he’s here it’s nothing but yelling and screaming, crisis and drama. And now he’s gone, you still make everything about him.” She points out. “There are other people in this family. Louis, me.” She adds. “Do you even think about us anymore? Do you, do you, do you care about how we feel?” Maura asks. 

“Of course I do!” Bobby replies firmly. “Right now, Niall needs special attention.” 

Maura shakes her head. “What Niall needs is discipline and you can’t seem to provide that.” She quips.

“Oh, and you can?” Bobby challenges. “Please. Yeah, I tolerated your little power play at mother’s but do you seriously think that Niall believed her or that any of us did?” 

“You patronizing bastard.” Maura snaps angrily. “You go to your office. You spend all day with your patients. Thursdays it’s the lodge. Saturday it’s golf. And then you come home and you think you’ve got all the answers. Well, guess what? I’m the one who gets to deal with the consequences every time you make one of your proclamations.” She says. “I’m the one who supports you and defends you and you never give anything back.” 

“So what do you want?” Bobby asks angrily. “You want me to blindly encourage your outrageous concept of punishment the moment things get hard?” He asks. “I’m supposed to simply kick my own child out of our home just because you say so?” 

“That’s right!” 

“Are you seriously willing to lose our youngest son over some teenage crush?” Bobby asks. 

“Are you seriously willing to lose our marriage?!” 

“What?” Bobby asks shockingly. His voice grows quiet after that. He is too shocked by Maura’s sudden outburst. 

“Let me tell you something, Bobby.” Maura says. “This marriage will not survive if you keep undercutting me.” She points out. “Our youngest son is tearing this family apart and you are so blind you can’t even see it. I swear to God, Bobby, I will not go on living like this. I will not.” She says before she storms off. 

“Maura?” Bobby tries to call out but his wife just ignoring him and keeps walking to their room, and slams the door loudly. 

 

*****

 

“I’ve told you we should’ve brought backpacks.” Harry says grumpily to his father as their hands are full with stuffs to bring to the camp. 

“Well, I didn’t know we were going to the Himalayas.” Yasir replies in defence.

“I want to go home.” Harry whines. 

“Come on, this is going to be fun.” Yasir says, still trying to get Harry to be excited. 

“Whatever.” Harry grumbles under his breath as they both start to head towards the bus. 

“Are you excited?” The guide asks once they reach the bus and Harry rolls his eyes. “Only if this bus takes me home.” He quips before he starts to make his way into the bus and Yasir smiles apologetically at the guide. 

 

*****

 

“What’s this? I didn’t order that.” Zayn says as he looks at the foods. 

Perrie shrugs and shakes her head. “You know what, I’m not really hungry yet.” She says and smiles at Zayn. “Why don’t we watch movie for a while?” She says suggestively. 

“I said Moo Shu Chicken.” Zayn complaints, ignoring Perrie’s tug on his shirt. “This is pork. I don’t eat port. I’m going to call them.” He continues ranting. 

Perrie looks at Zayn and raises her eyebrows. “Zayn, do we have to do this now?” She asks. 

Zayn sighs. “You’re right, by the time I call them and they switch it, the rest of the food will be cold. That’s great. That just sucks.” He says madly. 

Perrie looks at Zayn and frowns slightly. “Okay, what’s bugging you? And don’t tell me it’s the Moo Shu because no amount of unwanted pork should distract you from a possible make out session.” She points out. “Especially when there’s no possibility of us getting caught.” 

“Ah, I wouldn’t count on that.” Zayn replies. “I doubt my dad will be able to handle my brother and nature for an entire night.” He adds. “They’ll be back.” 

“Why would you say that?” Perrie asks. 

“Because I know my dad and the man has zero communication skills.” Zayn says. “He’s better with Harry, but still..”

“Did he talk to you at all about Linda?” Perrie asks, suddenly understands on what it is that has been bugging Zayn’s mind. 

“What about Linda?” Zayn asks quickly but Perrie notices the change in his tone. 

“His dating her?” Perrie points out. “I mean, he planned this whole trip with Harry, I just assumed..”

“Well, Harry’s younger and he does get more sensitive about our mom.” Zayn replies quickly. 

“And you don’t?” Perrie asks. 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Don’t start, please.” 

Perrie shakes her head. “This isn’t about your age. And don’t tell me you’re not sensitive about this too. Your dad is dating somebody for the first time since your mom died.” She says. “You’re not supposed to just get it. You’re supposed to talk about it.” 

“I have nothing to talk about.” Zayn says before he turns around and walks towards the couch in the living room instead. 

Perrie follows Zayn’s trail and stands near the couch, watching as Zayn refuses to look at her. “You know, I hated every guy mom brought home after her divorce.” She says. 

“My dad’s not divorced.” Zayn points out. 

“I know, I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” Perrie apologizes. 

Zayn sighs and shakes his head. “It’s no big deal. Alright, I didn’t think he would want to start dating so soon.” He admits finally. “He does. It’s weird. I’m over it.” 

Perrie nods and starts to sit beside Zayn on the couch. “So your dad talks about dating for the first time in your entire life. Doesn’t ask you how you feel about it and you’ve emotionally processed this in less than 30 seconds.” She says. “That’s impressive.” She deadpans. 

“What do you want me to do?” Zayn asks. “I’m not going to tell him how to live his life.” He says. “If he thinks, he’s ready, then I should be too.” 

“Yeah, but here’s the thing.” Perrie says. “You know, you can, not be okay with it and still support his decision. And if you feel like you can talk to him about it, then you should.” She adds. “And if you can’t, then talk to me.” She continues. “Cause chances are, if you’re feeling gloomy, I can..” Perrie says as she starts to reach for Zayn’s hand. “..I can do stuff to cheer you up.” She says gently. 

Zayn looks down at their tangled hands and nods gratefully. “This is good. Just this.” He says and Perrie smiles at him before she leans her head on his shoulder and they both fall into a comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company. 

 

*****

 

“Straighten and connect shock corner joints on fly pole.” Harry reads the instruction on how to put up the tent out loud. 

“Well, which one is the fly pole?” Yasir asks frustratingly. 

Harry rolls his eyes at his father’s question. “Did it take this long when you went camping with Zayn?” He asks. 

“No, but the tent wasn’t this big.” Yasir replies. 

“They actually make them smaller?” Harry asks. 

“You guys need some help?” Suddenly the guide asks as he reaches both Maliks at their spot at the campsite. 

Yasir shakes his head. “You know, if I can clip an inter-cranial aneurysm, I ought to be able to handle this.” He says stubbornly. 

The guide raises his eyebrows. ”You sure? You already missed the opening session.” 

Yasir smiles tightly at the guide. “We’re fine. Go. Bond. Be merry.” He says. 

The guide nods. “Okay, but don’t be too long. The eggs in a cup go fast.” He says before he turns to leave both Harry and Yasir alone. 

“Did he just says ‘eggs in a cup’?” Yasir asks and Harry nods. 

Harry throws the instruction to the ground and crosses his arms over his chest. “I hate nature.” He declares. 

Yasir nods, agreeing with his son before he suddenly pulls out his cellphone. 

“You’re not supposed to do that.” Harry points out, remembering the rules of no using of cellphone as long as they’re at the campsite. 

“What are they going to do? Put me in camping jail?” Yasir says, before he starts to dial. 

 

*****

 

“That we may find healing and grace through the power of your name. Amen.” The priest prays as all of the Horans family members are gathered at Maggie’s living room. Maggie finally ended up suggesting calling Father Ivers over at the church to help his son’s family with their latest crisis. She knows Bobby and Maura would listen to the priest since he was the one who baptized Bobby and married him and Maura. Maggie thinks the priest is the only one that they will listen to other than God himself. 

“Before we start, let me thank Maggie for calling me and for having us all into her home.” The priest says. “I’m glad that you’re making God a part of the equation tonight.” He adds. “Well, let’s remember the ground rules. This is a safe environment. Everybody gets a chance to speak. Everyone gets a chance to respond. Maura, why don’t we start with you?” 

“Well, we love our sons, Father. Both of them.” Maura says as she looks at the priest. 

Father Ivers shakes his head. “Not to me.” He says, nodding at Maura to say the words to Niall instead.

Maura turns her head to look at Niall at the other end of their little circle. “You know that. But just because we love you it doesn’t mean we have to like what you’re doing.” She says. “You violated our trust, you have to earn that back. I know you don’t like it, but it’s punishment. It’s not supposed to be fun.” 

“Okay. Niall, do you want to respond?” The priest asks after Maura finishes. 

“You and dad say that you love me, but you don’t.” Niall says. “Not really. You love who I used to be, you love who you want me to be.” He adds. “It’s totally conditional and it’s unfair.” 

“If you’re going to talk to us that way..” 

“Maura, please. Let him finish.” The priest says. 

“This all started over Dan, but he’s not the issues.” Niall says as he shakes his head. “He’s not the reason all of this is happening. He even said that he didn’t want to create problems within my family.” Niall adds and sighs heavily before he continues. “All the stupid stuff I did, I deserve to be punished for, but not for him.” 

“Is that all?” The priest asks after Niall finishes and the boy shakes his head. 

“I’m willing to give up the car and the phone.” Niall continues. “I figure that should be enough since I’ve already apologized like a million times.” 

“You are such a baby.” Louis suddenly blurts out. He is tired of Niall being so self-centered that it shakes the core of his family. He is mad at his brother for ruining their little harmonize and he resents Niall so much especially after he heard the fight between his parents the other night. 

“Son, please?” The priest pipes in. 

Louis rolls his eyes at the priest. “Do we seriously have to sit here and listen to this garbage?” He spits angrily. 

The priest shakes his head, ignoring Louis’s outburst. “You’ll get your turn. Bobby, how about you?” 

“I’ve always treated you as an adult, Niall, and maybe I shouldn’t have because, well, you’re not.” Bobby says as he looks at his youngest son. “I see that now.” He adds. “I’ve jeopardised my marriage in an effort to maintain your good graces and failed your mother in the process. When you say that we can’t tell you how to live your life, you’re just simply wrong.” Bobby says firmly. “We’re your parents. That’s our job. If you want to live under our roof again, we’re ready to have you. But you know the terms. I believe your mother iterated them quite clearly for you the other day.” He says before he turns to look at Maura. “And I support her.” 

“Niall, don’t you want to say something?” Maggie asks as she looks at her grandson who remains silent after Bobby’s speech. 

“Say yes and you can get up right now and come home with us.” Bobby says as Niall remains static on his seat. 

“Unbelievable!” Louis blurts out again when he sees how Niall is just looking at both of his parents and refuses to say anything. 

“Maybe we should take a break.” The priest pipes in. 

Bobby shakes his head. “You know, that’s fine, Father. Thank you for your time.” He says before he stands up and grabs his coat, with Louis and Maura in tow. “Good luck, mother.” He says to his mother before all three of them leave the house, without Niall. 

 

*****

 

“This is fun.” Harry exclaims as he plops down on the king size bed at the hotel. Turns out his father had called the hotel from the campsite and decided to ditch their camping session. Obviously, they both hate nature. 

Yasir smiles as he watches his youngest son sprawling on the bed comfortably and finally thanks his dad for not making him sleeping in the tent. “Harry, I think we need to talk.” He says before he sits at the edge of the bed. 

“Dad..” Harry starts, obviously not wanting to talk about anything and hoping that he can get a long proper sleep on the most comfortable bed ever. Apparently his dad has another idea and with a deep sigh, Harry turns to roll on his stomach and facing his father. “Talk, I’m listening now.” 

Yasir nods. “Well, I’m scared of you.” He starts. 

Harry raises his eyebrows in confusion. That is not what he was expected that would come out from his father’s mouth. “You’re not scared of me.” Harry replies disbelievingly. 

“Are you kidding me? You bet I am.” Yasir says truthfully. “When you’re mad at me, my stomach turns inside out. I hate it.” 

Harry sighs, shifting until he sits properly on the bed and looks his father. “I’m not mad at you, dad.” He says. 

“But?” 

Harry sighs again. “I know this is going to sound stupid..” He trails off hesitantly. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “Just tell me.” 

“I just don’t want her to be mad at me.” Harry admits finally. 

“Well, Hazza, Linda’s not going to be mad at you.” Yasir says. 

Harry shakes his head. “Not Linda. Mom.” He says before he looks at anywhere but his father. “See, told you it was stupid.” 

Yasir frowns and shifts so that he can reach his son and wrap his arm around Harry’s shoulder. “It’s not stupid, Harry.” Yasir says firmly. “But, what about mom?” 

“If I like Linda, mom will know and she’ll be mad.” Harry says quietly but Yasir hears him anyway. 

“Well, why would mom be mad?” 

“Because she’ll be jealous.” Harry says. “You think Linda’s beautiful. She’s got red hair and she’s a doctor and mom wasn’t like that.” He feels stupid when he says it out loud but he knows that’s what he feels about Linda. He knows his mom is dead and all of these are just his pointless thoughts but he just couldn’t help it. 

Yasir nods understandingly. “Hazza. There will never be anyone who means as much to me as mom did. Not anyone.” He says firmly. “Just like no one could ever take your place or Zayn’s. That’s the first thing you have to know.” 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “What’s the second thing?” He asks. 

“The second thing is that mom would never be mad at you or me or anyone for liking someone else that wasn’t her.” Yasir says. 

“I don’t know. She could be pretty tough.” 

Yasir tilts his head to look straight into Harry’s eyes before he starts to speak. “Harry, when someone we love dies, it’s okay to be sad about it for a while. For as long as you need to be, really. But you just, you can’t hang on to all the love that you used to give to that person. Because love’s not worth a whole lot if you just keep it to yourself.” 

Harry nods finally after few seconds of silence. He understands on what his father is saying and he knows that he has to accept the fact that he needs to move on along with his father too. He can’t live with the thought of his mother is still there with him when she is not. 

“I think it’s time to order another movie.” Yasir says suddenly, trying to light up the atmosphere after the heavy talk. 

“Two in one night?” Harry asks as he starts to smile at his father. 

“Why not? The world is our oyster.” Yasir says. “So, what’ll it be, action, comedy, or drama?” 

 

*****

 

Maura clutches on the green jumper that belongs to Niall and standing silently near his bed until she hears the familiar steps behind her. “How did this happen?” She asks. 

“It’s okay.” Bobby says assuring his wife.

Maura shakes her head and the first tears start to come out. “I thought I was doing the right thing.” She says. “I thought he’d come home. I really did.” She adds as more tears start to roll down her cheeks. 

“I know. We’ll get through this.” Bobby says as he starts to walk closer to his wife. 

Maura starts to cry and sit on the bed, looking at her husband helplessly. “How? How will we?” She asks miserably. 

Bobby walks closer and sits beside his wife on the bed, wrapping his arm around his wife’s body and let her leans on his chest to cry. “By staying together.” Bobby says. 

 

*****

 

“See ya later.” Niall says to his grandmother as he starts to grab his hoodie from the coat’s rack. 

“Hold on there. Where do you think you’re going?” Maggie asks. 

“Out.” Niall replies simply. 

Maggie shakes her head. “No, young man. Not on a school night.” She points out.

“Why not?” Niall asks. “We’re just watching a movie. I won’t be late.” He adds. 

“I don’t care what you’re doing. You’re not doing it tonight.” Maggie says sternly. 

Niall sighs heavily as he looks at his grandmother. “Why not? I don’t need the car.”

“I’m sorry, Niall, but I didn’t exactly earn my parenting stripes the first time around.” Maggie says. “You’re my responsibility for now and I have to set some limits.” She adds. “If you want to see people during the week, fine. Have them over here. And weekends are yours as long as your school work’s done and you’re home by midnight.” 

“Grandma?” Niall starts to whine. 

Maggie ignores her grandson’s whine and continues talking. “And you’re going to start helping out around here. Keeping the house clean. Those are the rules. And you bust a curfew or step out of line once, just once, and I’ll be on you like a bum on bologna sandwich.” She warns. “Understood?” 

“Are you trying to make me leave, Grandma?” 

Maggie shakes her head as she looks at her grandson. “I’m trying to make you understand that even though you think you are 35 year old man, you’re not.” She says. “And there are rules in every port, Nialler, everywhere you go.” 

Niall sighs heavily and decides to just nod at his grandmother’s rules at the moment. “Well, can I still see Dan?” He asks. 

“Yes, I already promised you that and I’m not going to go back on my word.” Maggie replies. “But, I hear once that you’ve crossed the line with him or lied to me about where you’ve been and you’re confined to barracks permanently.” 

“So this means that I can’t go out tonight?” Niall asks, referring to the rules that have been set up by his grandmother. 

“Unfortunately, you can’t.” Maggie says. 

Niall huffs, slightly mad at his grandmother for ruining his plan and stomps his way back to his room instead of heading towards the front door. 

 

***** 

 

“Well, I think that’s why. She didn’t say as much but I could tell.” Yasir says, finishing his story about one of his patients to Zayn as they both are lounging around at the living room. 

“Yes, you have a real sixth sense about people.” Zayn points out. 

“Well, enough to know that something’s on your mind.” Yasir says, knowing that he hits the right spot when Zayn looks surprised by his comment. “Want to tell me what it is?” He asks. 

Zayn looks at his father for a moment, contemplating whether he wants to lie or just talk to his father about what’s been bugging him. “Yeah, I mean, I like Linda.” Zayn starts, choosing to do the latter. “I do, I can see why you like her, I think. But the fact is, I’m not as cool about you starting to date as you probably want me to be.” He adds, remembering what Perrie had said to him about not being okay but still being supportive of his father’s decision. “It’s not that I’m not cool about it. It’s just that, it’s weird. I think maybe I thought you would turn into one of those happy old widows that have a lot of old lady friends and cats. But that’s not you and you know, I know that now and I want you to be happy.” Zayn says. “And if dating Linda is what’s going to make you happy then I’ll find a way to feel less weird about it. I will, it’s gonna take a little bit of time, but I’ll figure it out, okay? That’s it, that’s all I wanna say. I’m done.” 

Yasir looks at Zayn with a wonder look on his face and smiles. “Do you realize you just told me how you feel about something without absolutely no prompting whatsoever?” 

“Hey, you prompted.” Zayn replies defensively. 

“Okay, alright. A little.” Yasir admits. “But I’m still impressed.” He adds. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at his father’s words and both of them just turn to look at the television screen again. And this time, Zayn’s mind feels a little less heavy after he talks to his father. And he knows that their little family would be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Share your thoughts :) 
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter preview: 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> _Zayn tries to compose himself after the obviously one of his most awkward greeting ever before he looks at Niall again. “Ah, you’ve met, uh, Perrie, right?” He asks the blonde-haired boy as he starts to take Perrie’s hand in his. He doesn’t know why he does that but he just knows that he needs to show the gesture in front of Niall._
> 
>  
> 
> _If Niall is surprised by the action, he doesn’t show it, instead he just smiles slightly at Zayn. “Yeah, um, once.” Niall replies shortly. He swallows the sudden thickness in his throat when he sees the intertwined hands of Zayn and Perrie before he starts to speak again. “You guys find seats yet?” He asks._


	11. I go around a time or two, just to waste my time with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack of the chapter: [The All American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1j9NASRQgU)

“Hey, we made it.” Perrie says as she looks at Zayn beside him as they reach the cinema. 

“Yeah, barely.” Zayn replies. “If you let me take you to the movie theatre in town instead of worrying about who might see us together..” He grumbles. 

“Do you want to fight about this again or do you want to go see a movie?” Perrie quips. 

“A little bit of both.” Zayn replies quickly but then he shakes his head and looks at the counter. “We have exactly enough time to make to this show if we divide and conquer.” He says. 

Perrie nods, agreeing with Zayn. “Okay. You buy the tickets and I’ll pick snacks.”

“Why do you get to pick snacks?” Zayn asks. 

Perrie rolls her eyes at Zayn’s question. “Because you have this weird thing against fake butter.” She deadpans. “Go, buy.” She says shoving Zayn slightly to the direction of the ticket counter. 

Zayn pulls out his wallet and looks at the cinema guy behind the counter. “Hey. Can I get two tickets for The Last Samurai?” Zayn asks as he stands in front of the counter. 

The cinema looks at him sceptically before he starts to speak. “Okay. I’m going to need to see some ID please.” He says. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Like, since when?” He asks. 

“Since 1968 when the Motion Picture Association of America came out and said that no one under 17 could be admitted into an R-rated film without a parent of a guardian. This rule applies to the whole world.” The guy deadpans. 

“Well, I’ve been seeing R-rated films since I was born, so I was grandpa of the year, I assure you.” Zayn says, trying to charm his way to get the tickets for both of him and Perrie. 

“Well, there’s an eighteenth showing of the Rugrats re-release if you want.” The guy replies, obviously still refusing to let Zayn to buy the tickets. “There’s plenty of seats.” He continues. 

Zayn glances to the side and sees that Perrie has already standing in front of the snacks counter and he turns to look at the guy again. “Look, I don’t know how to explain this to you in a very short amount of time I have but this is very, very, very important, okay?” Zayn says. “I’m on a date which is kind of a rare thing for me. You look like the kind of guy that would appreciate that.” He says desperately. “No, I’m not saying that I don’t think don’t get a lot of action or whatever.” He backtracks after the cinema guy is giving him the bemused look. “I’m sure you do, but, just, look, you gotta let me in.” Zayn tries again. “Here’s the money, take it. Keep the change.” He says as he puts his money on the counter. 

The guy ignores Zayn’s plead and shakes his head, looking at the person behind Zayn instead. “Next.” 

“I decided to compromise on the butter so I took it on the side which turns out it is actually pretty vile.” Perrie says, suddenly standing beside Zayn, oblivious to what had just happened. “You get the tickets?” She asks. 

Zayn shakes his head silently and just stares at the cinema guy. Perrie suddenly understands and turns to face the guy. “Can I get two tickets for The Last Samurai?” She asks. 

“Are you over seventeen?” The cinema guy asks. 

Perrie pulls out her purse and opens it widely, flashing her ID to the guy. The cinema guy nods and looks at both of them. “And are you this boy’s parent or guardian?” He asks, leaving both Perrie and Zayn stunned at the question. 

 

*****

 

“Oh, there you are.” Irv says as he opens the fridge and finds his glass of water. He turns around and curses inwardly when he sees Niall. “Oh, dear.” He mutters, trying to cover up his clothes, or lack of clothes in front of the young boy. 

“Oh, Irv, it’s just underwear.” Niall says dismissively as he looks at the horror expression on his step-grandfather’s face before he takes a box of cereal and heading back to his room. 

“You said that he’d park here till things cooled down at home, not forever.” Irv says to Maggie as soon as he enters their room after the encounter with Niall at the kitchen. “Now how long is this going to go on for? Another month?” He asks and Maggie just ignoring him in front of the mirror. “You’re not even listening to me.” Irv points out. 

“I am.” Maggie replies. “I just don’t like anything that you’re saying.” She adds. “And what in God’s name made you think you needed an extra helping of cobbler?” She asks, referring to her husband’s choice of clothing. 

“It’s our house.” Irv replies firmly. “I don’t want to have to put on a suit just to get a glass of water. Look, we live here and are old and we should able to walk around in whatever we please.” He says. “It’s our God given right.” 

“Well, what do you want me to do?” Maggie asks. “Hurl my grandson out on the street?” 

Irv shakes his head. “He’s too used to having the run of the house.” Irv says. “I love him, but he’s inconsiderate and messy. Curfew’s not enough. You’ve gotta lay down some rules.” He urges to his wife. 

“Hello.” Niall suddenly enters the room without knocking, startles both Irv and Maggie but Niall seems oblivious to it. “Just looking for the cordless.” Niall says. “Don’t mind me. I’m like invisible.” He says before he grabs the cordless on the cupboard. “You know, you should really leave it on the charger. Night, guys.” He adds before he walks out of the room. 

Irv looks at Maggie and raises his eyebrows. “See what I mean?” He asks. 

“Oh, shove it.” Maggie says but she knows she needs to talk to Niall about boundaries in the house. 

 

****

 

“I’m serious, man. My family is driving me crazy.” Louis complaints to Zayn as they both are running around the court during P.E class. 

“That’s what families do.” Zayn replies. “At least the ones I’ve been a part of.” He adds. 

“No, not like this.” Louis says and shakes his head. “I mean, we went through a whole dinner last night and no one said a word. I mean, this is my dad we’re talking about, you know. It’s like someone took the batteries out.” He adds. “I think they’re scared if they say anything, it’ll just start another fight.” 

Zayn glances at Louis. “Because of Niall?” He asks. 

Louis rolls his eyes and they both start to stop running before he replies to Zayn’s question. “Yeah. Ever since he left, our house is like a funeral home.” Louis says. “It’s like Liam’s house. Except for Niall’s not dead.” He adds. “He just walked out so he could hang out with a drugged freak.” Louis says bitterly. 

Zayn nods silently as they start to walk towards the bench to get their clothes. “Where are my clothes?” He asks, looking at Louis in confusion. “I left them right here.” He says, glancing around the bench and huffs angrily. “It’s like five degrees outside.” He adds. “It’s 3rd period. What am I gonna wear for the rest of the day?” 

“Yo! Loser!” Someone shouts from across the court and Zayn and Louis turn sharply to look at the person. Of course it’s one of the jocks who likes to bully Zayn. Not that he is being bullied much but he does get it sometimes. 

“Dude, go kick his ass.” Zayn says, pointing at the boy as he looks at Louis. 

“Why?” 

“Because I said so.” Zayn quips. “Come on. Go. Kill.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you that I’m not a dog?” Louis deadpans. Zayn sighs loudly after that, knowing that Louis won’t help him with that matter since Louis is under strict rules not to fight at the school. 

 

****

 

Zayn closes the door quietly, trying to make his way to his room unnoticed but apparently universe has a different plan for him when Harry suddenly turns around from watching the television to look at him. 

“Those shorts make you look even skinnier.” Harry says as he looks at his brother. “Did you wear them to school?” He asks curiously. 

“Yeah, that’s an interesting wardrobe choice.” Perrie pipes in, teasing Zayn. “Sort of retro, funk, jock, dork.” She adds. 

“Just going for a jog.” Zayn replies and shrugs. 

“You don’t jog.” Harry points out. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at Harry’s obliviousness. “Yes, I do. I started ever since I saw 28 Days Later. I keep worrying that I’m not good enough shape to survive post-apocalypse zombie world. Trying to get buff.” He replies sarcastically. 

“You don’t get buff.” Harry says and rolls his eyes. 

Zayn huffs annoyingly and shakes his head. Little brother can be pain in the ass sometimes. “Could you just go to your room and listen to your hipster music instead of bugging me?” He says. 

Harry rolls his eyes, again, before he stands up from the couch. “See you later, Perrie.” He says before he heads towards his room, leaving his brother and Perrie alone at the living room. 

Zayn waits until Harry leaves before he walks closer to Perrie and leans down to kiss her lips. “That was mean.” Perrie says once they pull away. She checks Zayn out from head to toe and grins. “I think you look cute. Go team.” She teases. 

“I could do a full tracksuit next time we go out.” Zayn quips sarcastically. “How about tomorrow? We could make up for the other night?” He asks. “It’ll be tough, but I think I know a guy who can get us into The Rugrats Movie.” 

Perrie shakes her head. “I can’t tomorrow.” She says. “I’ve got this evil Abnormal Psych midterm. Guess who put off 8 chapters for the night before.” She adds. “I’m going to be holed up in the library.” 

Zayn nods understandingly as he looks at Perrie. “You want some company? I can bring my Euro history. We’re doing a surprise interesting unit on Portugal.” 

Perrie chuckles. “That’s sweet.” She says. “But, um, you know, I just can’t risk seeing you in those shorts again and distracting me.” She adds. “Besides, library’s on campus and you need an ID to get in.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Story of my life.” 

“Well, we can do a movie at home after I finish my test.” Perrie says as she smiles at Zayn. “Your pick.” She continues before she starts to stand up from the couch. “I’m going to listen to some hipster music with Harry.” She says. “Dinner’s at six.” She adds before she leaves Zayn alone. 

Zayn nods and smiles at Perrie until she leaves the living room. He knows there is something else behind the reason why Perrie is always avoiding to go out with him and he determines to get the answer from her later on. 

 

****

 

“Is he still talking?” Zayn asks, annoyed with the noise near the spot that he and Louis are studying outside of the school. 

Louis looks at Zayn incredulously. “Don’t tell me you’re not going to the tournament?” He asks. 

“Well, it’s a sporting event, right?” Zayn asks as he looks at Louis. 

Louis nods. “You should ask Perrie to go.” He says, raising his eyebrows suggestively at Zayn. 

“Oh, yeah, she’s just dying to get back into high school.” Zayn deadpans sarcastically. 

“You say that she never wants to be seen with you, but you should ask her to be seen, man.” Louis points out. “You’d probably get your clothes stolen a lot less.” He adds. 

“Yeah, well, we’ve been in public already once this week.” Zayn says. “We’ve hit our quota for disaster.” He adds. 

Louis shrugs carelessly. “So convince her to go again. Do that cool talking thing that you always do.” 

Zayn nods silently before he sees someone familiar from the corner of his eyes. Both of them turn slightly to look at the person but Louis quickly turns around to look at his textbook again. 

“Hey, Louis.” Niall greets as soon as he reaches both Louis and Zayn at their study table. “How’s that not talking to me thing going for you?” He asks and when Louis remains silent without even glancing at his direction, Niall sighs and takes a seat beside Zayn. 

“Glad to see you’re finally sticking with something for once.” Niall says, still trying to get Louis to talk to him. Louis just glares at him and Niall sighs again. “Look, just tell me how everyone’s doing. How’s mom and dad?” He asks the older brother. When Louis still doesn’t answer, Niall looks at Zayn. “Can you please tell him that he’s proven his point and can get over himself now?” 

Louis looks at Zayn too after that. “Will you please tell whoever’s still sitting there that he can’t talk to you cause you are my friend, not your….whatever you guys were, and that you’re not welcome here anymore?” 

“What, me or him?” Zayn asks confusingly. 

Louis huffs at Zayn’s blankness that comes out at the wrong time before he looks at Niall. “Will you just go away?” He says harshly and waves his arm as to tell Niall to go away. 

Niall rolls his eyes and stands up abruptly, turning around and leaving both of them alone. 

“Do you plan on keeping that up much longer?” Zayn asks Louis once Niall leaves. 

Louis shrugs. “If it makes him feel a fraction of what we’re feeling while he’s off partying with his boyfriend, then, yeah, it’ll probably be a while.” He replies. 

 

****

 

“Hello.” Niall calls out as soon as he opens the front door. “Hello?” He tries again when no one seems to answer. He drops his bag on the stairs and shrugging off his hoodie before he heads to the phone. “Has anyone seen the cordless?” He asks, hoping that someone in the house can hear him. 

“Hello?” Niall calls out again, this time he starts to walk upstairs, heading towards his grandma’s room. Maybe they are out of the house or sleeping and all Niall wants is to get the cordless. He opens the door. “Hey, has anyone seen my..?” And he gasps in horror as soon as he sees his grandmother and her husband, on the bed. Quickly, Niall turns around and heads towards the kitchen. “Oh, my God. Oh..oh..oh..my..” He chants all the way downstairs. “Euwww..euwww..” He says as he starts to run, feeling like he wants to puke, literally. 

“Niall?” Maggie calls out for her grandson as soon as she reaches the kitchen.

Niall moves his head up after he drops it on the table, over his arms, wishing that he could just erased the scene that he had just witnessed. “Oh, God.” He mutters. 

“Are you okay?” Maggie asks as she walks closer to the table. 

Niall refuses to look at his grandmother’s direction, seeing that she is still covered under the blanket instead of clothes and Niall shudders. “Um, I don’t know anything right now.” 

Maggie raises her eyebrows. “Do we have to talk about..” She says and pauses. “.. _that_?” 

Niall shakes his head quickly. “No, no.” He replies. “Actually, we don’t. We don’t need to talk about anything..ever again.” He says, still trying to wipe off the nightmare vision of what had just happened. He stands up from the seat and shakes his head again. “Um, I’m going…to go..” He says. “..die now..” He grumbles under his breath before he flees from the kitchen leaving his grandmother alone. 

 

*****

 

“Sorry. I’m late.” Zayn says as he drops his bag on the table and takes a seat beside Perrie. 

Perrie looks at Zayn in surprise and glances around the library. “Zayn. What are you? What are you doing here?” She asks in confusion. 

“Ah, I needed to study. This seemed like a clean, dry, well-lit place.” Zayn replies simply. “And you were right about the whole needing an ID thing.” He adds. “What you were wrong about is how easy it is to borrow one.” He says as he pulls out an ID from his pocket. “I just have to get this back to.” Zayn says as he reads the name on the card, “Ro-Da-Do Benjari by 11 o’clock.” He continues before he looks at Perrie again. “Exchange students are so friendly.” 

Perrie shakes her head at Zayn. “Let me try this again.” She says. 

“Relax.” Zayn says. “I just came by to prove a point.” He adds. 

“Which is?” 

“Well, you kinda already proved it by looking around to see who can see us right now.” Zayn deadpans. Perrie sighs heavily and Zayn shifts his body to face his girlfriend properly. “Look, how much time do we spend together?” Zayn asks. 

“A lot.” Perrie replies shortly. 

Zayn nods. “How much fun is that?” He asks. 

“A lot.” 

Zayn nods again. “Good answer. Now, here’s a tough one.” He says. “How many times have we successfully had fun outside the confines of my father’s property?” 

Perrie stares at Zayn for a second before she replies. “Not a lot.” 

“Try again.” Zayn says. 

Perrie drops her pen on the table, finally realise on what Zayn is implying at the moment. “Never.” She says. 

Zayn nods. “Exactly.” He says. “Look, uh, we’re great. You and me, I mean. We like the same kind of movies. You laugh at my stupid jokes. You even pretended to like my dumb comic books and don’t think for a second that I didn’t appreciate that.” Zayn adds. “But, you know, we’re great as long as we’re, you know, in this bubble, and nobody can see us. Which has its charm. But we’ve been at this six weeks and I still haven’t met your roommate.” He points out. 

“Well, she’s a total bitch.” Perrie deadpans. 

“Okay, but if we’re going to be more than two people who sneak away to far off movie theatres and make out in an ugly car four afternoons a week, you’re gonna have to get over it.” Zayn says. 

Perrie sighs in resignation. “I guess, I’m not holding up my end of being the mature one in the relationship.” She admits. 

“Ah, relax. You’re twenty, not Michelle Obama. Your maturity expectation is pretty low.” Zayn says. “Hey, why don’t you come with me on Saturday night? There’s this wrestling thing at the school. Supposedly can’t miss.” He suggests, remembering on Louis’s idea. 

Perrie makes a face at the mention of the school. “Ugh, I swore once I graduated I’d never walk those halls again.” She says in distaste. 

“Okay, well, think of it as an experiment.” Zayn says. “We’ll go for one hour, no conspicuous hand holding or anything.” He tries again. 

Perrie contemplating for a moment before she finally nods. “Sounds well.” She says. 

“Really?” Zayn asks sarcastically. 

Perrie smiles and nods. “Do your homework.” She jokes. 

 

*****

 

“You know, you’re the one who wanted to go.” Dan points out. 

“And now I’m the one who doesn’t.” Niall replies, not taking his eyes off of his homework. “Can’t we just go for a drive or something?” He asks. 

“Ah, come on. I haven’t been back to that school since they kicked me out.” Dan says. “Besides, I thought you said everyone in the school was going to be at this wrestling thing.” 

“That’s the problem.” Niall says. 

“What? Your brother’s going to be there. He’s still acting like an ass?” Dan asks. 

Niall sighs. “He plays to his strengths.” 

“Alright. I’ll tell you what. I’m fine blowing this thing off if you want.” Dan says. “You can’t keep ducking every time you see the guy, you know? Why don’t we just go for an hour and if you don’t like it, we can go back here, making out or something.” He suggests. 

Niall laughs and snorts before he finally nods. “Okay, fine.” One hour is not a long time, right? 

 

*****

 

“Hey, Senor Walker.” Zayn greets as he spots his teacher at the court. So, it’s true what Louis said, everyone is coming to see the tournament. Including the teachers. 

“Hola Senor Brown.” He greets in return and suddenly he eyes go wide as he sees the girl besides Zayn. “Perrie?” 

“Oh my God, Max?” Perrie asks in surprise. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he glances between both of them. “Max?” 

“I heard you were teaching here.” Perrie says to Max and the older guy nods. Perrie then turns to look at Zayn. “He took me to the prom. He was this cool senior and I was a completely clueless freshman.” She explains. 

“So, how do you two, um, know each other?” Max asks curiously. 

“I..I work for his dad.” Perrie stammers. “Tutoring. Take care of the family. Pay bills.” Perrie replies awkwardly. 

The older guy nods before he glances around. “Look, I have to chaperon, but it was great to see you.” Max says to Perrie before he takes off. 

“So you were my Spanish teacher’s prom date?” Zayn teases as soon as his teacher leaves.

Perrie rolls her eyes. “Let’s just find some seats.” 

 

*****

 

“Zayn, you came?” Niall asks in surprise as soon as he sees Zayn who is looking around for the seats nearby. 

Zayn turns his head to look at Niall and walks closer to the other boy’s spot. “Yeah, you know, school spirit. Rah.” Zayn replies sarcastically. 

Niall nods at Zayn’s answer before he realizes that Dan is sitting beside him. “Oh, um, I don’t know if you met Dan.” He says as he glances between Dan and Zayn. “Dan, this is Zayn.” He says to Dan before he turns to look at Zayn again. “Zayn, Dan.” Niall adds. 

Zayn gives Dan a tight smile as he nods, trying to be polite. “How ya doing?” 

Dan nods. “How ya doing, man?” He replies back, with a tight smile in his face too. It seems like they both know that they dislike each other. 

Zayn tries to compose himself after the obviously one of his most awkwards greeting ever before he looks at Niall again. “Ah, you’ve met, uh, Perrie, right?” He asks the blonde-haired boy as he starts to take Perrie’s hand in his. He doesn’t know why he does that but he just knows that he needs to show the gesture in front of Niall. 

If Niall is surprised by the action, he doesn’t show it, instead he just smile slightly at Zayn. “Yeah, um, once.” Niall replies shortly. He swallows the sudden thickness in his throat before he starts to speak again. “You guys find seats yet?” He asks. 

“No, no, just looking around.” Zayn says as he is still holding Perrie’s hand in his. 

Niall tries his best not to look at the hands and glances around. “You can sit here if you want.” He offers. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, we can’t stay long. We have to get her back to campus.” He blurts out, suddenly confuse on why he feels like he needs to tell Niall that. He doesn’t know why he feels like he wants to show Niall that he is happy with Perrie now. Or he just simply wants to see Niall’s reaction, to be honest. 

“Really soon, actually.” Perrie suddenly says as she pulls Zayn with her and Niall can only watch them leave from the corner of his eyes. And no, the pit feeling in his stomach is not jealousy. Not at all. He shakes his head and glances at Dan who looks at him curiously. Niall smiles at Dan and leans his head on Dan’s shoulder. He has Dan now and Dan is making him happy, right? 

 

*****

 

Louis spots his brother and the guy at the other end of the hallway and he quickly turns around, not wanting to see both of them. Apparently his brother has another idea when he suddenly makes his way behind Louis. 

“Come on Louis, just let it go.” Niall says as he tries to follow Louis.

Louis rolls his eyes before he stops walking and turns to face Niall. “What do you want from me?” He asks harshly. 

“Just tell me how you’re doing?” Niall says desperately. “You’re allowed to do that right?” He asks. “I heard you got the highest math grade in your class. That’s great.” Niall says sincerely. 

“Yeah, that’s great.” Louis deadpans. 

Niall sighs as he looks at his brother. “I get it. You’re mad. You don’t have to keep doing this. Just talk to me.” He urges. 

“I have nothing I want to say to you.” Louis says. “Why don’t you just go talk to your crackhead boyfriend?” He says as he tilts his head up to Dan’s direction who is standing not far away from both of them. 

“He’s not like that.” Niall says defensively. 

“Says you.” Louis quips. 

Niall shakes his head. “Believe what you want about him, but I didn’t want to leave home. I tried to compromise. You saw what mom and dad did. It was their call.” He says. 

Louis huffs as he looks at his brother. “You had your chance and you chose him over us!” Louis spits angrily. “Now you want to blame mom and dad for kicking you out of the house?” He asks disbelievingly. “You have no idea what you did to them when you left. It’s like you gave up everything you used to care about. It’s Liam all over again.” He yells. 

Niall blinks back his tears as Louis brings up Liam’s name into their argument. He shakes his head and walks away, not wanting to hear from Louis anymore. At least, he tried to make an effort but Louis didn’t want to give him the chance. 

Louis glares at Niall’s back as he sees his brother walks away. Part of him is feeling guilty for bringing up Liam and he knows Niall is upset but part of him is mad at Niall and he thinks Niall deserves that. 

“Alright, listen, man. I know this isn’t my family.” 

Louis turns his head sharply to look at the voice. “No, it’s not.” He replies angrily. “So just stay out of it.” He warns the other boy in front of him. 

“He’s trying to make peace. Why don’t you cute him some slack?” Dan continues, completely ignoring Louis’s warning. 

Louis shakes his head. “Bro, whatever you’re about to say is going to be wrong.” Louis says as he grits his teeth angrily. Who does the boy thinks he is? “So, why don’t you just back off?” 

“Alright, relax, man. Alright, I’m not trying to start anything.” Dan says. 

Louis chuckles humourlessly. “No, you already did that when you came after my brother. Well, what, it wasn’t enough that you messed up your own life, now you have to take down ours? Oh yeah, why not, what’s one more messed up family, right?” Louis quips. 

Dan scoffs and chuckles while he shakes his head. “No wonder he left you guys.” He comments. 

And that words make all hell breaks loose when Louis suddenly snaps and starts to punch Dan’s face. 

 

*****

 

“So is that bad?” Louis asks as soon as he sees the face of Mr. Beels when the counsellor enters his office and takes his seat in front of both Louis and Bobby. Apparently, the school had called his father to pick him up and of course to lay down about the punishment. 

The guidance counsellor sighs heavily. “We’re going to have suspend you.” He says. 

“Oh, come on.” Louis whines. “You’re going to suspend me for going after Dan Richards? The guy got kicked out of school for selling drugs.” He points out. 

“Louis.” Bobby warns, not wanting for Louis to get himself further into a mess by being rude to the teacher. 

“Dan doesn’t go to school here anymore.” The counsellor says. “All we can do about him is make sure that he stays off school grounds.” 

“Great.” Louis mutters.

“We have zero tolerance rule about violence in school. A week suspension is the minimum. Now, I got you a week.” The counsellor says. 

“Great, thanks.” Louis replies gratefully. 

The counsellor shakes his head. “Well, don’t thank me yet. A letter about this has to go out to any school that you apply to.” He says and when Louis looks at him disbelievingly, he continues. “You were fighting, Louis. What else could I do?” 

Louis hangs his head in defeat. “I know, I know. I screwed up. It’s what I do.” He says miserably. 

About half an hour later, both Louis and Bobby got out from the counsellor’s office and Louis sighs heavily as they are walking. “If you’re gonna yell at me, can you do it now and get it over with?” He says to his father. 

“I’m not gonna get yell at you.” Bobby replies. “You know how I feel about fighting, Louis. It’s completely unacceptable.” He says. “But if I were in your position, I can’t say I wouldn’t done the same thing.” He adds but quickly backtracks as he looks at Louis. “Which doesn’t mean I don’t expect more from you.”

“I’m sorry.” Louis apologizes. “It’s just he got in my face and I just kept thinking about what he did to you.” He admits truthfully. 

“Me?” Bobby asks surprisingly. 

Louis nods. “Ever since Niall left, you don’t talk anymore, you know.” He says. “You look miserable all the time. You’re like Niall used to be.” 

Bobby feels his heart warmth at the sincerity and concern in Louis’s voice. “We’re your parents. We worry about you, it’s not your job to worry about us.” 

Louis shrugs. “You know, I actually thought I had a chance, you know, to get into some schools. Now, they’re gonna see a suspension on my application.” He says. “I really screwed up everything I busted my ass for. What am I gonna do?” He asks his father helplessly. 

Bobby shakes his head and wraps one of his arms around Louis’s shoulder. “We’re figure it out.” He says, assuring his son. They both stop walking suddenly when they see Niall standing at the other end of the parking lot, watching both of them. Louis glares at his brother while Bobby just stares at Niall, clearly disappointed with his youngest son. And within seconds, they both turn their heads away, leaving Niall alone, just like what the younger boy wants. 

 

*****

 

“Figured I’d skip the saga of unreturned phone calls and just ambush you.” Zayn says as soon as Perrie reaches her driveway. He decides to come to Perrie’s house after she’s not answering his calls. 

“With pizza?” Perrie asks as she looks at the box in Zayn’s hand. 

“Well, you can’t eat flowers.” Zayn points out. “This is the more practical peace offering.” He says. 

“You have a lot to learn.” Perrie deadpans before she starts to walk towards her door and there it is, a bouquet of flower in front of the door. 

“I’m pretty quick.” Zayn says before Perrie can even ask. “Look, I have a feeling I screwed up. Just wanted to be sure.” He adds. 

“Be sure.” Perrie replies. 

“I’m not going to stand here and try to defend what I know was stupid.” Zayn says. “I’m just gonna say that I’m sorry, mean it and stick with it.” He adds. “I just wanted to introduce you to my world.” 

Perrie crosses her arms over her chest and shaker her head. “You weren’t introducing me.” She says. “You were using me and flaunting me and it was embarrassing and adolescent and exactly like you said it wouldn’t be.” 

“Look, I just don’t want our lives to be totally separate anymore.” Zayn says. “We’ve been at this for weeks, cooped up trying to keep it a secret and all I want to do is shout your name from the rooftops.” 

“Please don’t.” 

“Well, don’t worry. Rooftops are a lot lower in a mountain town.” Zayn says. “It’s much more dramatic in London.” He jokes and Perrie’s face breaks into a smile. Zayn takes it as a small victory. “Look, all this secrecy is making me feel like you don’t want to be in this. It really would help me to know that you were ready to be okay with this.” 

“I am.” She says. “But..”

“But?” 

“I’m not ready for other people not to be okay with us.” She says before they both take a seat on the steps. “You know, I don’t hide you because you’re a constant embarrassment.” She adds. “I hide you because if it doesn’t feel like it, we’re doing something wrong.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at Perrie. “So what?” 

“So we get that ‘this’ is different. But not everybody else will.” Perrie says. “You might not like me lying to my old prom date about us, but as a teacher, he has a legal obligation to make a phone call if he suspects something.” 

“Well, we can’t stay in the bubble forever.” Zayn says. “I mean, the bubble isn’t even that safe. The bubble could pop. The bubble could burn down. Somebody could rob the bubble.” 

Perrie snorts and shakes her head fondly at Zayn’s ramble. “How about we figure us out first before we force ourselves onto the world?” She points out. 

Zayn nods, agreeing with Perrie. The girl has a point. “Alright. Can we kiss and make up now, because I’m on the clock?” 

Perrie smiles and nods. “Inside.” 

 

*****

 

“I had no idea that Louis was that mad at me.” Niall says. “Seems like everybody is.” He adds quietly. “My dad can’t even look at me anymore and I’m not sure my grandparents are so psyched to have me around right now either.” He continues miserably. 

“Well, we can always swim to England.” Dan says, trying to cheer Niall up. 

Niall snorts, still playing with the string of his hoodie and not even looking up to see Dan. 

Dan walks closer to the younger boy and sits beside him. “Hey, this isn’t your fault, or Louis’s.” Dan says. “It’s mine.” 

Niall shakes his head. “You were just trying to talk to him.” He says. 

“Yeah, you never had these kinds of problems before you started finding excuses to stop by the drug store.” Dan points out. “I told you then that you didn’t want someone like me around and I probably should’ve bowed out a few weeks ago.” 

Niall shakes his head as he looks at Dan. “Don’t say that. I didn’t let my parents make my decisions for me and I’m not going to let you do that either.” He says. “Louis was right. I did choose you over them. If I could have it all, I would. But..”

Dan stares at Niall, looking straight into those beautiful blue eyes. “Are you sure this is what you want?” He asks. 

Niall stares back at Dan and nods firmly. “Yes.” 

They both turn their heads when someone knocks on the door. “Got a sec?” Maggie asks, glancing between both of the boys. 

Both of them nod and Maggie steps into the room. “I gotta go to work anyway.” Dan says to Niall before he starts to stand up and excuses himself. “Hey, I’m glad.” He says to Niall, referring to Niall’s answer beforehand. Then he smiles at Maggie politely before he walks out of the room. 

“Nice kid.” Maggie comments once Dan leaves. 

Niall nods and smiles. “Yeah, I think so.” 

Maggie walks towards the bed and sits beside her grandson. “You know, you are always welcome here.” She starts. “Rain or shine. But you’ve got to be more mindful.” She adds. “Irv and I are out of practice having a kid around the house and these are some tight quarters.” 

“Yeah, they are.” Niall says. “I’m sorry. I’ll try a little harder.” He apologizes. 

Maggie nods. “Good.” She says before she pulls out something from the plastic bag in her hand. “This’ll help, this is all yours.” She hands Niall the box of the cordless phone. “To be plugged into your very own line and being installed by tomorrow. And this,” she says as she pulls out a big lock set, “goes to our bedroom door, pronto. Parenting accomplished.” She adds before she starts to stand up. 

Niall smiles. “Thanks, grandma.” He says gratefully. 

“About what you saw.” She says and Niall scrunches his nose in distaste. 

“Can we just forget about it?” Niall whines. 

Maggie laughs and nods. “If you say so.” She says. 

Niall laughs too and stands up to hug his grandmother. “Thank you.” For being the only family member that is not hating on me at the moment, Niall wants to add.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I write for fun. I can't meet up with everyone's expectation cause I'm completely a terrible writer and I just write what I want sometimes. So, that's all I want to say. And if this is not fun anymore, I might stop altogether. 
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> 
> __  
> “No worries. This is totally fixable.” Niall says confidently.
> 
>  
> 
> _“Wow, can you cry on command too?” Zayn teases Niall as they both start to walk towards the teacher at the front of the class. “Look, oh, we really..” Zayn starts._
> 
>  
> 
> _“ _En espanol, Senor Malik._ ” The teacher says, cutting Zayn off. _
> 
>  
> 
> _Zayn sighs before he starts to speak again.” _Estamos mucho emrazada._ ” He says. _
> 
>  
> 
> _The teacher looks at Zayn blankly while Niall rolls his eyes and shakes his head at Zayn. “You just said ‘we’re very pregnant.’” Niall tells Zayn._  
> 


	12. Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title: Lyrics from [Christina Aguilera - Hurt ](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwCykGDEp7M)

“What’s wrong? You hated it, didn’t you?” Zayn asks as he finishes with his piano playing and looks at Perrie for the reaction. 

“No.” Perrie replies quickly as she shakes her head. “Not at all. It was, um..” She continues. 

“Bad? Really bad?” Zayn asks, cutting Perrie’s off. “I knew it.” 

“Don’t be crazy.” Perrie says firmly as she looks at Zayn. “It was great. It was, I mean, in the middle, you were really rolling there. Kind of Tom Lacy, right?” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Oh, you got that?” He asks, impressed with Perrie’s attentiveness. 

“How could I not?” 

Zayn groans out loud. “Oh, God, you’re drying, aren’t you? You’re really embarrassed.” He points out. 

Perrie shakes her head again and smiles at Zayn. “It was amazing. I love it. And the band’s going to freak out over it.” She says. 

“Oh. You want to show it to the band.” Zayn says in a realization. 

“Well, obviously.” Perrie replies. “Come here, you.” She says before pulling Zayn’s face closer and kisses him. 

 

*****

 

Niall stops the truck near the trailers park and glances around before he turns off the engine. He spots the sign ‘Richards’ at one of the trailers not far away from his parking spot. He walks hesitantly towards the small cabin while bringing up the basket in his hand. Once he reaches the door, he starts to ring the doorbell. 

“Can I help you?” An older woman, probably around his mom’s age, opened the door and looks at Niall. 

“Oh, hi, um..” Niall stammers, suddenly nervous about being there, in front of Dan’s house. 

“You from the church?” The woman asks. 

Niall shakes his head. “No, I, I think you have the wrong place. I’m sorry to bother you.” He says before he turns away and heading back to the truck. 

 

*****

 

“We do own spoons, Louis.” Maura scolds as she looks at her eldest son. Louis is currently sipping the cereal throughout his bowl without using spoon. 

“It’s faster this way.” Louis replies and shrugs after he finishes and puts the bowl back on the table. “Don’t want to be late for my first day back to school.” He says. 

“Don’t forget you’re going to the market for me later.” Maura says. “I still need a few things for your father’s birthday dinner this weekend.”

“Are we still doing that?” Louis asks curiously as he looks at his mother. 

“Of course we are. Why wouldn’t we?” Maura asks. Louis just stares at his mother silently before he shrugs. It’s obvious to everyone about the reason and Louis pretty sure that his mother knows it too. They just choose not to say it out loud. 

“Oh, you slept late. I was starting to worry.” Maura suddenly says when Bobby enters the kitchen. 

“Just tired. That’s all.” Bobby replies quietly. “Why on earth do we need two dozen eggs?” He asks as he reads the groceries list on the table. 

“Go, Bobby, it’s your birthday. Go, Bobby.” Louis singsongs to 50cent’s song as he grins at his father. 

Bobby rolls his eyes. “That’s quite enough of that.” He scolds but he smiles nonetheless at his eldest son’s antique. Then he turns to look at his wife. “You know, you needn’t need go through all the trouble this year, Maura. Celebrations seem somewhat gratuitous, all things considered.” 

“You got to whoop it up, dad.” Louis says cheerily. “You only turn 45 once.” 

“Yes, and last year when I turned 45, I whooped it up.” Bobby deadpans and Louis grins sheepishly as he realizes his mistake about his father’s age. 

“It’s just a small party, Bobby. Nothing extravagant.” Maura assures. “It’s something to look forward to.” She continues. 

Bobby shrugs and sips on his coffee. “Up to you.” He says before he finishes his coffee and leaves a kiss for Maura before heading to the work. Maura and Louis watch as how Bobby’s steps are not bouncy as usual and they know the reason for that. 

 

*****

 

Niall looks at paper that the teacher had just returned and groans inwardly. He used to get an A for Spanish class but now it seems like he is heading towards the downfall as he looks at the grade for his assignment. Niall sighs and glances towards his left, looking at Zayn’s table and Zayn shows his paper to Niall. Apparently, Zayn gets a lower grade than usual too. “Whatever, it was a stupid assignment anyway.” Niall says to Zayn. “Who could possibly write four pages on the Tortilla’s influence on Mayan culture?” 

Zayn nods, agreeing with Niall. “Fortunately, we get to make it up in summer _escuela_?” Zayn points out before both of them start to stand up when the bell starts to ring. 

“No worries. This is totally fixable.” Niall says confidently. 

“Wow, can you cry on command too?” Zayn teases Niall as they both start to walk towards the teacher at the front of the class. “Look, oh, we really..” Zayn starts. 

“ _En espanol, Senor Malik._ ” The teacher says, cutting Zayn off. 

Zayn sighs before he starts to speak again.” _Estamos mucho emrazada._ ” He says. 

The teacher looks at Zayn blankly while Niall rolls his eyes and shakes his head at Zayn. “You just said ‘we’re very pregnant’.” Niall tells Zayn. 

Zayn looks at Niall and raises his eyebrows. “Well, I’ll let you fix this.” 

Niall nods before he looks at his teacher and starts to speak. “Um, _Senor, podemos hacer, credito extra..por favor. Quiero hacer major._ ” 

The teacher nods after Niall finishes. “ _Bueno. Para credito extra, quiero que preparen una comida autentica._ ” He says as he looks at both Zayn and Niall. When both of the boys look at the teacher blankly, he shakes his head. “I’m letting you do an extra credit project.” He says. 

“What, do we have to do a timeline history on the _piñata_?” Zayn asks. 

The teacher shakes his head. “I would like for you both to prepare an authentic Mexican meal for the entire class, translate the recipes into Spanish and bring it all in by Monday.” He says. 

Niall nods. “Perfect.” He says before both him and Zayn head out from the classroom. “I hope you know how to cook.” Niall says to Zayn once they are out of the class. 

“About as well as I can speak Spanish.” Zayn deadpans. Which means both of them are already screwed at the hope of getting the extra credit. 

 

*****

 

“Ta da.” Niall says as he hands Dan the box full of stuffs while they are hanging out at Niall’s room. Well, his room at his grandmother’s house. 

“No way.” Dan says disbelievingly as he pulls out the record from the box. It’s one of the records that he loves and Niall smiles when he sees a happy expression on Dan’s face. 

“I think one month anniversaries are supposed to by vinyl or something.” Niall says. “I’m just keeping with tradition.” He continues. 

Dan shakes his head fondly at Niall before he smiles. “Do you know what I was doing a month and a day ago?” He asks. 

Niall shakes his head. “I have no idea.” 

“Me neither. I can’t remember what my life was like before I met you.” Dan says. “It’s pretty sad, right?” He asks before he leans closer to kiss Niall. But before their lips are met, Dan’s phone is buzzing and he smiles sheepishly. “Sorry.” He says before he looks at his phone. “Oh, my buddy, Allen has been bugging me all day about this homework thing.” Dan says before he replies to the text. Then he turns to look at Niall again. “Now, where were we?” 

Niall shifts slightly and leans closer to Dan. “Right about..” And about the same time, Dan’s phone is buzzing again. Niall sighs. “For a second month anniversary, I’m getting Allen a new tutor.” He deadpans. 

Dan looks at the device in his hand and shakes his head. “Humm, it’s not mine. That’s weird.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows in confusion. It’s totally not coming from him either since his phone had been left at his parent’s house. He then moving around, trying to find the source of the noise and found a small box under his pillow. “What’s this?” Niall asks as he looks at Dan in confusion. 

Dan smiles and shrugs. “You know, I uh. I thought one month anniversaries were wireless communication devices.” He says. 

Niall opens the text and reads the name of the sender. Of course it’s Dan with a text _“Happy one-month anniversary, babe.”_ Niall looks up at Dan and shakes his head. “Dan, this is way too much. I can’t.” 

“You don’t like it?” Dan asks. “I mean, I thought about doing the whole chain things or something, but then I figured you didn’t want that.” He points out. 

Niall shakes his head again. “No. I mean these are like more than 50 pounds. You can’t afford..” Niall blurts out before he backtracks his words. “I mean, nobody your age can afford things like this. I know I can’t.” 

Dan smiles at Niall before he replies. “Well, I know that’s why it’s a present, babe.” He says. “Besides, I know a guy who gets them real cheap. Some rebate, kickback, illegal scam sort of thing.” He adds. “But trust me, it’s completely safe.” He says before his phone is buzzing again. “Oh sorry, I got to get going. My mom needs me to look after my little brother.” Dan says before he starts to wear his jacket, ready to head out. “You got to meet him some time, he’s a little tripper.” 

Niall nods and smiles. “I’d love to meet him and your mom both sometime, you know, whenever.” 

Dan nods. “Hey, you know what? Let me show you how to shut this thing off, before I go, you know, just in case.” He says as he steps closer to Niall and starts to kiss him. 

Niall giggles between the kisses. “What about your mom?” 

“She can wait 5 minutes.” 

 

*****

 

“Ewww.” Harry exclaims as he takes a peek on what his father is cooking at the kitchen. 

“It’s bulge wheat. I’ve decided to cook for Linda this weekend, so I’m testing out a few recipes.” Yasir says to his youngest son. “Dividing them into things I can eat and things that make me nauseous.” He explains. 

“Do Zayn and I have to eat it?” Harry asks as he looks at his father. He really hopes they won’t because the foods look disgusting to him. 

“Eat what?” Zayn asks as he steps into the kitchen and grabs the jacket that he had left earlier on the stool. 

Harry turns around to look at his brother. “Boogerwheat.” He replies disgustingly. 

Yasir chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m making you guys something else.” He says. 

Zayn hums in response and shakes his head. “Uh, don’t worry about me, I’m grabbing dinner with Perrie.” He says. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “What? Right now?” He asks as he looks at his eldest son. 

“Well, I could move it to tomorrow afternoon, but that would make it lunch.” Zayn replies. 

“Why doesn’t Perrie just eat here with us? Like usual?” Harry asks curiously. His expression has fall into a gloomy look. It’s not like he doesn’t like Perrie but lately Zayn is always spending time with her and less time for Harry. 

Zayn shrugs. “Because she only eat here when she’s getting paid to.” He replies to his brother. “Tonight’s her night off.” 

“What about your homework?” Yasir asks. 

“Did it.” Zayn replies shortly. 

“And piano?” 

“Practiced. What else you got?” Zayn asks as he looks at his father. 

“I don’t know. I have no idea what you’re doing in your life outside of Perrie, cause you’re never around.” Yasir says firmly. “This past week, you’ve come home to change clothes and to sleep.” He points out. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Well, am I missing out on something around here?” 

“Yes, your brother for one.” Yasir deadpans. “You know, relationship is supposed to add to your life, Zayn. Not become your life.” 

Zayn shrugs carelessly. “Well, before Perrie, I had no life. Now I do.” 

“It doesn’t mean you have to spend all your time with her.” Yasir says. “You know, you could let it breather occasionally, spread the happy around.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “I gotcha. Feeling the wisdom.” He says sarcastically. “Be home by 10.” He says before he turns around and leaves. 

Harry watches his brother’s retreating figure and sighs heavily. “I liked it better when they hated each other.” He says. 

 

*****

 

“I don’t get it.” Louis says as he is walking side by side with Zayn around the town. “I mean, you wrote her a song, which, by the way, was girly move number one, but whatever.” He adds. “You played it for her, she dug it, you macked down. I don’t see what the problem is.” 

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t know. Something just feels off. I don’t think she like it.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “So what? I mean, as long as she’s willing to make out with you, who cares about the song?” 

“I do.” Zayn says. “Maybe I should talk to her.” 

Louis laughs and shakes his head as they stop walking. “Bro, you’re killing me here, man.” He says. “All this talking and caring, and you know, writing cheesy love songs. Why don’t you just hand over your testicles and get it over with?” 

Zayn snorts. “Are you really calling me a girl?” He asks. “Cause you’re the one that’s actually fluffing your hair in front of the reflective surface right now.” Zayn deadpans. 

Louis shrugs. “I have a wind ding, okay? It happens.” He says before he continues to look at the windows of the shop again. 

“Zayn!” Niall calls out and Zayn turns his head to look at the boy who is walking towards both of them. 

“What’s he doing here?” Louis asks as he glances at Zayn. 

“We’re going shopping.” Zayn replies and when Louis looks at him incredulously, Zayn adds. “For school.” 

“Hey.” Niall says as soon as he reaches both Zayn and Louis at the sidewalk. 

“It’s dad’s birthday tomorrow night. Mom wants you to come.” Louis says, without even looking at Niall. 

Niall nods. “Yeah, I know, I was planning to..”

“Whatever.” Louis cuts Niall off. “Just do us all a favor and bring him a present, okay?” He says, glancing briefly at Niall before he turns to look at Zayn. “I’m out.” Louis says before he leaves both Zayn and Niall alone. 

“Wow, that was the longest conversation I’ve had with him in two weeks.” Niall says to Zayn once Louis leaves. 

Zayn chuckles and they both start to walk towards the store. “Are you ready for the Nacho Fest?” He asks Niall and the blonde-haired boy nods, showing Zayn the recipe book in his hand. 

 

*****

 

“I poached us a couple of menus from the internet.” Zayn says. “Figured we could use it as source material.” 

Niall nods while pushing the trolley along the aisle. “Works for me.” 

“Hold on one second.” Zayn says as he reaches for his ringing phone and picks the call up. “Hey…uh,huh..ok..uh..yeah, no,sure. You want me to pick you up? Alright, I’ll see you then. Bye.”

Niall smiles at Zayn once the dark-haired boy ends the call. “I take it things are going well with you and Perrie?” He asks. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, you know.” He replies shortly. 

Niall glances at Zayn briefly before he speaks up. “Is it weird for us talking about this?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. No. I don’t…I don’t feel weird at all.” He stammers. “Do you?” 

“No..not at all.” Niall replies. 

“Good. So, uh, what do you want to know?” Zayn asks while he is reaching for a can on the food shelf. “She’s awesome. She actually likes me, which is odd.” He says. 

Niall smiles fondly at Zayn. “No, it’s not. I’m glad it worked out with you two.” He says sincerely. Who the hell in the right place who doesn’t like Zayn? Plus, Zayn deserves someone that can make him happy. “Must be cool having so much in common, the whole music thing.” Niall adds. “So did she actually ever see the Beatles play or..?” He jokes. 

Zayn chuckles. “Oh, oh. Very funny.” He says sarcastically. “And how’s Rico Suave? You guys sharing needles yet?” He deadpans. 

Niall shakes his head. “Look, I know Louis slated him up to be a big crack addict, but he’s not like that.” He says. “He’s actually really smart. I think you’d like him.” 

Zayn shrugs but he nods nonetheless. “Yeah.” He says simply before Niall’s phone is buzzing with text. “Oh, is that a Blackberry?” Zayn asks as he points out at the device in Niall’s hand. 

“Yeah. Dan got it for me for our one month anniversary.” Niall replies. 

“Cool. What are you gonna get for one year? A GPS tracking system?” Zayn blurts out and Niall rolls his eyes at Zayn. They both chuckle before Zayn turns to face the shelf again. “So, I’m thinking this, a couple of bags of chips and we’re in the clear, what do you say?” 

 

*****

 

“Hey. You’re never gonna believe what I did.” Niall says cheerily as he walks towards Dan in front of his workplace. “I tried to Blackberry you some really sappy message and I think I wound up text messaging some Japanese businessman and now he won’t stop writing to me.” He says and laughs. His laughs fade when Dan doesn’t even response and just looks at him blankly. “Everything okay?” Niall asks. 

“I have a question for you.” Dan says. “Two days ago, I’m at the pharmacy, where were you?” He asks as he looks at Niall. 

“Um, I don’t know. At school probably.” Niall replies. 

“I’m talking about after school.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Um, I don’t really remember.” 

Dan scoffs. “That’s funny. Because my mom seems to remember. She says that someone who looks exactly like you stopped by my house the other day, only you pretended to be from the church.” 

“No, that was a mistake.” Niall says. 

Dan scowls at Niall. “So you were there?” 

“Yeah, but..” 

“What were you doing?” Dan asks, cutting Niall off. 

“I wanted to give you your gift.” Niall replies truthfully.

Dan stares at Niall and huffs angrily. “And you didn’t think maybe you should tell me about that?” 

Niall shrugs. “Well, I decided I wanted to give it to you in person.” 

“So, now you’re lying to me?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No. Look. I just wanted to surprise you.” He explains. 

Dan glares at Niall. “But you show up at my house, completely uninvited and you don’t even bother to tell me?” He asks, his voice is raising slightly. “I mean, you met my mother for God’s sake and you don’t even mention it.” He adds madly. “Who does that? Did I ask you to come by? Did I say it would be okay?” 

“No.” Niall replies. 

Dan nods. “No, then that’s just it. Either you’re invited to someone’s house or you’re not. And you weren’t. So, in the future, if I don’t asks you to do something, you don’t do it. Period.” He says angrily. 

“Excuse me.” Niall snaps. “Look, are you mad because I went to your house or that I didn’t tell you about it?” 

Dan sighs before he replies to Niall. “Look, just don’t do it again, okay? I got to bet back to work.” He says before he leaves, not even bother to kiss Niall as usual. 

 

*****

 

“She’s in there. Going over the latest.” Jay says as soon as he sees Zayn steps out of his car. 

Zayn nods in acknowledgement as he looks at Jay. “Oh, cool. So it’s coming together good then? How’s that last progression after the chorus, it was a little tricky, I was thinking about maybe tweaking it.” He says. 

“Dude, what are you talking about?” Jay asks confusingly. 

“Well, that song that I wrote..” Zayn accidentally blurts out and when he sees the expression on Jay’s face, Zayn shakes his head. “Uh, nothing.” 

Jay smirks at the boy in front of him. “Wait. You wrote a little love song for Perrie.” He says in realisation. “Ah, it’s so cute.” He mocks. 

“Shut up.” Zayn snaps. 

“No, it’s cool. I wrote a lot of songs for chicks when I was your age. It’s totally normal pre-pubescent behaviour.” Jay says, still mocking Zayn. “Just tell me, it’s not called Perrie?” He asks and laughs. “Hey, don’t stress, kid. If the song’s good, it’s good. Is it good?” 

“Obviously not, otherwise you would’ve heard it by now.” Zayn says before he turns away and starts to walk into the garage. 

“True that. Sucks to be you.” Jay says behind him. 

“Zayn, perfect timing. We’re just wrapping up.” Perrie says as soon as Zayn enters the garage. 

“You should’ve told me the truth. I could’ve handled it.” Zayn says madly as he looks at Perrie. 

“What are you talking about?” Perrie asks in confusion. 

“Instead, I come all the way down here and end up looking like an idiot in front of your ex-boyfriend, which is hard to do, considering he has the IQ of a potato.” 

Perrie shakes her head. “Slow down. I have no idea…”

“The song.” Zayn says, cutting Perrie off. “You never showed it to them. You never planned on showing it to them. Instead, you lie to me. Why?” 

“I don’t know.” Perrie admits truthfully. 

Zayn scoffs. “Oh, that’s good. Thank you. That’s really helpful.” He deadpans. 

“I’m sorry.” Perrie says apologetically. “I never should have said that I would show the band the song because you’re right. I wasn’t going to.” 

“So you hate it?” 

Perrie shakes her head. “No. I’m just..I’m not comfortable sharing that stuff. Especially here.” 

“Why? Because of Jay?” Zayn asks. 

“Because of everybody. Because it’s a little embarrassing.” Perrie says as she looks at Zayn. “This is coming out all wrong.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I get it. It’s embarrassing. I embarrassed you. I’m sorry. I’ll leave before I do it again.” He says before he starts to turn around and leave. 

“It’s not you, Zayn.” Perrie says. “Can we talk about this?” 

“No. I get it. It’s cool. I’ll see you later.” Zayn says before he walks away, leaving Perrie alone. 

 

*****

“I don’t know. Maybe she’s having a jam session or bingo night.” Niall replies to Zayn’s question while chopping off the vegetable at the kitchen. “Whatever it is, I’m sure she’s not sitting around wondering when she should call her high school boyfriend.” He replies irritatingly. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at Niall’s tone. “Uh oh, sounds like somebody has a fight with Dan Crackhead.” 

Niall drops the knife and turns his head to look at Zayn. “Like you would be able to tell anymore if I was upset about something.” He quips. 

“You’re right. I probably wouldn’t.” Zayn says. 

Niall continues chopping off the vegetable and shakes his head. “Guess you can only be friends with only one Horan at a time, is that it?” He says madly. “Louis, the lucky winner of the year.” Niall retorts. “But hey, maybe next year you’ll be my friend again, kind of like a trade-off system.” 

“Well, I don’t see you coming at me.” Zayn deadpans. “As usual, Niall gets a boyfriend and everybody else in the universe ceases to exist, but I guess I can’t take it personally, seeing as you don’t talk to blood relatives anymore.” He snaps in return. 

Niall drops the knife loudly and turns to face Zayn. “How would you know?” He asks angrily. You haven’t asked me about it. We’re standing in my grandparents’ kitchen right now and you haven’t even said one word.” He starts to yell. All Zayn is talking about is Perrie this, Perrie that. How could he not be mad? 

“Well, what do you want me say? That I think that you’re totally whacked, cause I do.” Zayn yells back. “You move out of your house over some guy you barely even know.” He adds. 

“You think this is all about Dan?! You think he’s the reason my life is where it is right now?!” 

“I don’t know!” 

“Yeah! That’s right! You don’t know.” Niall says. “I’ve been on anti-depressant for the past few months. Did you know that? Did you know that I didn’t actually ask to move out of my house that my parents basically kicked me out? My dad can’t even look at me in the eyes anymore. My grandparents are only tolerating me because they feel guilty.” He adds. “So first I lost Liam and then I lost my family, but you know what, it’s fine because I met a guy a few weeks ago that made it all better. Yeah, that’s what happened.” 

“Look, this all went down pretty recently.” Zayn says after Niall finishes. “You never came to me.” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, **you** never came to me.” He says before they both fall into a brief silence. 

“Look, I’m outta here.” Zayn says before he leaves the kitchen and grabs his jacket, heading out from Niall’s grandparents’ house. 

Niall hears the beep sound from the oven and he opens it only to find that the food has burnt and he pulls it out and manages to get his fingers burn slightly. “Fuck.” He curses out loud. Dan is mad at him, he is fighting with Zayn and they don’t even finish their assignment and now his fingers are slightly red because of the burnt. Great, could his weekend be worst? 

“You have a visitor!” Zayn shouts as soon as he steps outside the door and sees Dan walking towards the house. He ignores Dan and walks straight towards his car and drives away. 

Meanwhile, Niall comes out from the door and finds Dan in front of the house. 

“I come in peace.” Dan says as he hands Niall a box of cookies that Niall loves. 

Niall sighs. “We need to talk about what happened yesterday.” He says firmly. 

Dan nods. “Yeah, yeah. I know. I’m really sorry.” He says apologetically. 

“Look, I don’t know where that came from, but if we’re going to be together, then I need to understand what’s going on with you.” Niall says, getting straight to the point. 

“I said I was sorry.” 

Niall shakes his head. “I don’t want an apology. I want an explanation.” 

“Could we just pretend like the whole thing never happened?” Dan asks instead of replying to Niall’s demand. 

“No, we can’t do that. I’m sorry.” Niall says, standing to his ground. 

Dan sighs before he starts to speak. “I was embarrassed, okay?” He admits. “Have you ever been called white trash or had to stand in line at the grocery store and pay for stuff with food stamps. I mean, it’s about as humiliating as it sounds.” He adds. “Your dad is a doctor. You know, your mom is the freaking mayor of Mullingar. My mom, she cleans motels for six dollars an hour. My job at the pharmacy isn’t some after school ‘saving up for a car’ kind of job, you know. What I make goes for rent, water and electricity.” He says as he looks at Niall. “I mean, we used to have this, uh, this great old house up on the other town, but when my parents split, he kept the house, but he didn’t keep us. All my mom could afford was three hundred bucks a month and two-bedroom trailer. I lost most of my friends. It’s a tough sell, you know, getting kids to hang out at the trailer park. Anyways, I guess, I didn’t want you to see where I lived or that part of my life because I was afraid I’d lose you too.” 

“And I proved you right by freaking out and leaving.” Niall points out understandingly after Dan finishes. 

“Yeah, well, you were sweet enough to lie about it.” Dan says. 

Niall smiles sheepishly. “I’m sorry I did that.” 

“It’s okay. I probably would’ve done the same thing. It’s weird, isn’t it?” 

Niall shakes his head. “It’s not that weird.” He says truthfully. “So you live in a trailer park, so what? I live in the guest room of my grandparents’ house. It’s just where we live, it’s not who we are or the reason why we’re together.” Niall adds, looking straight into Dan’s eyes. “I’m not going anywhere.” He says and smiles at Dan. 

Dan smiles in return. “Can I take you out to dinner?” He asks. “I know this really great restaurant I think I can get us into. You know, burgers, fries, McNuggets.” 

Niall chuckles and nods. “Okay.”

 

*****

 

“Damn, fine meal, Maura.” Maggie says, breaking the awkward silence over the table as all of them keep glancing over the empty spot besides Louis’s seat. “What did you put in that glaze? In case I want to cook and give Irv another heart attack?” 

Maura chuckles. “Actually, it’s very simple. Just a bit of marmalade and some cloves.” She says. “Now, who’s ready for some cake?” She asks. 

“Now, why don’t we hold off on serving cake, just now, Maura?” Bobby says. “Give everyone a little time to digest.” He adds. 

Louis looks at his father across the table. “Uh, why don’t we open presents? That’s the fun part anyways, right, dad?” He asks, trying to cheer up the gloomy expression on his father’s face. 

“Sure.” Bobby replies simply. 

Louis grins and walks over to the small table near the corner of dining area. He hands a red wrapping gift to his father. “That’s from Maggie and me.” Irv says.

Bobby opens the gift and raises his eyebrows. “A window defroster.” 

“Top of the line window defroster.” Maggie says. 

“Yes, I know. If I recall correctly, I gave you one very much like this for Christmas.” He says as he looks at his mother. 

“Well, we loved ours so much.” Irv says. 

Louis takes the next box and hands it to his father. “Here, open this one.” He urges. 

Bobby opens the box and gasps slightly. “Well, it’s beautiful.” He says as he looks at the gift, which is a stethoscope. “My word. Well, it looks like an antique.” 

“It’s a 19-1952.” Louis says. “It’s an Allen & Hanbury.” He adds. 

“That’s right. Your grandfather had one just like this.” Bobby says.

Louis smiles and nods. “Yeah, I know. That’s how I got the idea. I remember how when I used to go to his office, me and..” He is about to say Niall but he shakes his head instead. “Well, we used to play with his stethoscope. I checked to see if the plants had a heart beat cause mom said plants were alive. Grandpa called me an idiot. Good times.” He says. 

Bobby opens the card and reads the content. “Love, Louis and Niall.” He reads out loud. 

“It’s from both of us.” Louis says. “It’s actually more of Niall’s idea.” He adds. 

Bobby glances at Louis and smiles. He knows that Louis is just covering up for Niall. “It’s a wonderful gift. Thank you very much.” He says sincerely. Then he looks at Maura. “Why don’t we go ahead and serve that cake now, Maura? No need waiting any longer.” He says, knowing that everyone knows he is waiting for Niall to show up at the dinner. And apparently he doesn’t show up at all. 

 

*****

 

“Where we you tonight?” Maggie asks and Niall turns around to look at his grandmother. 

“I was out with Dan.” Niall replies. “Why?” He asks and when his grandmother is looking at him, completely unimpressed with his answer, Niall suddenly realizes. “Oh my God.” He says. “Oh my God, dad’s birthday.” He says as he sits on the chair, trying to prevent himself from being panic. “Grandma, I completely forgot.” He says truthfully. “Is it too late? Can I?” 

“They’ve all gone to bed.” Maggie says sternly. “I know you’re having a tough time and isn’t like I agree with everything your folks are doing, but to miss your father’s birthday.” She points out, disappointed at her grandson. 

“I know, I screwed up.” Niall says miserably. “I meant to..”

“No one cares what you meant to do.” Maggie cut Niall off. “The only thing anyone’s gonna remember is that you weren’t there. There was one person your dad wanted to see tonight, you.” 

Niall bows his head down in ashamed. “So what do I do?” He asks. 

“I don’t know.” Maggie says truthfully. “From the look on your dad’s face, I’d say it’s gonna take a hell of a birthday present. I hope you saved your allowance. Good night, Niall.” She says before she turns around and leaves. Niall watches his grandmother leaves before he puts his head on the table miserably. What has he done? 

 

*****

 

“Sitting in the middle of your garage with my eyes closed. As far as apologies called, this one leaves a lot to be desired.” Zayn says. 

“One second.” Perrie says before she wraps her arms around Zayn from behind, holding the music sheet. “Okay, open.” She says. 

Zayn opens his eyes. “Oh, you’re giving me back the song that I wrote for you. That’s really exciting. If that’s how you say I’m sorry, then you suck at this.” He deadpans. 

Perrie rolls her eyes. “Look closer, dumbass.” 

“Well, there’s lyrics here. I didn’t..I didn’t write any lyrics.” Zayn points out. 

“I know.” Perrie says. “I did. That’s what I spent the last twenty-four hours doing, which is why I didn’t call you yesterday.” 

“Well, you wrote lyrics for me.” Zayn says disbelievingly. 

Perrie nods and smiles. “Yup. You’re amazing, Zayn. You surprise me almost every day, but I’m not gonna lie, you freak me out sometimes too.” She adds. “And when you gave me that song, it blew my mind in a good way but also in a scary way. It’s like every time, I’ve caught up to you in terms of how much you’re into this – us, you’re always ahead of me again.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “What are you saying? I like you more than you like me?” 

“No. I’m saying that you put a thousand percent of your energy into this relationship and I’m not used to that.” Perrie says. “I wanna catch up to where you are, but in order for that to happen, you’re gonna have to slow down a little.” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “I guess you’re right. I mean, I can be a little overeager.” He admits. “I don’t have to put a thousand percent into this, I can do eight hundred, maybe eight fifty.” 

Perrie smiles as she looks at Zayn. “Well, that would help me a lot.” 

“Then, that’s what I’ll do.” Zayn replies and smiles too. 

“Now, will you do me one more favor and play that song you wrote for me?” Perrie asks. 

Zayn nods and they both move to the keyboard and he starts to play for few seconds before he stops abruptly. 

“What’s wrong?” Perrie asks. “Is it the lyrics? You hate them. They suck.” She rambles. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, no. It’s not the lyrics. It’s just the song. It’s bad.” He says and winces as he looks at the music sheets. “Look at this intro, what, was I smoking when I wrote this? And this bridge, are you kidding me?” He rambles. “Do you have a pen?” 

Perrie laughs and shakes her head. “You’re out of your mind, Zayn?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “You know, it’s a good thing you didn’t show this to the band cause I would have never been about to show my face around here again.” He says. 

Perrie gasps. “Oh my god, the band. I told them to take five like half an hour ago.” She says before she heads out to call for the guys. Zayn follows her trail outside. “Guys, we can start up again. Let’s go.” Perrie shouts over to the boys who are hanging around at the curb. Zayn smiles at Perrie and when she pulls him to kiss his lips, Zayn’s eyes catch on a familiar figure around the other guys. Apparently, it is Dan who is giving them something in his hand and Zayn feels an uneasy feeling creeping out as he watches the scene from afar. 

“You wanna hang out for a while? I always like having your ear around.” Perrie asks but Zayn just nods distractedly. His mind is racing through the thoughts such as what is Dan doing there? What is the thing that Dan has passed around the guys? And didn’t Niall tell Zayn that Dan is only rumoured as a crackhead?

“Uh, no, I’ve got this, Spanish thing that I got to finish up.” Zayn says to Perrie. “But what are you doing later?” 

Perrie shakes her head. “Nothing. Wanna grab dinner?” 

“Uh, actually, I have an overeager’s anonymous meeting.” Zayn jokes. The truth is, he had a talk with his father about how much time he has been spending with Perrie and how he had neglected his family a little and that night, Zayn for once wants to have dinner at his home. 

 

*****

 

“Gum?” Niall offers as he glances at Zayn who is currently sitting beside him. Zayn nods and takes one of the gums. “Thank you.” He says to Niall. Then he looks at the smaller boy beside him and sighs. 

“Hey, you were right.” Zayn starts, staring right into Niall’s blue eyes. “I, uh, I wasn’t there for you.” He says. “You pretty much had the worst year of your life and I disappeared. Sorry.” Zayn apologizes. 

Niall shakes his head and smiles at Zayn. “It’s okay, Zayn.” 

Zayn nods. “I want you to know if anything ever did happen to you, if you ever really did need me then..” He says firmly. 

“I know.” Niall says, still smiling at Zayn. 

“Good, cause I would.” Zayn promises. 

Niall nods and smiles wider than before. “I know.” He says before he shifts his body slightly to hug Zayn. The dark-haired boy returns the hug and it lingers for a while before they pull away, and both are feeling better than before. 

“The truth is I wasn’t really mad at you the other day.” Niall admits. “I was upset with Dan and instead of dealing with him, I took it out on you and I’m sorry.” He says. 

Zayn nods understandingly. “Yes. Pretty much the same for me. I was all wrapped up in..”

“Perrie?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah.” He replies shortly. 

They both chuckle awkwardly before Niall finally sighs. “Yeah, it’s kinda weird talking about them, isn’t it?” 

“I know, it shouldn’t be.” Zayn points out. “I mean, in a perfect world, I would be all European about it.”

Niall shakes his head. “No, I don’t think you need to be all European about it.” He says. “I mean, we can still be friends and just not talk about part of our lives. We just need to remember to talk to each other, Zayn.” He adds. 

“Yeah.” Zayn says, agreeing with Niall. “It’s not like they’re our entire lives or anything.” He says. “In fact, I don’t think they should take up as much time as they do. In my opinion, what makes a relationship great is, uh, well, it gives you more time for other people.” 

Niall nods. “Yeah, I guess.” He says before his blackberry is buzzing with text. “Oops, sorry.” Niall says as he reads the text and frowns slightly. 

“What’s up?” Zayn asks in concern. See, that’s the thing. He just can’t stop being concerned about Niall even after everything. 

“Nothing.” Niall replies shortly. 

“No, it’s okay. You..we can stop talking about them in like three minutes.” 

Niall sighs. “No, it’s just Dan has been working at the pharmacy all day and he has to work for an extra two hours.” He says. “There should be labor laws on that stuff.” 

Zayn gives Niall a small smile, but in his mind, he remembers on how he had seen Dan lounging around the band members that noon. How come Dan can tell Niall that he has been working all day? Zayn makes a mental note to himself to look out for Niall to make sure that this Dan guy is not lying or hurting him.

“Thirty _enchilada_ specials?” The waiter’s voice breaks Zayn out of his stupor and both him and Niall are heading out to the counter, picking up their Mexican food, which they decided to order instead of cooking it for the extra credit. 

 

*****

 

Bobby is at the front door, about to lock it before he sees something. The small envelope on the floor, with a familiar handwriting on top of it. The words on the envelope is only ‘Dad’ and he recognizes the handwriting so well. He opens the envelope and starts to read the letter inside it. 

_  
”Dear Dad,_

_I’m sorry I forgot your birthday. It’s not like me to do that. You probably think that’s just how I am these days. That missing your birthday is just more proof that I’ve become a different person, someone who forgets his family for a boy or a fight or whatever it was that got between us. That’s the thing, I don’t even know anymore._

_I know I’ve disappointed you more than you ever thought possible. I never thought it was possible either. And now I feel kinda stuck in this pattern of messing stuff up and I don’t know how to fix it. I wish we could make everything like it used to be, but I guess I’m old enough to know that we can’t._

_I know you don’t believe me but I think about you every day and no matter how bad things get or how far apart we may seem, you’ll always be my dad…._

_…and I’ll always be your Niall.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I've finished writing for two more chapters and I might post the next one soon. :D 
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter preview: 
> 
>  
> 
> __  
> “Just trust me on this one.” Jamie pleads. “Just don’t do it.” He adds.
> 
>  
> 
> _Niall shakes his head. “Look, I don’t know what this about but Dan’s waiting for me, so..I gotta go.” He says to Jamie before he starts to turn away._
> 
>  
> 
> _Jamie grabs Niall’s arm, stopping the other boy from walking away. “I don’t think that he’s being completely honest with you.” He says to Niall. “I mean, I know he’s not. I think he’s still dealing.”_  
> 


	13. And this type of love isn't rational

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from: **[Britney Spears - Criminal](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6b33PTbGxk)**
> 
>  
> 
> Oh, and I finished my other chapter story here: **[Only Life](http://archiveofourown.org/works/697898/chapters/1284484)**

“Give me a second.” Niall says as he tries to pull his shirt over his head. 

“Ow.” Dan whines as Niall’s elbow is accidentally knocking his face on the process of taking his shirt off. 

“Sorry.” Niall apologizes. 

Dan shakes his head. “It’s okay.” He says. He knows they are in quite tight space in the car so who could blame them if they knock each other with their limbs. 

“I’m a little pointy.” Niall says as soon as his shirt is completely off of his body. 

Dan chuckles. “Yeah. Pointy all the way to my jaw.” He jokes. 

Niall laughs and repositions himself on the car’s seat, staring at Dan. “Okay.” He says shortly. 

“Better?” Dan asks. 

Niall nods. “Yeah.” He says before he pulls Dan closer to him and they start kissing. He feels Dan’s hand start to roam on his body, until it reaches his jeans. Niall pulls away quickly and shakes his head. “No. Hold on.” 

“What?” Dan asks in confusion. 

“No. Nothing.” Niall replies. “It’s just I’ve um..that was new.” He admits sheepishly. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I, did I freak you out?” 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling conscious about his body and shakes his head at Dan’s question. “No, don’t apologize. I just need to regroup here for a second.” He says. “I’m just not really used to..that.” 

Dan mouths an ‘o’ in realization and he looks at Niall. “If you mean you had never…” He trails off. 

Niall shakes his head. “No. Did you think I had?” He asks. 

Dan nods. “Uh, yeah. I mean, you know, you always seem, like, so comfortable and together with yourself that I just assumed that you and Liam had..”

Niall smiles nervously and shakes his head. “No, we never had.” He admits truthfully. “But, that’s very nice. Um, it’s a big compliment seeing as that’s not at all how I feel.” 

Dan smiles as he looks at Niall. “I’ll be careful now.” He says. “Listen, I would never have done that if I..”

“I know.” Niall replies understandingly. “You know, I’m not going to be like this forever.” 

“That’s fine. Fine. I’m ready when you’re ready and you know what?” Dan asks. “If you’re never ready, you know, it’s cool with me. I don’t care.” He says. “It’s not what I meant to do.” 

“It’s an interesting personality, isn’t it?” Niall teases, fully knowing that both of them are aware about Niall’s anti-depressant pills. 

Dan chuckles. “Don’t worry. I’ll have them fix the dose.” He teases back. 

 

*****

 

“I don’t really know what to think.” Niall says as he leans back on the headboard, looking at Jamie. 

“Well, did you want to?” Jamie asks. 

Niall shrugs. “I didn’t not want to. It’s just, I didn’t see it as a possibility, in my mind, it was never really on the menu, you know.” He admits truthfully. 

Jamie nods. “And now it is?” He asks. 

“Yeah.” Niall replies. “Big time.” 

“Well, go for it.” Jamie says. “Why not? He’s great and you like him, right?” He asks. 

Niall nods. “Yeah, I like him a lot.” 

“And he probably knows what he’s doing?” Jamie asks suggestively. 

Niall laughs nervously as he shakes his head. “Jamie..” He whines. “So just out of curiosity, what is it exactly I’m supposed to do?” He asks. 

Jamie shrugs. “Well, you really don’t have to worry about that part. You can just sort of lie there at first.” He says. 

Niall rolls his eyes. “Geez, it sounds so romantic when you put it that way.” He says sarcastically. 

Jamie laughs. “If you build it up in your mind as this big thing that’s going to change your life forever, you’re just going to be disappointed.” He says truthfully. “Trust me, the lower your expectations are the better.” 

Niall looks at Jamie for a while before he sighs. “Maybe I’m not ready to do this after all.” He says. 

“And that’s fine.” Jamie says. “Just don’t wait too long and end up like Rachel Hoffer’s brother?” 

Niall raises his eyebrows in confusion. “What happened to Rachel Hoffer’s brother?” 

“Twenty nine years old and never did it.” Jamie says and shudders. “Now he’s petrified that he’s going to die a virgin. It’s really sad.” 

Niall shudders as well. “God.” He mutters. 

“Hello boys. How’s the studying going?” Maggie asks suddenly, startling both of the boys. They both turn their heads to look at her and they smile at her innocently. 

“Oh, it’s going great, grandma.” Niall says and smiles sweetly as his grandmother. 

 

***** 

 

“Dude, that’s awesome.” Louis exclaims excitedly, jumping slightly to show his excitement. 

Zayn shrugs, totally opposite of Louis’s jumpy self. How they could get along is remain mystery. “I don’t know. All she said was my roommate’s is out of town for the weekend.” He says. 

Louis nods eagerly. “I know. That’s awesome.” He says as he looks at Zayn beside him. “Your girlfriend just told you that you have her entire place to yourself for the whole weekend.” Louis says loudly. “The whole place, the whole weekend. That’s a major invitation to the big leagues.” He points out. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. No. We haven’t even talked about sex yet.” He says to Louis. 

Louis rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Dude, come on. I mean, don’t you get it, she is signalling the pitch.” 

Zayn takes his turn to roll his eyes at Louis after that. “Oh, please don’t use sport metaphors right now. I need to understand what you’re saying.” He says. 

“Okay, look. Women do not speak English. They speak in code.” Louis says. “You have to translate everything they say. Perrie’s not just going to come out and say ‘Hey Zayn, why don’t you come over Friday and do me?’” He explains. 

“For many reasons.” Zayn says. 

“Right. So she’s gonna speak in code, right? You know who like when a girl says ‘do you like my sweater?’ what she really means is ‘tell me how good I look’.” Louis says. “When Perrie says you get to spend some interrupted time together, what she means is you might want to stop by the drugstore on the way over.” He adds. 

Zayn thinks about Louis’s words for a second before he nods. “She did say I should come over as soon as her roommate leaves.” He points out. 

Louis rolls his eyes again. “Hello. Does the little ass need to hit you over the head there with a heavy object here?” He deadpans. “She’s aching for some Malik loving. Dish it up and serve it hot, my friend.” 

 

*****

 

“Hi. Bye.” Zayn says to his father as he is walking through the kitchen to go to the backdoor. 

“Wait a second. I need to talk to you and your brother.” Yasir says, stopping Zayn on his track and the boy turns to look at his father. “Harry?” Yasir calls out, hoping that his youngest son can hear him. 

“Uh, just so you know, Louis is having this all night poker game with some of the guys.” Zayn says to his father while they are waiting for Harry to come. “I’m gonna spend the night there, is that cool?” He asks. 

Yasir nods. “Sure, great.” He replies shortly.

“What happened?” Harry asks as soon as he enters the kitchen. 

“Nothing happened.” Yasir says. “Just a family meeting.” He continues. 

Harry turns to look at Zayn and squints his eyes at his brother. “What did you do?” He asks accusingly. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No one did anything. Sit down. There’s something I wanna discuss with the two of you.” He says. 

Both of them take their seats and look at their father. Yasir remains silent and Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Are supposed to guess?” He asks. 

Yasir sighs before he starts to talk. “Okay, as you know Linda Horan and I have been seeing each other rather regularly.” He says. “Not on any formal basis, but, uh, with a general and healthy evolution toward a relationship, which is a loaded term in and of itself.” 

“Dad, you’re not addressing the senate.” Zayn deadpans after his father’s ramble. 

Yasir looks at Zayn and nods. “Right. Well, the point is we’ve been dating for a while and we really like each other a lot and I thought it would be nice if after she came over for dinner on Saturday night, that she could…” He trails off. “..well…” He adds. “…stay.” 

Zayn looks at his father understandingly while Harry looks confused. “Forever?” Harry asks. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No. No. Just for the night.” He says. “Just a sleepover. I mean I want to make sure that you two are both okay with it, not that there is any reason not to be okay with it. It’s no big deal. The whole point is for it not to be a big deal.” He rambles on. “I want Linda to be comfortable coming here from time to time and you two having her here.” 

Zayn sighs heavily, knowing that he couldn’t do anything after all. It’s his father’s life. “Yeah, I know, I mean, sure. That’s fine with me. Anyway, I gotta go. I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow?” Yasir asks confusingly. 

“Poker game.” Zayn says, rolling his eyes at his father’s forgetfulness. “Work with me, dad.” 

Yasir mouths an ‘o’ and nods. “Right. Have fun.” He says before Zayn takes off and walks out of the house. Then he turns to look at Harry. “So, how about you?” Yasir asks his youngest son. 

Harry crosses his arms over his chest as he looks at his father. “What would happen when she’s here? Would I have to do anything?” He asks. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No. Not if you didn’t want to. It’d be just like any other night, except we’d be baking those snowflake cookies that you’ve been wanting to make so much.” 

“And?” 

“Um, watching ‘The Princess Diaries.’”

Harry nods. “I’m still listening.” 

Yasir sighs. “And cutting up double-stuffed Oreos to make quadruple-stuffed Oreos.” 

Harry smiles inwardly, knowing that he manages to make his father being nervous, plus he gets to eat his favorite Oreos too. “I guess it would be okay with me.” He says finally and smiles at his father. 

 

*****

 

“What are you doing Saturday night?” Dan asks. 

“Well, I think I’m going out for dinner with Orlando Bloom?” Niall replies cheekily. “Oh, no, wait, that’s Friday.” He says and smiles. “Why, what’s up?” He asks. 

Dan smiles as he looks at Niall. “Chris Bailey is having this really cool party at his parents’ ski chalet and I don’t know, it’s going to be huge. I thought it might be fun.” He says. 

Niall nods. “No, it sounds great.” He says. “Actually, it sounds kind of perfect.” He adds. 

“Perfect, how?” Dan asks curiously. 

“Well, this beautiful ski chalet all snowy and fancy. Sounds like it could be kind of romantic, doesn’t it?” Niall says suggestively. 

Dan shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.” 

Niall smiles as he looks at Dan. “Well, I was thinking that it might be the perfect place to, you know.” He says suggestively. 

Dan smiles in return, finally understand on what Niall is talking about. “Seriously?” He asks. 

“Well, why not. It’s better than doing it in the car, isn’t it?” Niall asks the older boy. 

Dan nods. “Yeah, it is.” He says. “I just, I mean, when did this happen?” He asks curiously. 

Niall shrugs. “I’ve been thinking about it and I think I’m ready to take the next step.” He says and when Dan is just agape at him, Niall pouts. “Stop looking so shocked, cause it’s freaking me out.” He admits as he looks at Dan. 

“Sorry.” Dan apologizes. “I just, I’m a little taken aback here, you know. The other night, you were..” He trails off hesitantly. 

“I thought you’d be happy.” Niall deadpans, suddenly feeling like he has read the wrong signals from Dan. 

“I am. I’m…I’m totally happy.” Dan says. “I just don’t want you to be doing this for any reason other than the fact that you really want to, you know what I mean?” 

Niall nods. “I do want to.” He says firmly and when Dan is still staring at him, Niall continues. “Will it make you feel horrible, if I told you, that part of me just kind of wants to get it over with?” 

“Well, I mean, it wouldn’t make me feel great, you know.” Dan admits. 

“See, um, none of this is really happening the way I thought it would.” Niall admits. “For as long as I could remember, I thought it would be Liam.” He says. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” 

Dan shakes his head. “I’m sorry.” He apologizes. “I totally missed it before and you know what, you’re awesome.” 

“We don’t need to do this if you don’t want to.” Niall says, not really looking at Dan’s eyes anymore. 

Dan shakes his head, grabbing Niall’s hand into his. “What time should I pick you up on Saturday?” Dan asks instead. 

 

*****

 

“Rules of the road, doctor.” Bobby says to Yasir after their carts are collided at the store. Apparently Yasir was talking to Harry and they both didn’t see the other cart near the corner of the aisle. 

“Sorry, Bobby.” Yasir apologizes. “So, how are things?” He asks. 

“Well, not quite the cavity fest that you seem to be having but fine.” Bobby replies as he looks at the content in Yasir’s cart. 

“Well, they’re Linda’s favorite. I’m stocking up. Tonight’s movie night.” Yasir explains while Harry is busy looking at the food shelf nearby. 

Bobby rolls his eyes. “So I heard.” He says sarcastically. 

“Oh, brownies. Those are so good frozen.” Louis comments as soon as he sees the food in Harry’s hand when he just came from the other aisle at the store. “Can we get some of those?” He asks his father. 

“I think not.” Bobby says and shakes his head. Louis sighs in frustration while Harry just watching the older boy amusingly. 

“Looks like you can afford them yourself.” Harry leans closer to Louis’s side to whisper the words. Louis chuckles and nods before he turns his head to whisper at Harry’s ear in return. “Well, I’m trying to make my dad poor today.” He jokes and Harry laughs. 

“Zayn told me you cleaned him out last night.” Yasir suddenly says, startling both Harry and Louis before they both look at Yasir. “So much for an all-night game. Said he was broke by 11.” Yasir continues. 

“Oh, right. Yeah. It was rough.” Louis replies and laughs nervously. 

“What was rough?” Bobby asks in confusion. 

“Louis’s poker night with the guys.” Yasir replies to Bobby. “Turns out he’s a shark.” He adds as he looks at Louis. “If you’re gonna make that a regular thing, let me know and I’ll lower Zayn’s allowance.” 

Bobby glances at his eldest son and raises his eyebrows. “There were guys in our home last night?” He asks. 

Louis shrugs, trying not to look at his father’s eyes. “Yeah, just a couple.” He replies. 

“With whom you played cards?” Bobby adds. 

Louis nods. “Right.” 

Bobby squints his eyes, still looking at Louis. “So who was that who fell asleep on the couch watching Reba with your mother and I?” 

Louis curses inwardly and tries to look at Harry for help. Unfortunately, Harry has no clue on what’s going on and just look at him blankly. Louis couldn’t blame the younger boy. Zayn had said that Louis was the only one that he had told about the secret. “It was after that. We were in the basement.” Louis says. “I mean, we were really quiet and you had already gone to bed and..” He trails off and when his father is still looking at him, Louis finally sighs in resignation. He starts to walk away, tugging Harry’s wrist in his grip. “We’re going to look for more foods.” He announces before he walks passed Yasir and sighs again. “Tell Zayn I tried, okay?” Louis says before he and Harry takes off to the other aisles at the store. 

 

*****

 

“You have really good hair.” 

Niall turns his head to look at the boy who is suddenly appears beside him. Apparently the other boy is drunk since his words are slurred and he can’t even stand straight. “Thank you. Please don’t puke on it.” Niall warns. 

“This is ridiculous.” Jamie says behind him. “There’s got to be another bathroom in this mansion.” He whines. 

Niall shakes his head. “I’m too lazy to walk.” He says to Jamie and his friend just shrugs, before he turns to find another bathroom to pee. “Oh, if you see Dan, tell him I’m still here.” Niall says and Jamie nods. 

Jamie wanders around the second floor, trying desperately to find the toilet before he would pee on himself. He is about to walk pass through one of the rooms when he sees Dan with several boys that Jamie recognizes from school. Apparently Dan is supplying something to the boys and Jamie knows for a fact that the thing is not supposed to be there. Or the fact that Dan is not supposed to be dealing at all, as what the older boy had convinced Niall before. 

 

*****

 

“Is this enough frosting?” Linda asks the curly-haired boy beside her. 

“If I see cookie, it’s not enough.” Harry replies cheekily. Linda smiles and nods. “Got it. How you doing, Yasir?” She asks as she turns to look at the other person at the kitchen. 

“I’m gonna slap an ankle bracelet on him and call house arrest. He can say goodbye to that cell phone of his.” Yasir grumbles under his breath as he is still trying to call Zayn with his phone. 

“He talks to himself sometimes.” Harry comments after Linda is looking at him in confusion after Yasir’s reply to her question.

“Good to know.” Linda says. 

“Well, it’s about time.” Yasir says as soon as Zayn opens the backdoor and steps into the house. 

“Not now.” Zayn replies moodily as he walks passed his father. 

Yasir turns to look at his son. “Not now? Try right now.” He says. “You want to talk about last night’s poker game again, because I had a very interesting conversation with Dr. Horan today.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Fine, I made it up.” He says. “But I came home anyways, so I don’t see what the big deal is..”

“You lied, that’s what the big deal is.” Yasir says, cutting Zayn’s off. 

Linda turns her head and whispers to Harry. “Maybe we should hang out upstairs instead?” She says. 

Harry nods eagerly. “Sounds good.” He says before he follows Linda’s lead out of the kitchen. He doesn’t want to get in between the usual fight that is about to begin, thank you very much. 

“You know, just ground me and get it over with, alright?” Zayn says to his father. “I’m not in the mood.” 

“Well, you better get in the mood, because we are going to have a conversation about this.” Yasir says firmly. “And by conversation, I mean, that you’re going to tell me what the hell is going on in your life, starting right now.” He adds. “Where were you tonight?” He asks. 

“Out.” Zayn replies shortly. 

Yasir shakes his head. “That’s not good enough.” 

“I was at Perrie’s.” Zayn admits. 

“Are you sleeping with her?” Yasir asks bluntly. Zayn just scoff and Yasir starts to yell. “Answer me!” 

“No! I’m not sleeping with her, okay? I’m never gonna sleep with her or anybody else for that matter!” Zayn says. “I’m gonna die a virgin cause that’s how my life is. Anything good that happens to me gets bad. Anything bad gets ever worse, whenever humanly possible! Does that make you happy? Is that what you want to hear?” He yells back to his father. 

Yasir stares at Zayn. “What happened?” He asks, his tone is quieter than before. He realizes that Zayn is upset about something and it must have to do with Perrie. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Can I please just go?” He asks tiredly and Yasir just nods silently. 

 

*****

 

“Niall? Can I talk to you for a second?” Jamie asks as soon as he spots Niall in Dan’s arm on the couch. “I think I lost my ring.” Jamie adds. 

“What ring?” Niall asks in confusion as he turns his head to look at Jamie. 

“It’s my mom’s. It’s real.” Jamie says. “Could you just? Two seconds?” He asks. 

Dan pats Niall’s knee and starts to stand up. “I’ll see you upstairs.” He says to Niall and smiles knowingly before he takes off. 

“What ring?” Niall asks as soon as Dan leaves him alone with Jamie. 

“Don’t sleep with him.” Jamie says seriously. 

Niall raises his eyebrows in confusion. “What?” 

“Just trust me on this one.” Jamie pleads. “Just don’t do it.” He adds. 

Niall shakes his head. “Look, I don’t know what this about but Dan’s waiting for me, so..I gotta go.” He says to Jamie before he starts to turn away. 

Jamie grabs Niall’s arm, stopping the other boy from walking away. “I don’t think that he’s being completely honest with you.” He says to Niall. “I mean, I know he’s not. I think he’s still dealing.” 

Niall looks at Jamie and shakes his head. “First of all, Dan never dealt. That was just a rumor and second of all..”

“I saw him in the bathroom with a bunch of people around him.” Jamie says, cutting Niall’s off. 

Niall shakes his head again. “This is so stupid, Jamie.” 

“He was giving them these little plastic baggies with pills in them and they were giving him cash back.” Jamie says truthfully. “Now I don’t know what you call that but in my world that’s dealing.” He adds. “I’m sorry.” 

Niall stares at Jamie for a while before he speaks up. “Look, you probably just saw wrong. I mean, maybe he was in the room, but..” He says before he stops and sighs in resignation. “This can’t be. This can’t be.” Niall continues. 

Jamie sighs and shakes his head at his friend. He wants Niall to be happy, he is, but he doesn’t want Niall to end up losing his virginity to the wrong guy. And Dan is apparently had been lying to Niall about the dealing thing. “If you don’t believe me, just ask him.” Jamie says finally. 

“No. I’m not.” Niall says and shakes his head. “I can’t just ask him.” 

“Look, I’m sorry that I saw it.” Jamie says. “I mean, actually maybe I’m glad I did, I don’t know. I just, I don’t think you should do something that you’re gonna regret.” He adds as he looks at Niall. “You know, you don’t want your first time to be with somebody..”

Niall looks at Jamie. “Somebody who what?” He asks. 

Jamie stares at Niall and swallows thickly before he continues. “Somebody you can’t trust.” 

 

*****

 

“Is it pretty.” Niall says as he stares at the view from the window when Dan is approaching him. Dan puts his arms around Niall’s waist and nods. 

“Yeah. It’s just what I was thinking.” Dan says before he leans closer to kiss Niall. They both sway slightly as they are kissing until they reach the bed and slowly lies on it together. 

“Wait.” Niall says suddenly as he pulls away from the kiss. 

“Are you having second thoughts?” Dan asks as he looks at Niall when they pull away. 

Niall shakes his head. “No. I have to ask you something.” He says. 

Dan nods. “Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. You can ask me anything, you know that.” 

Niall looks at Dan before he starts to speak up again. “Jamie said that he saw you earlier in the bathroom with some people.” 

“Yeah.” Dan replies shortly. 

“He said that you’re dealing.” Niall continues. 

Dan shakes his head and sighs heavily. “Look, if I tell you, it’s not what you think, you’re not gonna believe me anyways, so..”

“Try me.” Niall says firmly. 

Dan stares at Niall’s determined face before he nods. “Okay, alright. Listen, there’s a reason that I know these guys, okay? It’s not like I’m part of their inner circle or anything.” Dan says. “Bradley knew that I’d know a guy that could hook him up. I’m not even like the point person on this and I know it sounds really bad. And you know what the worst part is? The worst part is when he first asked me, I told him I wouldn’t even do it.” He explains. 

“And then what changed your mind?” Niall asks. 

“A couple of things, you know.” Dan replies. “I mean, first of all you have to understand that this guy offered me a lot of cash just to make the connection.” He says. “I mean, more money that I make at the pharmacy in like a month. And that’s like rent for my entire family, okay? And then you and I talked about coming here and what it would mean and I knew that if I didn’t supply the stuff they wouldn’t let me in.”

Niall shakes his head. “It didn’t have to happen here. You could’ve told me. I would’ve understood.” He says. 

Dan nods. “I know. I know that. I know that now, but I just. I don’t want you thinking of me like this.” He says. “I don’t want you think of me as the guy who people call when they need, you know, whatever. I mean, it’s not a reputation that I want to have, but I have it unfortunately. I guess I was just, I was trying to keep that from you as long as possible.” He adds. “But I promise you, okay? I will never ever do anything this stupid again, okay? I swear, Niall.” He says and when Niall remains silent, Dan shakes his head. “Alright, you know what? Maybe we should just go.”

Niall nods. “Yeah, I think so.” He says quietly, suddenly not feeling like he wants to do anything with Dan at the moment. 

Dan sighs before he starts to stand up. “Okay, alright. I’ll get our coats.” 

 

*****

 

“If your yelling didn’t scare Linda off, that piece would’ve sure done the trick.” Yasir comments as soon as Zayn finishes with his piano playing. 

Zayn turns to look at his father. “Oh, that fight scare her? Amateur.” Zayn deadpans. And when his father is still staring at him, Zayn sighs. “Okay, sorry about the lie.” He apologizes. 

Yasir nods. “Oh, yeah. There was going to be some serious grounding there.” He says. “Could’ve been years before you saw daylight again.” 

“Ah, you’d probably be doing me a favor.” Zayn says. “Seriously.” 

“Yeah, I gathered that. I got a feeling that I can’t compete with whatever it is you’ve been going through lately.” Yasir admits truthfully. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at his father. “So, I’m off the hook?” 

Yasir shrugs. “Well, call it an advance on my next screw up.” He says. “But I do want to talk to you about what you’ve been going through lately.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Nah, you don’t have to.” He says. 

“Illegally, no. But I’m gonna take a shot at it anyway.” Yasir says. “You and your friends are at an age where, you’re deciding when or whether to have sex.” He continues. “I can’t tell you what to do. A lot of parents try and I respect the impulse but you can’t stop sex. It’s too big. It’s like trying to hold back the tie with the broom. And there’s also part of me that just want you to go out and have a good time. But what I can do is advise you.” He adds. “Sex isn’t as simple as it looks.” 

“I got that part down.” Zayn says. “Believe me.” He continues, remembering about the night of his failure with Perrie. He was just too nervous that he screwed up before they even began and he felt so embarrassed that he stormed off from Perrie’s house without even glancing at her. 

Yasir nods understandingly. “Well, I just wanted you to know that you can come to me and you can talk to me if you ever need to.”

Zayn shakes his head. “And I want you know that I really don’t see that happening, but thank you.” He says gratefully. 

 

******

 

“When did you start drinking real coffee?” Maggie asks as she enters the kitchen and finding Niall reading a book with a cup of coffee in his hand. 

Niall turns his head to look at his grandmother and smiles. “Oh, it’s only half real. I mixed a bag of cocoa with it. It kinda gives it that moccachino effect but it’s cheaper than Starbucks.” He says. 

Maggie chuckles. “You’re a pretty smart cookie. A lot smarter than I was when I was your age.” She says. “You know, I don’t envy your generation. You don’t get too much kid time, do you? It gets pretty serious, pretty quick?” 

Niall nods. “Yeah, I guess.” He admits. 

Maggie takes a deep breath before she starts to speak again. “I’m not good with metaphors, Niall. So no birds, no bees.” She says as she takes a seat in front of her grandson. “I know you’re thinking about having sex or maybe you already have.” She blurts out. 

Niall drops his book on the table and looks at his grandmother in surprise. “What makes you think that?” 

“You’re 16. You’ve got a good looking boy coming around the house everyday. It all adds up.” Maggie explains. “I never had this talk with my kids and God know I never had it with your dad.” She admits. “I figure, it’s my chance to get it right.” 

Niall shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Grandma..” He whines, a little bit embarrassed about the topic. To talk about it with his friend, yes, he doesn’t mind, but his grandma is another story. Apparently, his grandmother has a different idea. 

“It goes like this.” Maggie says, ignoring Niall’s whine. “Sex is special. And sex with the right person at the right time, it can be pretty darn wonderful. But if you don’t have those ingredients..” 

“It’s not wonderful.” Niall finishes for his grandmother. 

Maggie smiles and nods. “That’s all I’m saying. And that first time, well, it only happens once.” She says. “And you, my beautiful, lovely grandson, deserve to have that moment in your life, be the most perfect it can possibly be.” 

Niall looks at his grandmother and nods before he smiles gratefully for his grandmother’s advice. “Thank you.” 

 

******

 

“Okay, here’s one. Um, dispirit is to variety as a) unique is to randomness, b) audacity is to intelligence..” 

“I don’t think it’s working.” Niall says, cutting Jamie’s off. 

Jamie sighs and nods before he closes the book. “Oh, me neither. You know, I have no freaking clue what dispirit even means.” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, I mean, Dan and I.” 

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Oh. Are we back to that? I thought you decided. He’s out.” 

“If I had just one more thing on the con column, I’d be..fine with it.” Niall admits truthfully. 

“Oh, let’s see. Did you put ‘big fat liar’ on the con column?” Jamie deadpans. “Cause that should count for like seven.” He points out. 

Niall sighs. “It’s not that simple.” He says. 

Jamie shakes his head. “It is though. I mean, I was willing to give the guy a benefit of the doubt but he let us down, Niall. You know, dealing was just one thing he lied about. And the only reason why you know he lied is because you caught him.” He says. 

“No. You caught him.” Niall quips. 

Jamie rolls his eyes at his friend’s again. “The point is, he only came clean after the fact.” He says. “I mean, he might have been lying to you about tons of other stuff you don’t even know about.” 

Niall shakes his head stubbornly. “He’s not a liar. I mean, look where he comes from. He’s just a little..damaged.” 

Jamie chuckles humourlessly and shakes his head. “He’s not a social studies project though.” He points out. “You don’t have to justify his behavior.” Jamie adds. “You can feel sorry for him. I mean, I do too. But it doesn’t mean you have to be his boyfriend anymore.” 

“Yeah, I..” Niall trails off.

“Look, it’s simple.” Jamie says. “Does he make you happy or doesn’t he?” He asks bluntly. “Cause if you’re spending more time questioning this relationship than actually enjoying it..”

Niall sighs heavily. “Yeah. I know.” 

“So, just do it. And be quick when you do because he is going to beg and plead and you’re not strong enough to resist that for very long.” Jamie points out. 

“I’m strong.” Niall says firmly. 

Jamie laughs and snorts at Niall’s words. “You put ‘damaged’ in the pro column.” He deadpans. 

 

*****

 

Niall bites his nails nervously as he glances around and looks at his watch. Dan is still not coming yet and he is about to call the older guy when Dan suddenly opens the diner’s door and heading towards the booth. 

“Hey.” Dan greets before he takes a seat in front of Niall. 

“Hey.” Niall replies. 

Dan smiles at Niall. “You said you wanted to, uh, talk?” He asks hesitantly. “Which is usually code for something a little bit on the fun scale so..what’s going on?” 

Niall swallows thickly as he looks at Dan, suddenly doesn’t know on how to start the conversation. 

“Is it that bad?” Dan asks. 

Niall shakes his head. “No. No. I don’t know.” He says. “I don’t know how to do this exactly.” He admits. 

“Well, what exactly are we doing?” Dan asks before his phone buzzes on the table and they both ignore it. 

“Are you happy?” Niall blurts out. “Because, I don’t know if I am. It seems like something got off track between us a little while ago and..” Niall stops when Dan’s phone is buzzing again. 

“Sorry.” Dan says. “Go on.” 

“It’s not that I don’t like you.” Niall continues. “I do. A lot. It’s just..we’ve been getting into these weird fights lately and they never really get resolved.” He points out. “At least I don’t think they do. See, that’s just it. I don’t understand them. Or you. And all these things keep happening which make me wonder..” He adds when Dan’s phone is buzzing again. “..like that. I don’t know what that is.” Niall says as he glances at the Dan’s phone. 

Dan reads the text and shakes his head. “It’s work. They just want me to take another shift. That’s all.” He says. 

“See, now I’m neurotic.” Niall whines. “This is bad.” 

Dan looks at Niall and nods. “Alright, well, the last thing I want is for you to be sad. You know? And you’ve had enough sadness in your life.” He says. “So, if you think this isn’t working out, then maybe we should just stop.” 

Niall blink his eyes for a few seconds before he finally nods. “Yeah, yeah. I think we should.” 

“Okay.” Dan says. “No hard feelings though, right?” He asks and Niall nods silently. “Alright, well, I gotta go. But, uh, we’ll talk.” He says before he stands up, pecking Niall on the cheek before he leaves. 

Niall shakes his head, trying to wrap up on what had just happened. Has he really just broken up with Dan? 

 

*****

 

“How bad is it?” Zayn asks as he looks at Louis. 

“Oh, I’m not going to lie to you, man.” Louis says. “It’s not good. I mean, I knew you were troubling when you started about that whole Lord of The Rings thing but I didn’t think you’d actually say..”

“Yeah, I didn’t mean to. Alright? Everything was cool. One minute, we were kissing and, and then, all of a sudden it just slips out.” Zayn says. He had made up with Perrie after their fight that other night and yes, Louis had called him out the next day for being different which Louis had put it as “oh my god, you’re no longer a virgin!” in front of his locker and embarrassed Zayn but last night where Zayn had really screwed up when he had accidentally blurted out the ‘L’ word to Perrie. 

“So, what did she do?” Louis asks. 

“Well, she kissed me back.” Zayn says. “And that’s it.” 

Louis shakes his head. “Cardinal rule number one, never be the first person to say ‘I love you’, okay?” He says. “Never pull that trigger unless fired upon first, my friend. Even then, it’s iffy.” 

Zayn sighs. “This is going to screw everything up. Everything was cool. I told her that I wouldn’t push. Why do I speak?” He groans miserably. 

Louis looks at Zayn and nods. “Well, look, you went too far, but it’s okay. Okay? We just need to counterbalance it.” He suggests. 

Zayn looks at Louis sceptically before he sighs again. “Oh, this sounds bad already.” He says. 

 

*****

 

“Urgh! Why do I feel as though I’m the one who just got dumped when I broke up with him?” Niall whines onto his pillow as he stuffed his face on it. 

Jamie laughs. “It’s called saler’s remorse.” He says. “After a break up, we just focus on all the good stuff and forget about the crap that made us want to break up in the first place.” He explains. 

Niall turns his head from the pillow to look at his friend. “Well, maybe if we just tried a little harder. Maybe we would have gotten better.” He says. 

“Well, you did the right thing.” Jamie points out. “Trust me.” 

Niall sighs. “The worst part is that he didn’t even put up a fight. It was like he was completely fine with it.” He says. 

Jamie shakes his head. “Look, maybe this is just some sort of blessing in disguise.” He says. “I mean, your parents’ biggest problem was the whole Dan thing, right? Maybe now that he’s out of the picture, you guys can talk again.” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, because then they’ll just think I just broke up with him so that I could go home.”

“So, let them think that.” Jamie quips. “I mean, who cares? Wouldn’t you rather be at home?” He asks and Niall falls into silence after that. “Yeah, I know you’re worried, Niall, because if there’s any way I could bring my parents back to the land of living, I would do it in a heartbeat.” Jamie admits. “You know, I wouldn’t even care if they grounded me or yelled at me for all the stupid things I’ve done lately. I should just be happy to have them back in my life.” 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Niall replies quietly.

“And I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but giving up Dan might be a good trade-off.” Jamie says. 

Niall looks at Jamie and shifts until he can lean his head on Jamie’s shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He says truthfully. 

Jamie smiles. “That’s me. I’m all about the silver lining.” 

 

***** 

 

Niall and Jamie are laughing at something when they step out of the house, heading towards the cinema to see a movie. And few steps later they see a very paled-face Dan is walking towards their direction. “Oh my God! Dan. Are you okay?” Niall asks in worried when he can see Dan’s appearance clearly. 

“Oh hey. Um, can I just, can I talk to you for a minute please?” Dan asks as he looks at Niall. 

“Listen, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Jamie says when Niall is looking at him unsurely. “You know, we can just go. The movie’s going to start so..” 

“No. It’s just going to, it’s only gonna take a couple of minutes.” Dan cut him off. “I promise.” He adds. “I just, really need to talk to you, Niall.” He pleads. 

Niall glances between both Dan and Jamie in torn. He contemplates for a few seconds before he finally looks at Jamie. “Um, you can just go ahead. I’ll get my grandparents to give me a ride.” 

Jamie looks at Niall and sighs in resignation. “Sure.” He says before he takes off and leaves both of Niall and Dan alone. 

Niall turns to look at Dan once Jamie leaves. “You okay? You look really pale.” He asks worriedly. 

“Yeah.” Dan says as he sniffs. “Um, don’t break up with me.” He says. “I really need you.” 

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand.” Niall says. “Yesterday, you, we thought we should break up too. You were completely fine with it.” He points out. 

Dan shakes his head. “No, it’s just, it was an act. I was completely pretending.” He admits. “It’s not how I really feel. I just, I messed up. Niall, I messed up.” 

“What did you do?” Niall asks. 

“Oh, I was just so miserable.” Dan says. “You know, I didn’t care about having a habit to break anymore. Not without you.” 

Niall shakes his head and stares at Dan. “Are you on something right now?” He asks and when Dan just remains silent, Niall looks at him disbelievingly. “Oh my God.” 

“Niall, I really need you, okay?” Dan pleads. “You’re the reason why I stayed clean all this time. Being with you is the only good thing that ever happened to me.” 

“Don’t say that. Please.” Niall says. “Look, Dan. I want to be there for you and I want to help you.” He adds. “But I can’t save you. This whole thing is crazy..”

“Yeah, I know. It’s crazy.” Dan says, cutting Niall’s off. “And you know what? You deserve better than me. You do. But if you just give me one more chance, I promise you I will not screw up, okay? No more lies, no more secrets. We’ll tell each other everything. Everything about our past, about our families, what you want me to do, what you don’t want me to do.” He continues. “Remember that night when you and me stayed up and we talked for like six hours? See, I want some more of that, you know? That’s the guy that I want to be. But I just, I need your help. That’s all. Please, Niall. I’m scared for who I am without you.” He says before he pauses. “I love you.” 

 

*****

 

“Where the hell you’ve been, man?” Louis asks as soon as Zayn enters his room. Zayn is late for their usual FIFA night and Louis doesn’t get a reply when he texted Zayn earlier. 

“Special corner of hell. All night on.” Zayn snaps before he plops on Louis’s bed and sighs heavily. 

Louis looks at Zayn’s expression and raises his eyebrows. “So, what happened?” 

“Oh, I just want to get some sleep.” Zayn replies, trying to avoid the topic with Louis. 

But Louis, being the persistent guy that he is, still looking at Zayn and knowing exactly the reason why his friend is looking like that. “Did you see her though? I mean, is she cool with everything?” He asks. 

Zayn scoffs. “Oh, yeah. I saw her. She’s cool. She’s real cool. Me, on the other hand..” 

“Oh man, I told you not to go.” Louis points out. He had told Zayn to wait until few more days before he will see Perrie but no, Zayn, being the stubborn idiot he is, apparently had decided to go to see her anyway. 

“I know.” Zayn admits. “You know what she had told me?” 

“What?” Louis asks. 

“That she needs time to process about the word and she doesn’t know how to figure out how she feels about me.” Zayn says. 

“Oh man, that sucks.” Louis deadpans and Zayn just nods and groans miserably. 

 

*****

 

“So, as it turns out, going to the movies by yourself on a Saturday night is even less fun than one would think.” Jamie blurts out as soon as Niall opens the door and he let himself into the house. 

Niall trails behind Jamie to the kitchen and shakes his head. “I am so sorry.” He apologizes. 

Jamie looks at Niall. “I didn’t know whether something had happened to you or what. I was actually worried.” He points out. 

Niall runs his hand through his hair and looks at Jamie guiltily. “I know. I know. I thought I’d be right there but he was just really messed up, you know?” 

“Yeah, I saw that much.” Jamie deadpans. 

“I mean, he was really hurting.” 

Jamie shakes his head. “Look, of course he was hurting. You broke up with him.” He points out. “Did he finally do the begging thing? I knew he would do that eventually.” He says as he stares at Niall. And when Niall just looks at him silently, something clicks in Jamie’s mind. “Tell me you just didn’t get back together with him.” He says and Niall averts his eyes guiltily. “Niall!” 

“Look, you weren’t there.” Niall says. “You wouldn’t understand.” 

“I understand that he’s an addict.” Jamie deadpans. “Even last night, he was obviously strung out.” 

Niall nods. “I know and he told me that. He’s not hiding that stuff from me anymore.” He points out. “Which is the first step to a better relationship.” 

“A better relationship with a drug addict?!” Jamie asks before he shakes his head. “You know, I don’t even understand this conversation.” He says in frustration. 

“His family’s screwed up, his friends suck. He needs someone to be there for him.” Niall points out stubbornly. 

Jamie huffs. “This is not a minor personality flaw. I mean, come on. If six months in rehab couldn’t make him better, what makes you think that you can?” He quips. 

Niall glares at Jamie. “Look, Dan might not be perfect but he has a good heart.” He says. “He was there for me when I needed him. I’m not just going abandon him when he’s at his worst. I’m sorry.” 

“Fine.” Jamie scoffs. “Do what you want. Waste your time with this jerk-off.” He says. “But I’m not going to sit around and watch you to get hurt again.” 

Niall glares at Jamie as soon as the other is finishes. “So what? You’re bailing on me now?” He asks.

Jamie shakes his head and sighs heavily. “Listen, I don’t want to have the same conversation with you in two weeks!” 

Niall snorts and shakes his head. “You know what? Maybe this is the relationship I shouldn’t waste my time on.” He deadpans. 

Jamie stares at Niall for a while and nods. “Maybe you’re right.” He says before he turns away and leaves the house, slamming the door on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: To those who are still reading this, just want to let you know that I finished writing for chapter 14 and 15 too but I need to proofread it first. SPOILER: break-ups are coming soon (well, we know that inevitable to happen. I did mention that this a very very slow-burn story, right?). 
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter preview: 
> 
>    
>  _“It’s you. I know it’s you.” Niall says._
> 
> _**”Stop following me.” The other boy says before he starts to walk away.** _
> 
> _Niall starts to panic and shakes his head. “Stop. Stop, please.” He says and the other boy turns around to face him again. “You left me, Liam. You left me alone.” Niall says miserably. “And now, you’re here and I’m here and you shouldn’t be here.”_
> 
> _**”Neither should you.” Liam says.** _


	14. Either way I can't breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from: **[Secondhand Serenade - Goodbye](http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZ9y3DZfQe0)**
> 
> Sorry for late update as promised. *smiles sheepishly.* That's because I've posted two my new one-shots: **[Fire](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1046546)** (Zianourry-Niall centric) and **[Stupid Boys](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1048343)** (Narry)

“So are you going to be famous like where you’ll make music video and Pepsi commercials and stuff?” Harry asks Perrie as they are preparing for the dinner at Malik’s house. 

Perrie laughs and shakes her head. “I think it’s a little early for that. I mean, this manager guy, he might not even like us.” She says before she turns to look at Zayn’s direction. “Although Jay said that he loved our tape.” She adds. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Jay. Oh, Jay found him.” 

“Well, yeah. What’s wrong with that?” Perrie asks, confusing by Zayn’s tone. 

“Nothing.” Zayn says as he shakes his head. “I want just to make sure he was a real manager before you got too invested.” He adds. “I mean he might be just one of Jay’s stoner buddies who decides he wants to manage a band today. Tomorrow, he’ll be raising alpacas in Oregon.” He deadpans. 

Harry raises his eyebrows as he looks at Zayn. “What’s an alpaca?” He asks but as usual, both Perrie and Zayn are ignoring him. 

“You know, actually, the guy used to rep one of those other college bands before they got hit and Jay is pretty much using every connection he’s had since, like, grade school to come and see us so you might want to cut him some slack.” Perrie says. 

Zayn nods and shrugs. “Yeah, sure. Relax.” 

Harry looks at Perrie and grins. “If you let me come to your show, I can talk to the manager for you.” He says. “The grown-ups love me.” He adds. 

Perrie laughs amusingly at Harry’s attempt to see her play. “I wish I could, Harry, but the bar we’re playing at won’t let you in. It’s kind of breaking the law.” 

“But, aren’t you going, Zayn?” Harry asks, turning his head to look at his brother. 

“Definitely. I wouldn’t miss it.” Zayn replies. 

Perrie raises her eyebrows as she looks at Zayn. “Well, how are you going to get in?” 

“I’ll figure something out.” Zayn replies to Perrie. 

“Zayn, we’ve got a situation here.” Yasir says suddenly as he enters the kitchen. “I just got your report card.” He says. 

“Run for it.” Harry says suddenly, looking at Perrie before they both flee out of the kitchen, leaving Yasir and Zayn alone. 

Zayn sighs before he nods. “I know, D in Spanish, right?” He asks. 

“Well, yeah.” Yasir replies and nods. 

Zayn shakes his head before he sighs again. “I thought I had a handle on it. Obviously, I was wrong.” He says. 

Yasir nods before he starts to speak. “Obviously. So this is what we’re going to do.” 

“Ah, I already talked to the teacher.” Zayn says quickly, cutting his father’s off. “I’m going to do some extra credit assignments, make up for it by the next progress report.” 

“Well, that’s fine but we’re also going to get..”

“And I lined up a tutor to make sure this sort of thing doesn’t happen again in the future. Which, of course, I’ll pay for with my own allowance because, let’s face it, you shouldn’t have to cover the cost of my own mistakes.” Zayn says. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows as he looks at his son. “And what is the name of this tutor?” He asks. 

“Senor El Gato.” Zayn replies. 

“Senor El What-o?” Yasir asks confusingly. 

“El Gato.” Zayn replies. “It means cat. See, my Spanish is getting better already.” He says. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He adds as he hands his father a bunch of keys. “Car keys. Looks like I’ll be biking for a week or two or, you know, whatever you’re comfortable with.” 

Yasir shakes his head disbelievingly, impressed with how smooth the conversation goes. Usually they will yell at each other but tonight, no raising voice at all. “Unbelievable.” He mutters. 

 

*****

 

“Unbelievable.” Louis says as he reads his report card in his hand. “Dad! Dad!!” He shouts from the bottom of the stairs. “I got the mail!!” 

“While that is an accomplishment, it certainly doesn’t require such voluble.” Bobby says as he starts to walk down the stairs, watching as Louis is bouncing excitedly. 

“Check it out.” Louis says as he hands the paper in his hand to his father. 

Bobby reads the report and smiles widely as he sees Louis’s result. “Oh my Lord.” He exclaims excitedly. “Maura!” He shouts to call his wife at the kitchen before he turns to read the paper again. “Well, there are A’s on this report card.” 

Louis nods eagerly. “Yeah, three of them. I’m like, totally smart.” He exclaims. 

“What’s going on?” Maura asks as soon as she reaches both Louis and Bobby near the staircase. 

“Louis got three A’s.” Bobby replies as he hands the paper for Maura to read. 

“You did.” Maura says happily. “Congratulations!” She says as she pulls Louis into her hug. “That’s wonderful, sweetheart.” She adds when they pull away. 

“You know, I gotta call Will Hudson. Little Mister I’m-too-smart-to-date-a-dumb-jock-like-you.” Louis says as he takes back the paper from his mother’s hand. “I think he needs to find another reason not to go out with me.” He adds before he flees to his room. 

“Ah, I’ll bake a cake. We should celebrate.” Maura says to Bobby once Louis leaves them. Bobby remains silent when he reads another paper in his hand and Maura walks closer to her husband. “What is it, Bobby?” She asks. 

“Look for yourself.” Bobby says as he hands the paper to Maura. “It’s Niall’s report card.” 

Maura reads the report and sighs heavily. There’s no more A’s in the report card. Only D’s and even F’s for two of the subjects. Maura looks at her husband and Bobby shakes his head disappointingly. 

 

*****

 

“These are cool.” Louis says as he tries the glasses. “Well, I don’t know if they do me justice.” He says. “I mean, they look good but do they say I’m a genius?” He adds as he tries to play with the glasses while he talks to Zayn. 

“No, because they don’t speak.” Zayn deadpans. 

“Hey, hey. Less lip, more conjugating, or, uh, El Gato here is not going to sign off on these little tutorials.” Louis says. 

Zayn rolls his eyes at his friend and shakes his head. “You know, I appreciate the assist but you’re not really my Spanish tutor.” 

“I could be.” Louis says. “You’re looking at a man who got three A’s here.” He brags. “I mean, because I am very _trabajador_. Translation: hard-working. Go ahead. Write it down.” He adds. Louis sighs when he sees the broody look on Zayn’s face. “So, what’s wrong now? Why does there always have to be drama in the world of Zayn?” 

“You know, if you were really smart, you’d figure out a way for me to get into the The Hook on Friday for Perrie’s show.” Zayn says to Louis. 

“You dad’s letting you go to a college bar after the big D? Give it up for Yasir Malik, parent for the new millennium.” Louis quips sarcastically. 

Zayn shrugs. “Well, he’s not not letting me go. He just doesn’t know about the exact event.” He says. “But, he didn’t ground me so..”

“Because you beat him to the punch.” Louis deadpans. 

“I had to. I gotta make sure when Jay’s budding Mr. Manager guy signs them that Perrie kisses me and not Jay while they’re toasting to their newfound fame and success which of course, I’m not part of. At all.” Zayn explains. 

Louis nods understandingly as he slumps back on his chair. “So, I’m sensing Jay is a big theme here.” He points out. 

Zayn nods. “But I can’t get into The Hook because it’s a bar. They serve alcohol. And I’m not 18. How stupid is that? I mean, where is the logic? You can’t walk into a place just because you’re not 18?” He rambles. “I mean, I go to the supermarket. There’s alcohol there.”

Louis shakes his head. “No need to get political, dude. I’m here for you. It’s covered.” He says confidently. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows in confusion. “What does that mean?” 

“It means you’re getting into the show.” Louis replies simply. “Relax.” 

“How? Do you know somebody or something?” Zayn asks, still curious. 

Louis shakes his head. “Just meet me here tomorrow after 6th period.” He says before the bell rings and Zayn starts to pack up his things into his bag. 

“You know, if you pull this off..” Zayn says. 

“It’s Gato, dude. El Gato.” Louis says and grins. Zayn nods before he starts to move to go to his class, leaving Louis alone at the table, but not for so long when suddenly Niall is approaching him. 

“Is he just skipping?” Niall asks as soon as Zayn leaves before he takes a seat in front of Louis, replacing Zayn’s spot. 

“Yeah, uh, having sex with a rock goddess tends to have that effect on a guy.” Louis blurts out. 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “They’re sleeping together?” Niall asks. It’s not that he cares or anything, he is just surprised. That’s it. 

Louis rolls his eyes at his brother. “What did you think they were doing together this whole time?” He asks. “Playing solitaire? Or some other two-person card game?” 

Niall shakes his head. “Whatever. Not my business.” He says distractedly. “Look, I need to ask you a favor.” Niall says as he looks at his older brother. “And before you say no, it’s not a big one. Can you get the mail for me?” 

Louis smirks knowingly before he replies to his brother. “Oh, so you can hide your report card from mom and dad?” He asks. “Too late. They already saw it.” Louis says and Niall sighs in resignation. “I believe this is what they call ‘karma’. Learn it, live it. Love it.” Louis adds before he starts to stand up and makes a move to leave. But before that, he manages to ruffle Niall’s hair just to annoy the younger boy.

 

*****

 

“How am I supposed to keep this room neat when there is no place to keep all my stuff?” Niall whines as he tries to find a shirt under a pile of shirts on the floor since he has not enough cupboard in the guest room. 

“I don’t know. Just toss it under bed or something.” Dan says easily, watching the way Niall is pacing angrily across the room. 

Niall shakes his head. “She looks under there.” He snaps as he throws away his clothes and plops on the bed, closing his eyes. 

“Oh, what’s wrong?” Dan asks, knowing that something is bothering the younger boy by the way he acts. 

“Nothing.” Niall replies simply. “Just my brother tried to piss me off today and it worked. Two points for him. Woo-hoo.” Niall whoops mockingly. 

Dan looks at the younger boy and smiles. “What did he say this time?” 

Niall sighs before he opens his eyes again. “I don’t remember. It’s nothing. It’s just..um…it’s alright.” He says. “And you’re right. Everything sucks right now.” 

“I love it when you’re specific.” Dan deadpans sarcastically. 

Niall shakes his head and sighs. “I failed two classes in the last quarter. And my parents found my report card first which means they know. And they probably sitting at home, wallowing in how right they were.” 

“Well, see. Now I know what’s stressing you out so bad.” Dan says. “You know what you need? A nice night off.” He continues. “So I’ll tell you what. Tomorrow night, we will do anything that you want and that includes ice skating, which you know, kills me.” 

Niall smiles as he looks at Dan. “Really?” 

Dan nods and hums in response. 

Niall smiles widen. “Wow, I should fail stuff more often.” He says as he shifts to get closer to Dan and let Dan cuddles him. 

“Oh, damn. I just realized tomorrow’s Friday.” Dan says suddenly. 

Niall tilts his head slightly to look at Dan. “Do you have to work?” He asks. 

Dan shakes his head. “No. My buddies from school are throwing this big party and I promised them I might go and…I don’t know..it’s not big deal. I can just flake.” He says and shrugs. 

“No. You should go to that.” Niall says. “I’ve never met your friends from school.” He points out. 

Dan nods. “Yeah, I know and you’re not missing anything. Trust me.” He says. 

Niall smiles. “I want to.” He says. “After all the time we spend together, I think I should meet yours. If you don’t mind.” 

“I would love for you to go. I can show you off to all my friends.” Dan says. “You’re like a goddess to them.” He says as he caresses Niall’s cheek gently. 

Niall blushes slightly and chuckles. “Cool. Then we’ll go.” He says. “And remember then we can go ice skating because I know you want to.” He teases. 

Dan laughs and shakes his head. “Oh, is that right?” 

Niall nods. “Yeah.” He says before he lets Dan cuddles him closer. Niall lets his eyes closed before he drifts off to sleep. 

 

*****

 

Niall opens the guidance counsellor’s door only to find out that his parents are with the teacher and he raises his eyebrows. “What are you guys doing here? Where’s Grandma?” He asks. 

“Your grandma asked us if we would step in for this particular meeting.” Bobby replies. 

“Does grandma usually attend these types of meetings?” The counsellor asks, glancing towards the three of them. 

Niall sighs heavily. “I don’t usually have these types of meetings.” He says as he turns to look at his father. “Do I, dad?” 

Bobby shakes his head. “No. You don’t.” He replies. 

Niall sighs again before he closes the door and takes a seat at the round table, with his parents and the teacher at the other side. 

“You look thin.” Maura comments as she looks at his youngest son. 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling self-conscious and shakes his head. “Can we just get this over with, please?” 

Bobby looks at the teacher and nods. “Yes, what can we do in terms of damage control?” He asks. “We don’t want this one unfortunate term plaguing our son’s otherwise pristine record when college applications roll around.” 

The counsellor nods. “I understand. And depending on how hard Niall’s willing to work, there are a lot of options.” He says. 

“Like what?” Niall asks. 

“First, I would recommend dropping the two electives that you failed, Spanish and World Drama.” The counsellor says. “Minimize your course load for the rest of the year. Focus on yourself and take the electives again over summer.” 

“Summer school?” Niall asks horrifically. 

“That sounds reasonable.” Maura says. “Um, what else would you suggest?” She asks. They all start to lay down some options and discussed about it for about an hour before the counsellor finishes with the session and the Horans excuse themselves to leave. 

“Well that was great.” Niall says as soon as they step out from the counsellor’s office, not even glancing at his parents as he starts to walk away from them at the hallway. 

“Niall.” Maura calls out as she starts to follow Niall’s trail. 

“Maura.” Bobby shakes his head, trying to warn his wife from saying anything else. “Just let him go.” 

Maura shakes her head stubbornly before she turns to look at the back of her youngest son again. “Niall.” She calls out for the second time. 

Niall sighs heavily before he stops walking and turns to face his parents. “I know. I’m going to take the stupid classes, okay? I’ll get the tutors, okay? I’ll fix it.” He blurts out as soon as he faces his parents. 

“That’s not what I wanted to say.” Maura says. 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest and he scoffs loudly. “I know. I’m a huge disappointment. You’re humiliated, you’re ashamed.” Niall says, still remembering his mother’s words to him and it hurts. It hurts then and still hurt until today. “So what do you want me to do? Do you want me to change my last name? I could move to a whole another state if that would make you happy.” He says. “God, why do we have to keep doing this?” He adds, throwing his arms on the air in frustration. 

Maura shakes her head, staring at her son and starts to speak gently. “I just wanted to say that we’re here for you.” She says. “We’ve been here the whole time and we’ll keep being here. That’s all.” 

Niall agapes slightly after that, not expecting that his mother would say that and he shakes his head, trying to blink back his emotions that suddenly threaten to come out. Quickly, he turns away and leaves both his parents alone at the hallway, not wanting them to see how a failure he is now. 

“It’s okay.” Bobby says as he wraps his arm around his wife once Niall leaves both of them alone. They both watch Niall’s retreating figure until he is out of their sight at the end of the hallway. 

Maura sniffles and leans on his husband. “I miss him, Bobby.” 

 

*****

 

“This is a knitting store.” Zayn says as he follows Louis’s lead into the store. 

“Yup. Adam’s Nimble Needles.” Louis replies. 

“Well, how is little old Adam gonna help me get into The Hook?” Zayn asks curiously. “Am I going to crotchet something for the bouncer during intermission?” 

Louis glances at Zayn. “First of all, Adam is hot.” He says. 

“Oh, my God.” Zayn mutters after he sees a tall figure is walking towards them near the door of the store. 

“Howdy, boys. What can I do for you?” The man, who Zayn assumes as Adam, asks.

“Hi Adam. I was wondering if you could hook my friend here up with some Regia sock yarn.” Louis replies sweetly. 

“Sock yarn? I don’t need any sock yarn.” Zayn says, not realizing that Louis is just joking. 

Adam nods understandingly and smiles at both of them. “Follow me, gentlemen. And will you flip the sign?” He says as he points at the sign at the door. 

“What the hell?” Zayn curses under his breath when he enters the backroom of the store with Louis and Adam. Apparently the room has equipped with high tech camera and printer. 

“Tony Tiggerello. North Dakota. August ’74.” Adam says simply before he pulls the cupboard near the wall, only to reveal the blue backdrops behind the cupboard. “Park it over here. On the stool.” He says to Zayn. 

“You are about to get your very first fake ID.” Louis announces as he looks at Zayn like a proud papa. 

“So, you don’t sell yarn?” Zayn asks Adam. 

Adam snorts and chuckles at Zayn’s question. “Baby doll, I got a Benz in the back. Yarn don’t even cover my gas.” He says before he clicks the shutter and the camera flashes once. “Okay, I’m going to have this ready for you in an hour. Okay, now look at me.” He orders. 

Zayn looks at Adam and the older guy is staring at him for a while before he sighs. “Hmm, normally the name just comes to me. But I’m not getting anything.” Adam says. 

“Uh, well, how about Zayn?” Zayn asks. 

“Zayn? No, I’ll come up with something good.” Adam says. “Don’t worry, pussycat.” He says before he leads both Louis and Zayn back to the front door. “One hour. Do not be late.” 

 

*****

 

“So your friends just rented out a bunch of rooms in a motel and called it a party?” Niall asks as he glances around the area. 

Dan shakes his head. “No. This place isn’t exactly what you’d call operational.” He says. “Ran out of money a few years back, it’s mostly since that deserted. My friend Mike here had this really brilliant idea of having a progressive.” 

“Progressive?” Niall asks as Dan is leading him into the party, holding his hand. 

“Yeah, hey, what’s up, man?” Dan greets one of his friends once they are inside the party. Then he turns to look at Niall again, leading the younger boy to the other corner of the place while talking. “Yeah, you know, using all different rooms for different drinks.” He continues, replying to Niall’s question earlier. “Like uh, 1C over here is jack and coke. And 1F is gin and tonic.” He says as he points to random rooms before they both step into one of the rooms at the end of the floor. “And, oh yeah, definitely picked the right room.” 

“So I guess this means you’re drinking again?” Niall asks as Dan is opening one of the bottles in the room. 

“That’s the party, baby. What else are you going to do?” Dan asks. “I thought when you said you wanted to come here, you..” He says as he looks at Niall. 

“Whatever. I don’t care.” Niall says quickly. 

Dan nods as he pours the drink into the glasses before he looks at Niall. “Would you like yours with cranberry or without?” He asks. 

Niall shakes his head. “Anti-depressant boy over here. Can’t mix the two.” He says. “You taught me that, remember?” 

Dan chuckles and shakes his head. “Yeah, I was just saying that to get you to like me. I was trying to seem all concerned.” He jokes. “No, look, the pharmaceutical companies try to sell you that line in case something freaky happens and you try to sue them, that’s all. Trust me, I work in a pharmacy. I know these things.” He adds. 

Niall smiles and shakes his head. “Okay, Dr. Richards.” He teases. 

Dan laughs. “I swear, Niall. It’s not going to kill you. Alright? This is your night, babe.” He says as he looks at Niall. “I want you to loosen up. I want you to have a good time. We’re going to forget about everything. We’re going to forget about our parents. We’re going to forget about grades. Anything.” Dan continues. “Because tonight, tonight is about us.” He says as he hands Niall the cup in his hand. 

Niall takes the cup, smiling and nods finally. “Cheers.” 

 

*****

 

“Shhh. I think I’m being followed.” Niall giggles drunkenly as he looks at Dan. 

Dan laughs and shakes his head. “Followed? You look so wasted right now.” He says as he brushes the bang across Niall’s forehead. 

Niall swats Dan’s hand away and tugs on Dan’s shirt before they both are stumbling around until they reach one empty room and close the door. Niall pulls Dan closer and starts to kiss him. “You are cute.” He says giddily.

Dan grins and flicks Niall’s nose. “And you are drunk.” 

“Oh, not so bad.” Niall slurs. 

“Yeah, you are.” Dan says and shakes his head. 

Niall giggles again. “Not as bad as you.” He says. “What do you on?” He asks and when Dan is just shaking his head without answering, Niall speaks up again. “C’mon, I know I’m ranked. Just tell me.” 

“No, I’m just drunk.” Dan replies. 

Niall rolls his eyes before he pulls Dan closer as they stumble towards the bed. “Liar. I’m right. Show me.” Dan shakes his head before he pulls out a small bottle from his jacket and shows it to Niall. “Water? You’re on water?” Niall asks before he laughs. 

“Look closer.” Dan says as he hands the bottle to Niall. 

Niall takes the bottle and tries to guess the liquid but fails. “What is it?” 

“A little bit of gino. Gee, you know GHB?” Dan asks. 

“Isn’t that for daybreak?” Niall asks as he looks at Dan. 

Dan laughs. “No.” He says. “I mean, I guess some idiots use it for that.” He adds. “A guy dropped some of it into this girl’s drink and waits until she’s unconscious. Not really my scene.” He continues. “But if you take the right amount, it can gives you this nice little high. That’s all. You can’t even taste it. Then when it hits you..” 

“What does it feel like?” Niall asks curiously as he stares at the bottle fascinatedly. 

Dan shakes his head and takes the bottle back from Niall’s hand. “No.” He says, understand on what Niall wants at the moment. 

“C’mon. Tell me.” Niall whines. “Tell me.” He says and pouts. 

Dan sighs, knowing that he couldn’t resist that look on Niall’s face. “It feels…it feels like velvet.” Dan says. “Like smooth and chocolate-y and heaven.” He explains. “Like you go outside your body and just like, you feel these incredible things on your skin. You know? It’s like the air around you is giving your skin a massage. It just feels really good.” 

Niall stares at Dan after he finishes. “Does it feel like…happy?”

Dan nods. “Yeah, it makes me feel really happy.” He says. 

Niall shifts until he is rolled over on the bed to face Dan and tries to grab the bottle. Dan swats his hand away and shakes his head. “No. What are you doing?” 

“I just want a little bit.” Niall says. 

“No, you’re already drunk. You don’t need any of it.” Dan says and shakes his head firmly. 

Niall bits his lips and gives Dan the best puppy eyes that he can muster at that moment and whispers. “Please?” 

Dan shakes his head for a moment but when Niall is still looking at him like that, he sighs in resignation. “Well, okay. But just a sip.” He says firmly. “Not even a sip.” He adds. 

Niall grins and nods. “Okay.” 

“Let me make sure.” Dan says as he drinks the substance first before he gives the rest of the bottle to Niall. Niall takes it all in one sip and smiles at Dan once he finishes. “Thank you.” 

 

*****

 

“You were amazing.” Zayn says before he starts to kiss Perrie once she gets down from the stage. 

“Really?” Perrie asks excitedly. 

“Yes.” 

“Wow, it felt great.” Perrie says. 

“It was very tight.” Someone says from behind them and both of them turn to look at the guy. “I’m Glenn.” The guy says, extending his hand for Perrie to shake. 

“Hi! Thank you so much for coming.” Perrie says as she shakes the guy’s hand. 

“Hey man.” Jay says, suddenly appears beside them. 

“Hey, Jay.” Glenn says as he pulls Jay into a brief hug. “Great stuff.” 

“Yeah, but she’s the star, right?” Zayn says suddenly as he wraps his arm around Perrie and looks at Glenn. “I mean, come on. Is this not star quality? I think it is.” 

Perrie pulls away from Zayn and frowns at her boyfriend. “Zayn, are you drunk?” She asks, suddenly realize about how Zayn is slurring on his words. 

“I got the table to shoot. Do you want to grab a drink with me?” Jay asks Glenn, ignoring Perrie and Zayn. 

“Yes.” Zayn suddenly says loudly. “Absol-friggin-lutely.” He adds. “You coming?” He asks Perrie. 

“Who is this kid?” Glenn asks as he looks at Jay in confusion. 

Perrie shakes her head at Zayn’s behavior. “Okay, you are drunk.” She declares. “I need to get you a cab.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it’s fine. I’ll sober up the next place I’m going.” He says. “Where are we going?” He asks as he looks at Perrie. 

Perrie stares at Zayn like he is losing his mind. “Zayn, you can’t come.” 

“Why?” Zayn asks. “Look, why do I always feel like I’m begging with you? Does it feel that way to you?” He snaps. “I’m serious. I tell you that I love you. Not only do you not say it back, but you, you basically start avoiding me?” He asks, his voice is getting louder. “Are you avoiding me?” 

Perrie shakes her head. “That’s not what’s happening.” She says. 

Zayn nods before he starts to speak again. “Okay, fine. Then tell me what’s happening. I can’t figure it out. I’m dying here. Just tell me. What?!” 

“Perrie, let’s go. Robbin’s loading the van. We’ll take my car.” Jay suddenly pipes in. 

“Okay, I just need a minute.” Perrie says before she turns to look at Zayn again. 

“Oh, this is what it’s about?” Zayn asks as he glances between Jay and Perrie. “You’re dumping me for the hair model?” 

“No, stop!” Perrie replies madly. “You’re drunk.” 

“And ugly.” Jay comments. 

“Alright, back off!” Zayn yells to Jay. “We’re having a conversation here.” 

“Well, actually, it sounds like she’s trying to get out of a conversation.” Jay deadpans. “So why don’t you be a good little high school boy and take the hint?” He says. 

Zayn glares at both of them and when Perrie remains silent, as in to agree with what Jay had said, Zayn starts to walk away. But not before he stops near Jay and starts to punch Jay’s face and all the hell breaks loose. 

“Zayn!” Perrie shouts in horror as she watches the fight. 

 

*****

 

Niall wanders around the place, in lost on where he is going and tries to swat away several hands that keep roaming around his body when he walks passed them all. He feels disoriented and he doesn’t remember how the hell he gets there at the first place. He tilts his head up to look at his front when suddenly he sees _**him.**_ Now he remembers why he starts to wander around by himself at the party. He starts to follow _**him**_ until he is lost. He blinks his eyes trying to clear his mind around, figuring out what is happening at the moment. And when he turns around, that’s when he sees _**him.**_

“It’s you. I know it’s you.” Niall says. 

_**”Stop following me.” The other boy says before he starts to turn around and walk away.** _

Niall starts to panic and shakes his head. “Stop. Stop, please.” He says and the other boy turns around to face him again. “You left me, Liam. You left me alone.” Niall says miserably. “And now, you’re here and I’m here and you shouldn’t be here.” 

_**”Neither should you.” Liam says.** _

Niall feels his tears start to roll down on his cheek and he doesn’t have the energy to wipe it away. He just stares at _**Liam**_ , be it his only imagination or not, but it’s still hurt. “I loved you. I loved you. I want you to come back..” He says as his voice cracks in sadness and he starts to move to grab the other boy’s hand but **_Liam_** moves backward slightly. 

**_”Stop following me. Just stop.”_ **

“Why are you being so mean?” Niall asks between his tears. 

**_”I want you to leave me alone. Don’t you understand? I want you to go.”_ **

“Go where? Where am I supposed to go?” Niall asks. “I failed school, Liam. I failed my brother, I failed my parents.” He says. “I failed you.” Niall says and pauses. “Where do you want me to go? I don’t even know where to start.” He says as more tears are coming out from his eyes. 

**_”You start by saying good-bye.”_ **

Niall closes his eyes and shakes his head furiously. “No, no. I can’t.” 

**_”Yes, you can.”_ **

Niall starts to cry harder and shakes his head again. It takes him a few minutes before he finally opens his eyes again. _**Liam**_ is still staring at him, waiting for him to say the word. Niall takes a deep breath before he looks straight into _**Liam’s**_ eyes and starts to speak up. “Goodbye.” He says and he watches how _**Liam**_ is smiling proudly at him before he turns away and starts to leave. “Goodbye.” Niall says again to _**Liam’s**_ retreating figure. And when Niall blinks his eyes again, he can hear the sound of the party that he didn’t hear earlier during his encounter with _**Liam**_. He stumbles through the hallway to get to the room and gets Dan to drive him back home. 

“Hey. Hey.” Niall says, trying to wake up Dan on the bed once he reaches the room. “Dan.” He calls out again when Dan is not even stirring from his spot on the bed. Niall shots up right and shakes Dan’s body, trying to wake him up. “Dan, you’re cold.” Niall says as his hand touches on Dan’s arms. “Dan?” He tries again. “Dan? Dan, please wake up.” Niall pleads in panic when Dan remains unresponsive. “I don’t know what to do. Please. Please wake up.” He tries again and when he fails, Niall starts to head out of the room. 

“Someone, help.” Niall tries to ask for help but everyone is obviously too drunk to hear him. “Help me. My boyfriend passed out in there.” Niall says to one of the boys nearby their room. 

“Ah, that sucks. Sorry.” The boy says lightly, without even glancing at Niall. 

Niall grits his teeth angrily as he starts to grab the boy’s arm roughly and shoves him on the wall. “Listen to me. I need to call an ambulance. He might die!” Niall says angrily. 

The boy doesn’t seem to falter with Niall’s angry demeanour. “Chill out. He’s probably just napping.” The boy says. 

Niall shakes his head helplessly. “He’s not napping.” He points out. Dan is too still to be napping. 

“Well, you can’t call an ambulance, sweetheart. They bring the cops with them and if you bring the cops here, we’re all busted. Including you.” The boy says as he looks at Niall properly. “Wait a minute. I know who you are. You’re Dan’s boy.” He says as he checks Niall out from head to toe. 

Niall glares at the boy. “I need to use your phone.” 

The boy huffs. “Forget it.” He says before he walks away. 

Niall stumbles back to the room with frustration before he starts to search for Dan’s phone in his jacket. In his panic haste just now, he forgot that Dan owns a phone too. Shakily, he starts to dial the familiar number when he finds Dan’s phone. When the person on the other end of the line picks up, Niall starts to cry over the phone. “Hello. Can you come? I need help.” 

 

*****

 

“I’m looking for Zayn Malik.” Yasir says as soon as he reaches the front desk at the police station. 

“Yeah, he’s all yours.” The police officer says as he points at the corner of the waiting area. “We gave him a warning and confiscated his ID. We scared the crap out of him too.” 

Yasir nods. “Thank you.” He says before he walks over to Zayn’s spot and looks at his eldest son’s bruised face. “Are you okay?” He asks. 

“Yeah.” Zayn replies quietly. 

“I’ll be in the car.” Yasir says to Zayn once they step outside the police station and finds Perrie at the other side of the road. 

Zayn nods at his father. “Thanks.” He says before he walks over to Perrie’s spot. “What are you doing here?” He asks once he reaches Perrie. 

“They wouldn’t let me come inside and see you.” Perrie replies. “What happened? Did they put you behind bars?” She asks. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. Just holding cell.” 

“Oh, my God.” 

“Look, I’m sorry, Perrie. I’m so sorry. I never meant to ruin your big night.” Zayn says. “I just, I wanted to be there for you. I did, I, cause you mean so much to me. I love you. I know that you don’t feel the same way about me and you never will but..”

Perrie shakes her head. “This is so out of control that I don’t even know what’s happening anymore.” She says truthfully. 

“Well, tonight or..” Zayn trails off. 

Perrie shakes her head again and starts to cry. “I mean, with everything. It, you, it wasn’t.” She says and pauses. “We weren’t supposed to be.” She continues. “It’s just so serious now and I, I wasn’t planning, on that. I don’t, I don’t think I’m ready on that.” 

Zayn stares at Perrie. “With anybody or just me?” He asks and when Perrie remains silent, Zayn thinks he finally knows the answer. “Okay, you probably should get back. It’s getting late.” He adds. “The band’s probably waiting for you. The manager.” 

“Can we talk tomorrow?” Perrie asks between her tears. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, Yeah, of course. Of course.” He says and Perrie nods before she starts to walk away. “Perrie.” Zayn calls out, making Perrie turns to face him again. “You were amazing tonight.” 

“Thank you.” She says before she gets into the car and starts to drive away. 

“Is this going to be bad?” Zayn asks his father as soon as they step into their house. 

“It’s not going to be great.” Yasir replies. “Were you drinking?” He asks as he looks at Zayn. 

Zayn nods. “Yes.” 

“Did you drive?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. And I wasn’t going to, I swear.”

Yasir nods, satisfy with Zayn’s answer. “That cut on your face..”

“They put some antiseptic on it at the station.” Zayn says. “It’s just a scratch.” He adds. “Look, whatever you’re thinking about doing for punishment, you can double it. I deserve it. I’m hanging low. Trust me.” He says before he starts to turn around and walks to his room. 

“Well, you’re through administering your own punishment, Zayn.” Yasir says. “I got it from here. But I’m not going to ground you.” 

Zayn turns around sharply to face his father again. “What?” 

“Not for this.” Yasir says. “This is your free pass. We each get one a year and this is yours.” He continues. “I am however, going to make you tell me about what happened tonight. And what’s been going on. With Perrie.” 

Zayn sighs in resignation, knowing that his father won’t drop the subject until he talks so that’s what he starts to do. “I went to the club with a fake ID that I bought. I, uh, ordered a bunch of drinks. Started a fight with her ex-boyfriend. Basically just made a complete fool of myself.” 

“Why? Did you think she’d like you better if you went?” 

Zayn shrugs. “I guess. I don’t know why.” He says as he starts to blink the tears that starts to well up in his eyes. “Everything that I do to bring us closer together, just pushes her further and further away and I…” He says and pauses. “It’s definitely one of those moments that it sucks that mom is not here.” He continues before he looks at his father. “No offense.” 

“None taken.” Yasir replies and shakes his head. 

Zayn nods. “Just if she was here, I could ask her, you know. I could ask her what went wrong, I could ask her why Perrie doesn’t love me.” He says as his voice starts to crack. 

Yasir wraps his arm around his son and pulls him closer. “Hey, it’s okay.” 

“I just…I love her so much.” Zayn says as he starts to cry. 

Yasir wraps his arm tighter around Zayn and nods. “I know. I know you do.” 

 

*****

 

“Niall? Niall?” 

Niall’s head perks up as he hears the voice and he starts to walk toward the person who is now has stepped into the room. “Dad. Daddy.” Niall cries as he walks to reach his father and hugs him tightly. 

“What happened? Are you okay?” Bobby asks in worried. Niall is shivering and he looks like a mess. 

Niall pulls away and starts blubbering to his father. “He’s unconscious.” He says pointing to Dan on the bed. “I didn’t know what to do. What if he’s dead? What is he’s dead like Liam?” Niall rambles hysterically, tears are still falling from his eyes. 

Bobby looks at the state that Niall is in at the moment. Niall’s eyes are read and unfocused and he knows that it’s not only caused by the tears. “Nialler, are you on something right now?” He asks as he puts his hand over Niall’s cheek, trying to take a look at Niall’s pupil. 

Niall nods. “Yeah, I took a little GHB. That’s what he took but he took too much.” He says to his father. 

Bobby starts to walk towards Dan’s body on the bed and glances over at Niall. “Was he twitching at all?” He asks and Niall shakes his head. “Did you see his body seizing or convulsing?” Bobby asks again. 

“I didn’t see that. I don’t know.” Niall blubbers. He feels so surreal as he leans on the wall, watching as his father starts to check on Dan’s condition. His dad rolls over Dan’s body until he is lying on his back instead. 

“Niall, get my bag.” Bobby says. When Niall seems out of it, not hearing him, Bobby tries again with a louder voice. “Niall, my bag.” 

Niall breaks out from his stupor as he takes his father’s bag on the floor and gives it to the older man. And then he starts to slid down on the wall again, too overwhelmed to do anything except for praying that Dan will be okay. “Please God..please..don’t let anyone died again..” He keeps praying between his tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm not putting up a preview for next chapter because, er, just want to surprise you guys?


	15. all my windows still are broken, but I’m standing on my feet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from: **[Demi Lovato - Skycraper](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_8ydghbGSg)**
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry for the late update! Work and work and work and life.

“Away not three months, the boy accumulates a lifetime’s worth of possessions.” Bobby grumbles as he brings the stuffs to his car. Irv laughs at his son-in-law and helps him loading the stuffs into the trunk. “Tell Beatrice that is not enough room for this much refuge.” Bobby continues. 

“Well, maybe not now, Bobby.” Irv says. 

Bobby laughs and shakes his head. “Perhaps not.” 

“Well, Private, it’s been a hell of a ride.” Maggie says to her grandson as they step out from the house, heading to Bobby’s car. 

Niall nods, smiling at his grandma before he pulls the older woman into his hug. “Thanks Grandma.” He says sincerely. 

“Oh, you make me cry.” Maggie says after they pull away. 

Irv watches the scene and smiles. “Well, none of that from me, little boy.” He says to Niall. 

Niall turns to look at his step-grandfather and smiles. “Oh, come on, Irv. You know you’re going to miss me.” He says before he pulls the older man into his hug as well. “And I’m serious about the TiVo. You can’t VCR me forever.” Niall says to Irv once they pull away. Irv laughs at their little inside joke and Niall puts on his snapback on his head before he looks at both of his grandparents. “Alright, this is it.” He says before he turns to walk towards the car where his father is waiting for him. 

“Dr. Horan.” A familiar voice calls out making all of them turn to look at none other than Dan. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. Or even like me.” Dan starts as he looks at Bobby. “But I’m hoping you can at least accept a thank you.” He says. “You saved my life.” 

Bobby shakes his head. “Actually, it was my son who saved your life. All I did was show up.” He says before he looks at Niall, knowing that Dan wants to talk to his youngest son. “Make it quick.” 

Niall nods to his father and starts to walk closer towards Dan’s spot. “It’s been two days.” Dan says as he looks at Niall. “Didn’t you want to make sure I was okay?” He asks. 

“I called the hospital.” Niall replies. “They said you were released yesterday.” 

Dan nods. “So were you going to leave a forwarding address or..just going for a clean getaway?” He asks, eyeing the filled trunk of Niall’s dad car not far from their spot. 

“I’m just going home.” Niall says simply. 

“It’s good.” 

Niall nods. “Yeah.” He replies shortly. They both fall into an awkward silence before Dan starts to speak again. 

“Well, um, I’ll give you a call later, let you get settled in.” Dan says. 

Niall shakes his head quickly. “No, don’t.” He says. “I think we both know that we can’t keep doing this, Dan.” He says as he stares at Dan. 

“Look, Niall..I screwed up, I know that.” Dan says. “I never should have taken you to that party and we never should have done all that crap.” He continues. “But this whole thing has been such a serious wake-up call for me.” 

“Well, I’m glad.” Niall says sincerely. “I hope you get the help that you need.” He says before he starts to walk towards the car and leaving Dan. 

Dan grabs Niall’s arm, making the younger boy stops walking. “No, Niall. I don’t need help.” He says. “I just, I just need you.” 

Niall shrugs his arm off Dan’s grip before he turns to look at Dan again. “I can’t be that person for you anymore, Dan.” 

“It was just a slip.” Dan says. “One slip. One night. That’s not who I am.” 

Niall shakes his head. “It wasn’t one night. It was three months of lies.” He points out. 

“So what? I’m not good enough for you anymore?” Dan asks. “What are you doing to do? Go back to mommy and daddy? And then go back to being Little Mr. Perfect? Is that it?” He continues and when Niall doesn’t answer, Dan snorts humourlessly. “Well, you can’t. You won’t be able to. Not after us.” 

Niall ignores Dan’s words although part of him knows that it’s true but what’s done is done. “I gotta go.” He says. “Take care of yourself, Dan.” He adds before he turns to walk towards his father’s car.

“Are you okay?” Bobby asks as soon as Niall slumps on the passenger seat and closes his eyes.

Niall nods. “Yeah.” He says before he opens his eyes and rolls his head to look at his father. “I’m okay.” He adds. 

Bobby smiles at his youngest son. “Let’s go home.” He says before he starts to drive away from his mother’s driveway. 

 

*****

 

“So, she hasn’t exactly said the words.” Louis says before he starts to shoot the ball into the hoop. 

“She doesn’t need to. I can tell by the way she looked at me.” Zayn replies to Louis’s words. “Go away little man, come back when you’re older or taller or just somebody else.” He continues. “She has very expressive eyes.” 

Louis bounces the ball on the ground and shrugs, glancing at Zayn. “Well, this is good. So, uh, you know, you’re still holding some cards.” He points out. 

“What cards?” Zayn asks. “I have no cards.” 

Louis throws the ball into the hoop again before he looks at Zayn. “You can break up with her first.” He says. “I mean, sure, you’re gonna miss out on a lot of pity sex, but sometimes your pride comes before your needs. Not very often, but it happens.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “I think you’re missing the point here.” He says. “I don’t want to break up with her. I’m trying to preserve a relationship with Perrie.” 

“Yeah, and if that was a possibility, you’d be over there right now with hand on boob.” Louis deadpans. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at his friend. “You really don’t think I can fix things?” He asks. 

Louis shrugs. “You tackled her guitarist. Got kicked out of the first club that ever gave her a paying gig. I don’t think God could fix this.” He says before his eyes catch on someone behind Zayn. 

Zayn turns to look at what Louis is looking to and he finds Niall who is heading towards their direction bringing the steel bench to the backyard by himself. “See ya later.” Louis says before he throws the ball at Zayn and heads towards his house, completely ignoring Niall on his way through. 

“You can’t keep avoiding me, Louis, our rooms are like two feet away for each other.” Niall says when Louis is walking passed him. He sighs when Louis just keep walking like he doesn’t see Niall at all. Niall drops the bench on the ground and looks at Zayn. “He was using my room as his own personal gym, can you believe that?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No comment.” 

Niall nods before he takes a seat on the bench. “Yeah, sorry, not your problem. Just been a really crappy day.” He says and sighs. 

Zayn takes a seat beside Niall and glances at the smaller boy. “I’m sure it must be weird coming home after all this time, but everything will get back to normal soon enough.” He says, assuring Niall. 

Niall hums in response. “That’s one way to look at it.” He says. “Dan had a slightly different take on the whole thing.” 

“Well, I’m sure he had a good point in his own special way.” Zayn says, trying to be positive. 

Niall looks at Zayn and smiles slightly at the boy. “You don’t have to.” He says, knowing that Zayn is trying to be optimistic for him. “We broke up this morning.” 

Zayn turns his head quickly to look properly at Niall. “You did?” 

Niall nods. “Yeah.” He replies shortly. 

“Are you okay?” Zayn asks in concern. 

Niall looks at Zayn for a moment before he nods. “Yeah, I think so. Kind of saw it coming, you know, like we were forcing things and then that whole thing happened.” He admits. “I’m sure that you heard.” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, I think pretty much everybody heard.” He points out. “Sounded pretty scary.” 

“Yeah.” Niall replies quietly as he looks at the ground. “But, it’s okay.” He says before he turns to look at Zayn again. “It’s for the best.” He adds. “How are things with you and the Perrie thing?” Niall asks. 

“Good. Good.” Zayn lies. “I mean, you know, she’s been real busy with the band and stuff.” He says. “But other than that, it’s really good.” 

Niall nods. “Well, good.” He says as he looks at Zayn and they both stare at each other for a while before Niall breaks the eye contact and looks at anywhere but Zayn. “Well, it’s good to know that one of us made a relationship work this year.” He says before he starts to stand up and tries to lift the bench again. 

Zayn stands up too and tries to get the other end of the bench. “Can I, uh?” He offers to help. 

Niall smiles and shakes his head. “It’s okay.” 

“You sure?” 

Niall nods and smiles. “Yeah.” 

 

*****

 

“Hey.” Zayn greets as soon as Perrie opens her front door after the doorbell rings. 

“Hey.” Perrie replies shortly. “Come on in.” She says as she opens the door wider for Zayn to step into the house. Once Zayn enters the house, he follows Perrie’s lead to the kitchen. “I’m still working on a little anger right now, you’re gonna have to give me a second.” Perrie says. 

“Yeah. Take your time.” Zayn says. 

“Freezing my ass off outside a police station was definitely not as cool as getting my band signed by a manager.” Perrie starts. “Wasn’t exactly the way I thought the night would go, you know.” 

Zayn nods. “I know. I’m sorry.” He apologizes. 

“You know, what really made me mad though is when you didn’t call. You said you would call.” Perrie points out. 

Zayn looks at Perrie blankly. “Well, I didn’t think you really wanted me to.” He admits. “I thought you were just saying that to be nice.” 

“Well, you thought wrong.” Perrie deadpans. “I wanted you to call so that we could talk, you know.” She continues. “That’s one of the things I like about us, Zayn. We don’t play games. You tell me how you feel. I know exactly where we stand.” 

“Ah, that’s the problem. I say too much, no filter.” Zayn says. 

Perrie stares at Zayn. “You should’ve called.” She says. 

“If I knew that not calling was the reason you were gonna break up with me.” Zayn blurts out. 

Perrie raises her eyebrows. “Who said I’m breaking up with you?” She asks in confusion. 

“You did.” Zayn points out. “The other day. You..” He says and when he looks at the horrific expression on Perrie’s face, he shakes his head. “I’m just gonna stop talking now.” 

Perrie sighs before she starts to talk again. “Look, I’m not gonna lie to you. This relationship is hard, maybe a little harder than most. But so what, that’s the ways relationships get, right?” She asks. “That’s how they are?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“So we work on it.” Perrie says firmly. “I mean, how pathetic are we if we just bail at the first sign of trouble. It’s not me. I know it’s not you.” She points out. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, not at all.” He replies. 

Perrie nods. “Me neither. At least, I don’t want it to be me.” She says. “Maybe it has been me in the past.” She admits before she continues. “There’s good stuff here. You know, stuff that I think is worth saving. What I mean is, I know that we have things to work out, but I’m willing to try if you are?”

“Yeah.” Zayn replies quickly. “I mean I think that trying is definitely the right thing to do here.” He says. “I think that’s much better than that other not trying thing. I think that’s bad.” He rambles. 

Perrie’s face breaks into a smile and nods. “Okay. Good. This is good.” 

Zayn smiles too and nods. “This is great. So we’ll just back it up a couple of notches. Regroup. Maintain hope.” 

Perrie nods again. “Remain cautiously optimistic.” She says before she walks closer towards Zayn and gives him a brief kiss. “A little hint for you though.” 

Zayn hums in response before Perrie starts to talk again. “If you forget my birthday, it’s over.” She warns. 

“Oh, you got a birthday coming up?” Zayn teases. 

Perrie snorts and shakes her head. “Funny, laughing.” 

 

*****

 

Niall enters the music room silently as he glances around and spots on his other two mates at one corner of the room, talking to each other. Niall starts to approach them and he only hears the last part of the conversation. “Where are you guys going?” He asks as he drops his guitar case on the floor. “Hey, Sean.” Niall greets as he glances at one of the boys. 

Sean just stares at Niall silently while Jack starts to reply to Niall’s question. “Uh, they just opened up this drive-in diner, where the deli used to be.” He says. “Should be the place to be from now on.” 

Niall nods and smiles. “Yeah, I heard about that. So, you guys are all going? Sounds like fun.” He says while he starts to tune up his guitar’s string. 

“What are you doing here?” Sean asks, obviously not happy at all with Niall’s presence. 

“I was thinking about joining class again.” Niall says. “I don’t know if Mrs. Baxworth will let me though.” He admits. It has been a while since he ditches the class and to be honest, he really hasn’t touched his guitar for quite a long time.

“We heard you like OD-ed and had to go to the emergency room and get your stomach pumped.” Sean blurts out. “That is so not cool.” 

Niall rolls his eyes. “That didn’t exactly happen.” He says to Sean while he opens his hoodie and he is only left with his T-shirt. “See, no track marks.” 

Jack looks at Niall and raises his eyebrows. “Are you really going out with Dan Richards?” 

Niall shakes his head. “No, we broke up, actually.” He replies casually. 

“Are we supposed to be sad for you?” Sean deadpans sarcastically. 

Niall looks at both of them before he shakes his head. “No, I was just telling you. In case you were wondering or just curious or whatever.” 

“We weren’t.” Sean snaps harshly. 

Niall ignores Sean’s harsh remarks and starts to strum his guitar quietly. That is until Mrs. Baxworth comes into the room and makes a beeline towards him. “Ah, so it’s true.” The teacher says as she looks at Niall. “Someone wrote Niall Horan on the class roll and I thought it was a joke.” She chirps as she opens her arms widely. “Welcome back, sweetie.” She says warmly as he hugs Niall tightly. “Don’t know where you’ve been.” She adds when they pull away. Then she glances around the class. “Alright, everyone, up on your feet. I want to see better arrangement and I want to see them now.” 

Niall watches as how everyone else starts to pick up their instruments and he takes a seat at the corner of the room, silently strumming his guitar, feeling so out of place out of a sudden. 

 

***** 

 

“Can we please get some frozen yogurt now?” Harry whines as he stomps his feet behind Zayn at the shop. 

Zayn sighs heavily as he glances at Harry. “You told me you’d help me get the perfect gift for Perrie.” He points out to his younger brother. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “Yeah, but I didn’t think it would take this long.” He deadpans. 

Zayn ignores Harry’s whine as he keeps walking along the shelves. “Well, what about this?” He asks as he grabs at the thing on the shelf. 

“It’s a pot.” Harry deadpans. 

“Yeah, I know.” Zayn nods. “She cooks all the time, it’s perfect, right?” 

Harry stares at Zayn like his brother is crazy. “But it’s a pot.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Well, it’s a no?” He asks. 

Harry shakes his head firmly and Zayn puts the pot back on the shelf. “Are you guys going to get married?” He blurts out. 

Zayn stops walking and turns to face his brother. “What? I don’t..I don’t know.” He stammers. “I mean, that’s a long long long way off.” He says. “Please don’t ask questions like that, okay?” 

Harry nods and grins, knowing that he manages to mess with Zayn’s head for a moment. He is about to tease his brother again when Zayn’s phone rings. 

“Hello.” Zayn says after he picks up the call. 

“Is this the jailbait?” The girl’s voice at the other end of the line asks. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Who’s this?” 

“It’s Jade, Perrie’s friend.” The girl says introducing herself. “I stole your number from her cell.” 

“Oh, nothing scary about that.” Zayn deadpans. 

The girl, Jade laughs. “Oh, chill out. I’m not stalking you, I’m calling about Perrie’s 21st birthday.” 

“Yeah, I’m working on that right now.” Zayn says. 

“I heard about the big schmancy dinner.” Jade says. “She’ll love it.” She adds. “But here’s the deal, you’ve got to move it up for me.” 

“Why? What’s going on?” Zayn asks. 

“Jesy and I want to throw her a surprise party. You know, invite all her buds, make a mess, molest a stripper.” Jade explains. “I’m kidding about the stripper. It’s too expensive. But we can decorate while you’re out, you bring her back, everyone yells ‘surprise’, you know. She has a heart attack, we all get wasted.” 

Zayn nods even though he knows the girl cannot see him through the phone. “Sounds like fun.” He says. “What time should we be there?” 

“Not sure yet, but I’ll call you later. Oh and she’s clueless as a playboy bunny so don’t spill the beans.” 

“No problem.” Zayn says. “All beans shall remain un-spilled.” He says before he ends the phone conversation. He is about to look for Harry when his younger brother is walking towards him with a big box in his hand. 

“It’s $500, but the man said it was the best.” Harry says as he passes the box to Zayn. “Where’s your wallet?” 

 

*****

 

“Hi.” Bobby greets his wife as he enters Niall’s room. “Can you believe it?” Bobby asks as he drops the duffle bag on Niall’s beg. “Irv just brought yet more of Niall’s things and swears this is the last or he said as much before.” He says before he puts the bag on the bed. He looks around the room and looks at the pile of posters at the other side of the bed. “My goodness, how clean?” 

Maura smiles at her husband and shakes her head. “Yeah, I’ve been after him for years to take down all of these posters. Now that he did, I’m kinda sorry to see it all go.” 

Bobby holds up of the posters of Justin Bieber and shows it to Maura. “Yeah, including this, huh?” 

Maura chuckles. “That, I won’t miss.” She says. “Listen, I’m gonna take this stuff down to the garage just in case.” She adds before she holds one of the boxes filled with posters that had been taken down from the wall of Niall’s room. “You can let him unpack that.” She says, looking at the pile of the clothes in one of the bags. “He can do that later.” 

Bobby nods. “Yeah.” He says but he couldn’t help but starts to unpack a few things, just to get rid of some messiness in the room. And suddenly he finds one small pack at one of the pockets of the bag and he sighs heavily. 

 

*****

 

“Alright, I must have left them on the table when I picked you up.” Zayn says as he and Perrie are walking towards her front door after their dinner. 

“It’s okay. We have plenty of time.” Perrie says before she fishes out her keys from her pocket when they stop at the door. “What? I thought I left the lights on.” She adds and when she opens the door, she can’t help but gasp. 

“SURPRISEE!!!”

Perrie shrieks excitedly as she looks at all of the people in the house, including her best friend. “We got you. Oh my God, your face is so read right now.” The girl says as she reaches to hug Perrie. Zayn assumes that the girl must be Jade. 

“What? When? How did you do this?” Perrie asks, still surprised. 

“You know I toiled. And I get by with a little help from your friend.” Jade says, grinning at Zayn. 

Perrie turns her head to look at Zayn. “What, you knew about this?” She asks. 

Zayn smiles and nods. “All part of my master plan.” He says.

“So, we’re not going to any concert?” Perrie asks, recalling the concert that Zayn had said to take her after dinner. 

Zayn shakes his head. “There is no concert. It’s a good thing you look stuff up.” 

Perrie smiles widen as she pulls Zayn into her hug. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you.” 

Jade starts to tug on Perrie’s wrist once she pulls away from Zayn. “Come here. Come see what Leigh-Anne got you.” She says before one of Perrie’s friends start to take her away from Zayn and Jade. 

Jade looks at Zayn and still grinning. “Come on, I’ll hook you up with some tequila shots.” 

“Ah, that’s alright. I..uh, got my ID confiscated.” Zayn admits embarrassedly. 

Jade rolls her eyes. “Dude, no one’s going to card you here.” She says. 

Zayn smiles politely and shakes his head. “Yeah, I got to drive later. I’d rather just keep it between lines, you know.” 

Jade nods and shrugs carelessly. “Your call. Alright, but if you change your mind, the bar’s in the bathroom and in mass quantities.” She says before she takes off to the other corner of the house, leaving Zayn alone. 

 

*****

 

Niall enters the new diner place alone as he glances around, hoping to find some of her old friends there. He doesn’t have to wait long when suddenly Sean appears and looks at him. 

“You came?” Sean asks distastefully. 

Niall swallows his nervousness and tries to smile, even though Sean’s hostility towards his is so obvious. “Yeah, I thought it sounded like fun.” He says before he walks beside Sean when the other boy starts to walk towards the food counter. “Do you guys have any room at your table? I can buy an extra basket of fries or onion rings or something?” He asks. When Sean stops walking and starts glaring at him, Niall takes a deep breath before he talks again. “Let me just say that I’m sorry.” He says. “I know that I kinda disappeared for a while and I wasn’t the best friend in the world, but I’m gonna change that, try to work on things, you know.” 

Sean scoffs and shakes his head. “Wow, you’re really desperate, aren’t you?” He says loudly, suddenly captures the attention of the other customers at the diner, which mostly consist of the students, including Louis. 

Niall shakes his head and sighs. “Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have come.” He says before he turns around and starts to walk away. 

“Or maybe you shouldn’t have ditched us in the first place.” Sean calls out behind Niall, this time totally making the entire diner goes silent, watching the scene between those two. 

Niall stops dead on his track and turns around to face Sean again. “I didn’t ditch you, Sean.” 

Sean shakes his head. “One day, we’re talking on the phone, hanging out all the time and the next, Jamie’s your new best friend and you won’t even glance at me in the halls.” He points out. 

“Well, I didn’t see you calling me.” Niall deadpans, his voice is rising slightly to match Sean’s. “I didn’t see any of you pick up the phone or do one kind thing after Liam died.” He says. “You just wanted me to keep on doing what I always did. Plan all the parties, go to the field, fight for the best football gears. Well, I couldn’t, Sean and I thought you’d understand that.” 

“I’m sorry. Were your druggie friends more understanding?” Sean spits rudely. 

Niall stares at Sean, suddenly tired of fighting with everyone. “I’m just trying to get my life back.” 

Sean shakes his head. “Well, you can’t have it back.” He spits before he turns around and walk away, leaving Niall alone at the middle of the diner. 

Louis watches as Niall starts to turn around and leaves the diner, with a heavy steps and by the looks on Niall’s face just now, the older boy knows that Niall is hurt by Sean’s action. Suddenly, the foods in front of Louis don’t look so tempting anymore. All he can think about is how he should help Niall to get his old life again. 

 

*****

 

Niall opens the front door tiredly and feels like he just wants to go to sleep and forgets about the whole thing. About trying to do the right thing to get his old life again. He steps into the house and stops dead on his track when he sees his parents on the couch, watching at him with unhappy looks on their faces. And that’s when Niall knows that he must be screwed up something else again. 

“You guys were talking about me.” Niall blurts out, getting straight to the point. 

“Irv brought by the remainder of your things today.” Bobby starts, looking at his youngest son. “I took it upstairs and opened it for you and, uh..” He pauses. “Your pack of condoms were there.” He continues. 

_Oh_. Niall nods slightly and only hums in response, not knowing what to say at the moment. 

“I hope you know that I wasn’t rummaging through your personal affects with any idea of finding something.” Bobby says. “As is I was not looking for anything.” He explains. 

Niall shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. I don’t blame you.” He says to his father. 

Bobby nods. “In any case, since I did find them, I feel a conversation is in order.” He says, staring at Niall, looking for an answer to the underline question. 

Niall crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head again. “I’m not sleeping with anybody.” He admits truthfully. “I didn’t sleep with Dan, if that’s what you guys were wondering.” He adds. Niall knows his father is probably freak out if he truly slept with Dan, knowing that the older boy is a junkie and who knows what diseases that he were carried inside his body. “Can I go upstairs now?” Niall asks quietly. 

“I don’t think that we’re done yet.” Bobby says. 

“Honestly, dad, there’s nothing to discuss.” Niall says. “I thought it was a good idea, but as it turns out, everything that I think that is a good idea is actually really wrong. And, um, I thought I could get my life back which I was wrong about that too.” He rambles tiredly. “Now I have no friends and Louis hates me.” He pauses before he continues. “Just tell me what you want me to do, I’ll do it. You want me to throw out the condoms, I will.” He says. “Just, I’m tired and I want to go to bed, okay?” He pleads.

Maura stares at the fragile state of Niall at the moment and knows that Niall is telling them the truth about being tired. She squeezes her husband’s hand, preventing him to reply to Niall’s plead. “Of course. Get some rest.” She says gently and Niall nods gratefully at his mother before he takes off. 

 

*****

 

Zayn leans on the wall, staring at the opposite wall just trying to kill his boredom at the party. It’s not that he is voluntarily being antisocial but he doesn’t know all of Perrie’s friends plus they are all seem to be drinking, except for him. 

“Hey. So how was dinner? Did you guys have fun?” Jade asks, making Zayn turns his head to look at her. 

“Uh, food sucked, but at least the atmosphere was not that bad.” Zayn says. 

Jade smiles guiltily. “Sorry. Kind of forced you to have geriatric dinner. Hard to get your groove on at 6 o’clock.”

“That was the least of our problems, believe me.” Zayn says. “But at least she’s having fun now. I’d feel bad if her entire birthday was a bust.” He adds, glancing over at Perrie’s spot and Jade turns her head to look at the scene too. 

“I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think.” Jade says as she looks at Zayn again. “She really digs you, you know. She talks about you all the time.”

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Yeah?’ He asks but his eyes travel to look at Perrie again, who is now laughing with her friends over something funny. 

Jade shakes her head. “You kind of love her, don’t you?” She blurts out and when Zayn just keeps silent, she rolls her eyes. “Yeah, you have that face. I remember when I had the face. Derrick Sehn, we called him demi-god, because he was basically god-like. I met him freshman year, we dated for like six months. It was the most amazing six months of my life. And then he decided he had to bike around the country so he dropped out.” She rambles. “We said goodbye at the airport and I haven’t heard from him since. That’s pretty much the worst pain I ever felt.” 

Zayn stares at Jade blankly. “Why does everybody feel the need to tell me how awful their first love was?” He deadpans. 

Jade shrugs. “I don’t know.” She says. “I guess because they’re always awful and amazing and usually over before they start.” 

“Uh, we’re out of beer, people.” One of the girls suddenly says behind them. “This party’s on the move.” She says before she grabs her jacket. “Come on, we’re going to the bar.” 

Perrie smiles at Zayn once she approaches him. “You’re coming?” She asks. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Uh, that’s okay. No ID, remember?” 

“Oh, don’t worry about it. Jade can get you in, she’s great at stuff like that.” Perrie says. 

“Ah, that’s alright.” Zayn says, declining the offer. “I, uh, I’d rather not get carded in front of all these people, stupid, but…” 

Jade glances between both of them before she excuses herself, knowing that the couple has to talk alone. Perrie looks at Zayn once Mindy leaves. “I don’t have to go.” She says. 

“Are you kidding?” Zayn asks. “No. Go. It’s your birthday.” He says. “Have fun. I got a math test tomorrow anyway.” 

Perrie feels slightly disappointed and frowns. “But I wanted to spend tonight with you.” 

“Well, so did I, but..” Zayn says as he looks at Perrie. 

Perrie sighs before she nods understandingly. “Call me later, okay?” 

Zayn nods and watches all of the people heads outside before he pulls out a small rectangular box from his pocket and puts it on the table near the kitchen. Hoping that Perrie will find his present for her tomorrow instead. 

 

*****

 

Niall tightens his grip around his guitar when he hears the bell rings and everyone is moving towards their classes. He is almost reaches his music class but when he sees Sean and Jack who were just entering the class, he feels his spirit starts to drop. He sighs heavily before he starts to turn around, thinking of ditching the class altogether but his way is blocked by none other than Louis. 

“I thought you had music class.” Louis says as he looks at his brother. 

Niall shrugs and shakes his head. “I’m not going.” He says before he starts to walk away again. But again, Louis is blocking his way. “Louis, I’m tired and I just want to go home, okay?” Niall says, annoyed by Louis’s action. 

Louis stares at Niall and shakes his head. “No, you don’t. You want to go to class but you’re scared.” He deadpans. 

Niall rolls his eyes. “I’m not scared.” He says. Louis looks at him sceptically and Niall shakes his head. “I’m not.” He repeats. 

“Look, it’s your life.” Louis starts. “You get to decide what to do with it, not them.” He says as he stares at his younger brother. 

Niall looks at Louis for a moment before he sighs in resignation. “I can’t go in there.” He says before he shifts, moving to the lockers nearby and leans on it tiredly, staring at the ground. 

Louis follows Niall’s trail, standing in front of his brother. “Yeah, you can.” He says. “Come on. You’re the best guitar player in the school.” He adds. “You shouldn’t just give up what you love because some ass hats made you feel bad. Screw them. They’ll come around.” 

Niall shifts his gaze from the floor to Louis. “How do you know, you haven’t?” He asks Louis. “You were there the other night, you saw what they did, you didn’t do anything about it.” 

“That’s because I was still mad.” Louis admits. “If you want to know the truth, I’m still a little pissed off.” He says. “You seriously messed up my senior year, which only happens once.” He adds. “Or like twice.” 

“If you’re so mad, then why do you even care?” Niall asks curiously. 

“Because…it was messed up what Sean did to you, you know.” Louis says before he moves to lean besides Niall on the lockers. “I don’t like seeing you being treated that way, you know.” He adds as he glances at Niall. “I mean, I can treat you like that, but if everyone else starts doing that, then what’s the fun in that.” He continues and Niall smiles slightly at Louis’s words. Louis smiles too and turns to look properly at his brother. “They’ll get over it, Niall. You just got to stay in their face about it, okay? You got to be you.” He says firmly before he straightens and starts to shove Niall to the direction of the class. “Go. Be yourself. Annoying, self-righteous, pain in the ass.” Louis says. “You.” He adds as they finally reach in front of the class’s door. 

Niall rolls his eyes at Louis’s words and turns briefly to look at him. “Keep talking, brother, keep talking.” He says before he opens the door, and starts to enter the class, but not before he smiles gratefully at Louis. 

 

*****

 

“I don’t want to open it without you.” Perrie says when Zayn enters his living room, only to find Perrie is sitting there with the box of his present in her hand. 

“I’m sorry, I just had to go.” Zayn says as he takes a seat beside Perrie. 

Perrie shakes her head. “You’re not the one who should be sorry.” She says. “It’s me.” She adds. “I shouldn’t have gotten so drunk. I didn’t realize I was so..”

“What, are you kidding me?” Zayn asks. “It was your 21st birthday. I think it’s allowed. In fact, I think it’s mandatory.” He says before he turns his head to stare at Perrie. Perrie stares at him too and they both know there is an elephant in the room that they refused to acknowledge it before. “You want to go first or should I?” Zayn blurts out. 

Perrie nods understandingly. “No, I will.” She says before she shakes her head and looks at anywhere other than Zayn. “I can’t.” She says shakily. 

Zayn takes a deep breath before he nods too. “Well, at least we tried.” He says. “At the end of the day, we really tried.” 

Perrie wipes away her tears and nods. “I know.” She says. “I just wish that there was something that I could change or that we could change. I mean, if there’s anything that we could actually do to save this thing, I’d do that, in a heartbeat, you know that, right?” 

“Well, if only my parents had had sex four years earlier. Damn them.” Zayn says, trying to light up the atmosphere. 

Perrie chuckles slightly. “You’re the most amazing guy, Zayn.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Please. Don’t do that. Please.” 

“I have to.” 

“No.” 

“There’s a part of me that did fall, really truly fall and I know you didn’t feel it and I’m sorry that you didn’t.” Perrie says. “But it was there and I need you to know that and believe it.” She adds before she passes the small box to Zayn. “Here.” 

Zayn shakes his head and swats Perrie’s hand away. “No. It’s for you.” 

Perrie wipes the remaining tears on her cheeks and shakes her head. “I can’t. I know that if I open this, it’s going to be perfect. It’s just gonna make me sadder, cause you’re so perfect. So…” She trails off before she puts the box back onto Zayn’s hand. “I can’t, Zayn.” She starts to stand up and looks at Zayn again. “I gotta go.” 

Zayn nods, not knowing how to react at the moment. Should he just cries or should he just maintains his cool until Perrie leaves? “Okay, see ya.” And he decides to do the latter. 

 

*****

 

Niall puts his hands in his pocket, trying to get some warmth as he strolls by the sidewalk, trying to clear his mind. He glances around, trying to remember how the small town is looked like at night, knowing that he had been forgotten to take a look at the scenery for quite some time. Suddenly he spots someone who just stepped out from the diner. He recognizes that boy so well. “Hey, you.” He calls out. 

Zayn turns around to look at the boy who had called him. “Hey.” He greets. “I was just picking up a little food.” He says. “Do you…you’re going for a walk?” He asks curiously. 

Niall nods. “Yeah. I was at the bookstore looking at books.” He says. “Pretty much the same stuff there as it was last week.” He adds. 

Zayn nods, agreeing with Niall. “Yeah, tell me about it. That copy of The Perks of being a Wallflower? It’s been in the window since I moved here.” He says. “I’m thinking about buying it just to see whatever they put up next.” He adds as he looks at Niall. “Do you want a ride home? I got my car.” 

Niall smiles and shakes his head. “Actually, I want to walk. I feel like walking for a little bit.” He says before he starts to walk again. 

Zayn follows Niall’s steps and walks beside him. “Where are we going?” He asks. 

Niall shrugs. “Nowhere.” 

Zayn nods. “Sounds good.” He says. “So, how are things at home? Getting any better?” He asks the boy beside him. 

“A little.” Niall replies truthfully. “School, on the other hand, is going to be a torture at least until I graduate.” He admits. “In fact, I’ll give you a pound to sit with me at lunch.” 

“Deal.” Zayn replies shortly. 

Niall pouts and tries to glare at Zayn. “You’re supposed to say it’s free.” He whines. 

“Well, I know an opportunity when I see one.” Zayn replies playfully. 

Niall smiles and shakes his head, looking over at Zayn’s face. “You’re sad.” He points out when he realizes that Zayn looks different that night. 

Zayn nods. “A little.” He admits. There is no point of lying anyway. 

“Something happen?” Niall asks in concern. 

Zayn stops walking before he looks at Niall properly. “Perrie and I broke up.” 

Niall is embarrassed to admit that he is so surprised by the answer but he can’t help it when he gasps. “What? When?” He asks. 

“About an hour ago.” Zayn says. 

Niall’s eyes go wide as the sudden realization is coming into his mind. “Oh my God. The other day, you said that everything was fine. I thought..”

“Yeah. Yeah. I know. I lied a little bit.” Zayn admits. “Don’t ask me why.” He says before he resumes to walk again. 

Niall blinks his eyes rapidly, trying to process on what Zayn had told him and he jogs a little to catch up with Zayn’s pace. “Why?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes fondly at Niall’s reaction. “I don’t know. I guess I thought if I pretended everything was great, it would actually be great.” He admits to Niall. 

Niall nods understandingly. “Protecting hope.” He points out. 

“It worked for Seabiscuit.” 

Niall smiles and shakes his head. “I’m sorry.” He says sincerely. 

Zayn glances at Niall and nods. “Yeah, me too.” 

“I know how much you liked her and she seems really great, but..” Niall trails off. 

“But what?” 

Niall turns his head to look at Zayn properly. “But if she was dumb enough to let you go, she mustn’t have been that perfect.” He says. “She’s gonna be really upset when she realizes what she gave up.” Niall adds, staring right into Zayn’s eyes. “Trust me.” 

Zayn stares at Niall’s eyes too before he breaks the eye contact first and starts to clear his throat. “You know, I say we keep walking until we run out of fries.” He says as he opens the paper bag and reveals a packet of French fries inside it. 

Niall nods and smiles. “It’s fine by me. We can always buy more fries.” He says easily before they both start to walk side by side, chatting randomly like the old times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sometimes I feel like I'm losing interest to write more for this story. *gasp* I don't know if it's the writer's block or my pure laziness or I need to regain my Ziall feels back or whatever it is. But I hope that I won't abandon this cause I don't like things that are incomplete. xx 
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter preview: 
> 
> _  
> Bobby shakes his head. “It’s just for a year. It’s not the end of the world, Louis.” He says._
> 
> _“Yes, it is the end of the world.” Louis says._
> 
> _“For heaven’s sake, Louis, how much more rejection can you stand?”_
> 
> _“I don’t know, dad. How much more you got?” Louis asks angrily before he starts to stand up and storms off from the dining room._


	16. When I think about my life, I wonder if I will survive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm so sorry for the late update. Just got back from a week of work trip to Perth (oh, I love Aussie). And so, this is the latest chapter. Enjoy! xx 
> 
> Title taken from: [**Good Charlotte - Moving On**](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4dSbg4eZW0)

Harry watches as Zayn sets the table silently and he knows the reason why his older brother looks so down at the moment. He knows about Zayn and Perrie’s breakup. He can only watch as Zayn tries his best to avoid any mention of Perrie’s name. 

“Mmm, something sure smells good, doesn’t it, guys?” Yasir asks suddenly as he approaches the table, startling Harry out of his thought. 

“A Hammerhill specialy.” The woman says from the kitchen. “My children loved it and my grandchildren love it.” She adds. 

Harry can only nods silently. It’s not that Zayn is the only one who is affected by his breakup with Perrie. Harry is affected too. Yasir has appointed another tutor for him and also another woman to cook for them at home. 

“Well, what about your great-great grandchildren?” Zayn deadpans from the table and Yasir turns his head to gives his eldest son a warning look for not to be rude. 

“What is it?” Yasir asks the woman, feigning a smile. 

“Tuna surprise.” The woman replies. 

Harry sighs. “What’s the surprise?” He asks. 

“Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.” The woman replies to Harry. 

Zayn shakes his head and turns to look at his father. “Is this really the best we could do?” He asks. 

“Well, I wasn’t given much notice, was I?” Yasir asks in return. 

Harry ignores both of his father and brother and starts to get the knife. But before he can begin to chop the vegetable, the woman grabs the knife from his hand. “Oh no no.” She says and shakes her head. 

Harry raises his eyebrows at the woman. “I always get to chop.” He whines. 

The woman shakes her head again. “Not on my watch.” She says. “You can toss the salad.” 

Harry rolls his eyes before he looks at his father. “Perrie let me chop.” He whines again. 

Yasir sighs. “I know, Hazza. But Mrs. Hammerhill has different rules.” He says. “And since Perrie isn’t coming anymore..”

“It’s not my fault Perrie is not coming.” Harry blurts out. 

“Harry!” 

Harry’s eyes go wide when he realizes about what he had said and he tilts his head to look at Zayn’s reaction. 

Zayn shrugs at his father. “No, it’s fine. He’s right.” He says before he starts to walk out from the kitchen. 

“The casserole will be done in precisely ten minutes and I’ll see you tomorrow.” The woman says before she takes off her apron. 

“Would you care to join us for dinner?” Yasir asks politely. 

The woman shakes her head. “Oh, thank you doctor, but I don’t dine with my charges.” She says. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Charges?” 

The woman nods and hums in response. 

“Oh, we’re really not that formal around here.” Yasir says and shakes his head. 

“That’s readily apparent.” The woman says. “But I prefer to keep things on the up-and-up just the same.” She adds. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She continues before she walks out of the backdoor. 

Harry turns to look at his father and crosses his arms over his chest, completely unhappy with his father’s choice for their new cook. 

Yasir shrugs at his youngest son. “Well, at least we don’t have to worry about Zayn dating her.” He says. 

 

*****

 

“You know, that whole out of sight out mind thing? That’s all B.S. Some Hallmark guy must have come up with that one because my mind is constantly on Perrie.” Zayn rambles beside Louis as they are walking towards their table at the cafeteria. “Who’s she with? What’s she doing? I think about her now more than I ever did before.” He says before they both take their seats. 

“Really. I hadn’t noticed.” Louis deadpans sarcastically. 

Zayn ignores Louis’s sarcasm and shrugs. “Well, I’m considering shock therapy.” He says. 

Louis is about to say something else when someone calls him out and he looks at the boy. “Hey, Louis. I’m in, man. I’m playing ball at USC next year, baby.” The boy says and starts to high-five Louis. 

“Oh, way to go, Marv!” Louis says excitedly as he returns the high-five. “That’s awesome, dude. That is great. Congratulations, man.” 

The boy, Marv nods excitedly. “Thanks, man!” He says before he skips around to tell his other friends about the news too. 

Zayn shakes his head as the jock walks away, forgetting that Louis has another set of friends who play sports, not like him. “Did you apply there?” Zayn asks when he looks at Louis. 

Louis shakes his head. “No. I’m starting to get my letters back though.” He says. “I’m two for four.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Really? That’s great.” 

“Two rejections out of four.” Louis explains clearly. 

“Oh.” Zayn says. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

Louis shrugs before he starts to munch on his foods. “It’s not exactly something that you want to brag about, you know.” He says. “But it’s cool. I mean, I’m waiting for other college. That’s the goal. I like to enter the Ivy League for football, you know. But it’s kind of a pipe dream though.” He admits. “I’ll have to go for a walk-on slot. Kind of hard to get recruited when they don’t let you play your senior year. But it’s cool. I mean, Mr. Beels thinks even without ball I got a shot.” 

Zayn nods his head, agreeing with Louis. “Yeah, definitely. I mean, Marvin’s like the dumbest kid in school and he got into USC.” He says and when Louis squints his eyes at Zayn, the dark-haired boy shakes his head. “Let me rephrase.” 

Louis shrugs without a care. “No, it’s cool man. I hear ya.” He says but in the back of his mind, he keeps worrying about his future. He feels like he is the one who hasn’t hear any good news about his college’s application yet. 

“Whatever. I’m not even going to college.” Zayn says and shrugs. “I don’t.. I mean college means college girls and I’ve had enough trouble with them for a little while..” He says and pauses. “Do you think she thinks about me?” He asks Louis and the older boy just sighs heavily. “She’s probably completely over it. Whatever. I don’t care.” Zayn continues. 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Right.” He says sarcastically. 

 

******

 

“Please, just one game. It’s called Spit. I’ll teach you.” Harry says to the old woman. 

“I don’t much care for that word, young man.” The woman replies. “And regardless, I don’t play games.” 

“But Perrie always played with me after I finished my homework.” Harry whines. The thing about Harry is, he doesn’t really has friends from school. It seems like he is the odd one and he himself doesn’t find anyone that he can spend his time with. 

The old woman shakes her head. “I’m sorry I’m not interested in the previous doings of this Perrie woman.” 

Harry sighs heavily before he stomps his way to his bedroom. He thinks he might hang out at the park later. At least he gets to look at the beautiful surrounding even though he’ll be by himself. 

 

*****

 

“Hello? Louis? Maura?” Bobby calls out as soon as he opens the front door. 

“Come on, dad. Respect the TV.” Louis says as he is laying on the couch, watching a hockey tournament on the television. 

“What is it, Bobby?” Maura asks as she walks downstairs. 

Bobby waves an envelope on his hand. “It’s here. Mail from Notre Dame.” 

Louis bolts upright and turns off the television. He walks towards his father and purses his lips out as he grabs the letter from his father’s hand. 

“Well, don’t make that face, honey.” Maura says as she looks at Louis. “You haven’t opened it yet.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “Skinny envelope.” He points out. “When they accept you, they send a big one.” 

“You don’t know that.” Maura says. 

“It could be an acknowledgement of something.” Bobby adds, trying to be positive along with his wife. “Maybe they need additional information. Perhaps they’re inviting you for an interview.” 

Louis looks at his parents sceptically but he nods nonetheless. “I mean, maybe I got wait listed. It gives me a shot, right?” 

Bobby nods. “Yeah, absolutely. Open it, Louis.” 

Louis opens the letter and his expression turns sour after he read the words. Of course it’s another rejection letter as usual. He shakes his head as he puts back the paper into the envelope and looks at his father. 

“That’s fine.” Bobby assures. “Alright, we knew this was a possibility. Not the end of the world.” He adds. 

“No, just the end of Notre Dame.” Louis huffs. 

Bobby shakes his head. “That isn’t true. Come on, Louis, there are plenty of options here.” He says to his eldest son. “So you go to your safety school for the first two years and transfer in. At the end of the day, you’ll still be able to say that you graduated from Notre Dame. You’ll still be a Fighting Irishman.” He continues. “Big picture, Louis. You’ll get there, one way or the other.” 

“Yeah.” Louis replies quietly. “Maybe I’ll degain them so much I won’t even want to transfer.” 

Bobby nods and smiles. “Yeah, that’s right. Forget them, they had their shot.” He says and Louis nods at his father before he gives the letter back and takes off to his bedroom. 

Once Louis leaves, Maura turns to look at her husband. “Well, we knew Notre Dame would be tough.” 

“Well, I was expecting this.” Bobby says. “Fully prepared for it in fact.” He admits. “I just wasn’t prepared to see him like that.” He says, referring to the crestfallen look on Louis’s face just now when he had read the rejection letter. 

 

*****

 

“Zayn, what are you doing here?” Perrie asks as soon as she opens the door. 

“I’m sorry. I should have called first.” Zayn says. “I..” He trails off. 

“Oh, man. I didn’t think that we’d be doing this part already.” Perrie says, cutting Zayn’s off. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Well, what part? Is there a part?” He asks. 

Perrie shakes her head. “God, I’m sorry. I just..I don’t think I can do this yet. It’s too soon.” She says. 

“Why? I..” Zayn trails off, still in confusion. “What are you talking about? Too soon for what?” 

“You’re here to try to get back together with me, aren’t you?” 

“No.” Zayn replies quickly before he shakes his head. “I mean, is that something I should be trying to do?” 

Perrie bites her lips, suddenly feeling embarrassed about her misunderstanding and shakes her head. “Uh, no.” 

Zayn nods. “Okay. Cause I mean, it’s not. I was here for something else.” He says truthfully. 

“I’m confused.” Perrie blurts out. 

“It’s Harry.” Zayn says simply. 

“What’s wrong with Harry?” Perrie asks worriedly. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Nothing.” He says before he backtracks on his words. “I mean, everything. He’s totally freaking out. He hates me. He hates everybody.” He adds. “You need to come back to work.” 

“What?” Perrie asks in surprise. “No. I can’t. Okay? We talked about this.” She points out. “Harry and I talked about this.” 

“Yeah. Well, it didn’t take and now he’s stuck with Mrs. Doubtfire’s evil twin.” Zayn blurts out. “I’m telling you, the woman is brutal.” 

Perrie shakes her head sceptically. “She can’t be that bad.” 

“She won’t let Harry chop.” Zayn says. 

“He loves to chop.” Perrie points out. 

Zayn nods. “That’s what I’m saying.” He points out. “Alright, look. This whole situation, it sucks, but it’s not fair to Harry that you can’t be there because of me.” He adds. “I mean, I can handle it.” 

“Well, maybe you can, but I don’t know if I can.” Perrie says truthfully. “I mean, it’s hard enough not thinking about you as it is. But then to be with you and not..”

“Whoa..whoa..” Zayn says, cutting Perrie’s off. “You think about me?” He asks and Perrie remains silent. “Look, we’re the adults here, right? I mean, relatively speaking of course.” Zayn says. “I mean, we should be able to get over this so that Harry doesn’t end up stabbing the old bat with a knitting needle.” 

Perrie snorts before she smiles at the thought. “Stabbing, huh? He’s end up doing hard time for that.” 

Zayn nods. “Well, yeah. I’m..you’re worried about him. He’s got his whole life ahead of him.” He says. “You know, I’m thinking prison intervention here.” 

Perrie contemplates on her choices for a moment before she nods. “Okay, if I come back, it’s only on a trial basis.” She says. 

“Yeah, of course.” Zayn replies. 

“And t’s for work, for Harry. It it gets weird, that’s it. I’m out.” Perrie says firmly. 

Zayn nods firmly. “Yeah, no weirdness. Just for work.” He says, hoping that it will be only for work. 

 

*****

 

“And inhale. 2,3,4,5. Hold it.” Linda says and pauses. “And exhale. 2,3,4,5.” She continues. “Good. Now, take one last deep breath. Exhale through your nose. 2..3..Good. So how do you feel?” 

Niall opens his eyes and stares at his auntie. “Very relaxed.” He says surprisingly. “You know, I thought I had a handle of the whole breathing thing, but apparently not. I knew there was so much to it.” He adds. 

Linda smiles fondly at her nephew who is sitting in front of her. “Well, you seem good, Niall.” She says. “Your appetite’s been stable. Blood pressure. Heart rate.” She adds. “How are things at home?” 

Niall tucks his chin on his knees and smiles slightly. “They’re okay, I guess. Different.” He admits truthfully. 

“Well, I’m glad to hear it, because I think it’s time that we lowered your Zoloft dosage.” Linda says. 

“What’s the next run?” Niall asks. 

Linda shakes her head. “Nothing. When you finish the bottle that you’re taking, you’re done.” 

Niall’s eyes widen in surprise and he shakes his head. “But I only have about 4 or 5 pills left.” He says. “Um, is that even enough for a week, is this..” He trails off, suddenly feeling nervous about having to stop taking the antidepressant. What if he falls under the depression again? 

Linda nods and smiles at her nephew. “I know, because we already tapered down your dosage from the original a few weeks ago and I consulted with your father and based on your chart and how you’re doing, I think it’s time to stop.”

Niall swallows nervously at the thought of not taking the pills anymore. “I don’t know. I mean, I guess I’ve never thought about going off of them.” He says as he starts to stand up from the floor and starts pacing back and forth. “I just..I mean..I think I have to eventually but..” He pauses and sighs, looking at his auntie again. “You really think I’m ready?” 

Linda stands up from the floor too and approaches her nephew, staring right into those blue eyes. “I do.” She says and smiles. “We’ll keep meeting and I want you to keep up those relaxations techniques we’ve been working on.” She adds. “And I wish, you would try yoga again if you could stop giggling.” 

Niall snorts and chuckles before he finally nods. “I’ll try.” He says. “Thanks, Aunt Linda.” 

Linda nods and smiles. “You’re welcome. It’s gonna be good, okay?” 

Niall smiles. “Okay.” He says before he hugs his auntie briefly and pulls away. “See you later.” 

 

*****

 

“Salad’s ready.” Harry announces happily as he looks at Perrie at the other end of the kitchen. 

“Table’s ready.” Zayn says from the dining table. 

“And I’m ready to eat.” Yasir joins in as soon as he enters the house using the backdoor and when he realizes that Perrie is at the kitchen, his eyes widen. “Or not.” He continues. “What’s going on here?” He asks. 

“Zayn fired Mrs. Hammerhead.” Harry replies quickly. 

Yasir turns his head to look at Zayn after that. “He..fired..”

“Hey, Dr. Malik.” Perrie pipes in. 

Yasir shakes his head. “Wait a minute. When? How?” 

“Uh, over the phone this morning.” Zayn replies. “It actually went pretty smoothly.” He adds. When his father is looking between him and Perrie sceptically, Zayn shakes his head. “Don’t worry. I mean, everything’s cool.” Zayn says, assuring his father. “We talked about it and it’s fine. She’s going to do her job, I’m gonna do mine. We’re gonna maintain a strictly professional relationship, so everybody will be happy.” 

“I’m not happy.” Yasir deadpans. 

“Well, you will be.” Zayn replies firmly. So, I’m gonna go wash my hands.” He says, starting to walk away from the kitchen. “Call me when dinner’s ready.” 

“I’m sorry.” Perrie says to Yasir as soon as Zayn leaves the kitchen. “I thought he talked to you.” 

Yasir shakes his head before he stares at Perrie. “You know what, Perrie, in this situation there is a very fine line between maturity and stupidity and I’m not entirely sure which side of that line you two are on, right now.” He says truthfully. 

Perrie nods understandingly. “I know. At first, it seemed crazy to me too, but he genuinely felt bad about..” She says and pauses, nodding her head on Harry’s direction. “And the other woman just sounded so awful, no offense. It just didn’t seem fair.” 

“Yes, and I certainly appreciate all the concern for that situation.” Yasir says understandingly. “But I don’t want somebody using that situation to effect change for some other situation, if you know what I mean.” He adds. “So if you two are trying to get back together again..” 

“No, we’re not.” Perrie says firmly. “Honestly, I’m here for Harry. I think it’ll be okay.” 

Harry who is apparently to focus on his task of making one of the dishes, suddenly approaching both of his dad and Perrie. “Dad, look. Perrie let me make jello that looks like a brain. Isn’t it gross?” 

Yasir looks down at the jello on the plate and scrunches his nose. “Yes, Hazza, it’s very gross.” He says and Harry nods happily before he continues on his work. Yasir finally sighs in resignation before he turns to look at Perrie and nods, giving his permission for Perrie to stay because of Harry. 

Perrie nods and smiles. “Thank you.” 

 

*****

 

Niall enters the kitchen and finds his mother is busy grating the cheese and he smiles slightly at the sight. “Mac and cheese. Louis must have done something good.” He says, knowing that mac and cheese is Louis’s favorite. Plus, his mother rarely make the dish because of ‘unhealthy’ foods, as his father would lecture them about. 

Maura chuckles before she replies to Niall. “All this fuss over carbs and cholesterol, I say, so what.” 

Niall chuckles as well as he starts to approach his mother until he is standing beside her. “I could help.” He offers. 

Maura stops from what she is doing and she looks slightly surprised before she cracks a smile. “I’d like that.” She says. “Well, why don’t you turn that up a little?” She adds, pointing at the pot on the stove. “It’s always best to..”

“Heat the milk first.” Niall says quickly. “I remember.” 

Maura smiles. “I am hoping that this is going to cheer your brother up a bit.” She says. “If gobs of butter and cheese won’t do the trick, I don’t know what will.” 

Niall moves to stand beside his mother again. “So, uh, is Louis still bummed about Notre Dame?” 

“Um, he won’t admit it, but yeah. I believe so.” Maura replies to her son. “He worked so hard to get his grades up. I think he really believed they wouldn’t look at his previous scores.” She says. “Yeah, of course that, uh, suspension didn’t help matters any. Anyways, it’s just so hard.” She adds. “I remember when I was his age. You’ll be there next year. It’s nerve racking. It really is. Waiting everyday for the mail. Your entire future seems tied to the mailman’s schedule. Your life summed up in one particular size envelope. It’s awful.” 

Niall just nods silently as he grates the cheese, listening to his mother’s words. Part of him is feeling so guilty about Louis’s suspension because he knows it was his fault. And part of him is also feeling nervous when his mother is talking about the future. About college. About all the possibilities of ending up somewhere, being an adult and Niall doesn’t know is he’s ready enough for that. He is lost in his own world when suddenly his mother’s voice bring him back to reality. 

“Oh, my Lord. How high did you turn it?” Maura says as the milk starts to pour out from the pot and she starts to move it away from the stove. 

Niall quickly move to help his mother to wipe the pouring milk. “Too high, I guess.” 

“What a mess!” Maura says between her laughter. Niall laughs too. They both laugh for a while before sobering up and Maura smiles at her youngest son before she pulls him into her hug. “I missed you so much.” She says before she pulls away. She shakes her head and points at the small towel in her hand. “And this goes straight into the washer.” Maura says before she walks away from the kitchen. 

Niall watches as his mother walks away silently. Still feeling too overwhelmed about the hug and her mother’s words. Has he been lost so bad that his own mother is missing him?

 

*****

 

“Hey.” Perrie greets as soon as Zayn enters the living room. Zayn stops dead on his track before he speaks up. “Hey.” 

“We’re playing Speed Spit, wanna play?” Harry asks as he looks up to see his brother at the entrance of the living room. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Uh, no, um, I’m..you guys just keep playing.” He says. “You know, I’m fine.” 

“You can practice, if that’s what you were gonna do.” Perrie says, glancing at the music sheets in Zayn’s hand. “We can go in the other room.” 

“No.” Zayn replies quickly. “I’m…you guys, stay here. I mean, this is definitely the best room for Speed Spitting.” He says. “Um, so..” He trails off awkwardly. Who knows being in the same place at the same time with your ex-girlfriend could be this awkward? “Do you guys want a snack or refreshments or anything?” 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “Why are you being so nice?” He asks curiously, not really noticing the tension between Perrie and his brother for being in the same room. 

“He can’t help himself. He’s just that nice a guy.” Perrie blurts out fondly as she stares at Zayn. 

Zayn averts his eyes to look at anywhere but Perrie. “I actually, uh, gotta go to the library. So..” He says before he puts down his music sheets on the table and walking out of the house. 

Harry looks at Perrie once Zayn leaves the house. “I don’t understand.” He blurts out. 

“Understand what, Harry?”

“Well, if he’s sad and you’re sad, then why don’t you guys just get back together and be happy again?” Harry says bluntly. 

Perrie shakes her head. “It’s a little bit more complicated than that.”

Harry raises his eyebrows confusingly. “What’s so complicated? Because of the age difference?” 

“It’s not that. It’s just we’re in different places in our lives right now, that’s all.” Perrie says. 

“But you’re both here.” Harry says, emphasizing on the word ‘here.’ 

Perrie blinks back his tears and shakes her head. “Um, you know what, I think I’ve to head back now.” She says as she starts to stand up and grabs her coat. “I’m sorry I couldn’t spend the evening here. I just remembered that I have assignment to finish.” She says. 

Harry nods, knowing that Perrie is obviously lying about that but part of him feels guilty too for making Perrie sad. “It’s okay. I think I’m going to run at the park later on.” He says before he pulls Perrie into his hug briefly. “Take care.” 

 

*****

 

“You know of all the bad ideas I’ve had and there have been many, this one is definitely the worst.” Zayn says before he throws the ball into the hoop. Louis remains silent while Zayn continues to rant. “You know, I didn’t think it was possible to think about her anymore than I already did. Well, guess what, having her around all the time actually ups the thinking quotient.” He adds as he passes the ball to Louis. “I feel like I’m going crazy like that guy in A Beautiful Mind, who..”

“WILL YOU SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES, PLEASE?” Louis suddenly yells, startling Zayn and he looks at Louis in shock. Louis walks closer to Zayn before he continues. “I’ve had to listen to you whine about this crap for a week now. God, I am so sick of it!” He spits angrily. 

“What’s your problem?” Zayn blurts out. 

“My whole life is falling apart. That’s my problem.” Louis says. “I’m thinking about working at a convenient store for the rest of my life.” He adds. “All you do, you moan about some stupid chick. Dude, you got dumped. Get over it.” 

Zayn stares at Louis before he starts to speak. “What’s with the convenient store?” 

“I didn’t get into Notre Dame.” Louis replies. 

“I’m sorry. Did they say why or anything?” 

“No.” Louis says and shakes his head. “They are nice enough to not put ‘you’re too stupid’ in the letter. So..” He trails off before he shakes his head again. “Like it matters. Whatever. Big shock. Louis Horan is not Notre Dame material. Boo hoo.” Louis says mockingly. “But you know what, I would’ve been if those jerk offs had let me play ball this year.” He says, gritting his teeth before he throws the ball in his hand to the ground angrily. 

“Relax, it’s not that bad.” Zayn says. 

“It _is_ that bad, dude.” Louis says. “Don’t you see? I am out of choices. My last shot is the DCU and they don’t even have a decent football team. You know, then I get to work my ass off for another two years and have the same no life that I had this year.” He adds. “My life is gonna suck after high school.” He says before he starts to walk back towards his house. 

“Hey, Louis..” 

Louis stops walking and shakes his head. “Just go home, dude.” 

 

*****

 

“Hey.” Harry greets as he spots the familiar figure on the bench at the park. He just reaches the park and is starting to stretch out before he would start his run but then his eyes catch on someone on the bench. 

Louis looks up from his gaze on the ground and nods his acknowledgement at Harry. “Hey. What are you doing here?” He asks the younger boy. 

Harry smiles at Louis before he replies. “Just going for some run. Haven’t done that for a long time.” He says simply. “What are you doing here?” He asks curiously. 

Louis shrugs. “I don’t know. Looking for some fresh air.” He replies quietly. 

Harry frowns at the response and the somber expression on Louis’s face. Usually Louis is filled with bounciness in his words and actions but today he seems different. He seems down. “Are you alright? Do you have a problem?” Harry blurts out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy.” He adds quickly, afraid that Louis might think that he is a nuisance for asking that question. 

Louis smiles slightly at Harry. “Well, you could say that.” He replies simply. 

Harry nods understandingly before he takes a seat beside Louis on the bench. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks. “Or maybe I should leave you alone? I’m sorry. It’s so nosy of me.” Harry adds.

“Nah, it’s okay.” Louis says before he glances at the boy besides him. “I’ve just yelled at your brother just now because of my problem.” He says. 

Harry raises his eyebrows as he looks at the older boy besides him. “What happened?” He asks curiously. 

“Well, he was whining about Perrie and I was in a bad mood because of my college thingy and I just snapped.” Louis says. 

“Oh.” Harry says understandingly. “Zayn never talks about Perrie to me. Maybe that’s because he has you to rant about her.” 

Louis nods. “Yeah. Maybe.” He says. “But I was so mad, okay? I’ve my own problem too yet he seems to think that my world revolves around his story and Perrie’s.” 

Harry snorts and chuckles. “Tell me about it.” He deadpans. Harry shifts closer to Louis and smiles reassuringly at the older boy. “If you want to talk to someone about your problem, you can always tell me.” Harry says. “I mean, I might not be able to help but I can assure you I’m a good listener.” He adds. 

Louis stares at the younger boy and smiles fondly at him. “You’re such a sweet charming kid, aren’t you?” He says and Harry blushes slightly. 

“Well, want to share your problem with me?” Harry asks, trying to change the attention for himself and focus on Louis’s instead. And that’s when Louis starts to talk and Harry ends up spending his evening on the bench with Louis instead of running around the park. 

 

*****

 

“Hey, Louis.” Zayn calls out from behind Louis as they are walking at the hallway. 

Louis turns around and catches on something that Zayn is tossing towards him. “You’re giving me pudding?” He asks as he looks at the thing in his hand. 

“Snack packs.” Zayn says as he starts to catch up with Louis’s pace and walking beside him. “Vanilla and chocolate. So you can blend at your own convenience.” 

Louis nods. “Cool, thanks.” He says simply as they reach his locker. 

Zayn leans on the locker beside Louis’s and looks at his friend. “Look, you’re right. I, uh, I’ve been all about me lately. Kinda crappy for listening.” He apologizes. 

Louis shrugs and shakes his head. “Uh, it’s cool, man. Doesn’t matter anyways since I’ve decided not to go to college.” 

“What? Why?” Zayn asks in surprise. 

“Well, it’s a pretty ease decision.” Louis says. “Really, seeing as though I didn’t get in anywhere, including DCU.” He adds as he hands the small envelope to Zayn. 

“Oh, man. I’m sorry.” Zayn says sympathetically. 

“Ah, it’s cool. I mean, I’ll figure something out.” Louis says. “You know, maybe do the military thing.” He adds. “Shoot my head. Shoot some stuff.” 

Zayn stands up straighter and shakes his head. “Wait, so you’re just gonna give up on school? Just cause of this?” He asks, waving the small envelope in his hand as he looks at the older boy. 

Louis raises his eyebrows as he looks at Zayn. “Well, it’s not exactly up to me.” He says. “I mean, they said, ‘no, thank you’. It’s done.” 

“No it’s not done. There’s stuff that you can do.” Zayn says firmly. 

“Oh, like what?” Louis asks curiously. 

“Like..like the guy who signed this letter.” Zayn says. “Alright, go find him. Talk to him. Change his mind.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t think it works like that, bro.” 

“It does if you make it.” Zayn says as he looks at Louis. “DCU is like what? Two hours or one hour away from here? Probably less. Go find this,” He adds as he reads the name on the letter. “Dr. Edward Burdell. Tell him how much you want it, alright.” Zayn continues. “If there’s one thing you can do is – talk.” 

Louis stares at Zayn for a moment before he grabs the letter back from Zayn’s hand. “I do talk pretty good, don’t I?” He asks and Zayn nods. “But still, I mean..”

“But nothing.” Zayn cuts Louis’s off. “Remember that time when we were at the diner. We didn’t have enough money to pay for it because you spent it all on some Big League Chew.” Zayn says and Louis nods, smiling as he remembering the night. “Yeah, I thought we were gonna be there all night washing dishes, but no. You not only got us out of it. By the time we left, the guy was offering you a job.” Zayn continues. “Nobody could have don’t that, but you.” 

Louis grins. “That was pretty hot, right?” 

Zayn nods eagerly. “It was awesome. It was like you had this mind control device, except it wasn’t.” He says. “It was just you and that my friend, is a gift.” He continues. “The fact is, you’re better in person than on paper.” 

“I am, aren’t I?” 

“Way better.” Zayn says confidently. “They just looked at your application. Flipped through it along with a couple of thousand other ones and moved on. Go back there and make them take a second look, alright?” He says. “And don’t take no for an answer.” 

Louis grins wider as he suddenly feels like he regains some of his confidence in return. “Okay, bro. I’ll try that.” 

 

*****

 

“Slow down and tell me what’s wrong.” Linda says as soon as she opens the door to her office and lets her nephew in. 

Niall strides into the office and turns around to face his auntie. “I can’t do it. I can’t.” He says as he crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head. “I thought I could but and I wanted to, but I’m not ready.” He says, while shaking his head again. “It’s not gonna happen. It’s too soon.” 

“Oh, you’re talking about quitting your Zoloft.” Linda says understandingly. 

Niall sighs and nods. “Maybe if we just give it another month so I can settle in a little bit, get my bearings.” He says. 

Linda stares at her nephew and raises her eyebrows. “What prompted this, Niall? Did something happen?” She asks. 

Niall doesn’t reply for a moment before he sighs again. “My mom hugged me.” He says. 

Linda smiles gently. “And that’s a bad thing?” 

Niall shakes his head before he starts to sit on the floor. “You don’t understand.” He says as he clasps his hand together in frustration. “She hugged me because she was so happy that I was home and that everything was back to normal, but it’s not really.” Niall continues before he starts to stand up again, pacing back and forth in the small office. “I mean, I’m faking this and I can do that now because I have the pills, but if I go off the pill then I can’t fake it anymore and I become the same person that I was before.” He rambles. “I can’t do it.” 

“So you’re worried about your family?” Linda asks. 

Niall nods as he stares helplessly at his auntie. “I just don’t want to put them through what I put them through before.” He says sincerely. “I can’t risk messing things up. Having everybody disappointed at me again.” He adds. “I mean, what if I get depressed again or worse?” 

Linda shakes her head fondly and starts to move closer towards her nephew. “Come here.” She says and pulls Niall to sit with her. “Sit.” She says, patting an empty chair besides her. “Listen to me.” Linda says once they both are sitting facing each other. “You will get depressed again. And you’ll be sad sometimes, probably more than you’d like if your life is anything like most people and you’ll yell and you’ll cry a little, but you’ll get past it.” She says, determination laced in her voice. “I mean, that’s how life works.” 

Niall sighs in resignation, knowing that his auntie has a good point. “I know and I want to get back to being that person eventually, but for now, I would rather just fake it a little.” He says. “You know, be a little better than me. You know, keep everybody happy because..” He says and pauses. “I might not deserve it, but they do.” He adds. “Please, just one more month. “Don’t make me go off with them yet.” 

Linda pats Niall’s arms gently and nods finally. “Alright. I’m not gonna make you do anything that you’re not ready to do.” She says. “So, we’ll keep you, where you were for another month and then we’ll take it from there, okay?” 

Niall nods gratefully. “Okay.” He says before he starts to stand up to leave. “Thank you.” 

 

*****

 

“Is it soup yet?” Yasir asks as soon as he takes a seat on the dining table. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “It’s meat. It’s never gonna be soup.” He deadpans. 

“Unless it’s stew.” Yasir replies to his youngest son. 

“Oh, sorry. I thought I turned that off.” Perrie apologizes when her cellphone rings as soon as they start their dinner. She picks up the call quickly. “Hey, yeah, I got the change. I can’t talk now. I’ll call you later. Bye.” She says and turns off her cellphone as soon as she can.

“Jay?” Zayn asks curiously. 

Perrie nods. “Just band stuff. Sorry.” 

“That didn’t take you too long.” Zayn deadpans. 

Perrie stares at Zayn and frowns. “Excuse me?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Nothing. Forget it” He says, looking back at his food instead of Perrie. 

“It was about practice tomorrow.” Perrie says, trying to explain. 

“Yeah, whatever. It’s fine.” Zayn shrugs. 

“How could you think that I was..?” 

“Who else wants salad, Zayn?” Yasir says suddenly, trying to avoid any fight between Zayn and Perrie at the moment. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, actually I think I’m gonna take off.” He says before he throws his napkin on the table and walks away from the dining table. 

“But dinner’s just about to start.” Harry says, trying to let Zayn to stay with them. 

Perrie starts to stand up too. “It’s okay. I’ll go.” She says, excusing herself. After all, she’s not the family. 

Zayn stops walking and turns to face Perrie. “No. No. You should stay. Seriously. Invite Jay.” He says sarcastically. “You guys can all have a good time hanging out together.” 

Yasir sighs. “Alright. That’s enough, okay?” He says as he glances between Zayn and Perrie. “Now this doesn’t seem to be the business agreement that you two had talked about.” 

“No, it’s fine.” Zayn says and shrugs. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, it’s not fine. You can’t even see fine from here.” He says. “Now it was a very nice effort on everyone’s part, but it has become very clear to me that we need to re-evaluate this agreement.” 

“No, we don’t!” Harry starts to protest. 

“Yes, we do.” Yasir says firmly. “I’m sorry if I have to put my foot down, but I should have done this six months ago.” He adds. “I knew how this was gonna end back then. I told you both. I wish someone had listened to me.” 

Zayn stares at his father. “Well, what do you mean someone?” He asks. “Did you talk to Perrie behind my back?” 

“No, I didn’t talk to her about you.” Yasir replies. “I talked to her about the two of you. I told her my concerns.”

“You told her we wouldn’t work out.” Zayn deadpans angrily. 

“Look, all I wanted to tell her what she was getting herself into. The possible repercussions.” 

Zayn glares at his father angrily. “Repercussions?” 

“It’s not what you think, Zayn.” Perrie pipes in. 

Zayn turns to glare at Perrie. “And you never told me about this. I can’t believe you!” 

“You’re making a bigger deal about it that it actually was.” Perrie says. 

Zayn snorts angrily. “What could be a bigger deal than my girlfriend and my dad talking about me behind my back like I’m some kind of child?” He asks. “How could you do that to me? Both of you?” He adds before he turns around and storms off towards his room. 

 

*****

 

“Can I have the carrots?” Bobby asks and Louis passes the plate to his father silently. “Wonderful meal, Maura.” Bobby adds, smiling at his wife who is sitting across the table. 

Louis glances between both of his parents before he clears his throat and starts to speak. “So, I need a note to get out of class tomorrow.” He says. 

“Why, is something wrong?” Maura asks as she looks at her eldest son. 

Louis shakes his head. “No. I have an appointment at Dublin I gotta drive to so..”

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “What kind of appointment do you have in Dublin requires your attention all of a sudden?” He asks curiously. 

“Dublin City University.” Louis replies simply. 

Maura starts to smile slightly as she glances between her husband and Louis. “Well, honey, that’s wonderful.” She says to her eldest son. 

“I didn’t get in.” Louis mumbles but everyone at the table hear it anyway. 

Bobby put down his fork and knife slowly before he turns his full attention to Louis. “When did you hear?” 

“Yesterday.” Louis asks quietly. “I didn’t want to give you guys anymore bad news.” He admits. “But it’s cool, cause, uh, I’m going down there and change their minds.” 

“Well, I..I don’t think it’s a good idea, Louis.” Bobby says. “I mean, no, once they make their decisions it’s nearly impossible to reverse it.” He adds. “We’ll come up with a new plan.” 

“I have a plan.” Louis says stubbornly. “It’s a good one.” He adds. “I have an appointment with the guy that sent me the letter.” 

Bobby darts his eyes at his wife before he looks at Louis again. “I applaud your tenacity, but it simply..it doesn’t work this way.” He says. 

Louis shakes his head. “I don’t care how it works.” He says firmly. “This is my only shot.” 

“Well, listen to me.” Bobby says. “I’m not gonna allow you to drive all the way out there on a lark. Now, let’s be rational for a minute and discuss a better strategy here.” 

Louis rolls his eyes at his father’s words. “Oh, let me guess, the one that you come up with.” He deadpans sarcastically. 

“Louis..” Maura calls out. 

Louis turns his head to look at his mother. “What?” He asks. “This is…it’s like we’re right back to where we were at the beginning of the year.” He points out before he looks at his father again. “You were so sure I couldn’t raise my GPA but I did. Didn’t I? All A’s and B’s last semester. Didn’t see that coming.” He adds. “Hey, even better than Niall. Didn’t think that happen, but it did.” He continues. “I just want to know why, for once in my life, you can’t support me for something that I want to do.”

“Well, I do support you.” Bobby says. “I just simply can’t understand why you would want to put yourself through this.” 

“Because I have no other choice, is why.” Louis replies. 

“Well, yes, you do.” Bobby says. “You could attend classes at the community college next year. Find yourself a job nearby. Your mother and I want you close anyway.” 

“That’s not what I want.” Louis deadpans. 

Bobby shakes his head. “It’s just for a year. It’s not the end of the world, Louis.” He says. 

“Yes, it is the end of the world.” Louis says. 

“For heaven’s sake, Louis, how much more rejection can you stand?” 

“I don’t know, dad. How much more you got?” Louis asks angrily before he starts to stand up and storms off from the dining room. 

 

*****

 

“It was pretty bad fight tonight.” Perrie says as she looks at Harry when they are hanging out at Harry’s room to listen to his new CD. Harry looks gloomy and Perrie knows it’s because of the fight earlier during dinner time. 

“I’ve seen worse.” Harry says. “But yeah, it was pretty bad.” He adds. 

Perrie sighs. “I’m sorry it happened in front of you like that.” She apologizes. “You know that sometimes people say things they don’t mean when they’re upset.” 

Harry shakes his head. “We don’t.” He says as he stares at Perrie. “You know, I’ve never really have a best friend, but I have you as one.” 

Perrie smiles and nods. “You’re my best friend too, Harry. You know I love you, kiddo.” She says as she ruffles Harry’s hair fondly. 

Harry smiles at Perrie and nods. “I love you too.” He says before his smile starts to fade. “But…” He trails off. 

Perrie looks at Harry in concern. “What is it, kiddo?” 

“It’s just that..I love Zayn too.” Harry says. “And since he’s my brother and we’re related and everything, I have to love him more.” 

“I understand.” Perrie says. 

Harry nods before he starts to speak again. “And I think that when you’re here, it makes him sad.” He says. “And not just normal sad. Really, really sad.” 

Perrie blinks back her tears and nods. “Yeah.” 

“I don’t want to see him that sad anymore.” Harry says. “So, I’m gonna have to let you go, Perrie.” 

Perrie starts to sniff and nods understandingly. “Okay.” She says and tries to smile at Harry before he pulls the younger boy into her hug. 

Harry hugs Perrie, a friend that he can call as a sister and he loves her but he can’t watch Zayn being suffered if she’s around. So with a teary-eyed, Harry hugs Perrie tighter, knowing that he might not be able to see Perrie again after this. 

 

*****

 

“May I help you?” The receptionist asks and Louis nods. “Um, is this Dr. Burdell’s office?” He asks nervously. 

The woman nods and smiles. “Yes, it is.” 

“I’m Louis Horan. I have an appointment.” 

It takes not more than an hour before Louis is sought out from the office and he shakes the old man’s hand. 

“Keep it up.” The old man says to Louis. “Maybe next year.” 

Louis nods, trying to smile before he excuses himself to leave. He starts to walk out from the building when suddenly he notices his father at one of the benches outside. He approaches his father and smiles slightly. “Well, you were right..” He says. “Total waste of time. They won’t accept me.” 

“Then they’re idiots.” Bobby deadpans, smiling at his eldest son. “So was I for not supporting you every step of the way.” He adds. “You could do as well as anyone else here. Even better.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I doubt that.” He says. 

Bobby starts to stand up and stands in front of his eldest son. “You shouldn’t.” He says firmly. “Louis, I was proud of you for every tackle, every goals, every wins.” He adds. “But I’ve never been prouder of you than I am right now.” He says sincerely. “It took courage to do what you did today.” 

“But it didn’t change anything.” Louis says. “I came this whole way for nothing.” 

Bobby shakes his head. “No, you came for yourself. That’s what matters.” He says. “You know, what you’ve done these past few months, your capacity to keep fighting, to keep trying to change, that is the measure of what makes someone great. That’s what makes you great.” 

“I just don’t know what I’m gonna do now, dad.” Louis admits truthfully. “What am I gonna do?” 

“Well, whatever you are meant to do or to be, it will reveal itself to you.” Bobby says. “And we’ll wait for that together, huh, you and me?” He asks as he pulls his eldest son into his hug. 

Louis leans into his father’s touch and nods against his father’s shoulder. “You and me.” He says quietly. 

 

*****

 

“Hey.” Zayn greets Harry as soon as he enters his front door. “What’s going on?” He asks his younger brother when he sees the old woman that he had fired is there again, in the living room at their house. “Where’s..?” He trails off. 

“She’s gone.” Harry replies simply. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Well, what about..?” 

“It’s okay.” Harry says shortly. 

Zayn shakes his head before he starts to walk towards his father’s study and opens the door to find his father. “What did you do?” He asks as soon as he sees his father. 

“Nothing.” Yasir replies simply. “This was all Harry.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes. “Harry fired Perrie.” He points out sceptically. 

Yasir nods. “He did.” 

“Why? Why would he do that?” Zayn asks.

“Apparently, he didn’t want to see you so sad anymore.” Yasir replies to his eldest son, leaving Zayn speechless. “I owe you an apology, Zayn.” Yasir continues. “I never meant to sabotage thing between you and Perrie.” 

Zayn sighs. “I know. I mean, I know you didn’t.” He admits. “And even though, it would be a lot easier to blame you for this whole thing falling apart, I, uh, I don’t think I can.” 

“Well, it’ll never happen again.” Yasir assures. “I’ll always take to you first. No more secrets, okay?” 

“I don’t think you need to worry about it.” Zayn replies to his father. “I probably won’t get into next relationship for 10, probably 20, years.” He tries to joke and Yasir chuckles. Zayn takes a seat in front of his father and sighs again. “I just can’t believe she’s gone, you know. It’s weird.” 

“You disappointed?” Yasir asks. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, I mean, a little bit.” He says. “It wasn’t perfect, but at least when she was here, I mean, I could sit next to her. I could see her. You know, there was always that possibility.” He says. “It’s not like I was hoping to get back together with her, but…” He pauses before he continues. “I know, pathetic.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “Nah, it’s kinda human actually.” He says. “You know, when I was a surgeon, I saw a lot of patients who knew that they didn’t have much time left and I was always amazed at what they were willing to go through. At how much pain they would endure, rather than simply letting go.” He continues. “In the end,, pain was always preferable to nothing. I think it was that fear of taking the next step of the unknown that held them back, that made them willing to suffer so much. Sometimes too willing, because in some cases, it really was time to move on.” 

“Is that your not-so-subtle way of telling me to forget Perrie?” Zayn asks. 

“No, you’re never going to forget her.” Yasir says. “But you’ll learn that somehow later in your life, you will find someone that can make you not remembering her.” 

 

*****

 

“We just keep on running into each other.” Perrie says as soon as she opens her front door.

“Yeah, it’s the weirdest thing.” Zayn says. “I just, I found myself in your neighbourhood at your front door. It’s so weird the way that happens. I don’t know.” He deadpans sarcastically. 

Perrie chuckles and shakes her head. “Want to come in?” She asks. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. This is just gonna take a second.” He says. 

“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about Harry.” Perrie says suddenly. 

“No, it’s okay.” Zayn says. “And just so you know, I’m not going to rehire you or get you back.” 

Perrie nods understandingly. “Are you sure that we can’t do this inside?” 

“Yeah, uh, I think that we should do it here, now, before I can’t do it at all.” Zayn says truthfully. He stares at Perrie before he starts to speak again. “You changed my life, Perrie. Everything about it. I want you to know that.” 

Perrie smiles and nods. “You changed mine.” 

Zayn shrugs. “Yeah, maybe.” He says. “But me, it’s different. Everything is different for me now. Not just the obvious things..inside, you know. I..it’s gonna take me a long time before I realize exactly what happened and why it had to fall apart, but hopefully when I do, you know, I’ll remember and that way I can, you know, do it better next time.” 

“I don’t think that you could’ve done it any better, Zayn.” 

“Yeah.” 

“I think that we did it perfect.” Perrie says. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, me too.” 

Perrie takes a deep breath before she starts to speak. “Well, maybe in a few weeks, we could do something. Have one of those kick-off friendship lunches or something.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. No. I, uh, I could never do the friend thing with you.” He says honestly. “Let’s face it, we were never really friends, we were just..”

“In love.” 

Zayn stares at Perrie and nods. “Yeah.” He agrees quietly. “Well, alright. I’m gonna walk back to my car right now and when I get there I’m gonna turn around and I’m gonna look back here and you’re gonna be inside and that’s gonna be that.” He says and Perrie nods, they both trying to blink back their tears. Both of them know that this is their closure. Zayn pulls Perrie to kiss her briefly before he pulls away and starts to turn around and walks towards his car. And before he enters his car, he looks back and Perrie waves at him, saying her goodbye and Zayn nods. “Goodbye.” He mumbles under his breath before he enters his car and starts to drive away. 

 

*****

 

“I called it in yesterday.” Niall tells the pharmacist. 

“It should be ready. Let me check.” The pharmacist says before he takes the slip from Niall’s hand and goes to the back shelf. Niall nods and watches the guy walks away before someone calls his name from behind him and he turns around. 

“Mrs. Payne.” Niall greets in surprise. “Hi. How are you?” He asks politely. 

Mrs. Payne nods and smiles slightly. “Fine.” She replies simply. “And you? How’s school?” 

“Um, it’s going better.” Niall replies with a smile. “I still have to call Jamie.” He says. “I still haven’t talked to him since we had that fight.” 

“Oh, you and Jamie had a fight?” 

Niall nods. “Yeah.” He replies simply. “He didn’t tell you about it?” 

“Maybe.” Mrs. Payne replies hesitantly. “I don’t remember.” She says. “I’ve just been so busy lately, you know, with the store and Geoff. He probably never mentioned it. He likes to keep to himself. He’s a real independent boy.” 

Niall nods politely, suddenly remembering about what Jamie had said about his parents not noticing him at all after Liam’s death. It’s like the parents are dead with Liam too. “Here you go, Niall. You’re all set.” The pharmacist suddenly says, saving Niall from saying anything else to Mrs. Payne. 

Niall nods and takes the small plastic on the counter. “Thank you.” 

“Hey, Randy. Three guesses.” Mrs. Payne says as she pulls out her purse and looks at the pharmacist, giving him a slip of paper before she turns to look at Niall again. “Me and my Paxil are keeping Randy in business, aren’t we?” 

Niall tries to smile but fails to do so and suddenly there is an awkward silence that lingers between them. Niall clears his throat before he starts to speak. “Well, I gotta go, but it was nice to see you, Mrs. Payne.” He says. 

Mrs. Payne nods. “You too.” She says. “You know, you look really great.” 

Niall smiles and nods. “Thank you. I feel not bad today anyways.” He says sincerely. “Guess, we’ll just have to see how it goes tomorrow, right?” He adds. “I’ll see you later.” Niall continues before he starts to turn around and walks out of the pharmacy. 

Once Niall steps out of the building, he stops at the nearest bin and stares at the small plastic in his hand. Suddenly, he feels like he doesn’t want to depend on the pills anymore. Not if he’ll end up like Mrs. Payne, losing himself and not caring about anything else, especially his family. Niall remembers about his auntie’s words about how life is supposed to be as what it is. Sooner or later, he’ll have to move on and accepts that life sometimes sucks and he can be sad about it. And that’s when Niall knows that he makes the right decision as he throws the plastic into the bin and he feels lighter than before. Maybe it’s the first step but he smiles slightly at the thought that maybe, he is finally getting better and moving on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Tell me what you think! xx 
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter preview: 
> 
> _  
> Niall sneaks a glance again between the shelf and his older brother before he starts to speak. “It’s just, you know, we were all sitting there smushed together and he was being all funny and..I don’t know, for a second I thought I felt a shift.” Niall admits._
> 
> _Louis turns around sharply and shakes his head. “Oh no, no way.” He says as he looks at Niall. “There’s no shifting allowed, okay? We have a perfectly working situation here, don’t mess it up.” He warns.  
> _


	17. This time, don't need another perfect lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update. Workssssss and workssss..btw, enjoy the chapter! xx 
> 
>  
> 
> Title taken from lyrics of: [**One Republic - Secrets**](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHm9MG9xw1o)

Harry skips on the stairs happily and drops his bag on the hallway, making a beeline towards the bathroom. But once he reaches there, he notices that the door is slightly ajar and he can see Linda who is standing in front of the sink. Harry steps closer, he doesn’t mean to peek but he is curious when he sees the line of bottles beside the sink. He watches as Linda starts to bend her body slightly before she takes the pills from one of the bottles. Harry gasps and it makes Linda startles and she accidentally drops the bottle of pills and it clatters on the floor before she turns around quickly to face Harry. “Hey, Harry. I thought you’re still at school.” She says. 

“It’s almost 4pm already.” Harry says as he stares at the pills on the floor before he looks up to see Linda’s face again. Linda looks nervous and Harry doesn’t know why. “Why do you take so many pills?” Harry asks curiously. 

“I don’t take so many pills.” Linda replies quickly with a slight smile on her face. But the reply is too quick for Harry’s liking. 

Harry shakes his head. “I’ve seen you.” He blurts out. 

Linda’s smile falters as she looks at Harry. “What?” 

“I’ve seen you before.” Harry repeats. “You take them everyday.” Harry points out. He have seen Linda took different kind of pills before and he had been curious ever since. “Are you sick?” 

Linda sighs before she shakes her head and beckons for Harry to come closer to her. “Come here.” She says as she moves to the edge of the bathtub and Harry takes a seat beside her. “I have a disease.” Linda starts as she looks at Harry. “It’s called HIV. Have you ever heard of it?” She asks. 

Harry shakes his head. “Yes. But just a basic one. I don’t really know what the disease is all about.” He answers truthfully.

Linda clicks her tongue before she continues. “Well, it’s a virus and if you catch it, it makes it harder for your body to get better if you catch something else.” She explains. “Like a cold or an infection, and, um, it doesn’t go away. But you don’t have t worry because I’m okay.” 

“How did you get it?” Harry asks, still as curious as ever. 

Linda smiles slightly at the boy. “I got it from a patient that I was trying to help.” She says. “It was a few years ago but you can’t catch it from me. You can only get it if something like your blood touches.” She continues. “That’s why doctors wear gloves when they give shots.” 

Harry nods understandingly after Linda’s explanation and shrugs. “I thought you were a druggie.” He blurts out truthfully. 

At that comment, Linda bursts out laughing and she shakes her head. “No. Not me. I can barely drink wine.” She says. “I know this might be kind of confusing so if you have any questions that you want to ask me or your dad, go ahead any time.” She continues and Harry just nods. “Just do me a favor, okay? This isn’t something that I usually talk about. Actually, it’s kind of a secret. Can you keep it for me?” 

Harry nods again and smiles. “It’s okay. I’m great with secrets.” He says. “Unless they’re mine. Then I tell everyone.” He continues. “I won’t tell your secret.” 

Linda smiles and says her thanks before Harry shifts to pull Linda into his hug. “You never hugged me before.” Linda points out when they pull away, too shocked to say anything else to the boy in front of her. 

Harry smiles and nods. “I know.” He says. “It was time.” He continues before he starts to head towards the door. “I better go. Have some homework to do.”

Linda nods and smiles. “Yeah. Don’t want to get you into trouble.” 

 

******

 

“Oh, you’re not Mrs. Hayes.” Yasir says as he looks at the person in front of the door at his office and it’s not one of his patients on the list. “I can tell because you’re not ninety and you don’t have jaundice.” 

Linda shakes her head as she steps into the room and closes the door. “I just need a minute, Yasir.” She says in a serious tone. 

Yasir nods. “Sure.” He says. “Is this because I didn’t kiss you goodbye this morning?” He asks. “I mean, that’s very sweet but it’s not very nice to the poor sick people waiting outside to see me.” 

“Yasir, I had a talk with Harry just now.” Linda says, getting straight to the point. 

Yasir stops talking and raises his eyebrows questioningly. “What about?” 

“I told him.” Linda replies. “He saw me taking my pills and asked what they were for and so I told him.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “How could you do that?” He asks disbelievingly. 

“Well, he asked me and there didn’t seem to be a better way to handle it.” Linda replies defensively. 

“Well, I can think of a few.” Yasir says. “We talked about this. We decided that if the time came that I would tell them.” 

“Yeah, but you haven’t.” Linda points out. 

“Well, it’s not like you’ve told Louis and Niall.” Yasir deadpans. “I wasn’t ready for this.” 

“I’m not accusing you.” Linda says. “I’m just saying that we waited.” She continues. “And Harry came to me. I mean, he’s not so young like he doesn’t notice things and I guess he just couldn’t hold it back anymore.” 

Yasir sighs. “Well, how did he handle it? What did he say?” 

“I don’t know.” Linda replies truthfully. “He seemed comfortable with it.” She says. “I mean, he asked me some questions and I think he understands.” 

“He can’t be comfortable with it!” Yasir points out. “He doesn’t even know what ‘it’ truly means.” He continues. “This isn’t a conversation you have with him three minutes while he’s brushing his teeth.” 

Linda keeps on silent and Yasir sighs again. “What time is it? Maybe I can see him and talk to..” He mumbles while glancing at his watch before he turns to look at Linda again. “Did you tell him how serious this is? Do you know he’s told anyone?” 

“Yasir, it’s me!” Linda says. “Give me some credit. I mean, I told him it was a secret and I think he got it.” She continues. “But you can talk to him later if you don’t believe me.” 

“Oh, I will.” 

Linda rolls her eyes at Yasir’s tone and shakes her head. “Good. I hope you can fix all of my mistakes.” She says before she storms out of the office. 

 

******

 

Louis flicks on the channel and Niall rolls his eyes at his brother’s action. “Can you put something good on already?” He asks. 

“There is nothing good on. That’s the problem.” Zayn replies from the other end of the couch. 

“Oh, there’s always something good on TV.” Louis says, without even taking his eyes off of the screen. “That’s been my motto since I was a little kid. I’m sticking to it.” He continues. “See, pandas.” He says as he stops at one of the channels. 

Niall chuckles and shakes his head while Zayn just rolls his eyes at Louis. “Now could you change the channel please?” Zayn asks and when Louis and Niall both turn to look at him, he starts to explain. “Cause Perrie used to have a stuffed panda.” He says. “I’m trying to forget about her over here.” 

“Don’t complain.” Niall says. “At least your ex isn’t going into rehab.” He continues. “Again.” 

“Well, I wish she was. At least then I’d know she couldn’t date.” Zayn replies. 

Niall snorts. “Whatever.” 

“This is exactly why I keep my relationships under one month.” Louis deadpans as he glances between Niall on who is sitting on his right and Zayn on his left. “No muss, no fuss.” 

“And no depth.” Niall continues for Louis. 

Louis shakes his head. “Did you ever think that maybe the reason why you two are heartbroken, the reason you just got dumped, is that you’re both annoying?” He deadpans. 

Zayn nods absentmindedly. “You’re right. Maybe we’d go big, make it a town thing, and call it Dump Fest, get Dido.” He deadpans sarcastically and Niall laughs at that. 

Louis glances between the two of them again before he starts to talk. “Hmm. Sit here with the bitter twins or free Internet porn?” He asks himself out loud and throws the remote over Niall before he starts to stand up from the couch. “Excuse me.” He says before he leaves both Zayn and Niall alone at the living room. He doesn’t think he could put up with those two bitter boys at the moment. 

Once Louis leaves, Niall crosses his arms over his chest and scrunches his nose. “Bitter twins. He’s getting funnier.” He says as he looks at Zayn. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, maybe he’s right.” He says. “Maybe I am broken.” He adds. “I used to have the skin like a hobbit’s feet. Nothing used to get me. But now..” He trails off as he looks at Niall. “You got any extra Zoloft lying around?” 

Niall shakes his head. “Fresh out. Sorry.” He says and smiles at Zayn. 

“Oh. You still enjoying the un-medicated life?” Zayn asks. 

“No.” Niall replies shortly. “But I’m actually okay with not enjoying it if that makes any sense.” He adds and shrugs. 

“Yeah, if that works.” Zayn says. 

Niall turns to look at the screen for a moment before he rolls his head to look at Zayn again. “So, is there anywhere that we could go to get your mind off of it?” He asks. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. Not really.” He says. “Perrie and I went out for just long enough so that everything in this town reminds me of her.” He adds. “I can’t even look at a street sign without seeing something that reminds me of being reminded of her, if that makes any sense.” 

Niall scrunches his forehead and looks at Zayn confusingly. “Actually, you kinda lost me on that one.” He says truthfully. 

“Alright.” Zayn says and he leans over to grab the remote control and changes the channel. “See, the annoying deep-dish lady?” He asks and Niall nods. “Yeah.” Niall says simply as he glances at the screen where an old woman is busy making pizza. 

“That reminds me of London. Which reminds me of that episode of Samurai Jack where they gotta stop the wind from blowing away those little blue guys. Which reminds me of that nasty blue cotton candy you made me buy you the first time we ever hung out at Thaw Fest a million years ago.” Zayn says. “Which you got all over your nose and it was pretty cute. But…” He grumbles under his under his breath but Niall hears it anyway and he smiles slightly at the comment. “Anyway, it’s like that, only with Perrie.” Zayn continues and Niall’s smile falters. 

“Wow, that makes sense.” Niall replies shortly before he shifts his gaze to the screen again. 

Zayn, suddenly feeling like they have fallen into an uncomfortable silence, tosses the remote to Niall. “Here. You pick.” 

 

*****

 

“You’re in bad mood. What’s wrong?” 

Harry looks up from the ground to see his only friend, Kyle (well, he only has one apparently) who is now sitting beside him. Harry shakes his head. “Nothing.” He replies shortly. 

“You can’t start faking now.” Kyle points out. 

Harry sighs. “It’s just that I can’t say. It’s kind of a secret.” He says. 

“Great. What is it?” Kyle asks. 

Harry shakes his head. “Nah, forget it.” 

Kyle shifts his body to face Harry properly and shrugs. “I thought we’re friends. We can share secrets you know?” 

“But it’s not my secret.” Harry says. 

“Whose is it?” Kyle asks, being as nosy as he always be and sometimes Harry wonders why he’s stuck with the boy. 

“Linda’s.” Harry replies shortly. 

Kyle rolls his eyes. “You don’t even like her.” Kyle points out. “And I told you my secret.” 

Harry sighs again before he shakes his head. “No, I can’t.” 

Kyle huffs in annoyance and rolls his eyes again. “Come on, Harry. This is me. You know you can tell me if something is bothering you. You told me that you can’t talk to your brother and your tutor/best friend is not here anymore and now the only person you can talk to is me.” 

Harry stares at the ground again, knowing that is exactly the truth. He can’t talk to Zayn, for some reason it’s because Zayn isn’t talking to him about anything as well. He can’t talk to Perrie since she had left and yes, he doesn’t have any other friend than Kyle. “You have to promise you won’t tell anyone.” He finally says as he turns to look at Kyle. 

“Totally.” Kyle promises. 

Harry takes a deep breath before he speaks up again. “Linda says she has a disease.” 

“Which one?” 

“HIV.” Harry says simply. 

Kyle shakes his head. “That’s a bad one.” 

Harry nods. “I know.” 

“If you get that, you die.” Kyle blurts out as he looks at Harry with wide eyes. 

Harry shakes his head. “Linda said that’s not true anymore.” He says. And he believes it since Linda is a doctor and she knows about the thing more than he does. “She said they have medicine now. That makes it okay.” 

“That’s not what my dad said.” Kyle points out. “He told me that’s why you can’t touch homeless people because they could have AIDS.” He says. “There’s no cure.” 

“Linda’s not going to die.” Harry says. When Kyle just looks at him without replying to Harry’s words, the curly-haired boy shakes his head. “Forget I said anything. I shouldn’t have even told you.” 

“Don’t worry. I won’t say anything really.” Kyle assures. 

 

*****

 

“I just want to know if it’s true!” 

“Please. There’s no reason to yell.” Linda says, trying to calm the guy down. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Clark. What’s going on here? Is Kyle alright?” Bobby asks once he hears the commotion and gets out from his office to see what it is all about. 

“What the hell is the matter with you?” Mrs. Clark says. 

“What? What do you mean?” Bobby asks confusingly. 

“We heard she has AIDS. Does she?” Mrs. Clark asks accusingly as she glares at both Bobby and Linda. “How many times did we let you do acupuncture on our son?” 

“Using needles without gloves.” Mr. Clark pipes in. 

“I am not..” Linda says. 

“How could you expose our son like this?” Mrs. Clark yells, cutting Linda’s off. 

“Do you actually care one bit about the people you pretend to help?” Mr. Clark pipes in again. 

“Oh, come on. It’s not like that.” Bobby says, trying to defence his sister. 

“It is or you would never put them at risk.” Mr. Clark argues. “How could you not tell us?” He asks as he looks at Linda. 

“I assure you at no point was your son or anybody else in any danger of any kind.” Linda says. “We take precautions with..” 

“Are you trying to tell me that this is all perfectly normal?” Mr. Clark asks. “Well, if it’s so safe and so legal, why didn’t you tell your patients? Why was it so ‘secret’? Well, you know what? It really doesn’t matter. It’s not your secret anymore.” He adds before he starts to walk out of the clinic, with his wife in tow. 

“How in the world did they ever find out?” Bobby asks once he, Linda, Maggie and Yasir are sitting down at Yasir’s office, discussing on what had happened earlier. 

“Harry.” Yasir says simply. 

“Oh my god.” Linda says as she realizes that. “Harry must have told Kyle and Kyle must have told his parents.” 

“And now they’re hell-bent on telling the whole town.” Bobby says. “We’ll be swarmed by midnight. Trust me.” 

Linda shakes her head as she looks at her brother. “I’m so sorry, Bobby.” 

“We have been over this.” Bobby says. “You have no legal duty to disclose as long as you’re not endangering your patient’s health or safety.” He points out. “They’re not claiming their child got infected.” 

“Yeah, but there’s still an argument.” Linda says. “Doctors have been sued for nondisclosure before and lost.” 

“Yeah, and just as many cases have been thrown out.” Bobby points out. “According to our lawyers, this decision was at our discretion.” He adds. 

“Well, maybe you dotted your l’s and maybe you didn’t but we’ve got bigger problems than that now.” Maggie pipes in, glancing between both Linda and Bobby. “If the Clarks know, everybody in town will know before breakfast.” 

Yasir sighs and nods. “I have to talk to the kids.” 

 

******

 

“You can wait two seconds to check the website.” Niall says as he rolls his eyes when Louis keep peeking behind him while he is using the computer. 

“You’d think I could.” Louis deadpans. “Hurry up.” He says as he waits for his turn to use the computer. 

Niall shakes his head, pressing the enter key before he closes his email and turns around. “Here you go.” He says before he stands up from the chair. Louis quickly takes Niall’s seat and starts to use the computer while Niall lingers around the CD shelf nearby. “So, um, did you think that it was weird today?” Niall asks. “The three of us watching TV?” 

Louis snorts and shakes his head. “No. I thought it was sad.” He deadpans. 

“I mean, hanging out with Zayn.” Niall says. “We haven’t done that in a while.” He points out. 

Louis turns his head slightly to look at his brother. “I have.” He says. 

“Well, I haven’t.” Niall replies. 

“So?” Louis asks. “I thought you guys are in ‘friendzone’ now. Where it’s nice and safe.” He points out. 

Niall nods, putting back the CDs in his hand back on the shelf. “We are.” He replies. 

“Good.” Louis says shortly. 

Niall sneaks a glance again between the shelf and his older brother before he starts to speak. “It’s just, you know, we were all sitting there smushed together and he was being all funny and..I don’t know, for a second I thought I felt a shift.” Niall admits. 

Louis turns around quickly and shakes his head. “Oh no, no way.” He says as he looks at Niall. “There’s no shifting allowed, okay? We have a perfectly working situation here, don’t mess it up.” He warns. 

Niall pouts and takes a seat on the couch nearby and shakes his head. “I’m not messing.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. He knows Niall like the back of his hand and he knows where Niall is heading with this conversation. “Yes, you are.” He points out. “So don’t. No messing, no mushing, no shifting.” 

Niall shrugs again, staring blankly at the CD in his hand, trying to avoid to look at Louis’s eyes. “It’s just, he and I never really had a chance..not on our own.” He says before he tilts up his head to look at Louis again. “There was always something there to screw us up. But, I don’t know. Now he’s not dating Perrie, and I’m not dating any crack dealers this week and I guess for the first time there’s nothing getting in the way.” 

“Yeah there is.” Louis deadpans. “Me!” 

Niall raises his eyebrows as he looks at Louis. “You were the one that told me to go for it with him..” He points out. 

Louis snorts and shakes his head. “That was before I cared whether or not he got creamed, okay? He’s my friend now. See, I’ve been there. The guy’s a mess. He can’t take any more of what you’re about to give him.” Louis says. “So, short of an asteroid collision, last night on Earth situation, it’s not worth it, okay? Trust me.” He adds. “So when you start to feel that shift, why don’t you just go ahead and shift back?” 

Niall sighs heavily, knowing that Louis makes a good point but he just can’t help it. He is about to say something else when suddenly someone knocks on the door. The both turn to see their auntie at the door and she smiles at both of them. “Hi. Can I talk to you two?” 

 

*****

 

“She’s known for about three years now.” Yasir says. 

Zayn stares at his father. “When did she tell you?” He asks curiously. 

“Uh, a few months ago. Before we started dating.” Yasir replies. “She made sure that I knew what I was getting myself into.” He adds. 

“So she’s got it but she’s not sick?” Zayn asks. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No. Not at all. She’s fine.” 

“Has she ever been?” Zayn asks again. 

“No. It’s always been under control.” Yasir replies to Zayn’s question. 

“But she can get sick at any time, right?” 

Yasir nods. “Well, technically, yes. But more than likely, that will never happen.” He says. “I didn’t want to keep this from you. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time. So has Linda.” 

Zayn stares at his father sceptically. “So why are you telling us now?” 

“Because you may start to hear things about her.” Yasir explains. 

Harry shakes his head and looks at his father guiltily. “Does everyone know because of me?” He asks quietly. 

Yasir smiles at his youngest son and shakes his head. “No, Hazza.” 

“You’ve been dealing with this the entire time you’ve been going out with her. I don’t get why you haven’t told us before.” Zayn points out. 

 

*****

 

“I suppose I didn’t tell you because I’ve been feeling so well and bringing it up makes me have to deal with it again.” Linda says as she looks at both Niall and Louis who are sitting on the couch in front of her. 

“Well, I get it now why you didn’t want to come home that whole time.” Louis says. 

Linda nods. “Yeah, that was part of it.” She admits. 

“That was dumb.” Louis blurts out. 

Linda chuckles. “Now you tell me.” She says. 

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Niall asks. 

Linda shakes her head and smiles. “You’re not supposed to do anything.” She says. “It’s my job to live with it and I do.” She adds. “Remember that quote that I showed you on my desk from The Lotus Sutra? ‘I have carried out my endeavours with great passion..’”

“…’and cast aside the body that I loved.’” Niall continues and smiles at his auntie. 

“Yes.” Linda says and nods. “I live in this body now. It took some time, but I figured out a way to love it just as much.” 

 

*****

 

Zayn watches as Harry is already making his way upstairs before he turns around to face his father again. “Have you been sleeping with her?” He asks bluntly. 

Yasir takes a deep breath before he replies. “Yes, I have.” 

“Have you been safe?” Zayn asks. 

Yasir nods. “Very.” He says firmly. 

“Always?” 

“Always.” 

Zayn nods before he speaks up again. “You’ve been tested?” 

“I told you we’ve been very safe.” Yasir says. 

“But have you been tested?” Zayn asks again. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No.” 

 

*****

 

“Where is everyone? We had a full schedule this morning.” Bobby asks his assistant as soon as he enters the clinic and finds it unusually empty. 

“They all cancelled.” The assistant replies. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Everyone?” 

The assistant nods as she hands Bobby the appointment list. “For the whole week, the month. All cancelled. No one’s coming.” 

Linda is about to say something but Bobby stops her. “Don’t. We knew this would happen.” Bobby says. “All that is required is a tinker of time.” 

“The place is empty, Bobby.” Linda says. “They’re not coming.” 

Bobby shakes his head and pulls off his coat while he’s talking. “They will. Oh, they’ll throw their little fit, try their hand at the silent treatment for a few days, and the flu will loop back through Sh-boy-gun and they’ll be lined up looking shots and zinc trouts. Mark my word. This practice has been around since dad started it fifty years ago. It has weathered through far worse times. They’ll be back.” He adds. 

Suddenly the door of the clinic is opened and Maura steps inside. “We have a situation.” She says seriously. 

“We can see that, Maura.” Bobby says. 

Maura shakes her head. “I had twenty families in my office just now, mad as hell.” She says. “They’re threatening to file a malpractice suit against you.” 

“Against Linda?” Bobby asks. 

“Against the whole practice. They want to shut you down.” Maura says. 

 

*****

 

“I gotta hand it to the school. Not much for their education but the pudding has never ever disappointed me.” Louis says with his mouth full as he enjoys his pudding. “One of the few things I’ll miss around here. Chocolate, vanilla, underrated butterscotch. I mean, and just right around the skin too.” He adds. “Cause you know how when you get the pudding..”

“Good pudding, gotcha.” Niall pipes in, cutting Louis’s rambling. 

Louis shrugs and nods. “Yeah, I may have to get some more.” He says. “However, I’m not sure if I should go right now.” He adds, while looking at Niall pointedly. Niall squints his eyes at Louis and the older boy does the same too, warning Niall about their talk the other day before he stands up and leaves both Niall and Zayn alone at the lunch table. 

“Try not to pay attention to him.” Niall says to Zayn once Louis leaves. 

Zayn tilts his head up from the paper that he is reading and nods. “Yeah, I got that covered.” He says before he turns his attention to the paper again. 

Niall watches Zayn for a while before he speaks up again. “What’s with you? Still reminded of things that remind you?” He asks. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, just some stuff at home.” He replies. 

“Oh.” Niall says understandingly. “They told you too?” He asks and Zayn just nods. “You know, I actually almost called you after.” Niall says. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at Niall. “Why didn’t you?” 

Niall shrugs. “I didn’t think that I could.” He says truthfully. 

“Of course you could.” Zayn says firmly. “We can always talk.” 

Niall smiles slightly at that comment and nods. “How about now?” He asks. 

Zayn starts to smile too and nods. “Sure.” 

Niall turns his head, searching for Louis and when he spots his older brother is still standing on the line to get his pudding, Niall turns to face Zayn again. “How about anywhere else?” He asks. 

Zayn smiles and nods. “Yeah.” 

 

*****

 

“It was beyond strange with me.” Niall says. “I mean, one minute I’m fighting with Louis about..whatever and the next minute my family’s a statistic and everybody’s all upset. I didn’t know what to do after. I mean, is it wrong to do homework after something like that?” He asks Zayn as they are walking side by side on the pavement. 

Zayn shrugs. “I sort of just sat there. I mean, everything I know about HIV comes from lectures from my dad or maybe Grey’s Anatomy.” He says. “It’s always so..” He trails off. 

“Unreal.” Niall finishes the sentence for Zayn. “I know. And now it’s my aunt.” He says. “I just, I kept thinking, she doesn’t deserve this.” 

Zayn nods understandingly. “How does she sound?” 

“Oh, somebody tells you they’re fine that many times, you stop believing them.” Niall says. 

“Well, she’s been happy lately.” Zayn points out. 

“With your dad.” Niall says. “Wow, I can’t even guess how bizarre this must be for you.” He adds, glancing at Zayn. 

“It doesn’t really matter.” 

“Why not?” Niall asks curiously. 

“Because no matter how freaked out this whole situation makes me, my dad has been there and had it worse.” Zayn replies. “Therefore my opinions feel pretty much up to a minimum.” 

“I don’t think there are rules of right or wrong with things like this.” Niall points out. “It’s too big.” 

Zayn nods. “Maybe.” 

“One thing I do know is that whatever is going on in there is going to come out whether you like it or not.” Niall says. “So, you might as well just say it on purpose and choose your words.” He adds, smiling slightly at Zayn. 

“You know, it’s amazing how you do that.” Zayn says as he stares at Niall after the smaller boy finishes talking. 

Niall raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Do what?” 

Zayn shakes his head and smiles fondly, letting the question unanswered before they keep walking. 

 

*****

 

Harry is beyond mad. He doesn’t care if Kyle is the only friend that he has at the moment. All he knows that he wants to find Kyle. 

“Don’t be mad.” Kyle says as soon as Harry spots him at the lunch table. 

“You told.” Harry spits angrily as he glares at Kyle. 

“I had to.” Kyle says. 

“Now they’re all mad at me.” Harry says. 

“I’m sorry?” 

“No you’re not.” Harry says angrily. “You swore. You promised to keep it a secret.” 

Kyle shakes his head. “It doesn’t count if it’s that big. I had to tell.” 

“Why?!?” Harry yells. 

“Because she’s dangerous!” Kyle says as they are standing, facing each other now. 

Harry shakes his head. “No, she’s not.” 

“Then why was it such a secret?” 

“Because it was!” Harry points out. “You were supposed to be my best friend!” 

“I am!” 

Harry shakes his head and scoffs angrily. “Not anymore. First, you got me in trouble. Then you made me get Linda in trouble. Now everyone hates me!” He says before he throws his first punch on Kyle’s face. 

 

*****

 

“May I be excused?” Harry asks as he keeps playing with his dinner on the plate. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, finish.” He says sternly. “No TV, no sports. Just school and studying.” 

“How long?” Zayn asks on behalf of Harry. 

“Oh, let’s just say, by the end of it, he could be fluent in Japanese.” Yasir says. 

Harry rolls his eyes. “I said I was sorry.” He says as he looks at his father. 

“You weren’t sorry when you gave Kyle a black eye, were you?” 

“Why are you going after him?” Zayn asks his father. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows at his eldest son. “He was fighting in school. He should know better.” 

Zayn scoffs. “Oh, it’s not as if you care about the fight.” He deadpans. “You’re just mad he told about Linda, everybody found out, and now you have to deal.” He adds. “Well, don’t take it out on him. You have no right.” 

“Oh, I think I do.” Yasir says. “He practically pulled the boy’s hair out by the roots.” 

Zayn scoffs again and looks at his brother. “Harry, go to your room.” He orders. 

“You can’t send him to his room.” Yasir says. “That’s my thing.” 

Zayn ignores his father and just look at Harry while the youngest boy glances between both of them unsurely. “Go.” Zayn barks and that’s all it takes for Harry to flee from the dining table. 

“You said I could ask you anything I want.” Zayn turns to his father once Harry leaves. “Well, I have one question. What are you doing?” 

“He got into a fight at school.” Yasir replies. 

Zayn shakes his head. “With Linda. Why are you going out with her?” He asks. 

“What do you mean ‘why’?” Yasir asks confusingly. 

“How could you expose yourself to something so dangerous?” Zayn asks incredulously. 

Yasir shakes his head. “Wait a minute. Hold on there. Slow down here.” He says to his eldest son. “I told you that we were being careful. I thought you were okay with this.” 

“Well, I’m not.” Zayn says bluntly. 

“But, are you angry with me for being with Linda?” 

“Even being careful doesn’t make it safe.” Zayn says. “Not completely. How many lectures have you given me about that?” 

“Look, it’s not that simple, Zayn.” Yasir says as he starts to stand up to the sink to clear the dishes. “There’s only a miniscule chance of transmission in our case. People know that. You should know that too. It’s not like I haven’t thought this through.” 

“Well, I don’t think you did.” Zayn points out as he trails behind his father.

Yasir puts his plates on the sink before he turns around to face Zayn. “Well, it doesn’t matter what you think!” 

“Well, it should!” 

“I care about her. I know there’s a chance that she could get sick.”

“She is sick!” Zayn yells. “Okay, maybe she’s fine right now. Maybe the risk for you is like nothing, but it’s still a risk. If something happened…”

“Nothing is going to happen.” Yasir cuts Zayn’s off. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Okay, okay, fine. What if you’re right? What if nothing happens? What if everything goes great? What if Harry falls in love with her and we turn into a big happy family? What if she gets sick then and Harry has to go through losing another mother? Did you think about that?” 

Yasir nods firmly. “Yes, yes. Something could happen to Linda or to me. Cars crash and things that people are too scared to think about happen all the time, but you have to be willing to take certain risks.” 

“No! No, not you!” Zayn says. “You don’t get to take those risks.” 

“I do if I’m going to have a life, Zayn.” 

“Don’t you get it?” Zayn asks in frustration. 

“I get that you’re scared.” 

“Of course I’m scared! You’re all we’ve got!” Zayn blurts out. “Alright, enough about thing you can’t control. This isn’t a car crash. This is a choice.” He says. “If there’s even the slightest possible chance that you could get sick, what would we do?” He asks before he turns around and leaves his father alone with a thought to ponder. 

 

*****

 

“Will you please get my sister on the phone and remind her that it is now 9AM?” Bobby says through his phone to his assistant. “We are a 9AM office which means we begin our every morning..”

“..at 9AM.” The assistant suddenly appears at the door. “I get it.” 

Bobby nods. “Yes, thank you.” He says as his assistant hands him a folder before she walks out from the office. Bobby flips through the folder as he suddenly catches his mother’s figure at the door. “If you are looking for your daughter, she is not here.” 

Maggie nods. “I know. She’s not coming.” She says. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “Oh, really? Well, she will when I talk to her.” He points out. 

“You’re right. She will.” Maggie says. “So don’t. Let her quit, Bobby.” 

Bobby rolls his eyes. “Again, with this.” He says. He had the same conversation with Linda couple of nights before and now his mother is telling him the same thing. 

“You’ve got to stop.” Maggie says. 

“What they’re asking me for is wrong.” Bobby says. “You of all people should be helping me.” 

Maggie nods. “I wanted to fight right there with you. Shove a sock down this town’s throat.” She says. “But it’s not their fault. You should have disclosed.” She adds. “I know you did it for the right reasons. But they deserve to know.” She continues. “It was a mistake, son.” 

Bobby sighs heavily as he shakes his head. “If Linda leaves the practice, she’ll have nothing left here.” He says. “She’ll leave, mother. We’ll lose her again.” 

Maggie shakes her head. “We don’t know that. She has a life here now.” She says. “Someone she loves. She has me, the kids, plus a pain-in-the-ass brother who thinks he knows what’s best for everyone. That’s a lot to make a lady stick around.” 

“I hope you’re right.” Bobby says. 

 

*****

 

Niall jogs slightly to catch up with Louis in front of him and taps his brother on his shoulder when he reaches the older boy. “Can you give me a ride to Aunt Linda’s?” 

“You guys going to do something?” Louis asks. 

“Um, I was going to ask her to help me with my Spanish.” Niall replies. 

Louis glances at his brother beside him. “You know, she’ll kick your ass if she thinks you’re feeling sorry for her.” 

Niall smiles and nods. “I know. I’m, I just wanna go over there. You can come if you’d like.” 

Louis shakes his head. “No. I’m okay.” He says. “See, I figure the best thing I can do for her, is just, let her have the same life she would’ve had if she had never gotten sick. You know? Because she doesn’t really miss out on anything unless we do something different. Know what I mean?” 

Niall stares at Louis for a while after that before he speaks up again. “Wow, that was actually kinda deep.” He says. 

Louis shrugs and grins. “Yeah, might spend a few extra bucks on her birthday present or you know, give her a little extra hang time.” He says. “Can you believe that when I thought the worst thing that could happen this week was you trying to get on Zayn again?” He adds and laughs while Niall just chuckles nervously. 

 

*****

 

“This is new.” Linda says as soon as she enters the living room and finds Harry, reading. “Shouldn’t the TV be on?” 

Harry shrugs. “I’m in trouble. I’m supposed to read.” He explains. 

“Not the worst punishment.” Linda says. “What did you do?” 

Harry puts down his book and looks at Linda. “I beat up Kyle. And I got you into trouble with everyone.” He says. 

Linda moves closer to the couch and takes a seat beside the boy. “Oh, Harry. I’m not in trouble. And I’m not mad at you.” 

“But I told your secret.” Harry points out. 

Linda smiles and nods. “I know. But sometimes secrets need to be told. Especially one like this.” She says. “Believe me, I know what it’s like to walk around with a battle like that around your neck. I kept it in for a long time.” 

“What did you do?” Harry asks curiously. 

“Well, basically I spent all my energy just trying not to burst and tell everyone.” Linda says. “I didn’t do much of anything except keep it a secret. I got so far away, I finally had to come home just so that I can tell the people that I trusted.” She adds. “And it was still too much. I told you. And that helped. And now more people know and it doesn’t feel so big anymore.” She continues. “Maybe if everybody takes a little piece of the secret, the part that I have to carry gets less heavy. So in a way, I’m glad it happened.” 

“I don’t know.” Harry says unsurely. He still feels bad about what happened. 

Linda smiles. “Well, just so you know, we’re good.” She assures. 

Harry raises his eyebrows. “Really good?” 

“Good as frosting.” Linda says. “Now, I am no lawyer but I am pretty sure this state law says that your dad can’t ground you for something that you did to me. So I am revoking your punishment.” She adds. 

“You can do that?” 

Linda grins. “Watch me.” She says as she grabs the remote on the table. “I hereby dub thee ungrounded. Thy curse is lifted. Go watch much television.” She continues as she hands the remote to Harry. 

Harry laughs at Linda’s ridiculousness and shakes his head. “Well, what about my dad? He’s still angry.” 

“I’ll take care of the big guy.” Linda says before they both smile at each other and start to watch the television together. 

Unknowingly to them, Zayn is on the other side of the wall and has overhead the conversation. 

 

*****

 

“For the record, I just ungrounded Harry.” Linda says once she steps out to the backyard where Yasir is sitting alone. “I am prepared to fight you on this if you are prepared to lose.” She adds. “Oh, it’s cold.” 

Yasir nods, letting Linda snuggles beside him. “It’s freezing.” 

“It’s snowing.” Linda points out. 

“Just started.” 

“I still blame the snow for us dating in the first place.” Linda says and chuckles at the memory. “I like the way you kissed me that day if it hadn’t start to coming down on us. I just couldn’t resist such a dramatic moment.” She adds and when Yasir remains uncharacteristically silent, Linda sits up straight and looks at the guy. “Is something going on there? That bad?” 

Yasir swallows thickly before he turns his head to look at Linda. “I can’t do this anymore.” He says. “I thought what I was doing was okay but I was wrong.” He adds. “Zayn is scared. And I can’t ask him not to be.”

Linda blinks back her tears and nods understandingly. “It’s okay.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No. It’s not okay.” He says. 

“It was coming.” Linda says. 

“I’m sorry.” Yasir apologizes. “I’m sorry.” 

 

*****

 

“And noon?” Bobby asks his assistant. 

“Empty. But you do have a 1:15.” She replies. “Apparently Pat Beardly got another quarter stuck in his ear.” 

They both are suddenly interrupted when someone barges into the office. “Uh, may I help you? I appear to be free at the moment.” Bobby asks. 

“I’m not here for the treatment, Dr. Horan.” The guy says. “I’m with Regency Fidelity, your insurance company. I’m here to inform you that you have problem with your malpractice policy.” He adds as he hands a folder to Bobby. 

“Oh, what seems to be the trouble? Everything should be in order.” Bobby says as he flips through the folder in his hand. “I paid all my bills, my sizable bills myself, in full, in advance.” 

“You were recently threatened with a malpractice suit, knowing to your partner HIV’s status.” The insurance guy says. 

“Well, they didn’t file and uh, my partner is no longer practices here.” Bobby replies. 

“Nevertheless, your policy is under review.” 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “On what grounds?” He asks. 

“Failure to notify your intent of nondisclosure.” The insurance guy replies. “The situation is explained in your case file.” 

“And what will this tell me?” Bobby asks. 

“Until the conditions of your policy are re-evaluated, Horan Medical will not be covered by the agency.” 

“You’re suspending my insurance?” Bobby asks. “I won’t be able to practice.” He points out. “How long will this take?” 

“We expect to have your answer in a few months.” The insurance guy replies. 

 

*****

 

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Yasir asks when he sees Zayn is approaching him near his office. 

Zayn nods. “Yeah. Math, actually. I think we’re studying fractals today.” He says. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “This can’t wait?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “It shouldn’t.” He says. “I wanted to stop you before you did something about Linda.” 

“You don’t have to do this, Zayn.” 

“Yeah, I kinda do.” Zayn says. “You were right. What I said wasn’t fair.” 

“There didn’t seem to be any stopping you.” Yasir says. 

“Well, I just had to get off my chest.” Zayn admits. “It didn’t mean you had to listen to me.” He adds. “Okay, I get why you want to be with her. No matter what. It’s a crappy disease. But you shouldn’t let that stop you. You deserve what you want and so does she.” 

“I already talked to her last night.” Yasir says. 

“Oh.” Zayn says. “You ended it?” He asks and his father nods. “Well, you can fix it, can’t you? I mean, take it back. Tell her, call her. Tell her you were sorry, tell her that you were hormonal. Tell her that I made you do it and I was being a dick.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “I can’t.” 

“Yeah, sure you can.” Zayn says firmly. 

Yasir shakes his head again. “No, I can’t.” He says. “I didn’t do it for you, I did it because you were right. Whether I want to or now, I make decisions for a whole family. It’s not just me.” 

“But you love her, don’t you?” Zayn asks. “You can’t just stop loving somebody..what are you going to do?” 

Yasir takes a deep breath and sighs heavily. “Go to school, Zayn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter is kinda boring but I promise the next chapter things will be looking up (finger-crossed). And yeah, I might post the next chapter by Sunday or Monday. :) 
> 
>  
> 
> Next chapter preview: 
> 
>  
> 
> _Niall takes a deep breath before he starts to speak up again. “You know, Zayn, what we were talking about earlier. I did love Liam and so I couldn’t feel that way about you.”_
> 
>  
> 
> _“Yeah, I know.” Zayn replies understandingly._
> 
>  
> 
> _“But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have.” Niall says firmly, trying to build up his courage to tell Zayn about how he exactly feels about him at the moment._


	18. I am tryin' not to tell you, but I want to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is taken from: [Colbie Caillat - Fallin' For You](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcBs_wdmwk0)

“Prom.” Niall sighs as he looks up at the big poster that is hanging in front of the entrance of the school. 

“Yeah, the inevitable nightmare.” Zayn comments. 

Niall turns his head to the side, looking at Zayn and nods. “Like finals.” He points out. 

Zayn shakes his head, disagree with Niall’s word. “No. You see the finals are a nightmare you can predict.” He says. “Pass, fail. These are options.” Zayn points out. “But the prom is like a big pimple at the end of your nose. Or a giant disaster the entire world can see with one of a million possible outcomes.” 

Niall chuckles and shakes his head at Zayn’s comment. They keep walking from the parking lot towards the school’s building when suddenly Niall is bumping onto someone. “Sorry.” He apologizes quickly. 

“Oh, Niall.” Niall tilts his head up and of course he is bumping onto none other than Sean. “I’m so bummed.” Sean says, looking at Niall. “I just realized that when I booked the limo that you and I weren’t really..”

“Talking.” Niall finishes for Sean and the other boy nods. 

“Yeah.” Sean says. “So I told the others that they could have the extra spots cause I thought it would be okay because you know, they were going stag but then..they started dating the twins.”

Niall nods easily and shrugs. “It’s totally fine.” Niall says with a slight smile. “No worries.” 

Sean smiles and nods at Niall too. “You’re the best.” He says before the bell rings and Sean starts to turn around. “See you in first.” Sean adds as he waves at Niall before he heads towards the school’s building. 

“Majoring in sampling his little brother’s Ritalin again?” Zayn deadpans as soon as Sean leaves. He is confused on how Sean can be cold towards Niall for a few weeks and now the other boy is talking to Niall like nothing has happened. 

Niall shrugs and shakes his head. “Something about prom freaks people out. I don’t know what it is.” He says truthfully. To be honest, he himself is quite surprise with the sudden change of attitude of Sean but he’s not going to complain though. 

“I do.” Zayn says and Niall raises his eyebrows questioningly as he looks at Zayn. “Prom.” Zayn adds simply. 

Niall chuckles and suddenly they hear a loud honk from behind them and they both turn around quickly. “Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.” Niall says when he sees a big RV with Louis on the driver seat, grinning at them widely. Louis raises his hands and whoops as loud as he can through the window and Niall shakes his head disbelievingly. “Oh my God.” 

“Check it out!” Louis says as soon as he steps out from the RV after he parks it in front of the building and both Zayn and Niall walks closer towards the big thing. 

“Uh, it’s kinda hard not to.” Zayn deadpans sarcastically as he eyes the RV from the front to the back. It is really big. 

“Lou, did you rent this?” Niall asks curiously, looking at his brother for the answer. 

Louis nods eagerly. “For maximum prom enjoyment!” He squeals in delight. “I give you the Promebago!” He announces as he points out at the RV. 

Niall shakes his head. “Oh no.” He mutters under his breath. Of course Louis has the name for the thing. Typical Louis. 

“An innovation in prom transportation.” Louis says with a big smile on his face. “Fully loaded, reclining bucket seats, tinted windows, DVD, CD, VCR, TV, refrigerator.” He rambles. 

“You’re going to prom in this?” Niall asks as he points at the RV. 

Louis shakes his head. “Uh, _we_ are going to prom in this.” He says. “No need to thank me, you two. Just get your dates lined up cause I’ve got four seats in this baby with your names on.” 

Zayn starts to shakes his head as he looks at Louis. “Uh, you know, I was actually..”

“No. Zip it. Nah-ah.” Louis says, cutting Zayn off. “None of that. Don’t give me that. Don’t give me any of those tears why this is lame, okay? This is my senior prom. You two are going to rally.” He says firmly. 

“Maybe we could rally for something else.” Niall says. 

Zayn nods, agreeing with Niall. “Yeah, like senior graduation.” He says, trying to coax his way out of whatever Louis is planned for the prom. “Which actually requires less rallying and more sitting and watching.” 

Niall nods eagerly. “Perfect.” He says before he turns to look at Louis again. “There you go.” 

Louis shakes his head. “No, you don’t get it. My life is about to start to suck. Big time. I’m going to be that weird guy who graduates and never leaves.” He says. “Like Johnny Richter.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “That guy who works at the diner?” 

“See, he doesn’t even work there.” Louis points out. “You think he does because he hangs out there so much. Come on, guys. I need this to be awesome.” He says before he grabs his bag from the steps of the RV and turns around to face both Zayn and Niall again. “So hurry up and get your dates, alright? Slackers. Time is of the essence.” He says before he starts to walk away, heading towards the door or the building.

“Hey, Lou. Don’t you want to move your RV?” Zayn asks. He glances between Louis and the RV, which is parked on the non-student parking spot in front of the building. 

Louis shakes his head. “Oh no, bro. I got a pass.” He says before he takes off, leaving Niall and Zayn alone, still trying to process about what had just happened. 

Niall turns his head to look at Zayn and raises his eyebrows. “So what are you going to do?” He asks. 

Zayn shrugs and sighs heavily. “What can I do? Go?” 

Niall stares at Zayn and finally nods. “I mean, it could be fun, maybe, under the right circumstances.” He says, trying to be optimistic. 

“Sedated?” Zayn deadpans sarcastically. “God, what am I going to do about a date?” He whines. “I’m going to have to hire one or import.” 

“Well, if you’re really worried about it..” Niall says, trying to say the thing that he wants to say out loud but Zayn’s cutting him off. 

“No, it’s okay. I mean, I can just pick up some of Louis’s leftovers.” Zayn says. “See ya.” He adds before he turns around and heads towards the direction of his class. 

“Yeah, see ya.” Niall mumbles under his breath and sighs heavily. And if Niall is quite disappointed by Zayn’s choice about the date, he just pushes it into the back of his mind and takes a deep breath before he starts to head towards his classroom too. After all, it’s just a prom, right? 

 

*****

 

“You think I made a mistake?” Yasir asks once he reaches his office and sits in front of the front desk, facing Maggie. And when the older woman just looks at him blankly, Yasir continues. “With Linda.” He says. “I just saw her and uh, I think…” He trails off. “Well, you know, I mean, I acted so hastily and..” 

“I think you should let it be.” Maggie says, cutting Yasir off. 

“What if I’m wrong?” Yasir asks. 

Maggie shakes her head. “You weren’t.” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “How do you know?” 

“Because I’m older and smarter than you are and better looking.” Maggie replies. 

Yasir chuckles. “I agree with the last part.” He says. “But, uh, I miss her.” 

Maggie smiles softly at Yasir and nods. “I know you do, but Linda doesn’t need anymore heartbreak in this lifetime, so, back off, okay?” 

 

******

 

“And, umm, I was wondering…if you don’t already have a date, which you totally probably do, if you’d like to go to prom..with me.” The boy stutters. “Go to prom with me.” He repeats again. 

Niall stares at the boy who is standing near his table, who has been trying to ask him to be his prom date for about 15 minutes because of the stuttering. “That’s..that’s really nice, uh, just..” Niall trails off before he shakes his head. “Actually I’ve somebody I’m planning on asking.” 

“Oh, that’s okay. Cool.” The boy says, disappointment is clearly written on his face. 

Niall sighs heavily and suddenly he feels bad. But he doesn’t want to pick a date for the prom. Especially not the one who is asking him at the moment. “I’m sorry, Scott.” Niall apologizes sincerely. 

The other boy just nods and starts to speak again. “But if he says no or gets in an accident or something?” 

Niall almost rolls his eyes but he refrains himself from doing that, instead he just smiles politely at Scott. “Okay. Thanks.” He replies shortly, hoping that Scott gets that the conversation just ends right there. Apparently, the other boy understands and leaves Niall alone after that. Once Scott leaves the table, Niall drops his forehead on the table and groans. 

“Boy, you got a higher kill rate than the Marines.” Louis comments and Niall looks up to see his brother who is now sitting beside him. “None of these guys are good enough for you?” Louis asks, picking on his fries while he looks at the younger boy. 

“None of these guys are thing about prom going to be anything other than depressing and long.” Niall whines. 

“What about Todd Jackson? He asks you yet?” Louis asks curiously. 

“Twice.” Niall replies shortly.

Louis rolls his eyes, finishing his fries and starts to eat his pudding before he looks at Niall again. “Look, I don’t care who you go with, just hurry up and pick someone, okay?” 

Niall rolls his eyes at his brother’s bossy tone. “Why do you ever care?” He asks the older boy curiously. “You’re gonna have an amazing time whether I’m there or not. Speaking of which, have you picked a date yet?” 

Louis nods. “I got it narrowed down to my top 6 choices.” He says and grins. “Today after lunch, they will compete in the final challenge, which is tying Maraschino cherry stems with their tongues and we wrap it up tomorrow with the interview.” He adds and Niall stares at Louis like his older brother had lost his mind. Louis raises his eyebrows at Niall’s judging look and he shrugs. “What? This is not a small choice.” He says defensively. “I’m taking careful consideration so nobody’s overlooked.” 

Niall shakes his head at his brother’s words. “Well, I’m sure Mindy Devick will appreciate your thoroughness. Which she probably won’t even know what that means.” He deadpans sarcastically. 

“Ha ha. Laugh it up.” Louis replies. “But I’m gonna have the ideal date, meanwhile, you’re not even gonna have any date.” He adds. “What are you holding out for anyways?” Louis asks curiously as he looks at Niall and when Niall pouts slightly, that’s when Louis realizes. “Zayn. You’re holding out for Zayn.” Louis states and Nial doesn’t even bother to deny it. Louis sighs. “Look, I thought I told you this whole you and Zayn thing..”

“It’s not a thing.” Niall says, cutting Louis off. “I just..I like him.” Niall admits truthfully. 

“I’m just saying it’s not gonna end well.” Louis says. “You know, it’s gonna end with you guys like dividing me up when it all falls apart.” He adds dramatically. 

Niall rolls his eyes at Louis’s dramatic tone and shakes his head. “That’s not gonna happen, cause he’s not gonna ask me.” Niall says. “I thought he might because he broke up with Perrie and that whole thing, but he hasn’t and he’s not going to, so..”

Louis raises his eyebrows as he looks at his younger brother. “So?” He presses. “Fine, ask him. I don’t care.” He says finally.

“I’m not asking for your blessing, Louis.” Niall says. “There’s just no point. If Zayn wanted to go with me, he would ask me.” 

Louis shakes his head. “No, he wouldn’t.” He deadpans. 

Niall looks at Louis confusingly. “Yes, he would.” 

Louis snorts and flicks Niall on his forehead. “You think he’s a glutton for punishment? A total glutton for punishment?” He asks. “You rejected the guy like 600 times last year, he’s not gonna go out on a limb and ask you even if he was dying to.” 

Niall blinks his eyes as he tries to contemplate about Louis had just said and he knows that is the truth. “Ah, I don’t know.” Niall groans. 

Louis shrugs as he stares at Niall. “Things always come too easy for you. Now you have to work a little harder.” He says. 

 

*****

 

“Niall?” Zayn asks in surprise when he opens his front door. He has been hearing the doorbells and kinda curious on who is going to be since it’s already past dinner time and he is quite surprised to find Niall in front of him at the moment. 

Niall smiles at Zayn and nods. “Hi.” 

Zayn opens the door wider and beckons for Niall to step inside. “Come on in.” He says and Niall enters the house before Zayn leads them both to sit on the couch at the living room. “So, what’s up?” Zayn asks as he looks at Niall curiously. 

Niall swallows nervously before he takes a deep breath and starts to talk. “I was thinking about this whole prom thing.” He starts. 

“Yeah, actually, me too.” Zayn says. “My dad might let me borrow the car that night. Could be a good way to get out of the Promebago? What do you think?” 

“I think Louis is kinda into it.” Niall replies truthfully and he knows that Zayn also knows that Louis wants to have a great time for his final prom. 

Zayn sighs and nods. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s probably hopeless, huh?” 

Niall nods and clasps his hands nervously. “But I was actually thinking about what you said, about not having a date, and I thought that, um, you know, maybe we could..It wouldn’t be horrible, if we just, you know, went together as friends, that way..that way we wouldn’t have to have dates or ask dates. What do you think?” Niall asks, staring at Zayn hopefully. 

Zayn stares at Niall for a second before he replies. “You know, I know what you’re doing.” He says. “And you don’t have to feel bad for me because I can’t get a date.” He points out. 

Niall shakes his head firmly. “Oh, no, Zayn. That’s not..”

“No, I know that like the entire school has asked you.” Zayn says, cutting Niall off. “And you know, for me, I mean, if I can’t go with Perrie, I, uh, just assume I’ll go stag anyways, so..”

Niall tries his best not to let his disappointment shows at Zayn’s obliviousness and he just nods and throws a small smile. “Right.” 

“So, you know, I mean, go on. Go with whoever you want.” Zayn says. “Have fun. I mean, don’t worry about me, really. I’ll be fine, but, uh, thank you.” He adds. 

Niall nods and shrugs before he starts to stand up from the couch. “Oh, no problem. Um, yeah.” He says awkwardly, hoping that Zayn won’t see what exactly he is doing at the moment. 

Zayn, who is apparently still oblivious about the whole date-thing, starts to speak. “Yeah, uh, you know, I should probably go cause all of the Louis’s thing.” Zayn says. 

“Yeah.” Niall says shortly and they both walk until they reach the front door and Zayn opens the door for Niall. Niall smiles slightly at the other boy, trying to play it cool and nods. “Good night, Zayn.” He wishes before he walks out of the door with a frustrated feeling. 

 

*****

 

“Okay, so we are so set.” Louis says as soon as he barges into Niall’s room. “I just lined up Johnny Rickers to drive the Promebago.” He informs Niall excitedly. “He got his license back like a week ago. He’s willing to do it for like three bucks an hour plus snacks.” 

“Nice.” Niall replies distractedly as he tries to tune up his guitar and not even glancing at Louis. 

“So, what about you?” Louis asks when he plops down on the bed and looks at his younger brother. 

Niall looks up from his guitar and raises his eyebrows. “What about me?” He asks confusingly. 

Louis groans and Niall’s confusing tone. “Operation Ask a Geek. How’d it go?”

Niall shakes his head and shrugs. “Um, kind of didn’t.” He replies simply. 

Louis shifts his body and sits up straighter before he looks at Niall again. “What? What? The Z-man said no?” He asks in surprise.

Niall nods and shrugs again. “Um, yeah, kind of.” He replies. “But I don’t even know if he knew what I was asking him.” 

Louis squints his eyes curiously. “You did use the word ‘prom’, didn’t you?” 

“Yeah, but I think he might of thought that I meant just as friends.” Niall says. 

Louis groans and shakes his head. “Oh, no, you didn’t go that route, did you?” He asks and when Niall doesn’t even deny it, the older boy groans again. “Geez, man, give someone a simple set of instructions. Now I know exactly how my teachers feel.” He mutters loudly. 

Niall rolls his eyes at Louis and shakes his head. “Look, it doesn’t even matter, because it was like he didn’t even hear me asking him.” He points out. 

“Because you didn’t ask him.” Louis deadpans. “You have got no technique. Look, I don’t know if you know this since you’re a guy too, but a guy doesn’t want to be asked like that. That’s gonna make him feel like he’s a unique or something.” 

Niall sighs before he puts down his guitar beside the bed and faces Louis again. “Look, he doesn’t see me the way he used to.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “He just got one two punch from Perrie, okay? His eyes are swollen shut. He can’t see anything.” He says. “You just got to ask him again, but for real.” 

“No way.” Niall replies quickly. 

“Look, you ask him and then he’ll go with you, okay?” Louis says. “And then that night, he’ll see you with your hair gel up and your suits, or whatever, you know, all that your cutie little style. He’s gonna be totally whipped again.” He says to his younger brother encouragingly. 

Niall shakes his head and crosses his arms over his chest. “No, if I ask him again then he’s gonna know that I like him.”

Louis raises his eyebrows and stares at Niall. “So?” 

“So…” Niall trails off before he continues. “He’s gonna feel all bad for me that I want him to feel something that he doesn’t feel anymore.” He says and shrugs. “Look, I’m just no ready for him to know, okay? So, let’s just drop it.” 

 

*****

 

“That was amazing, Nikki. I never knew that about you and your brother.” Louis says at the girl in front of him. “You guys raising rabbit competitively to cover his medical costs.” 

The girl nods. “Thank you. We also raised lambs.” 

Louis bites back any sarcastic comment and just nods instead. “Wow. All right, girls..” he says as he glances at the others near the corner. “..and boys.” He continues. “It’s that time.” He adds. “So, Nikki has 16 points, Mindy has 16 points, Cheryl has 15. Wait no, 16. Forgot about the double tie on the stem. And Chord has 16 points. I can’t believe it. It’s a four-way tie. You all win.” He says and all the girls (and a boy) squeal excitedly. 

Zayn shakes his head as he watches the entire scene amusingly since he and Niall are sitting nearby. “How does he do it?” He asks when he turns to look at Niall. 

Niall glances at Louis’s direction before he looks at Zayn again. “What? Act like a moron? It comes naturally.” He deadpans. 

“Why would all of those people settle for just one date?” Zayn asks curiously. 

“Maybe he’s the only one that they want to go with.” Niall replies and shrugs. 

Zayn nods understandingly. “Well, that’s what a nice hair and physique will get you.” He says. “I got five people competing not to go with me.” 

Niall ignores to comment on Zayn’s words because truthfully he doesn’t know what to say. He is saved by Louis when the older boy suddenly appears at their table. “I can’t believe it.” Louis says as he looks down at both Niall and Zayn. “A four-way tie. I couldn’t let any of them down now, could I?”

Niall rolls his eyes. “Lou, that’s enough. I just ate.” 

Louis ignores Niall and shrugs. “But now that I have three extra dates, there’s only two seats left. There’s no room in the Bago.” He says, darting his eyes between Niall and Zayn. “Um, I’m sorry, but you guys have to go together.” 

Niall doesn’t know whether he wants to kicks Louis or hugs Louis at the moment because god damn it, his brother is really a mastermind in getting people to fall under his way. Niall stares wide eyes at Zayn and the dark-haired boy just shrugs and nods. “Well, I guess it’s kind of the same thing, right?” Zayn asks Niall. “I mean, we could sit next to each other or we could sit next to each other.” He says like it is the obvious reason for them to go together. 

Niall’s face slowly breaks into a smile and he nods. “Yeah, I guess we could go together.” He says calmly even though his heart is pounding rapidly at the moment.

“Okay. Cool.” Zayn says simply. “Uh, I gotta go.” He says once the bell rings. “See ya.” 

“So did I style you or what?” Louis asks with a knowing smile when he takes Zayn’s spot in front of Niall once Zayn leaves both of them alone. 

Niall shakes his head but the smile is never wipe off from his face. “Yes, you styled me.” He admits as he looks at Louis. 

Louis chuckles. “Okay, I did my part. At prom, you have to tell him how you feel.” He says, pointing his finger at Niall. 

“Louis…” Niall whines. 

Louis shakes his head, having none of Niall’s excuses. “I did my half, little brother. Now you do yours.” 

 

*****

 

“I can’t move my seat.” 

“Maybe you should try pushing the button.” 

“Maybe you could help me move it. You’re bigger.” 

“I think you got more experience with trailers.” 

Niall rolls his eyes while Zayn just snorts amusingly as they listen to the meaningless argument between two of Louis’s dates, arguing over some stupid chair in the RV. “I should have brought a camcorder.” Zayn deadpans and Niall nods, agreeing with Zayn. 

“Hey, uh, pull in here, Johnny.” Louis says to the driver and once the RV stops, he turns to look at four of his dates. “Okay, so which one of you would like to volunteer for the job of procuring?” 

“I’ll do it.” Zayn quickly says and starts to stand up. “I’m coming.” Niall says as well, hoping that he can escape from the ridiculousness in the RV for a while. 

“Is it just me or is that one Susie looks exactly like Jerri from Survivor?” Zayn asks as soon as both of them step out of the RV. 

Niall nods and shrugs. “Yeah, but that’s Cheryl. She’s just pure evil. I saw her replaced Nikki’s lipstick with the ugly one.” He says and shakes his head. This is one of the reasons why Niall likes being a gay and not bisexual like Louis and Zayn, at least he doesn’t have to deal with ridiculous girls. 

Zayn snorts and chuckles. “That’s low.” He says while they enter the store. 

“Yeah, but the worse was that when Mindy tried to get dibs on the first dance.” Niall says, his eyes already roaming around the aisles. 

Zayn laughs and nods, remembering the scene. “I thought she was gonna whip out a contract.” He says. 

Niall chuckles and shakes his head. “All right, I’m on snack patrol. You’re on drinks.” He says and points to the respective aisle before they part their ways to get the things. 

Zayn walks towards the beverages aisle and is about to open the refrigerator when someone is calling his name. “Zayn?” And that’s when he turns to his right so quickly because he knows the voice so well. 

“Perrie. What are you..” Zayn trails off, staring at his ex-girlfriend. 

Perrie smiles and waves the things in her hand. “Just, uh, getting some munchies. Studying for finals.” She replies simply. 

“Oh, of course.” Zayn says shortly. They both fall into an awkward silence for a moment before Perrie clears her throat and starts to speak again. 

“So, prom?” Perrie asks, looking at Zayn’s outfit. 

Zayn looks down, realizing that he’s wearing the suit and he just shrugs carelessly. “Yeah, you know. Um, whatever.” He replies, trying to act casual but he knows he is failing, big time. 

Perrie stares at Zayn and smiles fondly at Zayn’s stutter. “Did you get Mr. Hollenbeck’s limo?” She asks.

Zayn shakes his head. “No, uh, we, uh, we..we got something else. Bigger, but weirder.” He says, trying to explain but he doesn’t think he can at the moment. 

Perrie chuckles and nods. “That’s great.” 

“Yeah, it’s the kind of thing that will be great when you’re telling the story at 35, but..” 

“Did you bring a date?” Perrie asks. 

Zayn is left speechless for a moment before he finally nods and replies to Perrie’s question. “Yeah.” 

Perrie is about to ask about the date when suddenly she notices someone is walking towards their direction but the boy doesn’t seem to notice both Zayn and Perrie yet. 

“Zayn, do you think we should get slurpee?” Niall’s voice is suddenly heard behind Zayn and the blonde-haired boy stops walking once he sees Perrie. 

Zayn turns his body slight and glances between both of Niall and Perrie. Before he can even start to speak, Perrie beats him to it. “Hey, Niall. You look great.” Perrie says as she looks at Niall. 

Niall, too stunned to say anything else, just nods. “Thanks.” He replies simply. His eyes darts between Zayn and Perrie and he can feel the obvious awkwardness at the moment so he starts to excuse himself. “Um, I will go get these.” He says and starts to turn around. 

“No, I’m..I can..I can get..” Zayn replies quickly, trying to stop Niall from taking off alone. 

“I gotta go, so.” Perrie pipes in, looking at both Zayn and Niall, hoping that she isn’t interrupting their prom night. 

Zayn turns to face Perrie and shakes his head. “No. No. No. Wait. Wait, please.” He pleads. 

Niall tries to swallow the pit in his stomach when he sees how quickly Zayn can turn around and forget about him when Perrie is around. “Um, that’s okay. I’ll get this.” He says before he flees from both of them. 

Once Niall leaves, Zayn stares at Perrie and the girl is staring at him too and both of them suddenly don’t know what to talk about. “I’ll see you later, Zayn.” Perrie finally says before she takes off as well, leaving Zayn alone at his spot earlier. 

Niall tries to busy himself with the things to pay but from the corner of his eyes, he can see that Zayn’s face is frowning and he can practically hear Zayn’s huffs frustratingly when Perrie leaves. And at that moment, Niall realizes that he might not have a chance to be with Zayn after all. 

 

*****

 

“You want to talk about it?” Niall asks when both he and Zayn are sitting at their table while everybody else is dancing around. It’s obvious that Zayn has withdrawn into himself after the encounter with Perrie earlier. And it keeps dragging until they arrive at the prom. 

“Talk about what?” Zayn asks when he looks at Niall. “Talk about the lamest, suckiest high school event in the entire world was actually made worse by running into my ex-girlfriend?” He asks sarcastically.

“Yeah, that.” Niall deadpans. 

Zayn shrugs and shakes his head. “Whatever.” He says simply. 

Niall sighs. “Do you want to get something to drink?” He asks, trying to get Zayn to at least enjoy the time there, even for a little bit. 

“No, I’m alright.” Zayn says, looking at the glass again. 

Niall stares at Zayn and is about to say something else when suddenly the music stops. 

“Can I get your attention, please?” The announcer says and everyone stops dancing and give their attention to the stage. “Welcome to your prom court.” The girl says. “Prom Queen – Nikki Sleeze.” She announces and the girl, which is apparently one of Louis’s dates, squeals excitedly when she accepts his tiara on the stage. The announcer taps the microphone again. “And your prom king, Louis Horan.” 

Niall smiles fondly as Louis skips on his way to get his crown and he whoops loudly once Louis is on the stage. “Well, at least somebody’s having a good time.” Zayn comments and Niall nods before he turns to look at Zayn again. 

“Yeah, such a good time that he wouldn’t realize that his peeps are gone?” Niall says and smiles knowingly at Zayn. 

 

*****

 

“Sorry about you seeing Perrie. That really sucks.” Niall says once they both manage to sneak into the RV to get alone time to talk. 

Zayn shrugs and shakes his head. “Nah, that’s all right. To tell you the truth, I know there’s not that much humiliation left, I sorta bottomed out at the whole getting dumped thing.” He admits. 

Niall stares at the boy in front of him and nods. “You really loved her, didn’t you?” He asks. 

“I don’t know.” Zayn admits truthfully. “I mean, you remember last year when I was totally into you and I’d never felt that way before.” 

Niall nods. “Yeah.” Of course he remembers. 

“Well, I thought that meant something, but I mean, to..to feel that way about somebody and to have them feel that way back, it’s..” Zayn trails off. 

“It was better.” Niall finishes for Zayn. 

Zayn nods. “It was just more. And not to mention the whole..” 

Niall raises his eyebrows questioningly. “What?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Nothing. Nothing.” 

“Sex, right?” Niall asks bluntly. 

Zayn slumps on the chair and nods. “It just changes things, you know, like with you and Liam.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows and feels a little bit flushed on his cheeks and he chuckles despite everything that’s happening at the moment. “Yeah, except..” He replies and glances at Zayn, hoping that Zayn will understand about the unspoken statement. 

Zayn’s eyes go wide in understanding and he feels like an idiot for his comment. “Well, I always just..” He stutters. 

Niall chuckles again and shakes his head. “No. Nope.” He admits truthfully. 

“But you loved him, right?” 

Niall nods. “Yeah. Yeah, a lot.” He says. “But it gets better in time once you’ve..?”

“Yes and no.” Zayn replies. “I think it might be kinda like when my mom died, you know, it’s one of those things that just changes you. I mean, cause once you’ve had that, once you’ve felt that way about somebody and they’ve felt that way about you, and then it ends, and they don’t feel that way about you any more, it’s like you’re more alone than before you ever met them.” He says. “Like the most alone that you’ve ever been.” 

“Well, maybe someone will come along and you won’t feel that way anymore.” Niall says as he stares at Zayn meaningfully. 

Zayn shrugs again. “Yeah, I guess.” 

Niall takes a deep breath before he starts to speak up again. “You know, Zayn, what we were talking about earlier. I did love Liam and so I couldn’t feel that way about you.” 

“Yeah, I know.” Zayn replies understandingly. 

“But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have.” Niall says firmly, trying to build up his courage to tell Zayn about how he exactly feels about him at the moment. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I get it.” 

“No, what I mean is..”

“No, it’s like now, I mean, I couldn’t feel that way about whoever, because, I mean, it’s nothing personal, it’s just, I mean even though it’s over doesn’t mean that I’m in love with her anymore, you know?” 

And all of Niall’s hope is flying out of the window and he tries his best to hide his disappointment at the moment. So instead of wallowing in self-pity, he just nods. “Yeah, I know.” He replies quietly. 

 

*****

 

“Louis, you really must return that Winnebago, it’s an eye soar.” Maura comments as she looks through the window before she turns around to face both of his sons at the kitchen’s stool. 

“An eye soar or a souvenir of the greatest night ever?” Louis asks cheekily. 

Maura chuckles and shakes her head. “Either way, I’m afraid the Sullivans are gonna call the police.” She says, referring to their nosy neighbour. “Make sure it gets back to Phil’s today, okay?” She adds before she walks out of the kitchen. 

“So, is that girl, Nikki gonna be okay?” Niall asks his older brother besides him once their mother leaves them alone.

Louis nods, munching his cereal until he finishes before he replies. “Yeah. It was just a scratch, but that Cheryl lost a clump of hair, man. I can’t believe they fought over me.” 

Niall laughs and shakes his head. Yeah, he can’t believe it too. “Is it really the best night of your life?” He asks while he munches on his bread. 

“Yeah, the best.” Louis replies. “I mean, I don’t think I’ll ever have that much fun again.” He says truthfully. 

Niall raises his eyebrows curiously. “What do you mean? What about when you get married and have kids?” 

“I don’t mean like that. Like life changing events.” Louis says. “I mean, fun, you know. Young, stupid fun.” He adds before he glances at Niall. “So, what’s with holding out with me? What happened with you and Zayn? Spill it.” 

“We talked in the RV.” Niall replies simply. 

“What? So you told him? What’s he like? Did he freak out? Did he jump for joy? Did he jump you? What happened?” Louis asks eagerly. 

Niall glances at Louis and shrugs. “No, he, um, he’s not into it.” He lies. 

Louis raises his eyebrows confusingly. “What? He’s not into it? He said that?” He asks sceptically. 

“Pretty much.” Niall replies. 

“Wow.” Louis breathes out. “Big surprise. I never knew that kid had it in him to be such a bonehead.” He comments. “Kinda sucks. I’m sorry, Ni.” He adds. “But you know, you guys are like really different anyways and you know, this way you could still be friends and we can all hang out.” Louis says, trying to be optimistic. “That’s way cool that you had the guts to tell him, you know. Way to go.” 

Niall nods halt-heartedly. “Thanks.” He says. 

Louis starts to stand up, bringing his bowl to the sink. “Maybe I’ll, uh, swing by there, see if I can drag him to Phil’s with that boat of his.” 

Niall’s eyes go wide and he tries to maintain his cool before he starts to speak again. “Lou, I kinda told him that I wouldn’t talk to you about him, so..”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Hello, I’m not Sean. I can keep my mouth shut.” He says. 

“No, I mean, so don’t even bring it up or hint at it or anything, okay?” Niall insists. 

“Dude, I am a locked safe. I didn’t tell him about Nikki when I told her I wouldn’t.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “Nikki? I thought you did it with Cheryl.” 

Louis just smirks and Niall can only snorts and shakes his head. 

 

*****

 

“How? How did? Did my mom tell you?” Linda asks as soon as she spots Yasir at the train station. 

Yasir shakes his head. “Bobby came to my house.” He replies. He remembers how the other town’s doctor was telling him that Linda is leaving the town, again. And part of him knows why Linda is doing that. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you.” Linda apologizes. “I wanted you to come and say goodbye though.”

“I never would have forgiven myself if I don’t come to do that.” Yasir says. “I wish you told me that you were considering this.” 

“I didn’t know how and I didn’t want you to..”

“Ask you to stay.” Yasir finishes for the woman in front of him. 

Linda nods and smiles. “And if you did, it would be for the wrong reasons and I was afraid if you asked me, I might stay.” 

Yasir shakes his head sadly. “I can’t ask you.” 

“I know.” Linda replies understandingly. 

Yasir steps closer to Linda and stares at her face longingly. “You are one of the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.” He says. “You gave me my life back.” 

“You already had a life.” Linda points out but she smiles nonetheless. 

“No. No. You gave me living back.” Yasir says. “I was just surviving and then I met you and now I wake up every morning wondering if I made the wrong choice.” 

“Well, it’s a good thing there’s two of us then, cause I know you made the right one.” Linda says. 

“Maybe you should..”

“Shhh.” Linda says, cutting Yasir off and shaking her head. 

Yasir nods understandingly. “Stay safe, all right?” He says and Linda nods. “Stay healthy.”

“Yeah.” Linda replies before she is pulled into a hug by Yasir. She returns the hug for a while before she pulls away. “Okay, now please go, because if you stay and watch me leave, I’ll fall apart.” She says. 

Yasir nods reluctantly but he releases his grip on Linda’s arm finally and starts to walk away. “Goodbye.”

 

*****

 

“I gotta say, I’m really gonna miss that thing.” Louis says as he looks at the RV that has been returned to its place at the rental car’s shop. 

“Well, I have a feeling it’ll still be there if you’ll ever want to rent it again.” Zayn comments. 

Louis nods. “Yeah, it’s not the same. It’s like Cinderella, you know, she’s only Promebago one night, now she’s just a pumpkin.” 

Zayn snorts and shakes his head. “You know, that’s kind of how I feel about the whole prom.” He says. “A big orange vegetable that you couldn’t pay me to eat.” 

Louis turns his head to look at Zayn and nods. “Yeah, I gotta say I had a higher expectation for you, bro.” 

Zayn shrugs. “Uh, it’s a little different when you got four people competing to go with you.” He says. 

“Instead of the person that you’ve always wanted to go out with?” Louis asks curiously. 

“Used to always want to go out with.” Zayn corrects. 

Louis shrugs as he glances at the younger boy besides him again. “Look, I kinda told Niall, we wouldn’t talk about this, but..”

Zayn glances at Louis confusingly. “Talk about what?” 

Louis looks at Zayn properly this time before he speaks up again. “So, it’s just not there for you any more, huh?” He asks bluntly. “That sucks, I mean, don’t take this personal or anything, but, uh, I think you have a bad relationship karma.” He adds. “First, you fall for a boy whose boyfriend’s in a coma, I mean, that’s like hopelessly bad timing. Then you go for a girl who’s twenty, again another timing problem. But now Niall’s back and he’s got like this total thing for you and he tells you about it the same night you run into the ex-girlfriend. What exactly did you tell my brother anyways? Just told him that..?” 

If Zayn is really surprised by the revelation, he is really good at hiding it because obviously Louis doesn’t know that Niall didn’t talk anything about his feeling towards Zayn during the prom night. “I told him it was bad timing.” Zayn lies. 

Louis nods understandingly. “Like I said.” He says before he reaches for the car’s door. “Let me in, dude. I’ll take you to the diner for some cheese fries, you need like, help.” He adds. “Hey, do not tell my brother we talked about this, okay? He’d kill me.” 

Zayn nods silently but his mind is whirling with the question. Niall has a feeling for him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: No preview for the next chapter because I haven't finished writing yet. Sorry! 
> 
> On the other hand, I feel like I want to hug Niall so tight because I've seen video of him crying at JLS concert and now his tweet about he might not be able to go home during Christmas. Poor baby :( 
> 
> Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone! xx


	19. All these thoughts locked inside, now you're the first to know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title taken from: [The All-American Rejects - It Ends Tonight](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfdAGkjHGac)

“Okay, people. We are going to group up alphabetically.” The teacher shouts from the stage and Louis turns to face the stage instead of looking down at his feet, like he was doing for the past ten minutes because he is bored out of his mind. “A to D, follow me over here.” The teacher continues and Louis drags his feet to move along to the direction that the teacher has pointed up. 

“Hey. What’s up?” 

Louis turns his head to his side to find one of his teammates, or former teammate, is talking to him. “Hey, man. We, uh, never finished that game.” Louis says to the other boy. 

The boy chuckles and nods. “Yeah. Right.”

Louis grins. “You can step to my house this summer, I’ll be there.” He offers. 

The boy shakes his head and smiles apologetically at Louis. “Can’t. Harvard beckons.” He says and the other one who is also walking along with them nods. “Dude, my parents hooked me up with one of those mini-fridges for my dorm room. It’s going to hold one thing and thing only; all beer, all the time.” 

Louis smiles awkwardly and tries to skip the conversation, however the universe is not on his side when one of the boys is asking him the question that he doesn’t want to hear. “So, uh, what are you doing next year, man?” And yes, that question. 

“Uh, yeah. I haven’t really figured that out yet.” Louis replies simply and let out an awkward chuckle. The other two boys excuse themselves after that and Louis can’t be more relief. Suddenly his phone rings and he picks it up quickly. “Hello?” 

“They’re teaching you how to walk? That’s pretty sad, even for you.” Zayn’s voice booms out from the other line of the phone and Louis starts looking around. 

“Aw man, where are you?” 

“Turn around.” Zayn says and Louis turns around only to find Zayn is sitting on one of the bleachers at the other side of the field and he waves at the younger boy. “So, how much longer?” Zayn asks. “I thought we were going to have the whole city show up.”

Louis nods. “Yeah, I would rather stealing cars and running over pimps right now.” He says truthfully. 

From the other end of the field, Zayn raises his eyebrows questioningly. “Why? Is it that bad?” 

“Oh, I’ve read books that’s more fun than this.” Louis says. “I mean, it’s like I’ve knows these guys my whole life and now, I don’t have anything to say to them. Like they have anything to say to me.” 

Zayn nods understandingly even though he knows Louis won’t really see him from the distance. “Well, for what it’s worth, I mean, nobody talks to me either.” He says. “It’s actually kind of a good thing. Less names to remember.” He adds. “So, you want me to stick around?” 

Louis stares off at the distance and feels a little bit touched at Zayn’s concern. “Uh no. It’s going to take forever. Save yourself.” He says. 

“Well, alright. Remember it could be worse. You could be stuck here for another year.” Zayn says before he hangs up. 

 

*****

 

“Permission slip. I gotta get out of school tomorrow.” Zayn says as he puts the paper in front of his father. 

Yasir nods. “Right. Why is that again?” He asks, looking at his son. 

“Audition. Julliard. Summer program.” Zayn replies simply. “Processing anything?” 

“Well, Dr. Douglas and I have a lot to do before the end of next week so I’m not sure I can go with you.” Yasir says while he’s signing the slip. 

“That’s fine.” Zayn says easily. “Quick trip. I don’t need you there.” He adds. 

Yasir nods again and excuses himself to the office but not before Nina enters the backdoor and says hi to them. Zayn smiles and hugs Nina briefly, suddenly missing the older woman since she is quite busy lately and rarely drops by their house like she used to. 

“So, how, uh, how is everything with you?” Nina asks, few minutes after they both are left alone at the kitchen. “No offense, but you look a little all over the place.” She points out as she looks at Zayn. 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. All here.” 

Nina raises her eyebrows sceptically and only hums in response. “Okay then. You still on Perrie?” She asks bluntly. 

“No.” Zayn replies quickly but then he realizes that it is too quick for it not to be true. “Well, I mean, it’s kinda like _that_ but it’s not _that_ exactly. It’s sorta like two things that shouldn’t have anything to do with each other but it’s kinda do.” 

Nina stares at Zayn confusingly and shakes her head. “Okay, well, uh, let’s back it up. A little less abstract, more names and verbs.” She says. “Come on, I’m the only adult and female perspective you’ve got for miles. I know a thing or two about relationship, you know.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless. It’s true though. Nina is kinda reminding him of his mother and frankly speaking, Zayn likes to open up to Nina just because she acts so motherly towards him and Harry. “Alright, so the other day, Louis told me that Niall might be interested in me.” 

Nina raises her eyebrows and shakes her head. “Niall, wow. How do you feel about that?” Nina asks. 

“Nah, I don’t even know if it’s true.” Zayn says dismissively. “Last week, Louis told me he saw David Beckham at the diner.” He adds while rolling his eyes, remembering about the lie that Louis had told him. 

Nina laughs and shakes her head. “Well, then I guess the first question is, do you want it to be true?” She asks. 

Zayn looks at Nina and shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m not over Perrie. You know, I don’t think I’m ready for that relationship stuff again.” 

Nina nods understandingly. “Well, then that’s your answer.” 

“Yeah.” Zayn says and nods. “But it’s Niall.” He says like it’s the obvious thing in the world. 

Nina nods and smiles knowingly. “I know.” 

 

*****

 

“Zayn, hey.” Niall smiles at the dark-haired boy when he sees Zayn is walking towards his lunch table. “Sit.” He beckons and Zayn nods before he takes a seat beside Niall. “So, how’s it going?” 

“It’s uh, going good.” Zayn replies simply. 

Niall nods and smiles before he realizes that Sean and Jake are sitting at the table too. “Um, so were just talking about Sean’s party that he’s having tomorrow night. His parents rented this giant screen TV so we’re having a kind of end of the year, end of the world double feature-Armageddon, 28 Days Later-Ben Affleck, zombies.” Niall says and when Zayn just looks at him blankly, Niall swallows nervously before he continues. “Um, so do you want to come?” 

“Uh, no, I can’t.” Zayn replies and shakes his head. “Thank you though.” 

“You have a hot date or something?” Niall blurts out and mentally slaps himself for being so obvious. Luckily, Zayn seems not to notice. Though he is pretty sure that Sean and Jake are not the same. 

“Yeah, with three uptight music critics from the Julliard summer program, sort of an audition thing, you know.” Zayn explains.

Niall’s eyes go wide and he looks at Zayn in amazed. “Wow, that sounds kinda huge.” 

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” Zayn replies. “It’s all the way in Dublin so I won’t get back till late. Plus, I gotta leave at the crack of dawn, nice bonus.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows questioningly. “So your dad’s not taking you?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, he can’t. So, you know, it’s just, uh, just me.” 

Niall nods and only hums in response. Zayn stares at Niall and they both stare at each other for a while before Sean clears his throat loudly and both Niall and Zayn looks away from each other quickly. “Alright, well, I’ll uh, I’ll let you guys get back to…” Zayn says before he stands up from his seat. “See you later.” 

“Good luck tomorrow, Zayn.” Niall says before Zayn takes off. 

 

*****

 

“Busy day, I say.” Bobby looks at Louis once he enters the living room once he got home and finds his eldest son lounging on the couch, watching the television. 

“Yeah.” Louis replies simply. 

Bobby shrugs off his jacket and pats on his son’s arm. “Hop up, your grandparents should be here any minute.” He says and mutters. “God help us all.” He adds before he notices the graduation robe on the table. “You know, have to have this pressed before your big day.” Bobby says to his eldest son. “You don’t want to pick up your diploma looking like a paper ball.” 

Louis sits up straight and shrugs carelessly. “Doesn’t matter, cause I’m not going.” 

“Not going where?” 

“To graduation.” 

Bobby turns his head to look at his son. “Come again?” 

Louis looks at his father and shrugs again. “Figure, I’ll get my diploma in the mail. It’s the same difference.” 

Bobby shakes his head and takes a seat in front of Louis. “Listen to me. I understand that things haven’t exactly gone the way you hoped. But this is a milestone, a truly momentous occasion. You don’t want to look back and regret that you didn’t go.” 

“Thanks, but I got the looking back and regretting thing down and I don’t need an audience for it.” Louis points out. 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “What about all the hard work you put in this year?” He asks. “You deserve to celebrate that and be celebrated for all your accomplishments.” 

Louis stands up from the couch and is about to walk out of the living room when he hears the words from his father. “What accomplishments?” He asks once he turns around and faces his father. “It took me 13 years to finish 12 grades, dad. I mean, I failed. The end.” 

Bobby stands up from his position too and steps closer towards Louis. “Look, I understand you’re upset.” 

Louis shakes his head. “I’m not upset. It’s gonna be freaking embarrassing. Because everybody there has all these plans and I have nothing.” 

“You will, but for now, you’re going and that’s that.” Bobby says firmly. “Trust me, in five years, you’ll thank me.” 

“No, I won’t. Because I’m not going.” Louis says stubbornly. 

“We’re home.” Maura suddenly announces from the front door but both Louis and Bobby seem to ignore it. 

“It’s incredibly selfish of you.” Bobby says to Louis. 

Louis rolls his eyes at his father’s words. “So what? I busted my ass for the school. I took them to state three years in a row – football and basketball. What do they give me? A handshake and a stupid piece of paper? Man, they never did anything for me. Screw them.” 

“Alright, fine. Forget them. Do it for us? Indulge us with a few hours of your life.” Bobby says. “Your grandparents have travelled all the way to see you walk across that stage. Do it for your family.” 

“I have done plenty for this family this year already, okay?” Louis retorts. “I got good grades when you told me not to bother and I kept my mouth shut when you ran Niall out of this house. For once, I’m gonna do what I wanna do, okay? So back off.” Louis says before he storms off to his room, totally ignoring his mother and his grandparents who are apparently has heard the conversation since they enter the house. 

 

*****

 

“What on earth is that noise?” 

“What noise?” Maura asks his mother. 

“Oh, it’s just Bobby chewing.” 

Bobby ignores his mother’s in-law as usual and continues reading his newspaper. 

“There he is, one of my handsome grandsons.” Carol says once Louis enters the kitchen. “Would you like some breakfast?” 

Louis smiles and shakes his head. “No, I’m fine, grandma. I got to get to school.” He says. “Best place ever, right, dad?” He asks before he grabs the apple and leaves the kitchen. 

“Ah, it’s such a shame. I heard on the news that most problems of kids today have to do with a poor male role model.” 

“And on that note..” Bobby says as he starts to stand up, trying to escape from his mother-in-law’s criticism as usual. 

“Where are you going? I thought your office was closed because of insurance problems.” Carol asks. 

“Oh goodness, I completely forgot to ask you about your meeting yesterday.” Maura says as she looks at her husband. “How did it go? Is it all cleared up?” 

Bobby puts on his jacket and about to answer truthfully but then he catches on the sight of Maura’s parents and he just nods. “It is. They’ve reinstated my insurance.” He lies. “I’m back in business.” 

Maura smiles and hugs her husband. “Wonderful.” 

 

*****

 

Zayn drops his bags in the trunk and closes it only to find a smiling Niall is walking towards his direction. “Hey. What are you..?” 

“I brought muffins, fruit rollups and nachos.” Niall says simply, ignoring Zayn’s question. “I was gonna make a mixed tape, but I figured all you had in your car was an 8-track.” 

Zayn shakes his head confusingly as he stares at Niall. “Well, I thought you have a big Apocalypse party.” 

Niall nods. “Yeah, but I thought it would be kinda false to go to a party with a bunch of people I didn’t talk to all year.” He says. “Much prefer a road trip.” 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “So, you want to come?” He asks slowly. 

Niall, suddenly feels like this is a bad idea, smiling nervously at Zayn. “Um, yeah, I mean, if you want me to.” He stutters. “I thought..you might want some company.” 

Zayn nods and starts to move to the driver’s side of the car. Niall is about to feel a huge disappointment but then Zayn turns his head to look at Niall before he opens the car’s door and smiles. “So, what flavour of muffins do you have?” 

Niall’s face breaks into a big smile again and he walks happily to the passenger side of the car. “We have options.” 

 

*****

 

Niall watches as Zayn paces around nervously while he is waiting for his turn during the audition. He steps closer to the boy and smiles at him. “I’ll tell you a joke. Louis told me this stupid joke about a camel the other day.” 

“You know what, let’s just blow this off.” Zayn says quickly, cutting Niall’s off. 

“But you’re up next.” Niall points out. 

“Yeah, I know, but it’s going to be boring for you.” Zayn says. “And I have no chance of getting in. If we leave now, we could be on the second basket of curly fries before lunch.” 

Niall shakes his head. “No. No. I wanna hear you play.” 

“Yeah, I don’t even wanna be here.” Zayn says. “And to tell you the truth, my track record with this sort of thing is not good. I don’t even know what I’m doing here.” He rambles. 

Niall stares at Zayn, knowing that this is nervous-Zayn that’s talking at the moment. “I do.” Niall says firmly. “Look, half of these kids that are here today are just good at playing piano. Their parents told them so, their grandparents told them so. Um, now they’re trying to use that skill to get into some fancy college so that they don’t have to go to science class anymore.” He says as he looks at Zayn. “They’re here to impress three old men who are gonna help them get into Julliard, but that’s not why you’re here.” 

Zayn blinks his eyes confusingly. “What’s that?” 

“No, you don’t need some stupid school to tell you what you’re gonna do with your life. You already know. You’re gonna play piano. It’s your destiny, your fate or whatever you want to call it.” Niall says. “So you don’t get to decide when or if you play the piano, you just do, because it’s who you are.” He adds. “That’s why we’re here today.” 

“So this is meant to be?” 

Niall smiles and nods. “Yeah, I think so.” He says as they both stare into each other’s eyes and it lingers for a while until Zayn’s name is called and they have to break the gaze. “Good luck.” Niall says encouragingly. Zayn smiles and he feels like he has gained a new level of confidence after that. 

 

*****

 

“Quite the busy little office down there today, Bobby, lots of crazies.” 

“Well, it takes one to know.” Bobby grumbles under his breath but Maura hears it anyway and gives him a stern look. “Uh, good eye, Carol.” Bobby amends, hoping that the old woman didn’t hear his grumble before. “You are a revelation to diagnostic medicine; it’s true. Some of my patients do have mental health problems as well as physical ailments. It’s par for the course.” 

“It was quite a bit of unusual activity there today.” Carol says, still not changing the topic. “Not just your patients, but your nurse coming back early from Barbados to simply water a fichus. It’s a little strange.” 

“Lisa in Barbados? Now there’s an image.” Maura says and chuckles. “Where would you get an idea like that?” She asks her mother and when the older woman looks at Bobby, Maura raises her eyebrows questioningly. “Bobby?” 

“Oh, it’s not what you think.” Bobby says, trying to find a way to cover up for his lies earlier. 

“Well, why would you tell my mother that Lisa was in Barbados?” 

“Uh, because, uh..” Bobby says and pauses before he sighs heavily, dropping his fork and spoon on the table. “..because it was the first thing that came into my mind.” 

Maura looks at Bobby blankly from across the table. “I don’t understand.” 

“Lisa never went to Barbados and my patients were fictitious. I paid them to sit there in my waiting room so that you would all think that my office was still running when in fact, it’s not.” Bobby admits finally. 

“Why not?” Maura asks. 

“Because Regency Fidelity refused to reinstate my insurance coverage.” Bobby replies. 

“So you lied to me.” Maura says. 

Bobby shakes his head. “There was simply no reason to discuss it further. Not with Louis’s graduation turning everyone upside down.” 

“Oh, don’t even try to pin this on me.” Louis pipes in from the other side of the dining table. 

“What I mean was that I..I saw no reason to add to the tension in the house.” Bobby says. 

Maura shakes her head. “You can’t practice without your insurance.” 

Bobby nods. “I’m well aware of that. It’s uh, it’s a simple matter of finding another insurance company. And before you jump down my throat, I’ve already started calling other carriers, so far several seem promising, so I’m sure that one of them will be more than willing to take me on.” 

“And what if they won’t? What then?” 

 

*****

 

“I swear to God, I thought I was gonna throw up.” Niall says once they step out of the auditorium. When Zayn looks at him disbelievingly, Niall shrugs. “I’m serious. I looked past those curtains and saw all those judges, I thought I was gonna puke.” 

“Well, that’s so sweet. I never had a boy vomit for me before. Romantic.” Zayn jokes and Niall laughs, punching Zayn’s arm playfully. They walk until they reach Zayn’s car and Niall raises his eyebrows at Zayn when the other boy just stare at him. 

“You forgot your keys in there or something?” Niall asks. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Why are we going home right now?” 

“Is this a trick question?” Niall asks, half-whisper. 

Zayn shakes his head again. “We’re in an actual city. There’s probably a million things to do and we’re just gonna drive back to Mullingar? To do what?” 

Niall shrugs. “We could go to Sean’s party. It’s probably still going on.”

“Yeah, but by the time we get there, Armageddon will be half over. The world will have exploded and no remaining pizza left.” Zayn says.

Niall chuckles and nods. “This is true.” 

Zayn grins. “Well, why don’t we hang out? We can celebrate my impending rejection with a fancy dinner.” He suggests. “Check out the Dublin scene. Yeah, we haven’t spent that much time together, just the two of us.” He adds and when Niall remains silent, Zayn shakes his head. “Ah, never mind.” 

“No, I would.” Niall says quickly. He almost missed the chance to spend the time with Zayn because he is too speechless to response. “I just..I don’t have very much money, so we should just..” He says, trying to explain his reason. 

Zayn pulls out his wallet and grins widely at Niall. “Well, that’s what an emergency credit cards are for, right?” He says and Niall laughs and shakes his head. Zayn takes it as a yes and he opens the car’s door for Niall. “Shall we?” 

 

*****

 

“Little advice from a pro, you wanna go slower, give it a 2-second pause, flip-pause, flip-pause.” Louis says as he enters the living room and finds his father on the couch, flipping through the television channels mindlessly. “Maximize your time without skipping the good stuff.” He adds after he plops down on the other couch. His father switches off the television instead and puts down the remote on the coffee table. “So, you want me to go kill Grandma with you?” Louis asks as he turns to look at his father. “We could go to prison together.” 

Bobby chuckles and shakes his head. He sighs heavily before he starts to speak. “There’s been a Horan Medical Office in Mullingar for over 50 years. I always thought that when it finally closed down it would be because I retired. Not because I had no choice in the matter.” 

“You’re not getting shut down, dad.” 

“The fact is right now I am not allowed to distribute Band-Aids let alone write prescriptions.” Bobby says. “I can’t find someone to insure me. I have no practice. Truth is, no one I spoke with today is willing to take me.” He adds. “I’m waiting for one more phone call but if that doesn’t come through, that’s that.” 

Louis shifts his body to sit up straighter and faces his father. “But you’re a good doctor, dad. You can’t just give up like that.” 

Bobby shakes his head. “I haven’t given up, just simply run out of options.” He says. “There’s a difference.” 

Louis nods. “Okay, so worst case scenario, the office gets shut down. I mean, it’s not like you’re the kind of guy that’s gonna sit around and watch cable the rest of your life. You’ll figure something else out to do.” 

“I’m a doctor. Doctors practice medicine.” Bobby points out. 

“Yeah, I know that. But they also do other stuff. They teach.” Louis says. 

Bobby shakes his head. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but Louis, this situation is beyond good advice and a sunny outlook.” 

“Oh, why? Cause you’re scared?” Louis challenges. “Yeah, I get that, okay. I’m mastering in scary right now, but maybe this is the point, to have a chance to be scared.” He says. “That’s why I didn’t want to go to graduation. I didn’t want to be the only kid freaking out not knowing what I was going to do next.” He adds. “But now that I think about it, I’ll also be the only one who’s psyched to figure it out. Almost makes me want to go.” 

“Go?” 

Louis nods. “To graduation.”

Bobby raises his eyebrows questioningly. “What is this about?” 

“I don’t know.” Louis says and shrugs. “Maybe I am clueless and don’t have a plan, but so do a lot of people.” He adds. “Someone’s got to represent.” 

Bobby smiles proudly at his eldest son and nods. “You’re right.” 

 

*****

 

Zayn says his thanks to the street artist and takes the drawing. He scrunches his nose in distaste and Niall chuckles beside him. “This looks nothing like me.” Zayn says as he looks at the drawing. “You look great.” He says as he glances at Niall. “But I look like one of the kids on some Disney shows.” 

Niall laughs and takes the drawing from Zayn’s hand. “That’s not true. I think you look cute for a cartoon character.” He teases. 

Zayn snorts and nods. “Yeah. Exactly.” He says as he grabs back the paper from Niall and folds it into his jacket. 

“Shut up. Don’t keep fishing.” Niall says and punches Zayn’s arm playfully. 

Zayn laughs and shakes his head. “No, you know, I actually had a good one of these done on London one time. My mom liked it so much she had it framed.” He tells Niall. “Don’t know where it is now but it’s better than this, I swear.”

They both stop walking and lean on the nearest gazebo at the park. Niall turns his head slightly to his side and smiles at Zayn. “I bet you can’t wait to get back to London, can you?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah, a little. I miss it.” He admits truthfully. 

“What do you miss about it?” 

Zayn shrugs. “I don’t know, there’s just something about being there, you know the un-predictableness of it all.” He says. “You never know what can happen to you when you’re in London.” 

Niall chuckles. “Yeah, but that’s true in Mullingar too.” He says. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows as he looks at Niall. “What was the last thing that shocked you in Mullingar?” 

Niall stares at Zayn for a second before he replies. “Well, you.” He blurts out. “I mean, when you came to Mullingar with your blonde-streak hair last year; that was pretty shocking.” 

Zayn shakes his head and laughs. “So my hair is the most shocking thing that’s happened to you in the last 16 years?” He asks. “That’s pretty sad.” He teases and smiles fondly when Niall’s cheeks seem to flush in red. “You know, to tell you the truth, meeting you wasn’t that shocking.” Zayn says. 

Niall raises his eyebrows but nods nonetheless. “Thanks, that’s sweet.” 

“Nah, I mean, it’s pretty standard that I’d move to a town like Mullingar and meet a boy like you. It’s even more standard that I’d totally fall for that boy and he wouldn’t like me back.” Zayn says, staring at Niall. 

Niall shakes his head. “I didn’t always not like you back.” He admits truthfully. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Yeah, when did you like me?” 

“Now, I like you now.” Niall replies truthfully. 

“What do you mean?” Zayn asks. 

Niall tries his best to hide his blushing cheeks and shrugs. “I mean, I like you Zayn.” He says as he stares at Zayn. “I like you as more than a friend. I have for a while now. I just didn’t know how to tell you or if I should tell you because of everything that’s happened lately.” He adds. “I like you, Zayn.” 

“Wow.” Zayn replies simply before he starts to lean his face closer to Niall. 

Niall is leaning in too when suddenly he stops. “Wait.” 

“What?” 

Niall stares at Zayn’s face before he shakes his head. “Nothing. Never mind.” He says before they both start leaning in again. “It’s just you didn’t seem surprised.” Niall suddenly says, making both of them stop again. 

Zayn blinks his eyes rapidly. “What are you talking about?” He asks, trying to play dumb. 

“Well, I just told you that I like you which is, urm, pretty big news, I think.” Niall says. “I mean, not in a full of myself kind of way, just generally speaking big stuff, you know, and um, you just smiled and tried to kiss me. You didn’t even do your whole mumbling things that you always do.” 

“Yeah, I mean..i..I..you..I knew. I said wow.” 

“I know but it was a weird ‘wow’.” Niall points out. “Did you know? Was I that obvious?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, you weren’t. No, I mean. I kind of had an idea, but I didn’t. You weren’t obvious at all. You didn’t do anything embarrassing, don’t worry.” 

“I’m not worried.” Niall says. 

“Okay.” 

“Well, how did you know?” Niall asks. 

“Why does it matter?” 

Niall sighs and starts to stand straighter and his gaze is pierced on Zayn’s face. “Because something is going right now and I can tell and now I feel all weird, which is exactly the opposite of how I want to feel at this particular moment so if you could just be honest with me.” 

“Well, Louis told me, okay?” Zayn replies. “God, talk about ruining a moment.” He mutters. 

“Louis told you.” Niall states and stares at Zayn, looking for confirmation. 

“Yes, he told me the whole thing.” Zayn says. “He told how, you know, you were gonna tell me at prom and then you didn’t and you know, it’s no big deal.” He says and shrugs. 

Niall shakes his head. “I can’t believe this.” He mumbles quietly before he turns around and starts to walk away. 

“Wait. Where are you going?” Zayn asks, chasing after Niall. “What’s the problem?” 

Niall walks faster and ignores Zayn who is chasing after him. “Go away, Zayn. I’m serious.” He says, his voice quivers and he wipes his eyes angrily. 

“Wait, are you crying?” Zayn asks, still chasing after Niall. 

“Zayn, go away!” 

“No, I can’t! I’m not gonna go away! I don’t understand what’s going on? Why are you crying?” 

Niall stops walking abruptly and turns around to face Zayn. “Do you know how hard that was for me? To lay my heart on the line like that?” Especially after Liam, he wants to add. 

“Yeah, I think I do!”

“Well, maybe it’s easy for you but it’s not for me.” Niall says. “I don’t really like feeling this vulnerable but I told you because I trusted you and this whole time, this whole night you’ve been lying to me.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “I wasn’t lying to you. I wasn’t sure if it was true or not.” 

“Oh, please. If all you cared about was whether or not it was true, you could’ve just asked me.” Niall points out. “Instead, you created this completely false moment this whole night, just how much of it was a manipulation? Dinner? After dinner? Were you faking being nervous at the audition too?” Niall asks accusingly. 

“That’s not how it happened.” 

Niall shakes his head. “Maybe you don’t see it, but that is exactly what happened tonight and I am completely humiliated.” 

“I wasn’t trying to humiliate you!” Zayn says firmly. “I was trying to get you to tell me how you feel, why is that so wrong? I’ve told you a thousand times.” 

“You told me because you wanted to, not because I tricked you into it by being all calculated.” Niall says angrily. 

“Oh, how many times have you lied to me?” Zayn retorts. “With my dad, with Liam, all last year? You knew that I would do anything for you. You didn’t even have to ask so you didn’t. You would just bat your eyelashes and cry on my shoulder. ” He says, his voice starts to rise because of the anger. “You played me! Well, tonight, I played you!” 

Niall blinks his eyes rapidly, trying to calm himself down before he sighs heavily. “You know, Zayn. I thought we were ready but we so obviously not.” He says quietly, sniffling a little and shakes his head. 

“What are you talking about? Ready for what?” Zayn asks, this time his tone is softer as he couldn’t bear to upset Niall more than he already did. 

“Every time we get close to being something more than friends, this is what happens.” Niall says. “We play these mind games. We hurt each other. It’s horrible how we hurt each other, Zayn.” 

“Alright, so we can start over.” Zayn says, trying to fix the argument. “Alright, we treat each other better this time.” He adds and Niall shakes his head sadly. “Why? Why not?” Zayn asks. 

“Because I don’t want to anymore.” Niall says dejectedly. “I don’t want to do this with you. I just want to go home.” He adds before he turns around and heading towards the parking lot. And Zayn, is having no choice but to follow. 

 

*****

 

“I got great news.” 

“I thought you were gonna call me yesterday.” 

Zayn shakes his head, remembering the fight that he had with Niall the night before. “Oh, yesterday was not so good.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry Zayn.” Yasir says from the other end of the phone. “You can always audition again next year.” 

“No, the audition was awesome.” Zayn says, correcting his father. 

“Oh, but you just said that you..” 

“Yeah, yeah, it was the other stuff that wasn’t good.” Zayn explains. “But I got in, dad. I’m going to Julliard. Not for 4 years, just for the summer program." 

“Oh, well, that’s great. That’s fantastic.” 

Zayn grins and nods eagerly even though he knows his father can’t see him through the phone. “Yeah, they said I was the best they saw in Dublin at least.” He says happily. “So, I thought that maybe when you got home tonight we could go online. Book a ticket.” 

“Well, do we have to do it this soon?” Yasir asks. “I mean, when do you have to be in New York?” 

“I don’t know. Next week sometimes.” Zayn says. “We can figure it out.” 

“Yeah, okay then, I’ll see you at home tonight. Congratulations, Zayn.” Yasir says. “I’m very proud of you.” 

Zayn smiles. “Thanks. Hey, I almost forgot to ask, how was the surgery?”

“Oh, it went well. Very well.” 

“Well, then I guess it’s a great day in the history of the Maliks.” 

“Yes, I guess it is.” 

 

*****

 

“Grammy and Pop Pop always so delightful.” Bobby says as he walks around the house with a camcorder in his hand. “Oh, here’s momma Maura looking just radiant and behind is the graduate himself looking quite dashing in the red color.” 

Louis smiles at the camera before he looks at everyone near the front door. “Do you hear that? I look dashing?” 

“Yeah, only because I told you how to put your hat on properly.” Niall says and Louis flicks his brother’s forehead, earning a pout from Niall. The younger boy looks at the camera that his father is holding. “He had it on sideways so it looked like a chucker hat.” 

“It’s called style, little brother, maybe you should try it.” Louis says. 

Niall laughs and shakes his head and Bobby smiles at the sight of his family in front of him. “Yeah, alright, little brother, go get with your mother. I want to practice my two shot.” 

“For heaven’s sake, Bobby, at the rate you’re going, we’ll be there in time for Niall’s graduation.” Carol says from the other corner. They all laugh and someone knocks on the door. Carol, who is nearest the door and smiles tightly. “Oh, it’s you.” 

Maggie shrugs and steps inside the house. “Hello, Carol. You remember my husband?” She asks. 

“How could I forget? How are you, Irv?” 

“Just fine, Carol.” 

Maura smiles at the sight and puts on her jacket. “Lovely, everyone’s here. Shall we go?” 

“Come on, let’s go watch our boy graduate.” Bobby says and smiles. 

 

*****

 

“Hey?” Zayn calls out and Niall turns around. “Can I talk to you for a second?” He asks. 

“Um, it’s about to start, Zayn.” Niall says as he looks around where everyone is already taking their seats in front of the stage. 

Zayn nods understandingly. “It’ll just be a second. I swear.” He says as he looks at Niall. 

Niall sighs slightly and shakes his head. “We don’t need to do this. I think we said everything we needed to say last night, at least I did and whatever you need to say you don’t have to.” Niall says. “I’m sorry, you know, you’re sorry, so..” 

“I didn’t come here to apologize. I came here to thank you.” Zayn says, cutting Niall’s off. 

Niall looks at Zayn confusingly. “For what?” 

“For helping me with my audition. I got in.” Zayn says with a smile. 

“Really? That’s awesome!” Niall says, feeling happy for Zayn. “When did you find out?” 

“Uh, this morning. They called.” Zayn replies. “I’m off to New York next week.” 

Niall feels his heart drops at that. Zayn is going to leave the town for the summer and to be honest, Niall doesn’t know how he is feeling at the moment. “That’s..that’s really, uh, that’s fantastic, Zayn.” He stutters. 

Zayn nods. “Thanks. But, you know, seriously, I couldn’t have done it without you, so..”

Niall tries his best to muster a smile and nods. “You’re welcome.” 

Zayn lets his eyes linger on Niall’s for few moments before he clears his throat and breaks the gaze. “Alright, so you know. I’ll see ya.” He says before he turns around and leaves. 

“Yeah.” Niall mumbles as he watches Zayn’s retreating figure. He knows he was the one who told Zayn that he didn’t want be more than friends with him, but how come at the moment, his heart is feeling heavy at the thought that Zayn will be away from him for weeks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A.N: One more chapter to go! And I'm already putting out the draft for the third part of the series :) 
> 
> (I was thinking of putting the chapter preview but then it'll ruin the last chapter's surprise, I think. And I was planning to post the last chapter before new year but I've no time to finish up cause too many plans before new year.)
> 
> Anyhow, sorry for rambling nonsense! Happy New Year in advance everyone! Love you all! :D


	20. I really shouldn't miss you, but I can't let you go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is taken from: **[Kelly Clarkson - My Life Would Suck Without You](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRM70Jw7F4M)**
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: I'm so sorry for the late update! Life is what happens. :)

Yasir is walking through the hallway as he couldn’t sleep when he notices that the light in Zayn’s room is still switch on and the door is not closed yet. He steps closer to the room and opens the door slightly only to find his eldest son, sitting on the floor, typing something on his laptop. 

“You’re still up?” Yasir asks as he glances down to his son on the floor while he leans to the door. 

Zayn glances up and nods. “Oh, I’m burning some songs for my trip.” He replies. 

Yasir nods understandingly and shifts to reach one of the CD cases that are scattered on Zayn’s bed. “Summer of Freedom Mix?” Yasir reads the title on the case and looks at Zayn. “Can’t you be excited about going to New York without offending me?” He asks and shakes his head amusingly. 

Zayn chuckles and shrugs before he looks at his father again. “And you? What are you doing up?” 

“Weird dreams.” Yasir replies simply. 

Zayn looks at his father curiously. “You mean a nightmare?” He asks. 

Yasir nods. “Yeah. But when you’re an adult, you can’t call it a nightmare so you call it weird dream.” 

“Oh. We all got ice cream sundaes.” Zayn says suddenly. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows confusingly. “What?” 

“Oh, when I was little, if I had a nightmare and I couldn’t sleep, mom and I ate an ice cream sundae.” Zayn explains to his father. 

“Oh.” Yasir says shortly. “I don’t remember that.” He adds and when Zayn rolls his eyes at him, Yasir nods. “I know. Go figure.” Of course that was the time when he was busy being the-great-doctor-Malik in London. 

Zayn smiles and shrugs. “Yeah, but she kept it from you.” 

Yasir smiles too, feeling better that at least nowadays his relationship with Zayn is getting better compared to when the first months after his wife died. “Well, I’m gonna try and get back to sleep again. You go to bed soon too, okay?” He says before he starts to turn around to leave. 

Zayn takes his eyes off of the screen and calls out for his father. “Hey, dad?” 

“Hmm?” Yasir hums as he turns back slightly to look at Zayn again. 

“They’re just dreams. It’s what mom used to say.” Zayn says. 

Yasir nods and smiles at his son. “Night, Zayn.” 

Zayn smiles too. “Night.” 

 

******

 

“Dad, grub’s getting cold. Flush and go, dude.” Louis shouts from the dining table, earning a smack on his arm from his mother. Louis turns around and shrugs. “What? I’m hungry.” He whines. 

“Family, I have exciting news.” Bobby says as soon as he enters the dining room. 

“Dig in, kids, this doesn’t look brief.” Maura jokes as she looks at both of her sons at the dining table. Both Louis and Niall happily obliges and starts to dig their foods. 

Bobby ignores Maura’s sarcasm and starts to talk. “Once upon a time, there was a man named Moisha Rodriguez. He was an unassuming man, a man with a dream. His father of Mexican decent, his mother a Jewish girl. Together, Moisha’s parents toiled creating a small but financially rewarding business that kept the family fed and comfortable even during the Great Depression until that fateful day when Mr. Rodriguez Senior passed away.” Bobby rambles as he walks around the table. 

“Niall, will you quit hogging the potatoes?” Louis asks his younger brother, completely tuning out on his father’s nonsense rambling. 

“I’m not.” Niall says as he tries to scoop a big portion of potato from the bowl to put on his plate. 

“It’s a lovely story, dear. Very sad.” Maura says to her husband, trying to entertain him since she knows Bobby can be quite ridiculous sometimes. 

“It’s not over.” Bobby says. “After his father passed on, Moisha decided to take over the family business and take over he did. He transformed a simple Mom and Pop shop into one of the largest empires in this great country.” He adds. “And do you know what that empire was built on?” He asks as he looks at his wife and sons while pulls out something from the paper bag that he had brought in with him earlier. 

“A bagel?” Louis asks, raising his eyebrows as he looks at the bagel in his father’s hand. 

“Exactly. It was built on bagels.” Bobby replies. 

Maura stares at her husband from across the table and shakes her head. “What’s this all about, Bobby?” 

“You know how far I had to travel to purchase this particular bagel?” Bobby asks, ignoring Maura’s real question. “Fifty-two miles. Fifty-two miles outside of Mullingar’s borders, can you believe that?” 

“You could have just bought the frozen kind at the supermarket, dad.” Niall points out. 

Bobby shakes his head at his youngest son. “That’s a good point, Niall. But taste this.” He says as he passes the bagel to Niall. “Go ahead. Have a bite.” 

Niall bites the bagel and chews it for a few moments before he nods. “It’s good.” He says in approval. 

Bobby grins. “That’s right. You cannot find quality like this in the frozen food section.” He says. “Of course, mine will be better.” 

Maura raises her eyebrows confusingly. “Come again?” 

“You know the old donut shop on Main?” Bobby asks his wife. 

Maura nods. “Oh, yes. Mr. Caplan’s been trying to get rid of that for years.” 

Bobby shakes his head. “Not anymore. I bought it.” He says and all the other three Horans turn their heads to look at Bobby in surprise. 

“You did what?” 

“Last week and I have made all the necessary preparations to convert the entire operation into a successful bagel enterprise.” Bobby says eagerly. 

Maura shakes her head disbelievingly. “Last week?” 

“I think it’s a bold idea, dad.” Louis says as he grabs one of the bagels from the paper bag on the table. “I like it.” 

“You hush.” Maura says as she glances at Louis before she turns to look at her husband again. “What on earth gave you the idea that you could run a bagel shop?”

“Research, Maura, careful research and consideration.” Bobby replies to his wife. “This is an incredibly profitable arena and the market in Mullingar virtually untapped.”

Louis and Niall grins at each other, amused with their father’s action. “Well, I think it’s cool, dad.” Louis says. “I mean, look, bagels look like donuts. I mean, half of the people in this town wouldn’t even know the difference.” 

Bobby nods before he turns to look at his wife. “Well, I’d expect a little more support from you, Maura. After all, I am following a dream here.”

“Since when has it been your dream to run a bagel shop?” Maura retorts. 

“My dream is about becoming a multimillionaire before the age of 60 and by God, these bagels are going to help me do it.” Bobby says. “You know what, I’m going to toast up a few for you all to sample, you’ll see.” He adds before he heads towards the kitchen. “Do you have any cream cheese, Maura?” 

Louis shakes his head and grins again before he turns to look at Niall across the table. “Dad has gone mad crazy. I dig it.” 

Niall snorts and laughs. And he too, agrees with Louis, he kinda dig it. 

 

*****

 

“So my dad’s opening a bagel shop.” Niall blurts out as soon as Zayn opens his front door after he rings the bell. 

Zayn looks at Niall like he is crazy and blinks his eyes rapidly in confusion. “What?” 

“Bagels.” Niall replies. “He just told us and, um, I don’t think you should go to New York.” He adds quickly. 

Zayn shakes his head confusingly. “Again, what?” 

Niall takes a deep breath before he starts to speak again. “I was gonna open with ‘I don’t think you should go to New York’ but then my dad kinda threw us for a loop and I thought there might be some sort of connection there.” He blurts out again. 

Zayn mouths an ‘o’ and nods. “I..I see.” 

Niall raises his eyebrows. “You do?” 

Zayn nods again. “Uh, uh. You wanna come in?” 

Niall doesn’t even hesitate before he says, “okay,” and steps into the house, heading straight to the living room with Zayn in tow. He stops once he reaches the living room and turns around to face Zayn again. “See, the thing is my dad is doing this completely crazy thing, right, because it’s like why not? He’s got nothing to lose at this point and I just kept thinking that maybe it’s the same thing with us.” Niall says. “You know, we basically had the worst fight that we could possibly have, right? Did it. Done it. It’s over.” 

Zayn, who is already taking a seat on the couch while watching Niall standing in front of him, just nods. “Right.” He says shortly. 

“So I figure, why not just be crazy.” Niall continues. “Start over like you said.” He points out as he stares at Zayn. “And this summer would be the perfect time to do that because there would be no pressure, no weirdness, because of school. Your clique. My clique.” 

“I don’t have a clique.” 

“My clique.” Niall says quickly. “But, you know what I mean, be able to figure out what we could be without being inside the pressure cooker that’s school.” He points out. 

“Yeah, I mean, it’s a good plan, except for one small problem.” Zayn says. 

Niall nods. “Julliard. Julliard. I know, um, and I was thinking about it and I realized your dad’s a millionaire so what’s a few hundred bucks, right?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “Thousand bucks.” 

Niall shrugs. “Same difference. It’d be like as if he enrolled you in a regular summer camp and right before summer you broke your leg so you couldn’t go so you lose your deposit. Happened to me.” He tries to reason. Niall swallows thickly before he speaks up again. “Look, I know what I’m asking you to do is crazy, don’t think I’m not completely aware of that fact.”

“Then, why are you asking?” Zayn asks as he looks at Niall. 

“Because, Zayn, it’s…I don’t know.” Niall trails off. “It’s just I feel like everything’s coming to a head right now and there’s all this great energy surrounding us and if you go away for eight weeks, it’s just a really long time and I’m not sure it’s still gonna be like this when you get back.” Niall admits truthfully. “I don’t want take that risk.” He adds. 

Zayn stares at Niall for a few seconds before he nods. “That’s a good point too.” He says and pauses. “Uh, it’s not enough. I mean, I have to go to New York. This program, you would not believe this program.” He adds, hoping that Niall will understand his point. “I mean, the teachers are like world famous. I’ve been dying to talk to you about it all week because I knew you’d be the only person that would understand.” Zayn says. “I even saved the brochures to show you, in case we started talking again. Do you want to see them?” 

Niall shakes his head, trying to hide his disappointment. Trying to admit that it hurts when it feels like Zayn is rejecting him. “Uh, that’s okay. I’ll check them out another time.” He says quietly. 

“Look, it’s gonna make me a better pianist.” Zayn says as he starts to stand up and steps closer to Niall. “It’s gonna up my game like a thousand percent.” He adds. “It’s gonna change the rest of my life. I can’t, I can’t pass that up. If it was anything else.” 

Niall nods. He understands Zayn’s point but he can’t help that he feels hurts, disappointed and a little bit embarrassed as he is just barged through to lie his heart out to Zayn only to be rejected by the other boy. “I know. I know. I was just being stupid.” He says, trying to force a smile towards Zayn. “I can’t even believe I asked.” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No, no..I’m glad you did.” He says firmly. “I just, I..”

“I get it.” Niall cuts Zayn’s words off. “But I should probably go, cause, uh, dad’s really excited about this thing and um, it’s all gonna be great, I think, so if you ever want to show me those brochures, I’m around.” He says as he starts to move towards the front door. “You know, whenever.” 

“Niall…?” Zayn tries to call but it seems like the other boy doesn’t want to talk anymore as he strides faster towards the door and walks out without even turn around to glance at Zayn. 

 

*****

 

“Dr. Malik?” 

Yasir looks up from his reading and glances at the door of his office. “Perrie.” Yasir says in surprise as soon as he sees the young girl. 

Perrie nods and smiles slightly at the older man. “Is it okay that I’m here?” She asks quietly. 

Yasir nods. “Of course. Everything all right?” 

“Yeah, it is. I just..I had some free time before school so..” Perrie says and pauses. “I was just missing them. I wanted to make sure they were okay. I wasn’t sure that I should call.” 

“Well, Harry’s doing great.” Yasir says. “He’s excited about camp, at least he is now after the appropriate clothes were bought which somehow made all the difference. And he has new housekeeper trained in the fine art of Zayn-monium molding. But, uh, as of yet, you are utterly irreplaceable.” He adds. “He misses you very much.” He pauses. “And Zayn’s doing well. He’s going away too actually. He’s going to be spending the summer in New York. He got into the..”

“Julliard program?” Perrie asks as she raises her eyebrows. 

Yasir nods and hums in response. 

Perrie smiles wider and nods. “I knew he would.” She says, feeling happy for Zayn. 

“That makes one of you.” Yasir says and smiles too. 

“He plays better when he’s worried.” Perrie says fondly. “Listen, I’m sorry I barged in on you like this. I just wanted to make sure they were okay.” 

Yasir stares at the girl and nods. “You sure you okay?” He asks. His instinct is telling him that something is wrong by the girl’s body language. It feels like she’s worried about something else. 

Perrie swallows thickly before she answers. “I don’t know. I, um, I think I might need your help.” 

“Help with what?” 

Perrie blinks back her tears as she crosses her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling scared. “I’m late. I’ve been late.” 

Yasir feels his heart beats faster as he recognizes the meaning of the terms so well. “Is that unusual for you?” 

Perrie nods silently. 

“How long?” 

“I don’t know. A couple of weeks.” Perrie says quietly. “I took one of those tests at home.”

Yasir feels his heart starts to pound faster than before. “What did it say?” 

Perrie wipes a single tear that manage to come out from her eyes. “I wanted to make sure so I came. I’m sorry if that was wrong.” She says shakily. “I want to tell Zayn but I want to make sure first.” 

“He doesn’t know?” 

Perrie shakes her head. “No.” 

“I thought that maybe you two were..I wasn’t sure, but, uh, I thought that..” Yasir trails off, unsure on what is the exact word to ask about his son’s intimate relationship with the girl. 

“We were.” Perrie reply. 

Yasir nods understandingly. “I’d hope you were being careful.” 

“We were.” 

“Well, he have pregnancy tests here.” Yasir says. “We can go in my office and find out in a few minutes, but first, I need to know something from you..”

Perrie shakes her head. “There was no one else.” She says firmly. 

 

*****

 

“I just got word the grass pollen count shot up way past 150 this morning.” Maggie says as soon as she enters Yasir’s office. “Figure on a lot of sneezy walk-ins after lunch.” 

“Thanks.” Yasir replies distractedly. 

Maggie looks at Yasir and raises her eyebrows. “If you’re not up to it, I can handle all the over the counter stuff or if you need a boost or a cup of joe, I can make a fresh pot.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, I’m sorry. I just had a patient before you got in this morning and, uh, she got some news she didn’t want.” 

“Code Pete?” 

Yasir nods. “Did the test twice.” 

Maggie sighs and nods understandingly. “Never does get easier to see that bomb drop. What did she decide?” 

“Haven’t gotten there yet.” Yasir replies. “She’s coming in tomorrow to talk.” 

“Is that all?” Maggie asks curiously. Clearly, the news is bothering Yasir the way that it is not supposed to if it’s only a usual case. 

“That’s it.” Yasir lies. 

“You sure?” Maggie presses. 

Yasir sighs heavily before he looks at Maggie. “It was Perrie.” 

Maggie gasps and shakes her head. “Oh my. How is she?” 

“Well, other than being pregnant, she’s fine.” 

“Does Zayn know?” 

Yasir shakes his head. “Not yet. She wanted to tell him, but I told her I would, so, now I’ve got to do it.” He says. “Up until this morning, his biggest problem was whether to pack all of his hair products or buy new ones there.” He adds. “He’s so excited about going to New York to study and to play. Now he’ll hear this and it’ll all be over. Zayn has had enough lessons in consequences, it’s just not right.” 

Maggie nods understandingly. “You have an incredible kid. He maybe 16.” 

“That’s the point, he’s just a kid.” 

“Kids do lots of stupid things.” Maggie points out. 

“Not Zayn and not this stupid.” Yasir says and shakes his head. “It’s not him I’m upset with. This isn’t his fault or Perrie’s. Neither of them are adults, not really. I’m the parent who should have known better. I’m the one who was supposed to put a stop to this. What the hell was I thinking?” 

 

*****

 

“Got the gum. Got the comics. Got the CDs, so I can load up on the Pod. Dad’s letting me borrow his portable DVD player.” 

Louis shakes his head at Zayn’s enthusiasm while they are walking out from the shop. “Man, you know, being on an airplane is just like being in your own room except for you’re moving through space.” 

“Yeah, except it’s not exactly space, it’s more like air.” Zayn points out. “Here, give that one to Niall. He likes Michael Buble.” He says as he passes one of the CDs to Louis. 

Louis tosses the CD back to Zayn and shakes his head. “Good try. I’m not your messenger boy.” He says. “You want to apologize for being an ass hat, give it to him yourself.” 

“No, we’re totally cool. He came over last night, everything’s fine.” Zayn says. “Although, he did seem a little sad when he was leaving.” He adds as he tosses the CD to Louis again. 

Louis returns the CD back and shakes his head again. “Uh, huh. Keep it.” 

“Yeah, not cause I was being an ass hat.” Zayn says. “It’s just, he asked me not to go to New York but I can’t, so…I didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Louis stops dead on his track and turns around to face Zayn properly. “Wait, he asked you to stay in Mullingar for him?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah. Nuts, right?” 

Louis raises his eyebrows as he looks at Zayn. “What’s nuts about that?” 

“Uh, the fact that he thought I would not go to Julliard just because we have, uh, you know, I don’t even know what we have and even if I did know..”

“Even if he was your soul mate for life.” Louis points out. 

Zayn raises his eyebrows. “Did you just say soul mate for life?” 

Louis ignores Zayn’s remark and continues with his point. “Sure, if he was, you’d still run off to New York just to play piano all summer?” 

Zayn rolls his eyes at Louis’s words. “It’s just not playing piano, it’s just..”

“Blah blah blah. You already told me. I already forgot, that’s how boring it was.” Louis says and Zayn snorts, knowing that Niall is the only one who understands about his passion with piano. “Man, I cannot believe how royally you screwed up again.” Louis points out. 

“I cannot believe you think I should stay.” Zayn deadpans. “You would never give up playing ball somewhere just for a boy.” 

“Not just for a boy but for my soul mate? Hell yeah, of course I would.” Louis says. 

“Alright, we’re not soul mates. Stop saying that.” Zayn argues. “We’re just confused. Sometimes there’s feelings, sometimes there’s not feelings. It’s a big mess.” He points out. 

Louis looks at Zayn and shrugs. “And that’s exactly why he wants you to stay, so you can figure it out.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes, again. “Okay, alright. Let’s say I stay, we try to figure it out and turns out we’re not a good couple then, I’ve blown this entire opportunity for nothing.” 

Louis shrugs again. “Maybe, but that’s only if it doesn’t work out. I mean, what if you are a good couple?” He asks Zayn. “Then, what are you giving up if you go?” 

“But there’s no way to know that!” Zayn says before he pauses and blinks his eyes rapidly. “You’re confusing me.” 

Louis smirks smugly. “Am I? Or am I enlightening you?” He asks. 

Zayn snorts and shakes his head. “Shut up.” 

 

*****

 

“Hey. You got a minute?” Yasir asks as soon as Zayn walks pass the living room after he steps into the house. 

Zayn stops walking and turns around. “Can it wait?” He asks his father. 

“Are you busy?” 

Zayn shrugs lightly. “No, I’m, um, wallowing or waffling or whatever you want to call it.” He says as he walks towards the couch and plops down on it. “But it’s taken up a surprisingly amount of my time.” He adds. 

Yasir stares at Zayn confusingly. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing.” Zayn says and sighs. 

“Nothing?” Yasir asks sceptically. “You just went fetal.” 

“You know, I’m just not so sure about this whole New York for 8 weeks thing anymore.” Zayn says. 

“Well, I thought you couldn’t wait to get out of here fast enough.” Yasir points out. “I was just getting used to all the back flips.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes at his father’s sarcasm. “I know that I’m supposed to go so I can study with the best and build my future and all that, but..” He trails off before he shifts his body to sit up and shakes his head. “But never mind, forget it. Not your problem.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, no. What is it?” 

Zayn inhales deeply before he starts to talk again. “What if a part of my future was right here?” 

Yasir raises his eyebrows. “Which part?” 

“Niall. He wants me to stay.” Zayn says. “It’s everything I wanted since we moved here. I don’t want to say no but at the same time I really want to study.” He adds and groans miserably. “I’ve never had a proper classical training like this and if I do, I could have a chance to stop being a potentially great player and actually be one.” 

“Well, he’s gonna be here when you get back.” Yasir reasons. 

“He might. He might not.” Zayn points out. 

Yasir raises his eyebrows again as he looks at Zayn. “I sense that you’ve gone over this.” 

Zayn nods. “And over and over and over.” He admits truthfully. “Seriously, I have no idea what to do. I wish you could just decide for me.” 

“Is this when you ask me what I think just so you can disagree with me and get mad at me?” 

Zayn shakes his head. “No. Not this time. Come on, tell me.” He urges. “Whatever decision I make will be the wrong one, disaster will strike so go ahead, over parent, micromanage, one time offer. Just whatever you tell me to do, I’ll do.” 

Yasir keeps silent for a moment before he starts to speak. “Well, you know what’s best for you.” He says. “You taught me that by yelling it at me. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” 

Zayn huffs slightly at his father’s words, knowing that his father will not help him in this particular matter. “At what age does it stop being socially acceptable to hide under your bed?” 

Yasir chuckles and shakes his head amusingly. “48, minimum.” 

Zayn nods. “Then you know where to find me.” He says before he starts to walk away from the living room. But then he stops and turns around again. “Hey, what did you want?” 

“Huh?” 

“Uh, didn’t you want to talk about something?” Zayn asks. 

Yasir stares at Zayn’s face and deep down he knows that what he will do might be wrong but he realizes at that moment that Zayn is just a kid. A kid who is about to start to find his future. “Nah, it’s nothing you should worry about.” And so, he lies. 

 

*****

 

“You look tired.” Is the first thing that comes out from Yasir’s mouth as soon as Perrie steps into his office the following morning. 

“I’m not sure that I slept since I left here.” Perrie admits truthfully. 

“Me neither.” Yasir agrees. “Have you thought anymore about what you want to do?” He asks. 

“I haven’t thought about much else.” Perrie replies. “I’m still not sure.”

“Well, you don’t have to be right now.” Yasir says. “You can take some time and we can figure it out. I promised that I’d help you and I meant it.” 

Perrie nods. “I think I need to talk to Zayn before I decide.” She says. “What did he say?” 

“Nothing.” Yasir replies shortly. 

Perrie looks at Yasir confusingly. “I don’t understand.” 

Yasir sighs heavily before he replies. “He doesn’t know.” 

“You haven’t told him.” Perrie points out. 

“No.” Yasir replies truthfully. “And I don’t plan to.” 

“What?” 

“I don’t want him to know that you’re pregnant.” 

Perrie shakes her head. “He would want to know. He _deserves_ to know.” 

Yasir nods. “That’s true. But it really doesn’t matter.” He says as he looks at Perrie. “I’m gonna tell you something and you may not understand it but that’s fine, you don’t have to. Just listen.” He adds. “Zayn lost enough of his childhood when his mother died. But I got lucky; he got lucky. He somehow managed to salvage that innocence. If he hears this now, all that innocence is gone and it will be the end of a childhood that isn’t finished yet.” He continues. “Don’t do this to him, please.” 

Perrie crosses her arms over her chest and starts to cry silently. She understands the doctor’s point but she is scared too. She is too speechless to say anything but Yasir continues to speak up again. “Listen to me, Perrie, whatever you choose to do, if you want to end the pregnancy, if you want to keep the baby, I will pay for it. I will support you. I will see to your comfort and security, whatever you want for as long as you want it. But Zayn is not to know.” 

“I think that this is a mistake.” Perrie says shakily. 

Yasir nods understandingly. “Fine. Let it be my mistake.” 

Perrie wipes away her tears and shakes her head. “How? How could I do that?” 

Yasir swallows thickly and he feels like he is the most cruel man in the world but he has to protect his son. “You go.” 

 

*****

 

“I better not be hauling my ass uphill to see some piano brochures.” Niall whines as he fights away all the branches on his way to the place that Zayn had asked him to meet. 

“I forgot the brochures. Sorry.” Zayn replies and Niall stops dead on his track. He looks at the picnic mat that is lying down on the ground and glances up again to look at Zayn confusingly. “What’s this?” He asks the dark-haired boy. 

“Well, technically, it’s a picnic, but they were out of fried chicken at the restaurant. Art told me a meatball sub might attract bears so I went with the safer choice – tuna fish.” Zayn says as he opens one of the small paper bags on the mat. “Not very sexy, but..”

Niall steps closer to the other boy and smiles widely. “Is this supposed to be a sexy picnic?” 

Zayn grins and shrugs. “Maybe, I’m not sure yet. Here, have a seat.” He offers as he starts to sit on the mat. 

Niall puts down his backpack and sits beside Zayn, glancing at the boy beside him and raises his eyebrows. “You look nervous.” He points out. 

“I..I am nervous.” Zayn admits as he turns his head to look at Niall. 

“Why?” Niall asks as he turns to face Zayn too. 

“Okay, look. I’m, I’m pretty sure we’ve been, we’ve been down this road before, many many times. In fact, it’s kinda crazy how many times we’ve been down this road without anything actually ever happening on the road.” Zayn rambles. “You know, it seems like something always messes us up. Lately, that something has been me. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance and I don’t want to blow it.” He says, staring right into Niall’s eyes. “You know, I can’t stop thinking about what you said about me staying and you know, I was really taking a shot and the thing is I know what would happen if we did that. It would be exactly the way I thought it would always be – perfect.” He adds, smiling at Niall and the other boy returns the smile back. “You know, I never really worried much about what would happen if we actually got together. Somehow I always knew that part would work itself out. It just, getting there would seem so impossible. I could never imagine both of use being on the same page at the same time.” 

Niall nods and smiles slightly at Zayn’s words, agreeing with the other boy. “Timing’s not our strong suit.” 

“Yeah, exactly.” Zayn agrees too before he pauses for a moment and takes his time to stare at Niall. “But now..” 

“Now what?” 

Zayn leans his face closer and puts both of his hands on Niall’s face, pulling it closer and strokes the other boy’s cheeks fondly. “You’re it, Niall. You’re the one I want to be with. There’s no questioning it, no holding it back, no overanalysing it. It just is.” 

Niall inhales deeply, too touched with Zayn’s confession and leans closer to Zayn too. “So, you’re staying?” 

“No.” Zayn says before he quickly adds. “I have to go to New York. I have to go for lots of reasons. For myself to learn, not just about me, not just about the piano, but about everything. About who I’m gonna be when I’m done with school.” 

“I don’t understand.” Niall says quietly. 

Zayn continues to stroke his thumb over Niall’s confused face. “I mean, I could not go. I could be the guy that says you know, screw it, it’s all about the boy but let’s face it, I already am that guy. I know how to make you a priority. I’ve done it. I can do it again.” He says firmly. “If you ever need me, I’ll be there, but right now, I need to worry about making myself the priority and the only way I can do that is to go to New York.” He adds. “But I want you to wait for me. Will you?” 

Niall stares at Zayn’s sincere eyes and he understands. He understands about what Zayn wants and for once, he doesn’t want Zayn to keep sacrifice his own interest for him. Niall takes a deep breath before he nods, leaning closer to Zayn and starts to press his lips on Zayn’s. Zayn lets out a tiny gasps of surprise for a moment before he returns the kiss passionately. They kiss for a while before they pull away and lean their foreheads, staring at each other’s eyes. “I will.” Niall replies. Zayn smiles and nods before he pulls Niall’s face and they kiss again, pulling away briefly to shift their position on the mat and starts to lie down and curls up together, with their arms around each other and their lips connecting again. 

 

*****

 

“And I thought Madonna was good at reinventing herself.” Yasir comments as soon as he steps into the shop. 

Bobby stops from his sweeping and turns around. “Doctor, I’m in no mood for humor this evening. Particularly not your generic witless brand of it.”

“So I should spare you the down on your luck joke I was about to make.” Yasir teases and when Bobby glares at him, Yasir shrugs. “You want me to go?” 

Bobby snorts and puts aside his broom. “No. Why bother? This would hardly qualify as the worst day of my life unless you made an unwelcome appearance.” He deadpans sarcastically as he looks at Yasir. “What better way to break the blessed silence between us?” 

Yasir takes a seat at the small table at the shop and nods. “Yeah, I heard about your venture. I’m not an odd man, but, uh, bagels in Mullingar, Bobby? I mean, they go together about as well as you and customer service.” 

Bobby rolls his eyes. “Oh, go ahead, Malik, laugh it up.” He says. “Your one time competitor is now sweeping the floor of a defunked bagel shop. The race is finally over, the bell has been rung and you, are the last man standing. I salute your victory.” 

“Actually, I’m sitting.” Yasir jokes and grins when Bobby glares at him in annoyance. “Oh come on, don’t give yourself so much credit, Bobby. The truth is, I miss having you across the street. I miss lunches with you where you pretend to ignore me. I miss you rolling your eyes in disgust at something I just said, but mostly on days like today, I miss watching you screw up your life as much as I do, because when you do it, it’s much funnier.” 

Bobby shakes his head and sighs heavily, knowing that he can’t escape from the other man’s wit and so he takes a seat in front of the man. “Judging by my poofy hat, I believe we have finally gotten to the day where even you and your supreme idiocy cannot compete.” 

Yasir shakes his head. “You don’t know half of it.” He says darkly. 

Bobby looks at Yasir confusingly. “You okay, doctor?” 

“Do you know anything about dreams, Bobby? I mean, how to decipher them?” Yasir asks. 

“With any expertise in that area, I’d first have to believe that dreams held any greater significance than as a mere dumping of neurological refuse.” Bobby replies. “However, perhaps this one time I could be of some aid. Go on.” 

“Well, in this dream, I’m in London, only it’s not three years, it’s today as though I’d never left. It’s one of those rainy nights where you can’t get a cab anywhere and I make it through the storm and to this great restaurant where Julia and I used to take the kids on Friday nights, provided that I could get out of work on time. Anyway, I take off my coat and I say hello to the waitress and I head to the table and she’s there – Julia. She’s there and Zayn’s there and Harry and they’re laughing and smiling and I just watch them and I feel so happy again.” Yasir says and pauses. “I’ve had that dream three or four times in the past month.”

“What do you think it means?” Bobby asks. 

“I think it means that, life knocked me on my ass 3 years ago and I haven’t gotten up since. I think it means that no matter how hard I try to make sense of Julia’s death, that the tragedy of losing her will always eclipse whatever good comes to me.” 

“Yasir..” 

“It’s true.” Yasir says, cutting Bobby off. “Forget anything I’ve learned or experienced, I would take it all back. I would take that life back in a heartbeat.” 

“You don’t know what that life would be.” Bobby points out. 

Yasir shakes his head. “I can promise you it’d be a hell of a lot better than what I’ve got right now.” 

“Better for who? For a family you never saw? For patients you never really cared about?” Bobby points out. 

“For everyone.” 

Bobby nods understandingly, knowing that behind all those witty remarks and their usual banters, Yasir needs someone to vent of his buried feeling. Especially about his wife’s death. “Well, I have two children who are going to attending some kind of college within the next few years and I’ve just spent a quarter of my savings on the worst business investment, so take what I’m about to say with a proper grain of salt.” Bobby says. “Dreams aren’t meant to be understood any more than tragedy can be averted. Life happens to us. We learn to be grateful when things are good and to count our blessing when things are bad. And the only certainty in all of it is that it all just keeps happening.” 

Yasir nods after moments of contemplating Bobby’s words and he throws a grateful smile at the other man before he starts to stand up. “Yep. Oh, I almost forgot the reason I came here.” 

“To mock me.” Bobby points out. 

Yasir shakes his head. “No, the other reason.” He says as he pulls out a small paper from his pocket. “I have a number for you. It’s the insurance that cover my practice.” 

Bobby takes the paper and nods. “Yeah. Thanks. I already spoke to a rep there last week. They politely passed.” 

Yasir nods. “I know. They passed on you as a sole practitioner, but as of this morning, they agreed to cover you as a new partner in a practice with good standing.” 

Bobby raises his eyebrows. “You’re not really suggesting…?” 

“Why not?” 

“Are you kidding?” Bobby asks. “With my patient load and your ego, we would need an airport for an office, not a train station.” 

Yasir shrugs lightly. “Well, the offer is good from now until you say yes, and I hope you will.” He says. “I mean, look at us, Bobby, can it possibly get any worse?” 

 

*****

 

“You really okay with the bus? You shouldn’t have to ride by yourself for two hours just to get to the airport.” 

Zayn rolls his eyes at his father and grins. “I’ve been taking the subway since I was 10. I can handle the bus. Go home.” 

“You sure? I mean, I can drive you. I can just go get the car.” Yasir says. 

“Dr. Malik, let it go.” Louis speaks up from the other side of Zayn. 

Yasir nods reluctantly. “Right.” He says before he starts to move with Harry to grab Zayn’s bags and brings them to the bus. 

Louis shakes his head amusingly at the older man and passes something to Zayn. 

“Hey, you wrote me a card.” Zayn teases and Louis rolls his eyes. 

“Open it up, nut sack.” Louis says. 

Zayn opens the envelope and chuckles at the sight of his fake ID. “Hey, my ID. I’m Gus again.” He says as he reads the name on the ID. 

Louis nods. “Yeah, Adam had you in his hard drive and I really needed to see him bend over the laminating machine again.” He says cheekily. “It’s my gift, man. Go downtown, see a lot of bands, drinks too much, touch _no_ women nor men.” He adds, emphasizing the last point firmly. 

Zayn snorts and shakes his head. “I can’t believe I just heard you say those words.” 

Louis rolls his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re leaving Niall.” He deadpans. 

“Hey, we worked it out.” Zayn says defensively. 

“I know.” Louis says and nods. “Only you, dude.” He says, slightly amazed with Zayn’s move. 

Zayn snorts again. “You know, you’re the only guy that can call me dude without a hint of irony.” He says before he starts to extend his hand and starts to hug Louis. 

“What? What’s this?” Louis asks confusingly. 

“I’m leaving, it’s appropriate.” Zayn says before he pulls Louis into a hug. 

Louis tries to be annoyed at the gesture but he nods nonetheless. “Okay, have fun.” He says before they pull away. 

Zayn turns and walks towards the bus where he finds Harry is standing near the door with his arms across his chest and he is glaring at Zayn. Zayn shakes his head at his brother’s dramatic gesture. “What? Is this how it’s going to be?” 

“Maybe.” Harry replies shortly. 

Zayn shakes his head. “Give me your arm.” He demands and Harry obliges, extending his arm for Zayn. The older boy pulls out a marker from his pocket and starts to open the cap. “This permanent marker. This is the number of the cell phone that I’m gonna have with me everywhere this summer except the shower.” He says as he writes the number down on Harry’s arm. 

Harry reads the number and rolls his eyes. “I already know the number.” He whines and Zayn just laughs and ruffles Harry’s hair. Harry shakes his head and pulls Zayn into a hug. When they pull away, Zayn turns to face his father. 

“You’re ready?” 

Zayn nods. “Yeah.” 

“You feel good about going?” 

Zayn shrugs. “Not right this second, but an hour ago I felt great so..”

Yasir smiles and nods. “Well, have a good time and be careful.” 

“I’m going to be holed up in the Lincoln Center 24-7 playing till I get carpal tunnel syndrome, not going to be a lot of room for raging.” Zayn points out. 

“It’s not that.” Yasir says. “You’re growing up. It’s not fair.” He adds. “I keep staying the same and you keep changing.” 

“Well, you changed some.” Zayn says. “You didn’t tell me what to do the other day when I asked. Sign of the apocalypse.” He jokes. 

Yasir smiles. “You know, it may not seem like it but I do want to do the right thing for you occasionally.” 

“And you hit occasionally.” 

“Call me when you land.” Yasir says to his eldest son before he pulls him into a hug and pats his back. Zayn nods and starts to steps into the bus. 

“Send stuff!” Louis shouts from the road and Harry grins beside him. “A lot of stuff.” The younger boy adds. Once the bus leaves, Harry sighs and turns to look at Louis. “So, what are you doing now?” 

Louis shrugs, suddenly feeling like he is missing his best friend already. “I don’t know.” He replies shortly. 

Harry nods understandingly. “Want to see a movie?” He blurts out. 

Louis turns his head to look at the younger boy and suddenly his face breaks into a wide smile before he nods eagerly. “Okay.” 

 

*****

 

Zayn tries his best to make his way to his seat, avoiding to bump into people as he keeps reading the number on the overhead compartment. “So did you know they stopped serving peanuts on airplanes?” Someone asks from the seat and Zayn stops dead on his track. His eyes widen as he looks at the person on the seat because he knows the person so well. Niall. 

Niall grins at Zayn while Zayn remains speechless. “I asked and uh, apparently a lot of people are allergic to them, so they started serving pretzels instead. Who knew that peanuts were such a common allergy?” The other boy comments as he looks up to see Zayn’s face. 

Zayn blinks his eyes disbelievingly. “You weren’t at the bus stop.” That is the first thing that comes out from Zayn’s mouth after he gets over his shock that Niall is sitting at the seat beside him. 

“I know.” Niall says and nods. “I was gonna go cause I didn’t want Louis to get suspicious, but then I remembered.” 

“It’s Louis.” Zayn and Niall says at the same time and Niall chuckles. 

“Exactly.” Niall says. “So, um, I came up with an excuse, waited till he left and then got my mom to drive me here.” He smiles at Zayn. 

Zayn’s eyes never leaves Niall, like he still couldn’t believe that the other boy is really there with him. “Well, when did you decide?” 

“Yesterday, after the picnic.” Niall replies. “I was thinking about what you said, the whole waiting thing and it was an interesting idea, you know, very romantic in a Victorian kind of way and then, um, then I realized I’m just not very Victorian, so hopped on the internet, price lined a couple of flights, found a good deal, got my dad to help me out with it, although now I owe him six car washes and an ‘A’ in Spanish.” 

Zayn’s eyes widen again. “That’s right, don’t you have summer school?” 

Niall smiles and nods. “It starts in 2 weeks.” He replies easily. “And your classes only officially starts a week from Wednesday. I looked at the brochures. They are really cool. Good pictures.” 

Zayn is still staring at Niall and shakes his head. “So, you’re coming to New York with me?” 

Niall grins and nods as he stares at Zayn too. “Yup. For 10 days.” 

“You’re coming to New York with me?” Zayn repeats, this time his smile is getting wider. 

Niall nods again. “See, I’ve never been to Times Square and I’m dying to see Avenue Q and you never shut up about how good the pizza is since you said you always went there for your holiday.” He says and grins. “Plus, I’m just not good at that whole waiting thing.” 

Zayn chuckles and pulls Niall’s face to kiss him. Once the pull away, he shifts to wrap his arm around Niall and he lets the other boy putting his head on his shoulder and at the moment, Zayn has never been happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I just want to say thank for everyone who reads/give kudos/comments/suscribe/bookmark this story and this **[Small Town series](http://archiveofourown.org/series/56074)**. Much appreciated for your support that makes me feels like I want to write more. :) 
> 
> I can't promise when is the next installation of the series (the 3rd part) will be up but I can promise that I'll try my best to write it as soon as I can. :) There's more drama waiting on the other parts, so yeah, I can't wait to write it too. :D 
> 
> Disclaimer: Credits go to Everwood too.


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